


Ambrosia

by ayaxroses



Category: X -エックス- | X/1999
Genre: Alternate Canon, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Character Death, Depressing first chapter but it gets better, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, First Dates, First Kiss, First Time, Forehead Kisses, Friends to Lovers, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Living Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Requited Love, Romantic Soulmates, Slow Burn (somewhat), True Love, Valentine's Day Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:48:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 147,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26529238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayaxroses/pseuds/ayaxroses
Summary: Losing a loved one was perhaps the hardest feeling one could endure on this earth.  It became a cruel truth, when the love would endure all the same, as though the pain given out didn't matter.'Love. To truly love, that was one of the only things in this world that would never die. Even if you wished it to. Subaru and Kamui had grown to understand this painfully well.'An alternative ending to the final battle and a future for Subaru and Kamui to be happy together.SubKam SubaruxKamui BL-Yaoi-Shounen-Ai Past Fuuma/Kamui.
Relationships: Monou Fuuma/Shirou Kamui, Past Relationships - Relationship, Sakurazuka Seishirou/Sumeragi Subaru, Shirou Kamui/Sumeragi Subaru
Comments: 28
Kudos: 79





	1. Love Lies Bleeding

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Notes:
> 
> This first chapter has a lot of Kamui x Fuuma with an alternative ending to the series. I am using some themes and moments from the anime and manga
> 
> Brief bouts of Seishirou/Subaru mentioned in the past tense, not the way the feeling of love is suddenly gone is gone. But it's more so with Subaru getting some clarity to keep living and hold tight to this newly discovered feeling for a precious person
> 
> So, I swear this is a painful route to Subaru/Kamui-good ending, and falling for each other, being each other's stability.
> 
> There is a rainbow after the rain and that's how this story goes. But holy hell am I an emotional masochist for writing this.

**Ambrosia**

**Chapter 1- Love Lies Bleeding**

Maybe there is no path to take for _everyone_ to be _happy_ , but that didn't mean Kamui would ever stop trying to find one. At the least, a path to bring hope for his living loved ones, and of course, the person closest to his heart. The one who his wish revolved around.

 _Love_. To _truly love_ , that was one of the only things in this world that would _never_ die. Even if you _wished_ it to. Subaru and Kamui had grown to understand this painfully well.

While Kamui had the hope for a change, the former seal went numb. Only darkness clouded the onmyouji's mind and heart. Subaru's being had fully given in or more so given up. The dark-haired male fell into the darkness, knowing fully well he would fall into the abyss. And there was no one who could bring him back.

After all, there were no true heroes in this world. None left to save him. To start time again.

Or so he had resigned.

* * *

_1999_. The year of the final fated battle had long since begun and brought tremendous pain and sorrow. The weight of the earth and humanity's future fell on the young savior's shoulders. Kamui calmed himself, lips pursing tightly before he breathed out slowly. He hesitantly turned the knob of a familiar door, opening to a dim, blank room.

Sitting in the middle of the room, was the former seal for the Dragon's of Heaven. The dark-haired Onmyouji was lifeless. Kamui approached, closer, rather cautiously, despite knowing his entrance, likely, wouldn't even be noticed.

The boy stopped, gaze boring into still eyes below, _begging_ to find a _hint_ of emotion. The pair of golden and emerald eyes which clouded over with emptiness, reflecting the boy before him like a foggy glass. His body was that of a shell, sitting lifelessly in that grey chair, hands on either side of him, entirely unmoving. Much like that of a porcelain doll resting on a shelf, having long outgrown its value to the owner, who once cherished it most.

His very soul seemed to have fallen away, somewhere deep in the recesses of his mind. Kamui could only hope foolishly he would reach him.

The young raven-haired boy knelt, leaning forward to meet the eyes of the person he held so dearly.

"Subaru," Kamui started softly, looking deep within those mismatched eyes, not moving as he wished. Although Kamui's own shone with deep emotion. "I've come to say farewell."

"I'm meeting Fuuma now to settle this…" He paused, eyes lowering as the light within them shivered.

"I don't know what's going to happen in the end," Kamui professed, his gaze shifting down while violet-blue eyes lost a hint of the earlier light in them. He looked away briefly from his precious one's stone eyes for the first time since he arrived.

"You told me something once you lost your eye, I'll never forget…" Kamui professed out to the air, lips quivering. His gaze swiftly returned to look over the gentle-hearted man.

He felt his chest tighten, biting on the inside of his cheek. The fear of losing him would all too easily crash over him. But his mind couldn't linger there for long. "You had said you brought it upon yourself because you got what you wished for...even though turning your _wish_ into a _reality_ would make your _loved one_ very sad."

"Subaru," he breathed out once more, glancing up to meet those same impassive golden and emerald orbs.

"Do you _still believe_ you made your _wish_ come true?" Kamui implored, taking a silent breath, before reaching to place his hand gently over the older man's. They had shared this kind of intimacy before, and the image of waking to feel Subaru holding his hand so devotedly, smiling as he had awoken...that too would never fade. Even if the hand beneath his fingers lacked familiar warmth, the memory of the incredibly kind man's touches had been committed to memory.

The raven-haired teen knelt his head down again. His gaze fixated on their hands, mind restless over their wishes. "I want to bring back the Fuuma I once knew." _My Fuuma._ Yet, he couldn't bring himself to use that possessive term. Especially not to Subaru, not after knowing how much he had suffered for his shattered love.

Kamui had only recently come to terms with it all himself. The boy sighed, even if his words reached nothing but empty walls, he opened his mouth again to speak. If there was the smallest hint of a chance, he'd continue. "Fate will decide whether I succeed or fail…"

The boy's eyebrows lowered, scrunching lines upon his temples. Those violet eyes shivered painfully as his lips only curved further south.

"My heart is sealed up so tightly, I don't even know what I truly wish for…" His heart sank further at the silence, knowing he had foolishly held on to the smallest of chances Subaru would arise to the surface. To hear the tenderly soft voice of the man who protected him countless times in their battles. The voice that brought him back to life.

Violet-blue eyes shut painfully tight. "It's time for me to go…"

"Even now I hear _him_ calling," Kamui exhaled softly before his gaze steeled in resolution. Kamui leaned down, gently pressing his lips upon the older man's hand. He was reluctant to arise, after that, knowing this would be the final time he…

Kamui shook his head. This was the _only_ path to make his wish come true. His hand clenched tight around the covered holy sword.

"Farewell, " he hushed. The teen gazed to meet any semblance of movement in the dual-toned orbs before him. Once again, they failed.

"Subaru…" His voice breathed out impossibly soft and turned to leave. The very room itself seemed to darken further at his exit.

* * *

Nightfall long since began in the lifeless room. Only the gleam of the crescent moon shone down upon the broken figure beneath it. A soft petal fell silently, over the man whose duty as the next Sakurazukamori fell upon.

Dual-toned eyes held still, impassive and broken, as the soul inside lingered. The world inside of him remained broken and desolate. It mirrored that the shattered world predicted at fate's end. Broken fragments of an empty road were the only things beyond the endless desert sands, within this void.

"Subaru?" A female's soft and incredibly tender voice reached out. His twin sister had finally gotten to see her brother, after all this time. But for it to be like this…

"Subaru…" She gently called for him, with a comforting curve of her lips. One she held since the moment of their birth. The voice of his dear sister, one he had only heard for so long in dreams. Yet, even her words, here, seemed to fall on deaf ears.

"I asked to be brought out here," She explained. The female's face lowered, lines scrunching up on her temples, while in thought. Her face was nearly identical to her despondent brother. Even beyond the afterlife, she had adorned herself in bright-colored clothing which contrasted greatly amongst the world she visited. Perhaps, if Subaru had been in the same state of mind as before, he'd laugh with her, even comment on her vibrant sense of fashion staying the same into the afterlife...but there was no time to pretend. They were on borrowed time.

A near-identical face to Subaru began to fall, as her eyes fell upon her twin. "I wanted to talk to you.."

"Subaru," she tried again, knowing very well she would never stop trying for her brother's happiness. The older twin began to close the remaining distance, now standing directly behind her brother, gathering her courage to speak of this without breaking. Subaru needed her here to be his strength more than anything.

"I asked to be brought out here because... I really wanted to talk to you." Her hands clenched tightly behind her back, with trembling eyes downcast towards her side. "The spell I cast on Seishirou was supposed to _protect you,"_ Her melancholic eyes shivered. She further lamented, "Yet, it _hurt you_ even more…"

"I did it for _you and Seishirou,_ for both your sakes…" Regret fell through trembling lips. "But my wish didn't come true."

The older twin leaned closer, ending the distance that had so long separated them. Her hands lovingly and gently caressed, squeezed, and held to her brother's shoulders. "I know you've had a rough time…" She rested her chest against his back. Her face leaned in close before settling near the back of her twin's head.

"But still you can't just stay here, it's time to go back. Seishirou and I can't go back, we don't live in your world anymore... the world of the living," Near identical green eyes lowered before softening. "But we _both_ still _live_ inside your _Heart, Subaru."_

_We both will always love you._

The older twin turned to meet her brother's eyes seeming to lighten just a bit? Or perhaps she had been wishing that. "Never forget that!" She proclaimed, hands tightening around his shoulders as she leaned close. "There must be something you still want to protect."

A shudder coursed through the older twin as she saw the world blighting. It was already time. "Think Subaru!" She urged.

"Subaru!" A desperate tone she had not used since she had urged him to _come back_ -past Seishirou's betrayal. Perhaps, hoping her brother would find love again in his lifetime. Maybe it was cruel to both her brother and Seishirou...yet the thought of her younger brother always so alone in the living realm ached far worse.

The world around her faded, she clasped her arms around her brother's neck one last time before hugging him painfully tight.

She breathed against his cheek, _"I love you...Subaru,"_

The darkness seeped over the fragile world. Black shadows crept over the atmosphere, forcibly taking his sister away no matter how reluctantly she held onto him.

From within the room, Subaru's right hand began to twitch. Tears sprung from his eyes slowly, before fully rushing down like waterfalls. The dam he built within his heart crumbled.

" _Hokuto…_ "

Intense pain surged within the man's chest. He clutched towards the silky fabric, over his heart, before leaning over with a cry of pain. Yet, it was somehow far less difficult to handle than the numbness that once held him so tightly.

_Something I want to protect…_

Subaru closed his eyes and held his breath to soothe his aching heart, that was forced to beat again, no matter what pain surfaced.

Bright, sparkling violet-blue eyes immediately came to mind. The older man cursed at his heart for speeding up so easily, for coming to life quickly as he recalled the touch the boy left upon his hand.

_His farewell..._

Kamui remained the sole source of warmth left in this world. The one he _wished_ to...

The feeling of lips brushing softly over his hand resurfaced. The awakened man, gasped covering his mouth with his hand. He knew this feeling _all too well_... There was no battle with the heart that could be won. Not like this. Subaru took a long, painful breath out, the first breath into this new life, future.

The Sumeragi head found the very bit of strength in his legs to finally rise to his feet.

_"Farewell, Subaru."_

The voice that only passed through with an inaudible static sound, in his consciousness was now screaming-each word replaying painfully loud. The pain from the boy he had been destined-no- _desired_ to protect was echoing into the depths of his heart.

_"I'm meeting with Fuuma now to settle this. I don't know what's going to happen in the end."_

Shivering eyes closed painfully tight. His right hand reached out to press against the cool glass. There was no point in arguing with himself, with what he _needed_ to do.

_"Fate will decide whether I succeed or fail."_

Subaru's hand clenched tightly against his side. Fingernails dug and marked against the skin of his palm.

 _Fate..._ the end of the world the end of-

Subaru shook his head. He would _never_ let a future that cruel come to reality. To lose someone he cared for so profoundly; it would never come to pass. _Never_ _again_.

* * *

At last, the final battle was at hand. The two _Kamui's_ met upon the red beams of the Tokyo Tower. Their eyes locked painfully (for heaven's Kamu, at least). Glistening eyes of violet shifted with resolve towards t _he Kamui of Earth._

" _Fuuma,"_ Kamui yearned, feeling every bit of pain. Still seeing _him_ when he solely wished to see _his_ _Fuuma._

"The revolution the Earth wishes for will begin. Apparently, you're the only one who is standing in the way…" Earth's Kamui proclaimed, voice as dark and cold as _his_ eyes always had been before him.

Kamui refused to meet _his_ gaze just then, His nimble fingers began to unsheath the divine Shinken from its bindings.

"Fighting destiny is useless, you should know that better than anyone…"

Fuuma began to withdraw his sword from its covering. Kamui's slender fingers held tightly to his own. His wish would be brought to life or denied, right here and now... at this very moment.

* * *

Kamui wouldn't lie to his heart. A piece of that very heart belonged to Fuuma _eternally_ and probably had for ages. That wasn't to say his heart hadn't loved and bled tremendously for both of his _two_ most precious persons.

Kotori was very much so, his precious loved one. A childhood crush or love, a feeling so innocent and pure. Of course, this world would crush it. As much as the ideal of childhood sweethearts seemed to be _enough_ it was far from the only emotion stirring inside him. Soon he was forced to confront, there was a difference when it came to Fuuma. Although both siblings were held tightly in the depths of his heart, a difference in love remained.

Maybe he has become masochistic, when Fuuma- no- _the Dragon of Earth's Kamui_ , took over. Maybe, he was forced to admit to how tightly bound his wish remained to his heart. Even tormented to go on the brink of death...he couldn't help but wonder. What would that caress feel like beyond the pain? What would that kiss _feel_ like beyond all the blood, if it had come from _his Fuuma?_ The earth's Kamui still held Fuuma's physical form...he could close his eyes and escape. Just pretend. It would be so easy…

Yet, he would always try to force himself to keep his eyes wide open, to not lose himself completely to this nightmare in hopes of it changing into a gentle dream. Although, the urge to resist hadn't always won over.

He has regrets. Far too many to keep count of. Fuuma being one at the very core. Why didn't he realize sooner? It had been so obvious looking back. There was the gentle way his closest friend would caress his face, or hold him tightly to his chest. Kamui recalled that warmth, the way a part of his mind felt at ease, listening to the heartbeat symphony. The sound gave Kamui the feeling he was _coming home_.

He should have just realized and confessed. Should have kissed Fuuma breathless to the point where the gentle feel of the man he once knew would always linger over his lips. Hell, maybe he should have just thrown himself at Fuuma, the very _second_ the chance arrived. Before their fate, their preordained future made any semblance of intimacy between them impossible. Yet, there was the chance being even closer would backfire. It may have only increased the pain of losing Fuuma beyond words, and entirely immeasurable.

To have loved so deeply and lost so cruelly. Or... To comprehend the depths of your heart's desires, only to know you may never have those chances again to do anything about them. Which was truly the worse fate?

Perhaps it was the cruel hands of time that forced this day to come...perhaps going through an ongoing hell, pushed those feelings of desire further. The desire to bring out the light, the desire to bring back the person he cared for, a love that kept him going beyond the trials of hell itself.

Perhaps that became what separated the pure, gentler emotion of a childhood love, to a love bleeding so painfully strong, a love for the one would live and die for.

Kamui deemed he would never understand. No matter how much he loved Kotori and how deep his soul fell the day he lost her...he couldn't let go of his wish. He would never stop loving the one who took so much away. He _loved_ the person inside, trapped by destiny, forced to commit heinous acts.

How the hell his heart managed to feel again was far beyond him. He had fallen so hard, knowing he would never fully rise again.

Yet, his heart seemed to open more towards his fellow Dragons of Heaven. A hope lingered. A profound connection was being created with one in particular. Unknown to humanity's destined savior, the seeds of a new love were sown for the young boy. It was still in its infancy. Yet, lingering...

Perhaps, he was blessed to have many precious loved ones who would cry for him. Even if it meant their tears, and their pain...his wish must come true.

* * *

_Fuuma._ Kamui's mind kept _yearning_. His determination glistened in the light-toned eyes. He raised his sword, leaping high upon the metal beams on the tower.

The Dragon of Heaven's Kamui descended swiftly towards his opponent. Fuuma avoided the aerial attack, raising his own sword and blocking with ease.

The two Kamui's began the dance of their swords. Fuuma rushed in forward, relentlessly against the smaller male. His strikes were swift and lethal. Each strike of the sword needed to be carefully blocked by Heaven's Kamui.

The two twin stars spent countless turns going back and forth. They were rushing towards one another, striking with an immeasurable force of power, only for it to be blocked. Then the defender would shift to an offense. And so it would repeat.

 _This "_ Fuuma" held no hesitation to destroy all around them. His glimmering S _hinken_ sliced easily through every beam of the tower it collided with. The two Kamuis descended further down, landing upon one of the few remaining platforms.

 _I can win._ Kamui convinced himself, his gaze burning with a source of rage.

 _I will win!_ He had to. He couldn't stand to have _his_ Fuuma taken over a second longer!

 _I will end this!_ Those violet eyes went aflame, and slender fingers gripped the hilt of the sword brutally tight.

Heaven's Kamui lunged forward, rushing in close. Slender arms thrust the sword harshly forward, a strike aimed to inflict pain to awaken his loved one.

Time stilled. The very dream of bringing _his Fuuma_ back felt at a standstill. The tip of the blade had merely brushed Fuuma's chest.

Kamui's slender fingers grasped desperately at the hilt to keep pushing forward. Eyes widened in horror, tense lines dawning on his face. He trembled.

The Shinken lightened, considerably. The very _holy sword_ that had taken so long to find, one that required painstaking sacrifices and effort to keep safe… simply shattered. From the tip back towards the hilt, pieces broke off with the fragility of glass. The world voided with darkness, stilling the smaller boy's movements.

"No…Impossible" Kamui breathed the words. His lips parted, while violet eyes widened.

"This can't be." His twin star's sword thrust brutally into his shoulder blade. Yet, the flowing blood and agony took a backseat at the realization of _their fated future_.

Humanity's remaining hope was falling, seeing the shadows darkening over what used to be Fuuma's face. His chest ached to see the eyes he had loved for so long piercing with animosity. The stab bled deeper into his very soul. More so than any Shinken could ever hope to achieve.

"Kamui, when you challenged me you signed your own death warrant. What a shame," He mocked ruthlessly. "Now you'll never awaken as the _true Kamui,_ of the Dragons of Heaven." The Heaven of Earth's Kamui smirked.

"A dragon of heaven who uses the Shinken to _attack_ someone he's _promised_ to _protect_ can never unleash its true power."

Kamui's lips trembled, losing his breath as the truth of the words pierced sharply, aiming directly at the heart, as _he always_ said to.

His eyebrows raised before darkened eyes glimmered with amusement. His twin star clasped tightly to the edge of his S _hinken_ , eyes glazing over at the blood pouring from the wound. "Even as you try to convince yourself you could win, you had already chosen defeat."

The smaller male shivered, heart, sinking further. Slender hands began shaking and Kamui felt his knees quivering, dying to give in and collapse.

Perhaps pure instinct allowed Kamui to stay conscious. His eyes shivered painfully while taking in the rush of pain as the dark Kamui's blade was forcibly thrust out from its own wounded nest. Kamui fell to his knees.

"Face it Kamui, there is simply no way that you can win against me. Indeed, there is only one future. _Only one…"_

Soft violet eyes fogged over before closing painfully tight once more. The dark 'Fuuma' continued the battle ruthlessly, leaving Kamui on the defensive. He held to what was left of his sword. Kamui kept dodging swiftly enough from an impact, movements unconscious more from a survival instinct than a conscious desire. Hopelessness set in.

_Only one future..._

Skyscrapers, towers, and homes collapsed throughout Tokyo. The roads were cut in half as the spirit of the _Dragon of Earth_ attacked.

Kamui shivered. His eyes opened only to see his twin star rushing in closer. He saw Fuuma voicing something out along the lines of _It's over._ His mind fogged over.

Fuuma's aim was entirely perfect, he saw it as his heart sped up. Approaching closer and closer, yet the last millisecond the blade shifted from where his heart would be.

Maybe _he_ was still inside somewhere...beyond the darkness. Shivering eyes screamed towards the dark Kamui for a change, one final time. Pleading for a revolution not of the earth but within _his_ Fuuma's _heart_.

Time slowed, the smaller male shrunk into himself. Eyes closed subconsciously, reluctantly reaching a point of surrender.

 _Fuuma…_ Kamui's chest tightened before settling in with a sense of mind-numbing despair. He clutched at his wounded chest.

Lips curved down painfully. Kamui's teeth bit harshly down on the skin inside his lips. A part of himself had been preventing giving in. He was forcing his mind to stay conscious through all the physical pain.

"Everyone of the seals is gone now, I've won…" Fuuma proclaimed haughtily. Eyes glaring down at the Kamui who struggled to rise to his feet.

_No. It can't end like this...not while Fuuma is still…_

_"_ Fu...ma…" Kamui begged, the last remains of his voice faltering. Dark crimson eyes stared down at him without mercy. A sinister smile fell over the other's lips, as he raised the Shinken for its final descent.

"The Earth is impatient, it wants me to grant its wish right now!"

Kamui's violet-blue eyes widened in horror. His mouth opened in a silent scream, his own life beginning to flash as the edge of the blade came closer and closer. Kamui felt his stomach and chest contract painfully, preparing for the final blow.

The smaller male had heard the slash of the sword, yet felt nothing. His eyes fluttered open blurrily to catch the hint of a familiar golden wall sealing him from his twin star. Said male had sliced the barrier perfectly in half. Kamui's mind was racing, eyes delirious as he felt a familiar touch around his waist, his body being carried off swiftly.

He saw a flash of light while being whisked off. Bright purple eyes glistened over, taking in the familiar star-shaped kekkai. He witnessed more of the translucent green barrier from the corner of his eyes.

His mind was barely processing before Kamui felt protective arms encase around his waist. The warmth hadn't lasted, soon he was deposited onto the tower's remaining platform. His body fell upon the cold metal floor below, as Subaru's hold over him broke.

Blue-violet eyes wavered, the light in them shaking more and more as he saw a flash of fluttering white. He sat up instantaneously, noticing the familiar form of the star barrier. His heart began to pound wildly, as he noticed the white coat covering the wounded figure.

The older raven-haired man, breathed out harshly, before turning back. His tired wounded, gaze searched for and held Kamui.

"Subaru..." Kamui shivered. He felt his heart beginning to thaw from the frozen barrier within. There was a soft, lost yet gentle shine within the older man's eyes. One he hadn't realized he missed so _terribly_ before now. The gleam of kindness held the Kamui in place, that same look of kindness, adoration- Kamui had always _felt between them returned._

_Subaru was here…_

_Subaru was here?!_

_But Why?_ Subaru had resigned to his fate. They already said their farewells to one another. Subaru had lost all he loved, yet the Kekkai remained, only faltering as the older male succumbed to his injuries. Yet the sight of it once more...desire to protect took over. A desire to have something that meant _enough_ for him to return to a bleak reality.

The younger boy's breath hitched, taking in every bit of strength to rise up and close the distance between them. There was a pull, Kamui knelt beside the older male.

Subaru grunted, eyes wincing as he leaned back against the railing behind him. Kamui's hand, held onto the older male's shoulder, helping the other sit back up.

"Subaru…" Kamui's words were flowing softly. Frantic violet eyes shook with deep concern, as the younger male leaned in close.

" _Why?"_ he cried. Eyebrows were shifting and lowering, while he searched the other's passive features for a reason.

"I'm glad I came in time.." he responded, voice weak and husky. He felt Kamui's warmth before him, and the older male was only forced to further _confirm_ the feelings he suspected lingering within. "The power you were wishing for. I still have a little bit left…" Dual-toned eyes closed resolutely. "But there isn't much time...we'll have to hurry."

The older male clasped tightly around Kamui's hand naturally. "My power's unruly...it's hard to control. _Kamui._ The rest is up to you.."

The younger male bowed his head, bangs falling over his closed eyes. "I'll try," he promised, squeezing the hand within his own tightly. "But...I don't know if I...'

" _Kamui,"_ his voice lowered, softened, holding tight to the boy's hand. "Do you remember when I went inside your consciousness, in an attempt to bring you back to reality?" A soft nod followed. "Later on it was you who decided to come back. Have you ever regretted that decision or felt that you made the wrong choice?" he implored.

"No, I don't regret it and I _never_ will," Kamui answered, opening eyes he has forgotten he closed slowly, softly. His heart skipped a beat.

" _I know,"_ Subaru professed, with the gentlest smile he had long since forgotten how to form...until now. "And that's all you really need...the path to the fulfillment of your wish, is the one you've been on all your life."

The older male's weakened features softened further. "Just follow it...until you reach…" The hand over Kamui's hand loosened before falling to his side. "The end…" He finished, voice finishing tenderly. Heavy eyelids fluttered closed a sense of purpose easing him to his state of unconsciousness.

The Kekkai around them began to slowly dissolve. Kamui's eyes were frantic and flowing with emotion. He reached towards the older male's side, squeezing his hand painfully tight. "Subaru!" He pleaded desperately. Yet, the very barrier continued to slowly fade, dissolving further until only the trace of a faint star in the sky remained.

"Subaru.." he whimpered. Kamui moved in close to press their foreheads together. "I'll never forget your _kindness_...even long after I'm gone from this world." The boy gave one final squeeze before, rising to his feet.

"I won't let your sacrifice go to waste…" He promised, turning to meet the cold crimson gaze in the distance.

Kamui leaped towards one of the few remaining pillars of the tower, at a crossroads with his dearest friend.

"This is _the end, Kamui,"_ the voice proclaimed, far too resolute and cold to be anything close to his Fuuma. The smaller male held a hand to his chest. His violet eyes closed, professing. "My wish is at the end…"

It would be his promise, as the voices of all his loved one's words seeped through his mind. Words he had taken to heart resounded inside himself, and he stepped closer and closer. His eyes looking forward, not looking or feeling the golden glow surrounding himself at his new resolve for his wish.

"The Dragons of Heaven, have perished!" that voice continued to haunt him. The form of his dearest friend moved forward, raising his Shinken up high, into the sky above. Kamui breathed out softly, this moment was all he had. His last chance.

Kamui had braced for the impact, yet once again was soon denied. His eyes fluttered open and widened. The very aura around him began to glow with a brilliant light of gold, the same energy keeping the two Kamuis apart. Heavenly wings had sprung somehow painlessly upon his back.

Fuuma's eyes began to shiver and quake, unable to make a move forward. "Impossible…" the low voice cursed out, holding tightly to the precious Shinken only to feel is ripped ruthlessly from his own hands.

There hadn't been a chance to recover as the holy sword began to arise on its own glowing with a blinding light. The shattered pieces of Kamui's own Shinken glowed goldenly. The very pieces began to soar, the light around it glowing profusely. A blinding light took hold of the Shinken's hilt, rising it high above the sky. Pieces once shattered began to form together once more. The very same holy sword sealed itself together and bound more tightly than before.

The two Shinkens that once fought each other, raised high towards the heavens. The two holy blades surrounded each other. They fused together, moving closer and closer in a ritual dance before another blinding light flashed before them.

Kamui's mind, and very soul _awakened_. His wish would be a reality. The desire to protect burned inside glowing violet eyes, the divine aura strengthened further. The golden glow radiated heat. The _Dragon of Earth's_ Kamui found himself pushed back by the force emitting from the dazzling light.

The two Shinken bound were surrounded by a golden barrier. Finally, the true form of the holy sword had been forged. The sword glistened silver and gold, merging the two Shinken's blades, with angelic white and black feathers cradling its form.

"The _true Kamui_ …"

Even the violet-blue eyes gleamed of an ethereal nature. A golden halo surrounded glistening irises. The sword fell within Kamui's hands, as he rose towards the darkened sky, igniting the dimness with a light surpassing the very sun itself.

"So you've finally done it...very well…" Fuuma fully surrendered. "It seems you'll also make _my wish_ a reality…" The tall male fixed his gaze onto Heaven's Kamui, eyes full of resolution. He leaped from the beams of the Tokyo Tower, standing firmly in place.

"Fuuma, I will bring you back here and now," Kamui promised. His heavenly wings stretched out impossibly wide and blinding. The very power to change the future, to protect. He could feel this. His wish would become…reality.

Kamui descended swiftly towards his beloved, eyes transfixed while his body seemed to move on its own. The holy sword began screaming at its wielder, thrusting, and guiding Kamui towards its target.

He continued to close in. Kamui's aim had only been to come closer, to allow the power bestowed upon him to surround his dear friend. The ethereal light surrounded the darker Kamui's form. Kamui began closing in, hands locked tight upon the hilt.

The aim was only meant to brush by the other to bring the true Fuuma to the surface. Rushing in at the speed of a god, Kamui found his eyes shivering at a sudden movement towards him. The Kamui of the Dragon's of Earth...or no _Fuuma_...had…

_"You never could...aim for the heart."_

Tears fell harshly, rapidly, as the endless storm of emotion fell through Kamui. Fuuma stood right at the heart of the blade, taking the blow at full force. The harsh sound of the blade cutting through flesh was deafening.

" _Kamui,"_ an all too familiar voice resurfaced. "Ka..mui.." the voice, _his Fuuma's voice_ soothed, broken up only by the need to cough out violently.

" _Fuuma…_ " Kamui's voice shut down. He dove in frantically, kneeling beside his love before cradling him in his arms. An arm rested behind the larger male's back, while the free arm moved upward. His hand cradled the back of Fuuma's head. "W-why?"

A warmth overwhelmed him, as a larger hand took hold of his own, placing them above Kamui's heart. Fuuma's eyes fluttered shut, as he rested his head against that same place.

"Your heartbeat…" Fuuma murmured, eyes lingering with a sense of love and devotion froze the smaller male in place. "It's always been so _painfully_ beautiful to hear…" he professed, smiling as he felt the shiver move through Kamui's form. "I fall harder every time I'd hear it...even as kids. Kamui resisted the urge to clutch at his chest, his face flushing wildly. Eyes of violet were blearing up, a storm threatening.

" _Fuuma_ …"

"It's racing like crazy _now…Kamui"_ he teased gently. Somehow with the most loving tone that Kamui had ever heard anyone use towards him. Tired eyes glanced up to meet Kamui's expression. Fuuma stilled, listening to the beating sound, refusing to move from his place. Lips curved in a tired smile. Auburn eyes held tightly, not wavering from the glistening violet orbs. Orbs that we're drowning in sadness.

Kamui crashed their bodies swiftly and impossibly close. His arms surrounded the larger male, pulling into a painfully tight embrace. He eased only slightly while bringing Fuuma's head and chest entirely flushed against his chest.

"Kamui?" Fuuma's soft, loving voice once gone had _finally_ returned. A larger hand reached and caressed Kamui's cheek. "I…"

"Fuuma. You don't have to say anything...or push yourself after everything. It'll be alright...I'll-I'll..." Kamui's breath hitched. His chest aching. The taller, weakened male leaned up. His lips pressed against the side of Kamui's cheek resting there and silencing the younger boy.

"Kamui, you were calling for me the whole time weren't you?" The misty gaze above him confirmed his answer. He laughed softly, yet entirely bittersweet. His fingers rested upon trembling lips, softly brushing over them. "You suffered so much for me..haven't you?" Fingers brushed towards the side of the smaller male's face. They traced gentle circles against the burning skin beneath.

"Yet, no matter what I had done, no matter who had suffered, who I killed-"

"That wasn't your fault! Fuuma you weren't even in control! You can't blame yourself!"

Fuuma grasped for his hand tightly. While his other hand moved and continued to caress the side of his cheek. Lips curled into a gentle, softened smile. "Thank you... _but_ I know I've still caused tremendous pain…" his voice breathed out weakly, eyes threatening to tear apart. A storm was swirling inside tired auburn eyes.

"Fuuma...please just stop...dodon't push yourself like this. You've only just come back. We'll work through _everything_ together. I'll always be with you and we'll… we will…" Tears spilled out relentlessly, cold drops falling and dampening his love's face. " _We'll_ move forward t-together, and change _our_ _future_ and-"

Fuuma's finger pressed firmly over the boy's lips. He shook his head weakly.

"You and I both know, those days won't come to pass…"

Violet eyes surrounded with a veil of tears, a redness formed around them. Kamui's breath hitched. Slender fingers stole the hand over his lips, squeezing it painfully tight. His breath was shaking. The smaller boy broke down and collapsed upon his love.

The older male took the weight upon him with ease, even by his injuries, only able to feel the desired warmth after so-so long. "I've committed unforgivable sins, whether it was within my control or not. Only now was I able to stop, to have you fulfill my wish…"

" _Your wish_?"

A hand reached up and caressed Kamui's flushed cheeks. He motioned for Kamui to come closer, and whispered deep-seated words of love, right into the boy's ear. Kamui's mouth went ajar, purple eyes were feverish with tears. Emotions ran wildly down Kamui's face...

"I knew you would be the only one who could grant it. Yet, despite everything leading up to this, I'll never forgive myself," Fuuma reached for the back of Kamui's neck, pulling them closer. Their foreheads kissed, as the older male caressed his love's face. "For, I had hurt so deeply...the person I _love_ the most."

Whatever had been remaining inside Kamui's heart shattered completely.

The ethereal wings against the true Kamui's back started to fade. Neither of the Kamuis had bothered to look away, as the kekkai Kamui formed at last began to heal. Angelic feathers dissolved, before reviving into countless orbs of light. A final wish, for the world Kotori and Fuuma loved dearly, was to be granted. A golden light surrounded the two broken lovers, granting them a moment of warmth, peace, and relief before spreading out around them.

The golden light and glow began to encase the spot where the former barrier field had been. Flashes of translucent golden light spread out and up through the sky surrounding the broken tower, before restoring it towards its original form. The healing wish extended its light throughout all of Tokyo. Blinding golden light caressed the broken world around it. The light turned towards a cooler shade of green to expose a restored world. The energy and sheer power from _his_ wish, the pure desire to save and protect, spread throughout the very earth.

Not far off from the twin stars, came another miracle, an impact of the wish. The head of the Sumeragi clan was stirring, eyes blearing open slowly. The once opened, fatal wound surrounding Subaru began to seal itself. The very sense of pain fled from the onmyouji as he found the strength to sit up.

Emerald and golden eyes fluttered open, as his lips parted, breathing in the sight of the sun above, shining brilliantly over the earth, as though heaven itself wished it. Subaru glanced frantically feeling an enormous source of power, alive and close by.

"Ka...mui…"

He felt a stab at the heart, seeing the boy he cared for so much, whimpering and collapsed over his dearest friend. No, his most important person. Kamui's slender arms were shaking, holding his beloved painfully close. The newly awoken male parted his lips to speak, before stopping himself, _feeling_ a _glimpse_ of the suffering a short distance away.

The closeness between the two males felt suffocating, and guilt settled in Subaru's core for longing to claim what was not his own. He was hating the selfishness and envy that flowed naturally to the surface. He felt and understood how that familiar broken, despondent expression. The young male bled for his dearest person. The raven-haired male forced his eyes wide shut, fighting down the urge to _approach_ , to _feel_ , to _comfort_ Kamui.

Said male was wracked with pain. Shuddering roughly and pressing himself as close as possible to the one he loved. "F-fuuma...you really…"

" _Of course_ , I do. I always have." Fuuma breathed against the smaller boy's lips. He squeezed the younger boy's hand. He extended his free hand to brush against the side of the boy's cheek, coaxing him to ease in his hold enough to meet his eyes. "Kamui...I'm _in love with you._ "

"Fuuma…" The slender raven-haired male curled himself further into the larger male. He could feel the loving smile, beaming against his chest once more. "I…"

"I've been in love with you since the day I first laid eyes on you," he professed, taking their joined hands together and peppering kisses upon the trembling hand. Memories flashed through that rainy evening, Kamui's innocence shielding a puppy from the rain, forming a desire to protect within the older male had never felt before. That was where destiny bound and brought them together for the first time. "I always promised I'd protect you...so how could I ever let that promise go...and break it?."

Kamui shuddered, arms tightening with a bruising hold. Tears flooded, and he was bawling, crying out the other's name. Fuuma squeezed the hand holding Kamui. He reached his free, weakened hand to gently rub circles upon Kamui's back.

 _Time was running out._ Fuuma winced, mind threatening to give in, to finally rest.

"Kamui, this was the only way to fulfill my wish...to protect you and to _die_ by the hands of the one I _love_ the _most_."

"To die…" His heart stopped. "NO-you Can't….Please, don't- you can't die here!" Kamui screeched, as he surged forward to push them further against the ground beneath. Fuuma let out a soft gasp, feeling his back upon the steel surface, and a warm body falling over him. Hands dug into Fuuma's shirt while dampening eyes were buried against his shoulder.

"P-please…" Kamui pleaded, desperately, voice cracking as he finished.

"I want you to live on in this world, and find all the happiness the world could offer you. You are _my world,_ Kamui…" Fuuma breathed out hugging the weeping boy, feeling lips press against his collarbone.

"I-love you so _damn_ much-" Kamui loudly blurted his confession emotions desperately. "I...Fuuma, you-you can't...I _need you."_ He sniffled, feeling large hands caressed the back of his head, tangling his fingers in the raven locks.

"I'm not leaving you Kamui...I will always be right here…" Hands brushed smoothly across the smaller male's chest. Fuuma's features softened, lines relaxing on his face, as he sighed with a contented smile. Red-brown eyes lowered and clouded over with acceptance. "It's because _I love you_ …that I'll always remain..."

Fuuma leaned forward, pressing a hand flat on Kamui's chest. The younger boy flustered, wiping at the overflow of emotion on his cheeks. He sat up, giving his beloved space to follow suit. Strong arms wrapped around Kamui's shoulders, pressing their bodies flushed together. Lips pressed against the temple. "Please, grant me my last wish…" A kiss followed right upon the trail of tears down Kamui's left eye, followed by the right. Lips pressed to the smaller boy's nose and hovered before soft pink lips.

"I _need_ you to live on, and find happiness in this life…Kamui" His auburn eyes shifted, before glancing at the spiritualist who waited silently from a distance, glancing tenderly at Kamui from a distance. Memories from his time as the "Kamui", crashed in his mind. Countless scenes of battle. What kept resurfacing was the image of the onmyouji rushing in to protect Kamui without a second thought. _It's only a matter of time, then..._ Fuuma had surrendered to the thought.

It ached. The onmyouji''s energy and power were flowing inside Kamui. Fuuma loved Kamui most dearly but... he wouldn't steal Kamui from beyond the grave...not if it cost his most precious one a chance to be happy to have a future. It was inevitable. Their exchanges, that protectiveness, he _could feel_ even _now_. It was all painfully apparent. He could _feel_ the older man stealing glances at Kamui, before hurriedly averting his gaze.

"But, I am a _selfish man_...Kamui, and so I'm _longing_ to have one of your _firsts_ before any other can…" Fuuma's breath ghosted over the other's lips. His own lips broke out into a smile, feeling the wild shiver throughout the boy whose face painted pink.

Blue-violet eyes fluttered close softly, accepting everything they could share in these final moments. Slender arms wrapped tightly around the taller male's neck. The sleeker male found arms lowering to hold firmly around his middle, keeping them flushed together. Lips unconsciously parted, as the older male leaned down to seal the distance between them. Their lips pressed gently, chastely, tasting of the bitter and salty tears flooding between them. Kamui returned the kiss within seconds, pressing tightly and matching the movements he felt brushing firmly against him. He was allowing fingers to guide his head to tilt at a better angle, bringing them closer.

Neither moved to part their lips, as they moved languidly and slowly against each other, savoring every second fate allowed them.

"I love you Kamui…" Fuuma breathed against soft lips. Streaming, endless tears crashed down from Kamui's eyes. Fuuma found himself failing to keep his own emotions in check.

"I love you too...so...so much…" Kamui lamented, going back to press their lips together, keeping him as close as possible.

Fuuma's smile came out bittersweet within the kiss. He felt a weakness overcome him, losing his grip around Kamui.

"Fuuma?" Kamui felt the body going limp in his arms. The smaller boy cradled the older male against his chest. "Fuuma! Please... _don't…"_ He whimpered.

"Keep living, Kamui...please...live to create more memories, find those who are irreplaceable to your heart, and keep them close..." Fuuma professed, feeling his strength beginning to leave, eyelids threatening to close. His hand reached to caress a tear-stained cheek one final time. "Please, go on, live this life to create a future where you can...be happy…" The hand upon Kamui's cheek began to slip. The smaller male grasped at the hand desperately.

Eyes gleaming with love fluttered closed, a peaceful line seamed on the older man's lips. The sobs long falling from Kamui's eyes were bleeding with grief.

"Fuuma! Hey, come on, Fuuma!" The smaller boy began shaking the now lifeless form in his arms. The torrents flooded under violet eyes, the boy now entirely wailing. Grasping at the older man desperately, squeezing his hand with a painful tightness.

"Fuuma! This-this isn't what I've wanted-how? How can you ask me to-to be happy now...I...Fuuma, please...Please..." Desperation rained through the boy, as he lamented, holding the lifeless form against his chest desperately. "Fuuma!" he pleaded, his heart screaming out.

"FUUMA!" FUUMA! PLEASE!" He screamed relentlessly, falling apart and collapsing against his beloved, never letting go of the other he loved beyond measure.

"FUUMA!" Kamui screeched, his name following over and over-before breaking to pieces.

"Please, don't go...not like this…" the boy's hoarse voice whispered to the air around him. He curled into a ball further, pressing his chest down to his legs, the figure of his beloved, laid on his lap. Kamui felt a piece of his heart, one he had given away so long ago, falling away...

* * *

Ruthless hours passed. Perhaps days? He couldn't tell. The raven-haired spiritualist was resting against the tower's railings breathed a heavy sigh. Eyes shifted worriedly, swirling with a mix of emotions while giving the younger male all the time he needed. Emerald-gold eyes never failed to watch over the younger male, no matter how much the image threatened to tear him apart. No matter how often he looked away from the sight, he was pulled back within seconds. It took all the self-control in the world to not rush over there and hold the boy impossibly close. To spill out every ounce of emotion that was bleeding within.

He never imagined feeling this kind of pain being on the other side of a tragedy. While watching the one he cared for so much suffering, pleading for the man he loved to revive. Tears were slushing down the reddened, messy face. Earth's savior was hunched over the lifeless body wailing. His voice relentlessly screeched his love's name as though it were a spell to turn back the time.

"Kamui…" Subaru had, at last, given into his impulses. The onmyouji rose to his feet, as he began approaching the grieving boy. The boy who saved his own life and the fate of the world around him, the world of the man he most loved. He breathed a sigh, clutching at his chest, not expecting the pang to hurt this bad being on the other side of things. Had Kamui felt like this when Seishirou had...or was it his wishful thinking?

"Kamui," his voice soothed, emerald and gold eyes shivering, as they looked upon the trembling, shaking male. The older male grasped at the sleeves of his white trench coat before slipping the fabric off with ease. He knelt to drape the clothing over the fragile savior of their world. In it, he hoped to give Kamui some of his _warmth_ , and his _love_ he felt for the younger boy.

He bit inside his cheek. The man silently cursed his mind for even _considering the notion of_ how he was also placing his _scent_ over Kamui. This wasn't the time or place….maybe not now or ever. And that would be alright. All that mattered now was bringing Kamui back to him, back into the very world he strived to save.

The older male knelt behind the boy, embracing Kamui from behind. His chest pressed firmly, against the younger male's back. Heat radiated between his form, and he only hoped it was enough to add the smallest bit of comfort. " _Kamui…"_ He breathed right into the younger male's boy, feeling stray strands of raven hair brushing against his cheek.

"I…" Kamui leaned back slightly, refusing to let go of the figure in his arms. Yet, he had tried. The boy had broken out a soft string of incoherent words before shuddering, and shaking as an onslaught of tears rushed down his cheeks. The arms around him tightened.

"You don't have to talk, " the older male spoke in a raspy tone. The head of raven hair rested itself upon Kamui's back.

"It's alright, " he assured, quietly, arms hugging the boy closer to himself. The older male leaned up, brushing his nose against the side of the other's neck. "You don't have to say anything...I am sure what you feel now is far beyond words."

Subaru felt a shaky hand hovering above his own. He swiftly shut down the urge to bring lips to that hand, to caress every trembling finger. Subaru's hand instead grasped the trembling hand, naturally threading their fingers together. The older male's gaze was lingering over their linked hands. A perfect fit, as they always had been. Arms tightened briefly around Kamui's waist, hugging him close with a warm squeeze.

His mind strayed from lingering further, no matter how mild and gentle the touch would be at the surface...he knew himself well...knew his heart enough to know how weak it would be. He knew how weak he had been with Seishirou, how those memories at 16 years old would only come to haunt him through countless sleepless nights.

 _I won't make the same mistakes…_ He swore to himself.

It was all too easy to give in. How easily those thoughts and very emotions could shift into something much _deeper stronger…_

_It's already out of my hands. The least I can do is keep my actions in check._

"Your pain is your own...you don't need to do or say anything you don't want to." He continued. Relief flooded through his features as he felt a crushing squeeze over his hand. Subaru only hummed, taking in that pain a 1000 times over, if need be. If it helped to soothe the other's heart. "I'll stay at your side for as long as you need."

"..." Kamui's lips only parted. Tears were streaming. He bent forward once more, his body collapsing over the lost love within his lap. Currents of tears flooded from pained blue eyes. The younger boy buried his face further away from the older man. He buried his face within the black stained uniform over the man he loved so dearly…

Subaru's eyes shot up in surprise as he felt their hands still so tightly interlocked.

_I am never letting you go…_

No matter how Kamui would feel, there wasn't a chance he could stay away for long. He had only woken up from his mind-numbing pain. Subaru had just found his _reason_. A final reason to live beyond mere existence. The older man could only fall into the abyss of his consciousness so many times. There were only so many ascents and descents from his inner despair his heart would handle.

" _Kamui…"_ Subaru pressed close to the hunched over form. He rested his head against the slender boy's back, fluttering his eyelids down. He hushed soft and gentle words against the boy's neck, despite knowing it was drowned out from the boy _crying his heart out._

Kamui was entirely bawling. The older male felt the boy's trembling form moving frantically. The motion reverberated as he pressed a cheek to Kamui's upper back.

Constant sobs overflowed. The dam had long since shattered. Tears crashed upon every millimeter of the young male's face. Cries draining from those loose tear-ducts. The cold salty fluids mixed within his nasal passage. His nose began running, streaming just as wildly as his eyes. There was nothing graceful or controlled as his hoarse voice cried for his lost love, over and over again. Eyes were entirely sore, red, puffy, and as blood rushed to his face. Yet, Subaru couldn't look away, couldn't stop the way his heart only pounded harder seeing the boy he cared for in such a state. The desire to protect the boy beside him was maddening. An onslaught of emotion attacked with no sense of mercy throughout Kamui's form. He shuddered.

The boy started taking deep breaths to calm the painful blades piercing deeply in and out of his overly sensitive heart.

Subaru hadn't relented in the least, only continuing to nuzzle against the heartbroken soul in his arms.

Kamui parted his bitten lips only let out a silent scream. The boy's voice strained beyond recovery for some time.

The older male kept an arm tightly around Kamui's middle. His hand laced within Kamui's own stayed in place, as the man gave reassuring squeezes. He breathed in relief to feel Kamui return the gesture albeit with a weaker hold than before.

Another arm unraveled from around the boy and retracted slightly. The younger boy felt the warmth from before quickly returning as delicate, graceful hands traced soothing patterns In his back.

"Su..ba…" he broke out between violent sobs. "ru.."

"Yes, Kamui…" He returned softly, pressing his body to press to lie over the smaller body. The older male berated himself, unable to resist kissing the back of the boy's neck. Butterfly kisses pressed over the pale skin.

He tried and failed to forget the very reaction, the boy gave in subconsciously to the fluttering touch.

"I...I'm sorry…" Kamui hushed out the broken up apology.

Dual toned eyes blinked wildly, while eyebrows lifted at the admission. "You have _nothing_ to be _sorry_ for," Subaru assured. And there was nothing in this world that could stop the older male from pulling Kamui up and turning him around, into his embrace.

"If anything…" The younger boy let out a squeak at the sudden movement and found himself chest to chest against the older male. The loose coat around his shoulder fell off at the action.

"We all should be _thanking you_ for what you've done for the earth _."_

Strong arms wrapped tightly around Kamui guiding his head to seek refuge against a throbbing chest. He wrapped those arms protectively over the smaller body. "Thank you, for _saving me._ Kamui…" He professed, words caressing right into Kamui's ear.

Subaru felt his heart flutter at the faint trace of a smile spreading on the boy's lips. His glistening eyes held the smallest bit of s bittersweet emotion... "It's because of me, you were injured like that…"

"Kamui...that was _my_ choice. At that time, I desired nothing more than to protect you at all costs…" A shiver of emotions flooded from the violet-blue eyes, looking to the older male with uncertainty. "I _still_ want that... _Kamui_ , " Subaru breathed, voice soothing through his continued confession.

Subaru's lips curled gently, taking in the awe and uncertainty within those glistening eyes. Gentle lips met and pressed a kiss gingerly upon the crown of the younger boy's head. He guided Kamui closer to himself once more, his chin resting atop the boy's head. The younger male gave in to comfort. He buried his face further into the older male's chest. Long slender fingers grasped for the coat that had fallen loosely over Kamui's shoulders. The older male placed it more firmly over the boy's shoulders before wrapping the loose coat around the boy like a cocoon. Kamui breathed a soft sigh, tiredly leaning closer to the source of warmth. Subaru kept the boy hidden, entirely sheltered within his arms.

"Kamui…" he hummed fingers caressing and carding through the soft locks of raven hair.

"Subaru...I…" he hadn't finished, only grasping his hands tightly against the black fabric on the other's chest. His body subconsciously huddled deeper into his needed sanctuary. Hot painful tears gushed out wildly, drenching the fabric more and more. The older male-only continued to hold the boy tighter and closer against him, allowing every tear that would fall.

"I…I…" Kamui's watering eyes glanced up. His lips quivered. The boy's violet eyes were glistening, still fragile with the emotion rushing out of them.

"Shhh…" Subaru gently hushed, warm air blowing over the unruly locks of Kamui's hair. His hands proceeded to rub abstract circles and patterns upon the boy's back feather-light. Feeling Kamui lean in he added pressure, their bodies flushing more firmly together.

"But he's...he is really…" Kamui's breathing hastened, heart, screaming wildly against its cage. And eyes looked away for only a moment to see a glimpse of the bloodied and empty form lying beside him. His violet-blue eyes shook with horror. A hand clasped swiftly over the boy's eyes.

Subaru felt his chest constrict, aching painfully tight feeling the slender body shaking now so violently. Tears pouring out with no sign of ending.

Loving hands brushed against the flushed, dampened face. The touch lingered over Kamui's cheeks. The older male turned the boy's gaze away from the traumatizing reality inches away from them. "Just breathe right now...alright… Kamui" Emerald and gold eyes lowered, a cloud of worry and anguish fell over him.

The hand shielding the boy's vision retracted and shifted. Nimble fingers rested under the boy's chin. His head was turned up, while dual-toned eyes gently held and locked with the cloudy violet eyes. "Just breathe…"

* * *

Subaru held true to his promise. Staying right beside the world's savior, watching over his drained sleeping form. Exhaustion was only natural after everything that happened. Truthfully, it was relieving to see the boy finally resting, even if it involved hearing him call out that name over and over again, in his sleep.

Kamui calmed enough for the older male to reluctantly loosen his hold. Doing so resulted in violet orbs fluttering open before widening wildly. Memories resurfaced quickly for the younger male as those same eyes were in a feverish panic, looking back towards his lost love. Green-golden eyes glaze over him painfully, watching the one he cared for so deeply shuddering. A cold feeling surfaced in the older male. The boy slipped from the loosened hold, and turned back, lingering by the body of his lost beloved.

The former dragon of heaven, smiled bitterly, forsaking his unresolved conflict in favor of holding to and comforting his cherished one.

Subaru laced his hands and arms snuggly, hugging the boy tight to him from behind. Dual toned eyes wavered, eyes wincing shut as he saw his beloved in disarray.

Kamui had been cradling his twin stars within his arms, before decidedly lowering the larger body to rest over his lap. Soft calls of his love's name murmured from dry, trembling lips. His hand graced and brushed over the pale face of the one he loved so dearly. The arms around Kamui never let go.

Neither had left the resting place. Until a new day started, the sun rose, hours passed, and the remaining Dragons of Heaven came to reunite with their leader. Several higher-ups from, CLAMP academy board had arrived shortly after. The chairman himself came to the scene, bringing along a team, consisting of some of the best medical units in all of Japan.

The world's savior stubbornly refused to let go or leave behind what he had left of Fuuma. Subaru gently brushed his fingers through messy locks of hair, easing him to listen to the pleas.

The gentle blond, blue-eyed chairman assured him Fuuma would be taken care of, as his body was lifted from the ground.

Fuuma was to be laid properly to rest. His life and physical sacrifice for the world's future, being honored. At least, Kamui would not be alone in looking beyond the Dragon of Earth's Kamui and seeing _the real Fuuma._

At the very promise he would be honored and laid to rest beneath the same tree as his sister, Kamui reluctantly loosened his hold. The savior had stubbornly refused to let Fuuma's form leave his line of sight until he had seen the promise made for himself. He walked in stride with the medical responders, following diligently as the body of his loved one was hauled within the back of the ambulance.

Kamui rushed in to follow, yet was halted. Subaru's strong arms wrapped around his waist. The boy looked up to meet golden and emerald eyes, shining with concern. His eyes burned with frustration furrowed on his face. When given the ok, he was released and rushed in to sit inside the back of the van never taking his eyes off Fuuma's corpse. _Corpse…_ the reality of thinking that word stung bitterly.

Subaru nodded to the concerned faces of his fellow Dragon's of Heaven, mentioning something about going along with their leader. Some of them looked quite bemused seeing as the reserved older man took to Kamui so easily.

A protective arm hung tightly around the boy's shoulder as they sat in the back of the emergency van. The smaller male's fingers curled over the hands of his protector. Heterochromatic eyes blinked wildly, before a tender emotion took over, a soft curve spread over his lips. He brought Kamui closer to his side, allowing the younger boy to squeeze his hand tightly. The silent drive back to the CLAMP academy seemed endless.

As promised, Fuuma's body had at last been laid to rest. The bright sun shining upon the grassy field felt cruelly ironic despite everything. Kamui almost immediately fell to his knees when the burial had commenced. His fellow Dragons of Heaven, his dearest friends were reluctant to decide what he should or shouldn't see, yet the boy had been obstinate. While Kamui was allowed to do what he needed to recover, that hadn't meant they had left him alone at any time during the process. The spiritualist has been the most protective of the group.

Memories flashed back to that same excruciating day when he had lost Kotori, and Fuuma awakened for the first time. He found himself somewhat lighter seeing the sincerity and care within his friend's eyes. They all were offering to pay their respects to the Monou siblings, and hugging Kamui tight, before letting him go, giving him the space to breathe. Well, with Subaru being an exception as Kamui held tightly to the older male's hand, assuring his protector, his pillar of stability remained close.

CLAMP's chairman announced that all of the _Dragons of Heaven_ would be given free housing at the academy for as long as they wished, alongside the needed medical and mental health services from their traumas.

Housing closely together seemed to be the best option for the group. Reasonably, Kamui's friends had been hesitant to allow their former leader to be too far away from themselves, and isolated. Debates over who would live with the younger boy surfaced, others discussing schedules to ensure Kamui always had a friend available when needed.

Nightfall had long since approached. Subaru suppressed a smile, feeling a tired head of raven hair lean against his arm. Kamui's soft pale lips stretched in a wide yawn resembling that of a cat. The urge to ruffle the boy's hair was barely fought off. Finger's lingered over soft raven locks, before combing through them.

The reserved male broke his silence for the first time since the discussion began. His softened eyes leaned down towards the boy, looking only at him as he spoke out for the first time in hours, (not counting the occasional soothing words of comfort he whispered into Kamui's ear...words only for him to hear).

"Kamui is _welcome to_ come back with me…" He assured, emphasizing it as an _option_. He kept from voicing too much, shielding his selfish desire to protect. The boy who he cared for and promised to keep closer than ever.

Arashi's lips curved down, eyes clouded with worry, a part of her mind drifting to think what Sorata would have advised in this situation. It's not as though she could offer more protection or a better solution. The swordswoman was planning on staying in Kouya for some time to visit her precious person who gave his life for her.

Aoki and Karen shared a concerned glance at one another before returning to Kamui, the fire elemental biting in on her lip a bit more intuitive towards the boy's connection. "It's up to you Kamui, and you can always come back and stay _here_ either way…"

Yuzuriha bit down on her lip. "Are you sure that'll be alright, with you Kamui?- I mean he's…" The youngest girl closed a hand over her mouth, stopping herself from saying anything more. Shame fell over her eyes, looked apologetically towards the two reserved males.

Their subject of concern remained entirely patient. Subaru saw beyond their words. They feared for Kamui's safety in the hands of the current Sakurazukomori (even if Kamui's wish had restored the tree, no longer craving the blood from innocents).

Subaru exhaled softly through his nose, knowing no matter how much, he desired to help Kamui, his intentions would be questioned. Even if he did come back, in the end, he had deserted the Dragon's of Heaven. All the while, falling into his own _mental hell_ similar to the one he worked so hard to save their leader from.

The reserved older male opened his lips to speak but stopped as he felt a hand clutching at the taller male's sleeve.

Kamui violet-blue orbs softened, still surrounded by puffy red rings, and sob-ridden cheeks. His gaze turned affectionately towards the former Dragons of Heaven, his dearest friends. "I'll be alright, " he assured, clutching at his gentle savior's shirt. "I _want_ to be with him...Subaru was the one who protected me after all…"

"Kamui…" He called longingly, a hand absently brushing against the side of the boy's cheek. He felt Kamui lean into the touch naturally. _His_ touch.

An audible, " _Oh."_ Had been spoken by one of their friends in a sense of realization. Likely, Yuzuriha, face flushing as she turned towards the pair. Karen hushed the girl gently, although gave an amused smile towards the two quiet males, nestled together.

Kamui had yet to look anywhere but his protector, smiling softly as the hand on the onmyouji's arm slid down to hold his hand, once again, tenderly. The young boy remained content... While Subaru did take notice of the responses. Gold and emerald orbs cast away from the knowing glances of their friends. There was still a bit of worry there...but it seemed to have eased a bit.

"I understand your concerns…" He started, coughing into his hand to ease the red flooding his cheeks. "I will take care of Kamui, protecting him with my life if needed...and-" Subaru's face burned crimson at the proclamation-stunning quite a few of their friends- before turning his expression away. He held his beloved's gaze, "You are free to go whenever and wherever you wish…"

Kamui beamed brilliantly, outshining the darkness of the very night. Subaru knew his heart fully surrendered to the sight.

"I know, but I _want_ to stay _with you."_ Kamui's eyes gazed up fondly. His violet eyes were holding a gleam of innocence and trust. Guilt seeped in through the older man's core. That same guilt for having anything beyond platonic feelings for the younger male, even if it hadn't been in his control. Clearing, his throat, Subaru rose to his feet, avoiding the curious and knowing glances.

Kamui shifted up to his knees, preparing to stand up on his own before taking an extended hand before him. He grasped it tightly and felt a hand clasp over the side of his waist as his body started to wobble. "S-sorry…" Kamui heated up with his mistake.

"Oh, Kamui! Are you sure you'll be okay?"

"You're still recovering-..."

"You should get some rest."

"Are you sure you don't need anything before you go?"

And similar words of concern came from their friends, dancing around the root of the issue, hoping to allow the young savior some form of relief. "I'll be alright…" Kamui promised. Despite the words, Kamui's body hadn't eased from it's shaking, his legs feeling numb and knees buckling.

"Kamui?" His dear _protector_ lowered his eyebrows, lips curving south. Dual-toned eyes cast with worry. The onmyouji nodded to himself in a decision, as he leaned down to wrap an arm under the boy's trembling knees. The hand at the boy's waist moved up to wrap around his upper back, lifting the slender boy easily.

Kamui let out a soft yelp in surprise, feeling his feet rise from the ground, his body held in a protective hold. He wrapped his arms snuggly around the older man's neck instinctively. Subaru's gentle call of his name and soothing smile, put him at eyes shifted nervously, before whispering a soft _'Thank you.'_

Subaru could _feel_ the curious gazes directed at them.

"Ah-well...we'll be going now, and return back...here by the morning," Subaru promised with sincerity. He was flustering at his own words. Embarrassment seeped in. Realization struck at the intimate looking hold. Yet, he really couldn't bring himself to release the boy from his hold. Nor could he seize from cradling his friend? secret love? His beloved's figure securely, in his arms. The hold was clearly that of a princess carry or perhaps a _prince-_ carry in Kamui's case.

Subaru walked off carefully with the boy, assuring his secure hold on the boy before moving faster. The two had been airborne soon enough leaping, from rooftop to rooftop until arriving home. They stayed in silence, Kamui's mind surely recalling his previous traumas. Every now and then Subaru felt a hand clutching at his shirt. He breathed out slowly, heart aching for the young boy, and moving as swiftly as was safe to return to his home.

* * *

Subaru held Kamui tightly, beaming at the way the boy relaxed naturally in his arms. Eyes were soon fluttering closed. He had been dozing off several times during their outing. Stepping over the threshold they arrived at the home. _Their home._

The darkened household was soon lit up with the flick of a switch. Subaru felt silent laughter brushing against his lips, seeing the young boy hurriedly shield his eyes within the confines of his neck.

The household was elegant and private as the Sumeragi head could desire. Although, the traces of someone truly _living_ inside were bare. Essential pieces of modern furniture decorated the nearly empty space it inhabited. Subaru carried the boy through what was assumed to be the dining room and stopped at a modern-looking wooden tablet. He, at last, lowered Kamui to sit on one of the chairs.

"I'll get you something …" Subaru pointed and gestured to the kitchen. He gently told the other, trying not to melt as he felt a hand gripping the sleeve of his shirt. Reluctantly, the hold on him eased, Kamui's cheeks flustering light pink, as he gazed towards the floor below.

The onmyouji laughed tenderly, heart fluttering. Subaru questioned how long he could keep his own emotions hidden at this rate. He leaned down to cup the side of the boy's face, gesturing with the other towards the kitchen right beside them.

"I'll be right back," he promised, brushing his hand against the soft skin, before pulling away. He felt violet-blue eyes following his movements nearly everywhere until he returned. The sound of rushing water emitted. Subaru returned with a full glass of purified water.

The second trip back had been longer. Kamui still hadn't kept his eyes off his protector the entire 3 minutes the male took to gather some things, a clinking sound came out from the cupboard. Subaru retrieved a few other items, Kamii couldn't quite make out.

Subaru gathered utensils, a bowl, and a colorful can with cursive lettering on it. He poured out the soup into a bowl. Clicking was heard after the bowl had been placed in the microwave. Subaru seemed to gather up a few more snacks but disappeared from his vision, the wall between the kitchen and dining room obscuring Kamui's sight.

As promised, Subaru came back immediately after it finished cooking. He had given the boy a steaming bowl of soup and placed it carefully on the placemat underneath. "Careful." Subaru waved towards the hot fumes emitting from the bowl.

He had brought out a mildly flavored vegetable soup, and some saltine crackers. The man was sure the boy couldn't stomach a lot, if anything, so settled on what was mild. Subaru returned once more to the kitchen to retrieve a spoon for the boy and a few pieces of fruit.

"I'm...sorry...I just-" Kamui hadn't been able to stomach anything. He frowned, bowing his head. Violet eyes shivered as though about to cry. Subaru hugged the boy fiercely. It was an entirely understandable reaction, given everything in the past few days. Still, he couldn't bring himself to not desire to soothe and ease the pain as much as possible.

"It's perfectly alright Kamui. I mean couldn't eat for days after-" He stopped himself, unwilling to recall any more of that time. Kamui's concerned gazes only made him feel more fragile. The tall male cleared his throat and shook his head. "Nevermind...do you think you could handle having something to drink?"

"Y-yeah…" Kamui nodded, noticing the scratchy feeling in his throat.

The boy's protector had let out a breath, unaware he was holding out in relief. Kamui took the glass of cool water with a nod. "Thanks, Subaru…" His voice turned a bit meek.

Heterochromatic eyes shimmered at the soft words of gratitude, and his beloved's soft demeanor. Kamui pressed his lips to the cool glass. The older male bit his lip, avoiding the confused glance from his beloved.

The boy blinked his eyes and settled to leave whatever _it_ was alone. He had thankfully, been able to drink a healthy amount of water.

The boy was drained, mouth still dry, and there was a hoarseness in his voice. Subaru placed a hand down as the boy attempted to get up. Kamui nodded.

"Thank you." The boy's voice was still hoarse. The older male frowned at that before turning on his heel, empty glass in hand.

Subaru walked back into the kitchen and refilled the glass. He swiftly returned to his loved one's side and placed the glass on the table in front of the dehydrated boy.

Kamui hummed another word thanks while pressing his lips to the rim of the cup and tilting it back.

"Ka..mui?" There was again a familiar soft tug at his sleeve. Subaru blinked.

"Don't _you_ need something to eat something?" Kamui, violet eyes swirling with concern.

Subaru felt his heart melt at the sincerity in the soft-spoken question. He shook his head. "I'll be just fine, just let me take care of you..."

The young male made a sound akin to a huff. Eyebrows furrowed while lips pressed together in a pout, and was he actually glaring at him?

"Alright…" Subaru plopped down on one of the chairs. He grasped for the fruit and took an exaggerated bite of the apple. His hand made a waving gesture towards Kamui. " _So...now are you happy_?" He asked, tone cautiously light and soft. The light glowing in his eyes and soft smile aimed to assure he wasn't mad in the least.

Kamui would not even dignify that with a response, but his pout did turn to a smile. His lips curled up, letting a very short and quiet laugh escape. The boy rolled his eyes with a bit of fondness. "...a bit…" he murmured under his breath.

 _Cute..._ The older man has to suppress a flush, chest melting at every expression the boy would make. Gathering himself, Subaru met that notion with a tender gaze in the boy's direction.

A softer laugh escaped soft pink lips.

The gentle airy movement left the older male weak. Cheeks were aching from smiling so often in the boy's presence. Tender eyes followed the movement of the other's lips as he pressed them to glass, and tilted it back to drink. Those same glistening orbs lingered, watching the way Kamui leaned back into the seat. His shoulders lowered, relaxing considerably. Soft violet eyes were still overcome with a mix of emotions glossing over them.

The older male's pupils dilated considerably. Dual-toned eyes locked in on the stray strands of raven-black hair falling in front of the younger male's face. Kamui's admirer felt a fluttering feeling seeing the small nose twitching as a long strand of hair fell over it. He had gingerly shaken his head to clear the obstruction. Subaru's hand lingered in the air between them, longing to brush the remaining strand of hair away.

_So cute..._

"Subaru?" The boy called, leaning forward till their faces were millimeters apart. "Are you alright?"

Tentative, shaking hands reached for Subaru. Said male, had naturally taken the boy's hand and nodded. He released a near-silent, and lengthy breath to compose himself.

"I-I'm alright…"

 _Shit._ He was in way too deep now.

Amicable silence followed as the man finished eating a few pieces of fruit. Subaru refilled Kamui's glass once more.

When finished, Subaru spoke out and glanced towards a closed door in the back. "I _might_ go take a shower...would you?"

Kamui winced at the words, clutching at the reddened uniform. "I...not yet." Eyes turned down, with quivering lips; the boy bit roughly down on them.

 _Oh..._ Subaru mentally berated himself. He saw the blood-stained shirt and sighed. Of course, he would show reluctance. One of the few remains left from the man he loved so dearly.

A sense of deja vu fell over them. Memories surfaced of the painful battle upon the Rainbow Bridge.

_Kamui had saved the older man against his will._

_His hands grasped both arms of the chair where Subaru sat._

_"You're still wearing the same clothes."_

_The older male clutched a bloodied coat. "I prefer to keep them on."_

_The boy leaned over, meeting the older male at eye level._

_"Because They're stained with his blood?"_

A shiver rushed through the onmyouji. Drifting eyes gaze back, focused on the present moment as he felt a concerned gaze boring into him.

"Sorry...I-" he paused to rephrase. "Will you be alright while I shower?" Even with wounds healed the scent of battle and stains on Kamui's shirt matched his own.

"I'll be fine…"

Subaru felt the need to protest. But the boy continued, urging the older male. "I'll be irritated with you if you don't, Subaru. "

An eyebrow arched up, only to meet an unfaltering stare. The older male surrendered. A bittersweet chuckle escaping at Kamui's "threat".

"Alright, I'll be quick."

"You don't have to…"

But the boy knew it had already been decided.

"You can always come in or call for me if anything happens alright?"

Soft fingers lingered over the boy's cheeks. He nodded, taking a seat on the soft cushion sofa.

Subaru seemed satisfied watching the tenseness drain as shoulders relaxed and fell. "You're free to rest In the bedroom if you'd like...or go anywhere. It _is_ your home. "

Kamui smiled a bit shyly before he shook his head. "I'm fine here…" he gestured to the back of the sofa. He wasn't about to mention his apprehension being _farther away_ from the only one keeping him grounded.

"Alright...I will be out soon, " Subaru promised, entirely sincere as he walked towards the bathroom door and disappeared behind it. Well, not before gazing longingly towards his new housemate...

Kamui leaned his head back against the edge of the couch. The boy closed his eyes, choosing to focus on the sound of the rushing water when his mind wandered back to the gruesome battle last night.

His heart hadn't stopped aching for Fuuma...but his eyes were painfully dry, giving him this moment of reprieve before an inevitable storm of emotions would be brewing again.

Kamui willed his mind to calm. Breath easing while thinking back to the playful atmosphere earlier at the dining table.

Subaru had continued to take exaggerated bites of food, before glancing back to his housemate. He'd repeatedly assure Kamui eating and taking care of himself.

 _I had never seen that side of him before…_ Kamui pondered, playing with his hands in his lap. As promised the sound of running water halted. Soon after came the sound of clothes shuffling. It couldn't have been more than 5 minutes when the doorknob turned.

Kamui jerked his neck back on impulse. Violet-blue eyes relaxed at the sight of his protector.

The male hurriedly dried his hair off with the towel around his neck, while walking down the short hallway leading to the living room.

"Is everything still alright?" Subaru returned to the boy's side dressed in casual dark green loungewear.

"Mhmm…" Kamui looked up tiredly. His dry reddened eyes were slowly blinking... "I'd-"

Subaru nodded, gently sliding a hand to brush over the boy's cheek.

"I think I'd like to sleep now…" Kamui had averted looking the man in the eyes as he spoke. His hands moved around nervously in his lap.

"Of course."

The two drained males walked up the stairs towards another closed door. The simplistic room was revealed behind it with calming blue walls and a snow-white comforter over the large bed.

Subaru allowed the younger male to slip into bed first, giving him whatever time was needed for him to snuggle under the blankets and find his preferred side and sleep position. Kamui shifted and turned before resting on his side. He had slid all the way over to the opposite side of the bed where he entered. Subaru looked over him fondly.

Apparently, he had been lingering far too long.

"You're not...going to another room...right?" Kamui's voice was barely a whisper and turned back with anxious eyes.

"No, no... _of course, not…"_ Subaru knelt on the bed and shifted to sit before the boy. A hand tenderly clasped onto Kamui's shoulder. "I'm not going anywhere," he assured.

Something sparked within the boy, as those glimmering eyes came closer. Kamui rose to his knees. Kneeling and meeting at face level the boy turned away a bit shyly, for nodding to himself.

"Kam-?"

Subaru gasped as the sudden warmth enveloped him. Slender arms looped around the older man's shoulders. He melted into the tender hug, returning it gently. A face buried itself into his shoulder, and he could feel the boy's dampened eyes staining his shirt once more.

"Thank you," Kamui expressed breathily against the bit of exposed skin between the older male's neck and shoulder. " _Subaru...:"_

The older male flustered, face reddening wildly. He had suppressed the shiver at the motion, and tightened his hold, taking a steady breath to calm his racing heart.

Unfortunately, it ended as quickly as it began. Kamui had soon pulled away. Violet-blue eyes were averting that of his flushed protector. He swiftly went back and turned to lay back on his side. Kamui grasped the edge of the comforter and pulled it up over his head.

Subaru visibly brightened at the rather shy retreat. He quietly moved closer to the boy, wrapping his arms lightly. Kamui gasped at the slow pull, feeling his back overcome with a comforting warmth.

"Su-Subaru?"

"Is this alright?" Arms loosened their hold, allowing the boy an out if desired. Subaru bit inside his cheek. Acting on impulse like that...honestly what was wrong with him?

"Mm-hmm…" He nodded, turning around in the hold to face the older man. Kamui's head rested against a warm chest. Fingers played with the fabric of Subaru's shirt. Kamui's slender arm looped over the waist of his source of warmth, keeping him in place.

"Subaru?" His violet eyes glanced up to meet a tender gaze before shifting anxiously.

"Yes?" A pang resonated in the other, seeing the young boy's lips curl down.

"Yo-you'll still be here when I wake up?" Kamui flushed, voice hardly audible as he leaned back down to bury his face into a warm chest. "You can wake me up whenever you do...I just don't want to be…"

_Alone..._

"Kamui, I'll be here…" Subaru promised, embracing the boy as their bodies flushed together, chest to chest. He pressed a soothing kiss upon the top of the boy's head. "I'll keep holding you until you're ready to wake up."

" _Subaru…_ " Dual-toned eyes glanced down to see lips slightly parted letting out puffs of air. Eyelids shielded the emotional violet eyes beneath. The hand tangling in his shirt clutched at him a bit tighter. Subaru's gaze lingered over the sleeping form, hugging him tightly.

"Goodnight, Kamui."

_End_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Endnotes:
> 
> This was a rollercoaster to write but felt worth it. I'm building up the Subaru/Kamui somewhat slowly, although I can't help but to write the romantic tension between them.
> 
> The X Universe for this story is pretty mixed. Alternating from my super gay fanon, anime canon, and manga canon scenes (mostly anime for this chapter). I debated in my head whether to write in Subaru as having to receive Seishirou's eye (vs the anime where he still is sightless in one). But being his final wish it seems crucial to add-even if it doesn't line up with the anime timeline scenes- with Subaru lost in his consciousness till the end battle. I struggled to decide which version's character deaths to apply so I went mostly by manga. But I figured, sadly enough, no matter the version of X .Sorata's character is very much shown through his dedication to die protecting the woman he loves so much. So we have 6 remaining dragons of heaven...or 5 considering Subaru is a bit of a wild card.
> 
> The title comes from the flower symbolism of ambrosia meaning "your love is reciprocated". This chapter is probably gonna be the saddest, and get lighter from there. I originally planned a one-shot but here we are.
> 
> Leave those comments, kudos etc... to make up for my nonexistent social life


	2. Camelia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A soft morning after. More fluff and angst. The former Dragons of Heaven discuss their futures with the world no longer in peril. These boys just deserve a little happiness.

**Ambrosia**

_Chapter 2-Camelia_

Camelias or more so Pink Camelias have the meaning of "longing." Lots of Subaru pining and the two enjoying being close to one another. Kamui's heart is healing, but there is always a natural comfort he and Subaru feel around each other.

* * *

 _Morning_.

Sunlight crept its way through the slits in the blinds. Subaru had been the first to arise, eyes bleary and blinking awake. He was softly groaning as he noticed the bright red numbers on the alarm clock. Still way too early for this. Sleep filled eyes glanced down. His heart fluttered.

 _"Kamui…"_ His voice was barely a whisper. Arms that had loosened during sleep we're fully embracing and indulging in the warmth. A mop of messy raven hair was pressed against the older male's chest. Soft orbs of violet-blue we're hidden away by closed eyelids.

Kamui nuzzled his face against the older male's chest, causing his breath to hitch. Heart accelerating. Long eyelashes fluttered slightly. The boy's nose wrinkled and twitched. Half opened eyes glaring the sun away before closing shut.

A soft hand was clutching at Subaru's chest. The younger boy continued to bury his face into the warmth. A forehead pressed more snuggly against Subaru's chest. The older male could just feel soft, velvety skin pressing and cuddling closer. The touch warming even through his clothes.

Kamui let out a huff at the sliver of sunlight from the morning rays. Lips pouted cutely. The hand not flushed against Subaru's chest, reached several times before succeeding in clasping the warm blanket. The boy pulled the comforter up higher. Subaru felt the boy's temples pressing further into him.

Kamui had taken to using Subaru as his personal shield from the morning ray. The latter couldn't deny he was quite enjoying it. The foolish smile on the man's face screamed nothing short of love-sickness.

Subaru let out a breathy laugh. Fully giving in to the temptation to brush his hands through the messy locks of black-blue hair. Silently, he thanked whatever God, spirit, or angel allowed Kamui (and consequently himself) to finally sleep peacefully.

_Cries of "Fuuma" followed by mumbled words of broken love bled into the night. The older man held the boy tight in his arms, noticing the boy shaking wildly._

_"Shhh... it's alright Kamui, " Subaru hushed, gently pulling the boy close. Kamui's back pressed flush against the older man's back._

_"F-fuuma...I…" Sniffled followed breaking up the pained words. "I need you...please! Please! Fuuma!" Kamui screamed till his voice started cracking. Subaru stayed silent, knowing fully well how rough forcibly awakening one from a nightmare could be. A hand trailed up from Kamui's stomach, brushing against the boy's chest and over his heart._

_Subaru gently held his lips to the boy's shoulder. The hand settled, carding through the boy's hair. Gently caressing and rushing the boy until his screams settled or at least his hoarse voice could no longer keep up with the broken heart's demands._

_That had repeated nearly every 20 minutes. Some nightmares lasted longer than others. Subaru was at war with himself whether or not to just wake the boy and take whatever consequences followed. Kamui was fully convulsing against the sheets, back arching painfully hard._

_The older man settled for rolling the boy to his side, facing him. Subaru embraced the boy tightly. He leaned down and whispered a few soft words of affection into the boy's ear._

_Soothing hands brushed and caressed Kamui's back. Moving up from his upper to lower back with a pattern of soft circles. Subaru quietly chanted a calming spell. He sighed finally feeling the boy ease from his shaking._

_"I...love you…" Subaru could try to block out the last part, to hear what he wanted. He knew the words were coming. "Fuuma." Yet, they didn't sting any less._

* * *

"Mnn," the boy groaned. Violet-blue eyes fluttered open to awareness. Small and sleek fingers grasped blindly in front of them. Eyes widened open before settling as they clasped tightly at the wrinkled clothing. One which he seemed to have all too comfortably nestled against.

A gentle, endearing smile fell over Kamui's face. He watched his _protector's_ gentle breaths of air puff through soft pale lips. He noticed Subaru's arms holding to him so snuggly, even while he slept. The older male's chin rested upon his head. There was something _so_ comforting about being wrapped up within the larger body.

Kamui had easily pulled the blanket up over part of his face, hiding away. He had given….well...he wasn't going down that rabbit hole. But enough to bring the world to its current state of peace. Anything else the world could wait for.

How long had it been since he let himself be within another's arms like this?

Images of the all too raw reality resurfaced in his mind. The boy shivered, tangling his hands into the soft silky fabric of his new housemate's shirt. Soft warm puffs of air fluttered over the younger male's hair.

With each painful and gruesome image resurfacing...Kamui tightened his hand against the fabric, already thinking of apologies that would follow for stretching or tearing the clothing. His grip twisted tighter and stronger against his sleeping companion.

Kamui's eyes were forced shut, and he leaned in close, hearing the gentle-hearted symphony pounding against his ears. Like this, the rising and falling movements of Subaru's chest seemed to move Kamui's nuzzled head along with it. The gentle rocking of their cuddled bodies helped to soothe those unnerving thoughts, ones that kept him up for hours last night, at ease.

 _"Thank you…"_ Kamui professed too softly to expect a response. He gasped feeling arms tightening and bringing Kamui every bit as flushed to the older male as they had been at the start of their night. The shivering feeling soothed upon seeing closed eyes, parted lips, and a rising chest. Before falling once more.

Vulnerability all too easily set in. Kamui breathed deeply, greatly accepting the comfort and affection of the man who shared a quite similar type of pain. Well, perhaps as close as one individual's pain could be to another.

The younger male leaned in close. Fully accepting his own neediness, for this moment at least. He nuzzled his face against the man's chest. His ears listened closely to the soothing heartbeat once again and his own beating chest seemed to move in sync.

Kamui kept close like that for several blissful minutes. The arms and warmth surrounding him gave him the feeling of being something beyond what his destiny made him out to be. As he was precious for being _Kamui,_ and not just _Thee Kamui._

Kamui felt the body around him shifting. The figure he snuggled against was stirring. Arms loosened only slightly, but Kamui hadn't allowed the distance, huddling to close any made distance. He buried his face into the Subaru's chest, hiding his vulnerable expression. A sudden feeling of shyness overcame Kamui.

 _"Kamui…"_ A husky voice breathed into the boy's form against him shivered before cuddling deeper into the other.

" _I'm so glad you were able to get some sleep…"_ Kamui heard. The tone was so very kind. The warm breath escaping from Subaru's lips blew over the younger male's cheeks. It seemed to caress his very ears with a warm puff of air.

Kamui missed the adoring smile his protector and housemate gave him. Subaru leaned down getting a better look at the boy. And _God_.

There had to be a _warning_ that came for an image like _that_. Kamui's face was buried between _his_ neck and shoulder. His cheek nuzzling into the warmth. The younger boy's lithe form was closely cuddled against _his_ chest. Intimately close. Soft bubblegum pink lips parted slowly with soft soothing breaths. Cheeks were dusted beautifully pink. Those beautiful sleek fingers, ones that could easily have been mistaken for a pianist, were curled into his nightshirt.

Long eyelashes fluttered open languidly. Beautiful, shimmering violet-blue eyes looked up a bit shyly.

" _Good Morning, Subaru_." Kamui's soft sleep ridden voice greeted him. The boy smiled softly. A gentle curve of his lips shining under the rays of sunlight escaping into _their_ room...

The older man swallowed _hard._

Subaru Sumeragi had never once in his life had a clear image of what he _wanted_ his _future_ to be like. Not a future where he could fathom happiness. Not until this very moment.

Things had always been day by day. Wishes had fluctuated throughout the years. Wishes to save others. Wishes to understand and take people's pain. Wishes for a career he denied in favor of his current obligations. Wishes to not be hated by his precious person. A wish to die by the hands of his beloved...Yet, those came with a painful feeling stabbing deep into his heart. One's that drained him the longer he yearned for them.

This new wish or perhaps dream...was entirely _warm_. Whole. Serene. One he would wait, years, decades, or even a full _lifetime_ to make into his new reality.

"Subaru?"

The flustered man opened his mouth to form some kind of response. Before closing his lips tight. Subaru had forgotten how to speak. Soft, endearing violet eyes widened and quivered with worry. The older male nervously shifted and opted to nod. He could feel the fire threatening to burn up to his features. Subaru fought down the flush the best he could.

Lips curled gently, more naturally than any smile had felt in _years._ His fingers reached down to grasp one of the smaller hands tangled in his shirt. He concentrated his thoughts on the very present moment. Dual toned eyes softened and watched as the boy moved with him naturally, their fingers lacing together.

Their hands _never failed_ to twine together so _perfectly_. Even when they both were yearning for another. It was terrifying. A sign their bodies knew beyond what their minds could not even begin to comprehend. At least in his case...

"Morning…" Subaru's voice at last allowed the words. A gentle squeeze on his hand followed.

Kamui hummed something to himself, eyes shyly casting away for a moment. Those same mysterious violet eyes glanced around the room. The younger male's nose scrunched up and eyebrows furrowed.

"ah…" Kamui paused for a moment, staring more intently at the chest he laid against than the owner's face. He opened his mouth, before quickly closing it and taking a breath.

Subaru watched the boy's antics with curiosity. A blissful smile approaching as their eyes finally locked again. "Kamui?" He prompted, lifting a hand up before threading fingers through sleep ridden hair.

An exhale escaped. He opened his mouth once more before shaking his head. "Wh-what time is it?" He settled.

The older man blinked. Hands stilling, tangled up in the soft hair below. "Oh, " That was it...right. "It's still only 7:30.."

"Mnn…" Kamui licked at his lips. Subaru lifted an eyebrow and waited for more.

 _"Something wrong?"_ Would only feel so redundant here. When they both knew what broke the boy to this point.

Subaru remained silent, hands returning to caress and smooth down messy locks of shimmery black hair. Light eyelids covered an emotional display. "That's good then...When are we going to meet them…?"

Subaru couldn't blame the boy for forgetting their previous conversation. If anything, a warmth fled to his core. To be of help, even if it was only for menial tasks...felt refreshing.

"Not until 10." He supplied, a bit selfishly relishing in the way Kamui buried himself against his body again. Even if their hearts we're not in alignment just yet, the notion didn't fail to send a spark through his chest. Revitalizing the once numbed heart in a way Kamui did so effortlessly.

"We have time to rest a bit longer…" He whispered, an arm loosely slung over the boy's side brought him closer. Their hands had unlocked at the movement, for just a moment.

Kamui shuffled closer at the action. The smaller male grasped and held tightly to the hand now resting on his waist. "Thank you…" He paused, biting inside his cheek. "I don't think I can fall back asleep though…"

"Mnn.." Subaru acknowledged the boy. His mind became easily lost in the feeling of their joint hands. Kamu was absently playing with his long fingers before locking them in place. Lacing them neatly. The younger boy's thumb traced soft circles over the top of Subaru's hand. "But I...think I'd like to stay here a bit longer.."

Subaru squeezed his hands tightly. "Of course…" His head bent down slightly, nose nuzzling against the younger boy's hair where his hand had rested.

Kamui's hand that was not linked with his dear _protector,_ clutched tightly against the fabric before him. Trembling hands moved around hesitantly, brushing up and over the sleeve of the older man's shirt before settling on a strong shoulder blade.

Subaru pressed his lips softly to the crown of the boy's head. Kamui kept close, soft ascending hums and controlled breaths being the signs the boy stayed awake in his arms.

* * *

The currently clumsy older male had busied himself within their kitchen. A bit at odds with himself. The cabinets, fridge, and entire room honestly felt barer than he remembered. How had he lived like this for so long? Perhaps, prior to realizing his _precious someone to protect,_ he hadn't truly lived. Just a mere existence.

The raven-haired spiritualist, chalked up a mental note to go shopping later on. If nothing else than for Kamui to feel better. Though if last night was an indication of anything, he doubted the young savior would allow him to forsake his own health.

Soft pale lips quirked up. Subaru found himself torn between feeling embarrassed and enamored. He _felt_ soft, violet eyes following him with every step he made.

Honestly, if it has been anyone but Kamui he would have been unnerved. Having trained since being a child to be wary of those watching him. To keep his distance but keep track of the vengeful spirits and humans alike who would target the Sumeragi clan.

Yet, it was _Kamui._ So it seemed all his cautions and lessons he had learned went right out the window.

 _And God, he_ just wanted to melt meeting the vulnerable yet sweet gaze of his beloved. An urge to tuck back stray strands of hair behind Kamui's ear was becoming a bit too much.

Subaru nervously coughed into his hand. His heart was racing as he felt those same eyes boring into him even harder.

Feet shuffled a bit anxiously through their steps. The sound of steaming water dripping into the coffee pot managed to occupy his mind. "Do you drink coffee?" The older man asked, biting inside his cheek, feeling a bit bad for not knowing the boy's preferences. He knew the boy was not a child, in his late teens so it was likely but…

"Ah, yeah. Please…" Kamui replied, not minding or at least not mentioning the way his housemate's voice raised an octave higher as he spoke to him.

"Of course," Subaru added, looking up through the pantry. Way up on the top shelf, he noticed the pair of coffee mugs. Each adorned with a heart. One displayed a silver heart in the layer with a gold backing, and the other an inverse of the color pattern.

One of the many gifts Hokuto brought for his old apartment… Knowing just _who_ they were _both_ intended for curved his lips south. He could at least admire the thought from his incredibly kind older sister. Not being the same flustered shy teen, he could see _some appeal in_ the matching idea. Perhaps...one day he could bring himself to box up those mugs, as he did most of his treasured possessions from his sister.

Maybe he'd even buy a new pair, make new memories if the opportunity ever arose. Pink dusted over his cheeks. He shook his head lightly, taking notice of the way his bangs splayed longer against his cheek. His forefinger and thumb subconsciously grabbed a long strand of hair. There was something familiar. A look a bit reminiscent of his younger self.

Subaru breathed a sigh, lost in his mind. He'd complete the task at hand. Before worrying his companion. He supposed, looking up a few simple recipes for the future would be a good start. He found his gaze lingering off into the distance. Images of the countless nights resurfaced. Those of Hokuto and Seishirou coming over with arms full of groceries, coming over to help prepare a meal for him. Truthfully, he doubts he would have remembered to eat without that.

Now, though...things have drastically changed and perhaps a change of his own could help.

There was a hope he would stay with it, no longer caring for just himself.

Soft and bittersweet memories, flooded through the older man's head. He absently found himself lifting up the handle of the metal bread box. A few slices of bread were placed into a toaster.

Mind in the clouds, it was no surprise he missed the footsteps approaching him. The way worried eyes came closer and closer.

"Subaru?" Kamui bolted the older man from his thoughts. He cursed inwardly, realizing just how exposed he left himself with Kamui. Those violet eyes were gleaming. Black eyebrows lowered with worry. "Are you alright?"

Subaru noticed his hand reaching forward, lingering, and hovering at the space between them. Just what was he planning to do? He pulled his hand back to retract it before feeling a familiar hand grasp onto him. "I've been calling for you," Kamui professed, eyes lowering before holding Subaru's orbs captive. "I was worried."

The young male might as well have shot an arrow right through Subaru's heart. _Everything_ was shivering. Subaru found his lips parting, again wordless.

The object of his affections was way too close. Well, _not_ _close enough_ , if he went by his emotions over logic. But keeping the boy's vulnerable state in, he quieted his mind. Shyly, averting his eyes and closing them. Like the two of them hadn't spent the whole evening and early morning cuddled up in each other's arms. "I'm fine...just a bit lost in thought."

"I see," Kamui replied, not pressing further. He glanced around the kitchen curiously.

"Ah, sorry…"

"Why?" Kamui pursed his lips tightly together. The worry never ceased to fade from those soft violet-blue eyes.

"Cooking isn't exactly my forte," he blushed, again shifting his gaze towards the sound of a _ding._ Springs popping up from the toaster. "So, it'll be a bit...simplistic."

Kamui shook his head and settled for a soft affectionate smile. "I don't mind." His lips rubbed together in a motion that kept his admirer entranced. "I can help you if you'd like...I learned a few things when we all were first transferred here."

Kamui willingly omitted the words of his late friend Sorata being their instructor...and of course, being told he would make "a great wife" one day.

Subaru beamed at that. The image of the world's savior partaking in something so ordinary and domestic brought out a fluttering feeling. Squeezing the boy's hand tightly, he answered. "I appreciate that, but let me take care of this, for now, you can rest and relax…"

"I don't want you taking on too much. Kamui's lips quirked at the words. "You know I won't fully relax until you're back…" Kamui assured, knowing quite well how Subaru would push himself to the brink before. His heart so kind and full of love, he'd easily care for another's sake before his own.

Not that the boy realized how that _level_ of _kindness was now reserved_ _exclusively_ for him.

Subaru placed his hands and clasped them on the boy's shoulders. He didn't trust his heart to not betray him and pursed his lips tightly. Kamui let the older male turn him around and guide him to the adjacent dining room.

"Well, I'll wait for you then," Kamui told him sweetly. Violet-blue orbs sparkled. Those soft doe eyes were gazing up at him. A hand reached out to brush against the older man's cheek before retreating.

 _Dear god_. _Was Kamui trying to kill him?_

"I know you didn't get much rest _last night_ because of me…" Kamui bit down on his lip.

Subaru felt his brain stutter. _Yes, yes he absolutely was. Unconsciously or not._

The older male willfully turned on his heel. Hands unconsciously reached towards his side for a cigarette to soothe his nerves. Hands came out empty, and the thought was quickly squashed down, knowing he'd only worry his house-mate further going outside now.

Escaping that same gaze became a higher priority. If he wanted to refrain from making an utter mess of himself. Subaru walked further into the kitchen, walking towards the far end of the room, hidden by the adjoining room's wall. He let his head tilt back against the wall. Kamui wouldn't be able to watch him here. The spiritualist took several deep, mindful breathes, soothing his being until it settled. His stomach muscles, finally, ceasing from performing somersaults.

Subaru exhaled softly one more time before bringing himself back into the boy's line of sight.

Easing his pounding heart was another matter...one that would take far longer.

Thankfully, Subaru still had the breakfast at hand and not screwing it up after turning down Kamui's offer.

Subaru sighed, seeing as Kamui politely took the plate in his _protector's hands._ He nodded his thanks, eyes scanning over the golden brown toast, orange, and slightly charred eggs. "Thank you, _Subaru."_ He told him sincerely.

Subaru buried his flustered face behind the coffee mug. It hadn't helped that he completely lost focus hearing soft footsteps and a gentle voice speaking out in sole concern. Especially, at the light scent of something burning.

Still, though Kamui only thanked him, assuring him not to remake anything. Not even once had Kamui voiced a complaint. "I honestly, can't thank you enough…"

Subaru lowered the coffee mug on the table. His linger fingers loomed over and rested atop of Kamui's hand. "I should be thanking you…" He responded tenderly.

"Still, you wouldn't have had that _scar_ if I hadn't taken my wish to heart earlier…" Kamui admitted, hand sadly retracting from the hold. Downcast purple eyes missed the crestfallen look on the other's face.

Subaru breathed out slowly. He stood up rather abruptly, palms landing firmly on the oak table beneath.

Moving swiftly over, the older man managed to return the favor. Catchings Kamui by surprise. Strong arms wrapped around the younger male's shoulders.

Subaru relished in the sound of the boy gasping as he was made to lean back in his chair and towards the warm body behind him.

"Subaru?"

"You've saved me Kamui, in more ways than I can say…"

"What do you mean?"

"It's hard to explain…"

Kamui titled his head back and up, looking at the protective man. "But you will tell me?"

Subaru paused, biting down on his lips before deciding. Arms tightened around Kamui's shoulders, slowly lowering the chair back bringing the boy back to gravity. "I will...someday."

* * *

"We still have an hour before meeting up with the others, right?" Kamui asked. He turned towards his housemate, eyes lingered over the way those long nimble fingers buttoned up his black dress shirt.

The younger boy turned his gaze away. Eyes downcast to the floor.

"Yeah, a little over that...why?" Subaru looked back at Kamui. Lips curved into a frown. The younger boy hadn't looked up at the sound of footsteps or even the feel of the larger hand brushing over his own.

"Kamui?" Subaru's breath ghosting over his cheeks caused him to bolt. Vulnerable blue eyes gazed into the soft emerald and gold eyes.

"Y-yes?..." Kamui's mind caught up to him before Subaru could part his lips. "Ah- I was thinking it might be good to take a bath beforehand _...since…"_

The boy didn't finish the thought, both knowing painfully well what would follow. Kamui flushed at the closeness. Subaru leaned down and _closer_ to his face barely catching the hushed whisper at the end.

Emerald and gold eyes shifted and lowered. He caught a pang of sadness as Kamui bit down on his lips. Those petite, slender hands we're nervously fidgeting with the top buttons on his school uniform.

"A-are you sure…?" Subaru asked with hesitance.

A nod and a squeeze of his hand followed. "I'm sure...I don't think I'll quite be ready to wash these though…" Kamui explained, gazed fixed over the dark round buttons he began unclasping.

"You don't have to…" Subaru assured. His hand clasped over Kamui's before trailing up to his shoulder. "There's a lot of meaning that comes with them and _everything_...that happened." Subaru's voice grew quiet. He willed himself to stop, not mentioning the final battle or the name of his crush's beloved.

Kamui nodded at that. "You-you were there…and I can't say I'm thankful enough."

"I don't think I could have turned away from you even if I wanted to…." Subaru's mind had a way of blurting out the words.

Both sets of jewel-like eyes raised at the admission. The two males turned away from each other a bit flushed.

"I-I still am thankful, " Kamui stated, gaze slowly lingering back to the older man's face.

Subaru met the gaze lingering over him. He raised both of his hands up and slid them across Kamui's cheeks.

"Back there I-" he hesitated before gazing deep into his beloved's eyes. "I wanted nothing more than to be right at your side…" He confessed. A fluttering feeling overwhelmed him as he felt the _heat_ from pink cheeks within the palms of his hands.

"I'm so glad you were there, Subaru…" Kamui smiled one of his most gentle and serene smiles. His facial expression was glowing, lips were barely curved up. There was something so private about it all.

Subaru swallowed. The two of them far too helpless not to look into the other's eyes as whatever _this was,_ took them over.

Thankfully, Subaru stopped himself from leaning down further. And _dear_ _God._ He could feel that gentle, warm breath from Kamui's parted lips.

Subaru jerked his head back and turned a bit to the side. The eyes burning into him were going to be the very end of him. He knew it. The older male exhaled, finally breaking the silence. "I'll draw your bath then…"

Kamui nodded. Footsteps followed closely after the older male. "Subaru?"

Said male was helpless to do anything but look back. His dual-toned eyes lingered more than necessary.

"Yes, Kamui?"

A sudden warmth overwhelmed him as slender arms looped themselves around his neck. Kamui pressed close to him. His eyes closed and he buried his face in his _protector's_ shoulder. "Thank you…"

"Kamui…" He managed to breathe out. Not trusting his words, he hugged the boy close to him. Parting only to take _his beloved_ Kamui's hand in his own and guide him down the hall and towards the bathroom.

The older male turned the knob on the door and revealed the spacious room. Flipping on the light switch, it revealed the shower stall and large acrylic soaking tub. Several stools were off to the side alongside lower sinks. A tall marble sink was off to the side. Close to the initial entrance was a door to an adjacent room which Kamui assumed to be their cloakroom for changing and laundry.

Subaru smiled softly over the lingering gaze of those soft violet eyes widening in awe.

"Ah-sorry it's just a bit different than what I had back in Okinawa. It's really beautiful, well your whole house is…" Kamui turned his face away mid rambling.

" _Our house,"_ Subaru _tenderly reminded the_ boy.

Kamui shivered a bit at the words and sudden close contact. Yet, he found he didn't really mind it. The younger male turned towards Subaru. He glanced shyly up to the incredibly tender expression.

"I-it might take some time to get used to that…" he softly admitted.

"That's perfectly fine, " Subaru spoke with gentle sincerity. Kamui nodded.

Their eyes met again. Their lingering gazes became painfully dangerous for both males to fall into for too long.

"Well then..I-I…" Kamui inwardly cursed his own stuttering. This kind of warm affection was taking a lot to process. He cleared his throat. "I-I should probably get started so we aren't late."

Subaru hummed in agreement. "I'll go finish cleaning the dishes...call me if you need _anything."_

Kamui nodded, pursing his lips tightly together. He watched the older male turn on his heel and reach for the doorknob. At the sound of the closed bathroom door, Kamui took a few calming breaths.

He hurriedly turned towards the cloakroom. Which of course, was as elegant and spacious as the rest of the bathroom. Kamui exhaled softly, concentrating on the feeling of his breath over his lips.

Carefully he brushed his fingers over the buttons on his shirt. A wave of melancholy overcame his features. _"Fuuma…"_ Kamui painfully recalled the events from two days ago, vividly. A hand reached forward, unconsciously brushing over his lips. _His_ touch still lingering.

" _Wh-why did it have to end like this…?"_ Kamui let the storm run wild. Tears were spilling out and blurring his vision. His hand reluctantly returned back to his stained uniform. Kamui carefully held the buttons between his thumb and forefinger, whilst his other hand gingerly held the other end of his uniform.

Several top buttons were undone, stained with warm drops of water, pouring down from Kamui's eyes. _Fuuma…_

His soft smile and gentle embraces came to mind.

_Fuuma…_

Alongside the harsh pain of being thrown and pressed up against a flat surface with wicked hands trailing over his body and squeezing at his neck.

_Fuuma…_

Finally, those last few moments. Feeling their very first kiss against his lips. The warm stirring feeling of _his Fuuma's_ voice calling out to him. Those lips he longed for were dripping words of love.

Knees gave in weakly and Kamui fell to his knees. A loud thump emitted.

He swallowed harshly, sniffling as his hands hurried before he decided to gently finish unbuttoning. slide off the fabric holding the last remnants of _his_ Fuuma.

A waterfall of emotions we're flooding across his features. A tear at his chest formed as he felt the long black sleeves sliding off his body. He carefully folded his shirt as though it were something sacred.

He shakily managed to raise himself and sit upon the lavish, cushioned bench at the side of the room. Hands moved quickly before regret settled in as he managed to sit up and slide off the dirtied black fabric.

Kamui breathed a few labored breaths before pulling his knees close to his chest.

From the other end of the home, Subaru halted at the harsh thud sounding from where Kamui had been. His mind fought a quick battle on whether he should give the boy his time and space, before worry over him being hurt set in.

Long toned legs rushed forward and down the halls. "Kamui?"

The gentle voice reverberated through the young boy's mind. "Su-" He had started. The delay must have been deafening as soon enough the doorknob was twisting. "Baru…"

" _Kamui…"_ he called out to him. Dual toned eyes shivered at the sight of his precious person balled up on the bench. Teary purple-blue eyes were shaking, and a bitten lip quivered.

" _Kamui…"_ Subaru rushed over and sat right up against his distraught beloved. The younger boy hadn't pulled away. He only looked up bleary at the protective man. _His protector._

Arms encircled and closed around Kamui tightly. His nearly bare body was pressed close into a warm chest. "Shhh…" Subaru gently brought their bodies closer and Kamui uncurled from himself.

" _Kamui…." My beloved. "Kamui,_ I'm here now for anything...however you're feeling. So please, you don't need to hide when you're in pain like this _."_

Kamui's eyes flooded over and reddened. His hands clutched at the man's chest, burying his hands and his face snuggly against the protective warmth.

Subaru brought them flushed together. Gently, soaking in every tear, cry, and breath of _Fuuma,_ Kamui needed to get out of his system.

He stayed close and held Kamui until the storm stopped and some minutes after.

"Subaru?"

"Hmm, " he nuzzled his face against the boy's unruly raven locks. Breathing him in.

"I think I'll be alright now…." Kamui started, with a part of him wanting to laugh at the eyes lowering and pursuing in disbelief. A small broken up laugh did escape his lips at the feeling of the older male stubbornly hugging him tight. Huffing when Kamui pulled away just a few millimeters.

"I'm serious. I'll be alright to take a bath...and I _will_ call for you if things get bad again…" He promised. Soft hands were brushing over the male's cheeks, lingering to softly caress the pale skin.

The older male seemed to accept the answer. His hands lingered over the smaller ones. Dual-toned eyes cast down and Subaru's eyebrows furrowed. He looked up, fully facing Kamui before coming to his decision. "Alright…" he breathed out softly, capturing Kamui's lingering gaze, and taking Kamui's hands fully into his own.

He languidly took one of Kamui's hands and brought them up to his lips, silently vowing his all to the boy before him.

The younger boy gasped at the gentle movements. Subaru's lips kissed firmly over his hand. By the time he could process Subaru repeated the gentle lingering touch and kiss with his other hand.

"I'll go start your bath…" Subaru insisted, hugging the boy tightly before closing the door and giving him his privacy in the changing room.

Kamui blushed. He breathed out softly, removing the remaining underwear on his body and placing it in the wash. He quickly reached out for a towel and tied it around his waist exiting the room to face his protector.

The younger boy thanked the older man squeezing his hand. They stayed in soft silence.

With reluctance and several more intimate touches of the younger boy's hands and face, Subaru nodded and gave the boy his privacy.

* * *

Apparent. Oh, had it become so very apparent now. Kamui didn't have a change of clothes. He did whisk the younger boy over here without thinking of details. They would have to go back to Kamui's old dorm on campus and retrieve his things.

For now, though two options surfaced. Kamui would either have to go back to wearing those same bloodied clothes that would sting at his core….or Subaru would have to lend him some of his own clothes, at least until they arrived on campus.

The spiritualist breathed out a long shaky exhale. He pressed his forehead to the wall before him, calming his racing heart.

Kamui wearing his clothes. Pink flooded Subaru's features.

 _What am 16?_ He berated himself, not that it helped his thundering heart. Dual toned eyes widened with inspiration, the flushed feeling slowly dissolving as he recalled just what he would be doing.

_That's right. I still have those…_

Subaru turned towards one of the empty guest rooms. It was stacked with boxes of his old things. Boxes that hadn't been opened in nearly a decade now.

 _It's for Kamui…_ Subaru reasons, his lips quirking up on their own.

Carefully, he opened one of the markless boxes and sorted through some of the clothing.

Clothes, his sister lovingly made for him. He assured himself she'd understand. This was a matter of the heart. Fond yet bittersweet memories resurfaced of their days together, and his own flustered expression having to don both more feminine and masculine clothes. A chuckle escaped his lips.

He took a matching pair of black silk pants and a short-sleeved top. With it, came with a light violet vest that cropped right below one's chest.

Subaru turned scarlet, imagining how the vest would go perfectly with Kamui's eyes. The dark silky fabric would fit so well with Kamui's smooth light ivory skin. Scooping up the remaining clothes, Subaru came to a decision. He walked down that same hall.

A hand knocked on the door. Unknowingly starting the boy soaking in the warm water. "Kamui?"

"Yes?" The boy brought his legs up against his chest, preserving what little coverage he could get.

"Can I come in? I have some more towels and some clothes you could wear if you wanted to."

Kamui blinked at the admission. "You can come in…" he voiced softly.

Subaru let out a breath of relief. He turned the knob and placed the folded clothes on the counter of the changing room. "I'll place them here. They're some clothes I had from when I was a teenager...I think they might fit you well or at least better than my current ones." Indulgent images of a Kamui draped in one of his longer shirts came to mind. He shook his head fervently.

"Thank you, " Kamui expressed, eyes lingering on the steam surrounding the tub.

"Ah it's n-no problem, Kamui, " Subaru stumbled, flushing red before closing the door behind him. Kamui simply hummed an acknowledgment before closing the door.

Kamui bit back the grin on his face. _That was really cute_ …

Realization dawned on him. Soon, he came to realize he'd be wearing his gentle protector's clothes. Clothes with so much meaning. Cheeks flushed a bit. He pressed his lips closed.

Knowing how dear his sister was to him...to have to dig out something from his past. _It must have been painful._ He made a mental note to continue to thank Subaru for doing that when he got out.

An odd exchange of painful emotions and this new warm feeling were overwhelming his senses. Kamui took a breath before burying part of his face under the water. Taking a moment to make sense of things.

* * *

Subaru knew his old clothes would fit at least relatively well. Just not _that well_. Those silky black dress pants hugged perfectly around his slender hips, and the shirt accentuated his sleek form.

And of course...the purple vest matched with his beloved's eyes exceptionally well.

"It probably looks a bit strange on me…" Kamui reddened at the lingering gaze. "But I appreciate you doing this."

Subaru caught the curious narrowed gaze. He finally answered. "Oh, No, no, no…" Subaru shook his head quickly, strands of raven-black fell over his face. "They look nice…" He coughed into his clenched fist, heart pounding at those sweet doe eyes lingering. "Really, they suit you."

"Thanks…" Kamui whispered quietly, still looking uncertain. Purple eyes were downcast, those soft and incredibly alluring eyes turned away from Subaru's.

The older man took a few steps forward. He cupped the boy's small face in his hands and guided Kamui to look back up at him. "I mean it! I..."

Kamui reflected the smile Subaru could feel burning on his lips. _I love you._ His mind was screaming.

"Thank you, _Subaru, "_ Kamui breathed his name so tenderly. Subaru's breath hitched. He cleared his throat and a rather lovesick brain from straying further.

"Of course, " Subaru paused before reluctantly pulling his hand back. He startled, feeling Kamui grasp it back into place.

"Kamui…" Subaru already regretted the words that formed. "We do have to go soon…"

"I know, " Kamui said a bit sadly. Brushing his smaller hand over Subaru's. "It's just…" The boy shook his head.

Dual toned eyes widened as they lifted up.

_You're so warm._

"It's...hard getting used to things now…" Kamui opted to speak. It was the honest truth. He clasped and captured the larger hand with his own, bringing them down to hang at their sides. He watched the way Subaru's earlier smile curved south. "It helps to have you near, " he amended. Both pairs of jewel-toned eyes were widening and blinking a bit wildly. Before they fully settled and gave into each other's gaze.

Subaru grasped the boy's hand tightly in assurance. Lacing their fingers together perfectly. His last puzzle piece put into place. The older male kept his mouth agape. Heart pounding loud enough where he could hear it ringing in his ears.

"Thank you, I…" he took a breath, glancing away only to be sucked back into to orbit surrounding his beloved. "I am really glad to have you here with me, " Subaru paused. _For bringing me back, in a way beyond what a lifetime of the perfect words could hope to convey._

Regretting eyes curved down, starting at the flashing numbers on his watch. "We really are gonna be late now."

Kamui laughed softly and nodded in agreement. "We will get going then, " he agreed. Not at all commenting on their joined hands as Subaru swiftly led them through the halls and out the door.

* * *

CLAMP Academy was buzzing with students. A sense of ease formed over the students beaming faces. Talks of the world's stability and finalizing with those bizarre earthquakes were spoken in relief.

Kamui and Subaru walked more leisurely than they were supposed to back to Nokoru Imonoyama's office. The sight of the sparkling fountains and beautiful flower fields drew them in. Although Subaru's eyes always found themselves straying back to look at Kamui, watching with absolute adoration at the younger boy's expressions.

They finally approached the large lavish building on campus. The chairman's right-hand man, Suoh Takamura, came out to greet the last guests to arrive. His business attire was immaculately clean and pressed. Suoh's blue hair seemed to sparkle in the sunlight. The warm morning rays did bring out the amber color in his eyes. Even if they did have a steely gaze. His arms were crossed over his chest.

"Nokoru was worried you two wouldn't make it," He noted with a bit of a reprimanding tone.

Eyes lingered down and began softening a bit at the boys' joined hands. He knew Nokoru would have a field day with these two, at some point or other. Imonoyama certainly loved love and setting others up. If he and Nagisa were anything to go by.

He turned to them both with a slightly amused smile. "Well, now that you've arrived, I think it's time we discuss a few more matters."

"Right, I am sorry, " Kamui addressed formerly before bowing his head. He squeezed Subaru's hand gesturing for him to do the same.

Amusement sparkled in softening eyes. He held back a laugh. Seeing the now-infamous _Sakurazukamori_ and famous head of the Sumeragi clan wrapped around the boy's finger was rather entertaining. It certainly soothed his nerves, he and Nokoru both worrying for Kamui after everything that occurred the past 24 hours. He waved it off, the boy's nervous expression, suppressing a chuckle. A hand fanned over his lips.

"Now, there is no need for all that. Nokoru won't let me hear the end of it if I 'scare' off our guests," Suoh bemused. "We just are glad you are here.."

Both males lifted their heads up. Subaru nodded his thanks before following Suoh through the doorway and up the staircase to the student council rooms.

They were greeted first with Yuzuriha's beaming face. She waved them over from one of the sofa's she was sitting on. "Subaru, Kamui! You made it!" She squealed. Slender arms were quickly wrapped around Kamui in a tight hug. With a second of resistance, Yuzuriha shook off her thoughts and turned to the tall male.

She leaned forward and hugged the taller male. Subaru _was_ their friend. She knew his heart was fragile, gentle...And clearly, he meant a lot to Kamui. Subaru seemed a bit stunned at the friendly affection. Kamui held back a soft laugh.

The cheerful chairman stood up from his desk and beamed at the males. "Shirou Kamui and Sumeragi Subaru, I am so glad you could make it!" He welcomed them, closing the space between and extending his hand. Subaru and Kamui took their turn to shake the blond's hand.

Finally, the Dragons of Heaven were sitting down. Arashi sat beside a chattering Yuzuriha. Karen and Aoki were seated on the adjacent chairs, leaving one spot open. Kamui and Subaru, sat closely together, on the open loveseat. Their thighs brushed when Kamui scooted closer. Subaru voiced no complaints.

A knock followed, and the sound of the knob turning open.

Several staff members and students opened the door and slowly stepped over the threshold. They bowed towards the campus President. Males and females were starry-eyed to see the famous Imonoyama Nokoru, face to face.

Nokoru smiled and waved it off. He laughed with a look of innocence, much like his school detective days...Before the promised day was revealed.

"Come in, come in, " The blond called cheerfully. The staff members returned the kind expression and went back out to grab several carts.

Elegant teapots and matching cups were placed on the top of the cart. Several more silver carts were rolled in, with a clear coffee pot, several more cups, and what appeared to be a variety of several fruits and sweets.

Walking along with who seemed to be a student was soft locks of dark green hair. His voice came out gently. "I've personally worked on these deserts, with our culinary arts department just for today. I hope our guests will enjoy them."

"Akira," Nokoru smiled at the baking prodigy. He titled his head to the side, the sun seemed to highlight the blond strands of hair to light gold. Most of the students couldn't keep their eyes off of him. "In that case, I am sure they will be wonderful. And I trust it you've made your famous milk tea to go with it?"

"Well, of course," Akira answered with a sheepish grin. He walked over towards his friend and began chatting amiably. Several staff members brought out a cart specifically for Nokoru and Suoh. Akira poured them both a cup of award-worthy tea. They talked for a bit quite animatedly, regarding something with an upcoming festival.

Nokoru's sky blue eyes wandered, looking over each of the former seals. A Cheshire cat grin sprung over his lips seeing Subaru and Kamui sitting intimately close on the couch, their hands still joined. Suoh, knowing his best friend far too long, caught the scheming glint in his eyes. He sighed.

The former seals were offered their own choice of drinks and sweets. After taking up their offer, the carts were wheeled back. Akira waved goodbye to the group and began talking with his students about some new recipes.

"Thank you, " Nokuro called out and waved to the staff, students, and friends he seemed to hold to like family. "Now then, since you're all here we can discuss the living arrangements, as I know there are changes," his blue eyes gazed over the two raven haired males. He noticed a shiver run down Kamui's spine.

The blond's tone softened. He waved his hand forward, dispelling some tension. "Which is fine, you're always welcome to come back on campus or the connecting apartments, if you wish. That goes for all of you."

"We should be thanking you, " Aoki added politely. The gentle editor gestured towards the group who gave their nods in agreement. The brunette smiled up at the blond president.

"Well, then as for me…"

His expression lowered to neutrality as he continued. The brunette pressed his hands together and held them before his face. "You'll have to forgive me, as I won't be able to stay for long. I've gotten back into contact with my wife and daughter. I'm hoping to make amends and be returning to our former home."

"That is completely fine. I am happy to see things are working well for you," Nokuro, beamed ever the supporter of love. "My offer remains the same for all dragons of heaven.." Nokoru finished before looking over the others and nodded.

.

Karen, who had been sitting next to Aoki, smiled. She clasped her hands over the man's hands smiling brightly. "That's so great...You're finally able to return to them!"

Aoki rubbed at the back of his head, laughing sheepishly.

Kamui huffed a bit looking over the two. How could it be that the oldest of the dragons of heaven, is this oblivious? The eyes Karen held for the older man were sincere yet pained. _How can he not notice her feelings? And such obvious feelings from someone that close to him?_

She'd always been so close, the voice always calling out with love, all the while keeping boundaries set, knowing and wishing for the happiness of the other above all else.

Subaru turned down and looked quizzically at the boy. His face revealed an array of emotions, yet now he seemed lost in thought.

"Kamui," Subaru whispered. Hand absently brushing through soft locks of hair. Kamui leaned up and into his warmth. Subaru barely refrained from snorting. Kamui being quite reminiscent of an affection-craved kitten. "Are you alright?"

"Ah, yeah…" Kamui responded, trailing off, before returning to the conversation.

"I can't thank you enough, Imonoyama," Karen spoke out, and turned towards the absolutely glowing director.

"Just, Nokoru, please" The blond insisted. He titled his head to the side. "I'd hate to be known only so formally by such a wonderful lady such as yourself."

"You flatter me," Karen laughed, waving her hand down before herself. "And I certainly can't thank you enough for the job offer on campus. Of course, I won't be on the main high-school campus," Karen paused with a laugh and looked tenderly over the teenagers in the room... "So, I'll be happy to stay close in the nearby housing units. _Someone_ needs to keep an eye on the youth," She teased, biting down on her tongue. Her eyes lingered over the high school students.

Nokoru clapped his hands together cheerfully, resting them against his cheek. "And CLAMP academy will be honored to have you with us! A beautiful woman such as yourself here is an absolute pleasure. You're all quite lucky to have one such as Karen Kasami looking out for you here."

Yuzuriha chimed in. "Of course, I'll be happy to see you around more!" Karen softened at that, patting the soft black locks of hair on the girl. She was always so very sweet, and Inuki nuzzled up against the older woman's legs.

Arashi breathed a sigh, "I appreciate the sentiment. But I will be fine. I'm already 18, now" She professed assuredly. Yet, there was no malice in her tone, seeing the concerned gazes from their friends on her. As though she wasn't always constantly reminded of her love's sacrifice during the battle. The long-haired priestess did stop, to lace her hands together in her lap. "I do plan to finish my final year in high school...Although, I plan to take some time off."

"To Mount Koya?" Kamui already surmised.

Arashi nodded, her gaze softened and fell over her lap. "I think going back to _his_ hometown could be the least I could do...and it might give myself a sense of clarity." The soft-spoken priestess nodded at her decision. She ignored the worried gazes of her friends while knowing they meant well, her mind weighed her down enough. "Don't worry, I plan on going back to the academy in a few month's time if that's alright."

She turned towards the headmaster, looking into the genuine compassion in those soft blue eyes.

"Naturally, our doors will always be open for you," Nokoru professed, with an award-winning smile. "We'll be excited to have you back on campus. And hopefully... we will get to see that beautiful smile of yours again."

Arashi blinked at that statement before, awkwardly shifting her gaze and bowing her head. "Ah...thank you."

Yuzuriha's eyebrows furrowed a bit. "I am gonna miss having you here…Miss Arashi," she admitted sadly. Arashi smiled fondly, placing her hand gently on top of the younger girl. "Just Arashi." She softened.

Yuzuriha, sniffled, her lips pouting up, as a wave of emotion took over her eyes. She shook her head, and her fingers started to dry her eyes. Arashi gasped, finding her arms full as the younger girl rushed in. She hugged her friend tightly, resting her head on the older girl's shoulder.

Inuki came back to rest beside his partner's legs. Nuzzling his head against her knee. Yuzuriha laughed softly, before petting the affectionate spirit.

"So then... I'll be looking forward to when you come back!" Yuzuriha concluded. She felt gentle fingers, from the elder girl brushing through her hair.

Arashi smiled, "I'll be back to finish my final year…" To feel so much kindness, when she nearly cost the young girl her own precious person. It was incredibly obvious how the one she loved, the former Dragon of Earth, had been swayed by Yuzuriha.

"Good!" Yuzuriha answered, squeezing the older girl into a tight hug before releasing her. She brushed at her cheek, sheepish. She turned towards Kamui. "It looks like it'll be you and me for the first few months of high school here."

Kamui nodded, and let his lips curve up. The energetic girl's charisma was infectious. "I know I...won't be living on campus," He turned to the girl apologetically. After knowing the warmth and protective feeling that came with living with the man sitting next to him, he knew he'd never be able to regret his decision. He would never be able to go back. "But, I'm sure I'll be seeing you on campus a lot. And I have a feeling we'll be running into Keiichi again as well." He added fondly, fully hoping his caring friend had been doing alright.

"Keiichi?" Yuzuriha blinked a bit at the name, briefly recalling some mentions of him in the past.

Kamui explained further. "He's a _good_ friend. I'm sure you'll see him more with us both being in the High School division." _And we're no longer separated, so we can actually go to school without the end of the world hanging in the balance._

"Ah, that's right," Subaru reflected on the rather cheerful classmate of Kamui's. They were certainly close. Subaru may have snaked around Kamui's waist, quite snuggly, as he did so. "We saw him back when I was tutoring you."

"Mhmm," Kamui nodded, not at all bothered nor negatively reactive to the way he was pulled closer and tighter to the older man's side. The former leader simply let himself be held closely, enjoying the warmth.

"It'll be nice to go back to school life again, not to mention the cute uniforms…" Yuzuriha giggled cheerfully to herself. "Still, it'll be a bit lonely...in the dorms without you guys…" A pause. Arashi and Kamui frowned, looking guiltily towards the oddly quiet girl. Her Inuki cuddled close against her legs, muzzle resting on her knee.

"But-" She perked up, feeling a bit more positive at an idea. "I guess that means I'll have to come by and visit you all more often!" She reasoned and clapped her hands together in a form of satisfaction. "And of course we'll have to meet up before our first classes-" She trailed off, already making plans.

"Of course," Kamui assured. "I'll definitely have to visit you at the dorms as well."

Arashi was the next to speak out. "And, when I come back to Tokyo..Perhaps, we'll be able to be roommates again."

"That's no problem!" The girls looked over at the sound of hands clapping closed. The cheerful chairman finally, chimed in. "It can be arranged easily…"

Nokoru's right-hand man shook his head muttering something about his policy "doing anything for a lady in need", and its consequences on his productivity.

"Now, then... regarding you two,." Sparkling blue eyes lingered at the pair, more so keeping watch over the dual-hatted spiritualist. Then there was the hold he held over the still fragile, or perhaps equally fragile, Kamui.

There was _something_ there that changed between the two. Even knowing the destined position the protective man held, he could cast aside the fear of Kamui being his prey. The Sumeragi head, acted far too clumsy and vulnerable around the younger boy for that to be the case. Not to mention, Kamui's wish granted his protector, freedom from the usual duties to the Sakura tree.

Nokoru hadn't been happy to hear that Subaru, simply left the Dragon's of Heaven for some time. But he seemed to be atoning and doing more than enough for their very world. He did come back in the end, at least for Kamui's sake. The older seal showed the older man clearly felt for the boy, risking his life and coming back during that final battle.

"I have no qualms about you two living together," Nokoru assured, confirming with himself. His smile turned a bit devious while looking towards Subaru. He had quite the resources at his disposal to keep track of the talented Sumeragi-head should anything go awry. And with such precautions taken care of, he found himself already rooting for the two of them.

The two males being hurt quite enough for one lifetime. A little happiness was well earned.

Subaru shuddered, visibly at the look. Calming, only when he felt a soft hand entangling with his own.

"I trust you'll take the utmost care of Shirou Kamui," The blond chairman eyed the older man carefully. Nokoru felt a smirk creep up his lips at the shy blush of pink that fell between the two of them. He found the older male to be _painfully obvious_. Yet, it wasn't to say the former savior wasn't attached in some way. Time would tell.

Subaru's emerald and gold orbs looked firmly towards the chairman. "Of course, I will." He vowed earnestly. He clasped the hand, in his own, tightly. Locking eyes with the boy he finished. "If there's anything you need Kamui, you don't need to hesitate to ask, you know that right?"

Kamui's eyes held an ethereal glow. The boy's lips curled up shyly. He nodded. Blue-violet eyes began lingering over the warmth he continued to feel upon his hand.

There was something far more private about _whatever_ was happening between the two. The room's occupants averted their eyes from the intimate scene. Kamui leaned up and whispered something that seemed to make the older man melt.

Nokoru finally cleared his throat, not that it broke the two quiet males out of their trance. "Well, with that out of the way then I think we can start arranging classes and living situations for those who will be staying here…"

The younger members of the group were brought up towards the desk first, a large computer screen showing detailed information about the academy campus, and departments. Paperwork had been given off to the majority of the group. Both Yuzuriha and Kamui were given additional contact information for their academic advisor, for when they were ready to start school life again.

"Sumeragi?" A familiar voice called the older male out of his thoughts. Subaru turned around to see an unnerving smile on Karen's lips. "I'd just like to have a talk with you for a bit. Is that alright?"

Her eyes were dead set. It was hardly a question.

Subaru sighed and came to an agreement. "Of course," Dread was already creeping in. Subaru called out to the boy. "I'll be right back," he assured and waved at Kamui.

The younger boy frowned for a bit, earning a soft giggle from Yuzuriha. Ultimately, he nodded in confirmation, looking suspiciously over Karen and even Aoki walking out the door. The fiery woman's smile was far more devious, though.

Kamui already planned on getting every detail he could out of Subaru, for whatever _that_ conversation was.

* * *

"You can relax, Sumeragi," Karen assured, fanning her hands down, in a gesture for him to sit beside herself and Aoki. They were a good distance away at one of the CLAMP academies rest areas, besides the sparkling fountain.

"I'm fine." Subaru remained standing a fair distance away, leaning his back against the tree. He hummed, his nerves racing far too much to be at was quite obvious just _whom_ the conversation would gear towards.

The red-haired woman simply rolled her eyes. _Youth._

"Alright, fine I'll cut to the chase," Karen stated. Her voice was still filled with a sense of warmth and concern. She had seen some brightness and life returning into the eyes of the reserved man. There had been _something_ void and dimmed in the distant seal's eyes, even if they had only seen each other a handful of times.

"We're concerned for Kamui," she started, gesturing to herself and the quiet editor beside her. Subaru opened his mouth to respond; Karen held out her hand."I don't mean to say it's a concern because of you-I can see Kamui's quite attached to you for one reason or another, and well," She waved her hand around vaguely in circles, gesturing towards Subaru. "There is...whatever _you two_ have going on now. But...he's in a fragile place, with everything he's gone through after the final battle, and the loss that came with it."

Subaru's gold and emerald eyes steeled. He didn't try to suppress the cold stare that followed nor the bitter tone from his lips. "I'm quite aware, _I_ was the one who was there with Kamui," he professed, protectiveness over Kamui blurring out his senses. " _I_ was the _only one_ there to see him break down like that when-" He slapped a hand over his lips, and cursed himself. As though the other Dragons of Heaven were in any condition to fight further, everyone surely risked their lives during the battle. And while he had left behind the person he cared so deeply for.

"I'm sorry," Subaru professed, sincerely, bowing his head. "That came out all wrong…" he lamented, trailing off and avoiding the saddened looks of the older adults.

Karen shook her head, "You aren't wrong. We weren't in any state to fight further and help Kamui at that final battle…" She crossed her legs and sighed. A gentle hand placed itself warmly over her own. Karen smiled at the gentle-hearted brunette at her side. The two shared a soft look, and Karen continued. "But...still you might want to work on _articulating_ , especially if you're planning on winning over _Kamui's_ _heart_ one day," she teased, quite pleased with the blush that followed.

Subaru's mouth hung ajar, yet he kept speechless. His heart began racing so frantically, blocking out the sound of his own thoughts. Dual-toned eyes shivered and shifted away from the knowing stare.

Thankfully, the kind-hearted brunette finally took his turn to voice his thoughts. He decided to redirect things. "Well, what I believe we were getting at was that we care for Kamui, and yourself as well. I assume I'm correct with that, Sumeragi?" Aoki rubbed at the back of his neck.

"More than anything," Subaru professed, instantaneously.

Aoki smiled at that. "Then I am relieved. Unfortunately, I won't be able to see everyone as often as I'd like. So it's good to hear firsthand that he'll be in good hands." He expressed clearly, looking into those mismatched eyes to see nothing short of sincerity, and affection at the very mention of Kamui. "It seems you being with Kamui has been a positive experience for yourself as well."

Subaru pursed his lips and nodded.

"You seem happier," Aoki added, "And I think we can all agree Kamui chose to stay with you, quite willingly."

Karen turned towards her precious person and sighed. "Well, I do believe you care for him," She paused, and smirked. Subaru certainly had it terribly bad. The male's pretty and flushed face was very much glowing with love. "But first I want you to promise something," she resolved.

Subaru raised an eyebrow at that. "Promise?" he repeated warily.

"Kamui is quite attached to you. The boy has had terrible luck in losing everyone he's done just that to. I don't think he could stand being hurt again…" The older woman laughed at that. His emotions displayed themselves very much as obviously and clumsily as Kamui's did. "Promise that no matter what happens you will take care of Kamui, and stay by his side. That you won't leave him, betray his trust, and cause him more pain."

"I could never leave him…" Subaru thought aloud, his eyes glistening. "I'd rather die than betray him."

He'd never repeat the past pains, his first love had given to him. He could never live with himself...

Subaru let out a lingering breath. "I can promise that." He turned towards the two, "parents" of the group, and looked both of them in the eyes. "I will do everything I can for Kamui…"

Karen mumbled something about him and his 'hopeless' attitude. "He cares for you too, deeply. So try and love yourself a bit more...make sure you're both taken care of."

The soft-spoken man nodded. A fondness overcoming him at the mention of Kamui's own concern. He. gazed up at the bright blue sky up above. His lips curved. Hopeless. He could see that same color reflected in his beloved Kamui's eyes...

* * *

After what felt like hours, a soft knock came to the door. "Sumeragi, you can come in," Nokoru added knowingly. The knowing response left even the gifted spiritualist quite a bit unnerved.

The doorknob turned with some hesitance. Subaru stepped into the room, seeing Yuzuriha and Kamui discussing something with the young director that had made the raven-haired boy smile.

The young male turned around, his smile growing ten-fold at the sight of the returning male. "How did things go?"

Subaru's swallowed. His chest throbbed. The older male felt the heat rise to his cheeks. He couldn't even speak a word to the now concerned looking boy.

Kamui titled his head a bit to the side. "Subaru?" he voiced in concern. His slender hand reached out towards the older male, only for it to be snatched up by a larger hand.

"Subaru…?" Kamui asked again, worriedly.

Subaru gently bowed his head towards the soft-hearted director. The blond eyed the two curiously, suppressing his grin behind a widening fan he held over his face. It seems some habits would never change.

"Subaru?" Kamui attempted for a third time, feeling the insistent hand pulling him further out towards the door. He sighed in defeat, opting to adjust their linked hands in a more comfortable position. Subaru's eyes widened before settling. His features softened, looking back at their now evenly clasped hands.

"Did something happen?" The younger boy asked, with a bit of irritation at the silence.

Kamui had waved over to Yuzuriha as he felt the hand around his wrist pulling him further away.

Finally, Subaru spoke out. "It's not that-" _Not entirely._ "I just wanted to…" _What did he want to do?_ His heart moved ahead of his mind, as he had quickly dragged the boy out of the office and into a secluded hall.

Words were hardly his strong suit, and now it felt impossible. "Suba-" Kamui was cut off by warm arms swiftly pulling him up and into a tight embrace. "-ru.." he finished, feeling a hand on his head, being guided to rest against the older male's chest. Fingers brushed through his hair. Kamui let the older male do as he pleased for a few moments, finally, feeling the arms around him loosening to a more comforting embrace.

"Are you okay now?" Kamui persisted, arms that hung loosely at his side came to rest gently on the older and taller male's shoulders. The boy leaned back and looked up to see a fragile yet endearing glint reflected in those gem-like eyes.

"I'm fine," Subaru at last assured. His cheeks dusted pink. Kamui gave in to the urge to reach out a hand and touch them. The younger male became entranced, feeling the heat react to his touch and the color changing. " _Subaru…_ " Kamui called for him sweetly.

"I guess I was just missing you more than I realized," Subaru at last professed. The hand entangled in Kamui's hair left to hold the smaller hand upon his cheek. Countless emotions fell behind those gold and green eyes.

Kamui felt his lips quirk. He pondered over saying how Subaru had only been gone for 15, maybe 20 minutes? But he wasn't in quite the state to say anything. He certainly felt himself craving a familiar warmth the second he heard the turn of the doorknob.

"I missed you too," he expressed. Kamui features seemed to glow and soften under the lighting. His smile turned up, a bit shyer than before at their proximity. Kamui felt his fingers linger and tap against the soft skin beneath it. The slender hand at Subaru's shoulder slid up, tangling itself within the raven-black hairs at the back of his neck.

The silence felt oddly comforting. The soft sounds of the other breathing were all that could be heard. The white noise calmed Kamui's nerves and earlier worries. He subconsciously pressed closer to the warm body surrounding him. Subaru closed his eyes, lingering into Kamui's soft touches.

The younger male reflected on the feeling.

There was always something natural that came with their touches. Right from their first meeting. Kamui found himself surprised to feel so warm and at ease to feel the older, exhausted male lying on top of him. Hands holding each other or giving soft caresses-it came instinctively when around the other-to the point where it felt _wrong_ to be close to the other without some form of physical contact.

Now, it seemed the desire to be close had only become more severe. Kamui returned to pressing his cheek against the man's shoulder. A chin laid on the crown of his head. The two fell into each other.

The horrors of the past days and worries for tomorrow would just have to be on the backburner. At least for the next few moments….

_CH 2 END_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to send kudos, comments, etc this way. It helps make up for my non-existent social life


	3. Rain Lily

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3: Here we are! 
> 
> Rain Lilies Symbolism (via Garden Guides site) "The rain lily only blooms after a rain shower, reflecting spiritual awakening after a storm in life."
> 
> Some angst and fluff. SubKam cute moments-Grocery shopping~ cuddles/gentle touches etc... Kamui starts to open up a bit about a week or so after living together and of course, there is a ton of lovey skinship these two are naturally drawn to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a tooooon of pining and fluff. I really love Yuzuriha and male and female friendships. Those are really important to me and I wish we could see more of them in different series. Also, we are blessed to have a new Tokyo Babylon anime in 2021. I can't believe it. I am so excited but also so sad for baby Subaru. Maybe I just want him to have a boyfriend who won't break his heart into a million pieces. But still, it seems I picked a good time to get back in CLAMP series.

_Ambrosia_ Ch 3: _Rain Lily_

* * *

"White miso, soy sauce, tofu, vegetables for the stir fry…" Kamui listed, glancing over a torn out piece of notebook paper. He looked down to double-check, said items were in the cart before nodding in confirmation. His nimble fingers grasped at the pen resting behind his ear and started scribbling over the handwritten items.

"Good, good…" he mumbled to himself, turning towards the taller male at his side. He carefully circled the few items left.

"You're quite efficient at this," Subaru remarked, deep praise obvious in his soothing tone. Glimmering gold and emerald eyes took Kamui in fondly. Kamui returned the gentle look, a small smile curving up.

Subaru's gaze shifted, over the neatly placed items in the cart. Fruits, vegetables, protein, and condiments were all neatly arranged neatly in their own corner of the cart. All thanks to Kamui.

Kamui's lips quirked up further. "Well, I think it's good to be now since we were out of everything...I think."

"You think?" Subaru teased, gently.

The younger male shrugged. "I'm not exactly an expert here." At least, until the next semester began. His academic advisor had him enrolled in more _domestic_ classes from the get-go. Something told him there was an outside influence.

He got his answer, as to _who_ was involved but not quite _why_. Kamui could all too easily envision his meeting with the academy director now.

* * *

Nokoru kept smiling mischievously, looking over and confirming Kamui's digital schedule with him. Apparently, the director and advisor both found cooking and baking to be needed at the start. It seems the extracurriculars were to be considered just as important as the common core. For Kamui's sake.

The classes assigned weren't all that odd on its own, but Kamui couldn't shake the fact that there was just something else he had been missing.

"It's hard to get into a lot of our top culinary art classes, mid-semester especially. You'll learn from the best, being Ijyuin Akira's top students." Nokoru exclaimed, clapping his hands together cheerfully. There was quite a bit of mischief sparkling in those sky-blue eyes.

"They're entirely necessary skills you'll be learning. Being off-campus and living in your own household for the first time, especially so. You and Sumeragi Subaru are _living_ _together_. So you owe it to yourselves to know the essentials."

"I guess that is true…" Kamui reasoned.

"I'm sure you'll quite take to the classes, and learn a lot of recipes to use at _your new home_." Nokoru reached for something in his desk, as his lips continued to curve more deviously. The blonde's grin soon hid behind his seemingly endless supply of white fans.

"...and I'm sure whatever Sumeragi doesn't know, he'll be _happy_ to learn from you. It'll be a great _experience_ for you _both_." He expressed cheerfully, amused to see the baffled and furrowed look on Kamui's face.

"Your schedule is set up so you'll be well prepared, in all subjects. And I think you'll find it nice to have a balance with them all."

Nokoru, worded the next part carefully, knowing how insecure the boy could be. "I know it can seem intimidating. But I'm sure you'll be able to do well. You'll start with preparatory classes for the first semester back, giving you time to catch up on to your needed level of mathematics.."

"That's right…I'm way too far behind" Kamui looked down dejectedly.

"Oh, no-no-no. I didn't mean for you to be down on yourself, about it. I'm sure if you work hard you'll catch up in no time." The young Imonoyama held an air of assurance and compassion behind an incredibly tender smile. Kamui found himself understanding how the young director had such a wide fan base of female and quite a few male admirers.

"Our remedial classes are taught by those incredibly passionate about their subject. They focus on helping their students on an individual level." He assured the young student with a beaming smile brightened by the rays of sunlight gleaming through the windows. "They wouldn't be chosen for CLAMP academy otherwise. "

Kamui pressed his lips closed together, quite uncertain. Being so far behind, when he was just about to return to school felt entirely draining. Could he really manage like this and go on to a regular school life? He struggled just mentally, staying in the present, the new reality he was in...

"We have our own personal tutors here. And in case you have a preference, just know you are free to come and bring your…" he paused. Beautiful sky blue eyes twinkled mischievously. "' _Roommate_ ' on campus and our libraries help you study... _efficiently_. "

Kamui felt a cold shiver flood over him. He didn't quite understand what was going on in the beaming director's mind-but it felt like something that had already been decided for him.

The bemused director was quite aware of the former seals' rendezvous on campus. He hadn't thought much of it then.

Sure, there was _something_ there between the two of them. But there were far too many obstacles in their lives, to take on first.

The circumstances were a lot less amusing for the reclusive pair. Both hearts were deeply wounded. A simple glance at saddened, dejected eyes, was all it took to deduce they were both shackled by an unforgiving love. Suffering for someone else…

Love without smiles. He didn't know what to make of that. The blond was _in love_ with love, yet that _kind_ left him feeling off. There was far more pain for the lovelorn than happiness. It didn't sit well.

Now, though….

Seeing the two sparked an interest in the director. That pain still lingered within the two, yet something warmer and compassionate was easily between them.

A sense of hope kept blossoming, between the world's savior and the wildcard of the heavenly seals.

The blond had been irked at the latter of the two. The former college student missed nearly all his classes. Yet, he was able to move past that. For the sake of a _happy ending_ for those _two_. It helped, knowing both men played their role in saving humanity from the 'world's _revolution_ '.

"Feel free to ask me if any problems come up. Of course, you can always ask our advisors as well. And I'm sure the Highschool Student Council will be _happy_ to see you there." ' _Maybe not quite as much as your Subaru, but…'_ Nokoru mused himself. That mysterious smile came back ten-fold. A smile somehow managing to simultaneously be both beautiful and terrifying.

 _"_ They're incredibly open to helping students in their division."

"Ah, right... Thank you…" Kamui remained oblivious to whatever he was about. He did feel unnerved by the all too innocent looking smile on the director's face.

It seemed a bit odd the way his semester had been planned. Yet, he did find it would be nice to have a change of pace, extracurriculars breaking up the long school day, to calm his nerves between harder classes.

"I'm really thankful, for all of this," Kamui professed with sincerity, bowing his head. He was sincerely thankful to be allowed back here again. Those classes involved essential skills to learn, and he got to be with Yuzuriha for both of them. He didn't quite understand what the cheerful director was amused by but opted not to look further into it.

* * *

"Kamui?" Subaru clasped a hand over said male's shoulder. His eyes shook, laced with worry.

"Oh, sorry. I was just thinking well..It's been a while since... I've been out grocery shopping," Kamui's mind returned from its wander. Subaru's concerned tone shook him out of his dreamlike state. To before when things were a bit lighter, before that final battle…

"Or school, or anything _normal…_ " Kamui's painfully bitter smile shot daggers through the worried male's heart.

"Well, I guess things were almost normal for a while...when we first enrolled at the academy." Kamui rambled, lost in his mind again. He gripped at the handle of the cart absently. His clenched hand tensed around the bar. "Going to classes, the dorms, even learning about cooking from-" _From Sorata._

"Kamui?" Subaru's eyebrows lowered worriedly. His long fingers reached for and brushed over the younger boy's hand. The tensed hand eased itself at the feather-like touch.

Subaru couldn't help the fluttering movement in his chest… Kamui's hand uncurled and absently played with the longer hand as though it were his own. Subaru was not quite used to how receptive, and welcoming Kamui had been to his touch. Truly, He wasn't sure if he'd ever get used to it...

Reality had a way of crashing back in. Those innocent doe-eyes looked up to Subaru, quite wounded from whatever persisted in his mind.

"I'm fine" He lied. Quite terribly, turning solemnly away, not meeting the other's eyes. Subaru frowned at the action but didn't press further, giving the troubled boy whatever space he needed.

Relief fled through the younger male with a soft breath. He took a few moments to ease himself back to the present. Feeling no pressure to explain, just a simple touch to his hand like that… It drew those emotional violet-blue eyes back to Subaru, as though they were pulled by gravity itself.

"Ah...we should probably stock up on more noodles and rice next," Kamui broke from his silence, looking down the aisle. He calmed with the menial task of looking over the list, tapping his pen under his chin. Violet orbs glanced up at the hanging sign with a large number highlighted on it.

"And well it's the next aisle over, so that ah...makes sense." Kamui awkwardly trailed off, inwardly cringing at his own actions.

"Right," Subaru agreed easily, glancing over the scribbled out list in the boy's hands. Multi-toned eyes honed in on the small movement of Kamui's fingers pinching the paper absently. Seeing the way those fingers brushed together softly. The gentle and simple movement of Kamui's hand gliding over the page left him transfixed.

"Subaru?" Kamui's words shook him out of it.

"Ah, sorry," The taller male rubbed at the back of his neck. "I just ah…" his throat went dry. Heart working faster than his mind, he drawled. "You have really beautiful...ha-handwriting!" He caught himself.

Heaven knows what he'd start telling Kamui if he kept slipping up, feeling all too _at home, and far_ too unguarded, with his _heart's_ _keeper_.

 _What was that?_ Subaru fought the urge to slap his palm over his face. Well, it wasn't a lie. Subaru hadn't found anything about Kamui that _he_ didn't see as _beautiful_. And he may have just added a word to the end of his original insight. It wasn't all bad. Kamui's rounder and glowing violet-blue eyes blinked, full fluttering eyelashes framing them perfectly.

"I do?" Raven hued eyebrows scrunched up for a moment. He studied his own writing carefully. His eyes and nose both scrunching up as he checked carefully. He looked back up for confirmation.

Subaru nodded fervently. His lips pressing closely, and zipped tight. He couldn't trust his words _not_ to embarrass him further, to not just blurt out everything.

"Ah, well thank you... _Subaru_ ," Kamui replied, brushing his finger across his face, a soft glint of light reflecting over violet irises. Gold and emerald eyes honed in on the soft movement, the dust of pink followed from where Kamui's finger brushed. As though he painted the alluring blush, himself.

It didn't help that Kamui was standing right under the lights in the aisle. The boy's features were glowing. Subaru recalled reading childish stories about angels with Hokuto. He knew as a kid but was even more certain now, those picture books hadn't a clue.

Subaru turned the cart around the corner, guiding it down the aisle and towards the aforementioned items. Kamui stood close, brushing up against him.

The smaller male's eyes scanned over the paper in his hand. He scratched off a few items from earlier with a blue pen. Kamui knelt down.

Several, different brand logos and prices were listed below the bags and boxes of noodles. "Hmm," his finger traced over the items. He wished for Yuzuriha's insight to help with knowing the differences.

"You know you don't have to worry about the prices," Subaru assumed his worries. Memories recalled their previous conversations.

"That's not it," Kamui shook his head. He tapped a pen under his chin. While he did wish to protest, he could reason he was picking out food for himself and his housemate. He wanted to pick what looked best. Maybe he wanted to impress. Or at least thank the man for everything he had done.

Eventually, he settled for a bag of soba, udon, and somen noodles, with a fancy cursive logo. Kamui leaned back up to his feet. Shy and slightly awkward smiles reflected each other. Their eyes met softly, both turning away rather awkward and shyly.

"Um, Subaru?" There was one thing missing from Kamui's plan to impress. "What _is_ your favorite food?" He asked quietly. His head ducked down and he frowned at himself, not knowing simple likes and dislikes of the older man.

Granted, they did know each other's hearts and deepest burdens. Maybe, it was a little backward. Kamui couldn't imagine them any other way.

"Mmm," Subaru pressed his thumb up against his chin, brushing it absently. Dual-toned eyes lowered. Lips pressed together before moving side to side

"I…"

 _Well, crap._ What was it? The older man hadn't pondered the idea nor cared for what little nutrition he had for nearly a decade. Even back then he only ate, thanks to his doting and concerned sister. Hokuto and Seishirou had come over to his apartment countless times, the former was more insistent on doing so. He could see Hokotu's eyes rolling back as she would sigh dramatically, berating Subaru for working too hard or eating too little. She made countless meals from traditional Japanese to Western. All were wonderful. Yet, he never remembered one particular favorite.

"I...uh, I'm not sure," he admitted, a bit overwhelmed by the emotions trickling from his memories.

Kamui blinked before his eyes glistened and softened. Those bubblegum-pink lips curved up. He suppressed a laugh, turning his head away. Violet-blue eyes sparkled, taking a lot of interest in the boxes in front of him.

Subaru hadn't responded. His brain stuttered a bit. Earlier thoughts and worries melting away at the sight. _Unfairly, cute…_

Kamui's lips were quivering, quite amused. His eyes lit up. Kamui held back soft laughter, covering his lips with his palm. Subaru could tell, Kamui was doing so to stay polite, but he couldn't care less. If it meant he got to see more of those _sweet,_ _gorgeous_ expressions, Kamui could laugh all he wanted.

"I'm sorry," Kamui expressed. He ducked his head down a bit sheepish. Kamui began amending leaning up and meeting the taller male's eyes. Clearly, unaware of how deeply even the softest laughs and breaths of laughter left his admirer helpless. Subaru opened his mouth to reply before Kamui cut him off.

"I'm not laughing at you," he assured, with all seriousness. "It's just...I don't even know mine..." The boy admitted, he fondly shook his head. "There's been so much going on, it's like I've forgotten what it's like to _consider_ normal things…"

" _Oh…_ " Subaru fumbled out the words. "Yeah, you do have a point… I can certainly say the same for myself. " he agreed, a bit awkwardly, rubbing at the back of his neck. His mind wandered, still transfixed on the image of glittering eyes, glowing features, and the endearing sound of Kamui's laughter.

Kamui nodded his agreement. "But I guess that means _we'll_ just have to try a lot of different recipes until we find _our_ favorites, right?"

"Right…" Subaru replied in a daze. Hearing Kamui's casual use of " _we_ " and _"our"_ was enough to make his heart flutter. He was far too lost in the gentle half-smile, hidden away as Kamui selected several noodles and rice boxes.

Subaru knew he was hopeless. Now it just seemed he was certifiably so.

* * *

"You're sure you'll be alright?" Subaru repeated for the tenth time this morning. Kamui might have lost count.

"I'll be just fine," Kamui feigned annoyance. Sadly, his voice couldn't betray his feelings, the bemused grin on his lips too obvious.

"If you're sure, I can still-"

"Subaru! I will be fine!"

Kamui rolled his eyes fondly and placed his hands on his hips. His lips pressed together moving side to side. Gold and emerald orbs followed the movement with far too much interest than originally planned.

"But I will _not_ be fine if you end up being late for work."

"But-"

"You've been turning down work for the past week haven't you?"

"How did you-"

"I just know you…" Kamui professes, averting Subaru's gaze before striking up the courage to move closer and look directly up at the taller male. "You're always so _kind…_ I know you worry about me but I'm _okay_."

Subaru's eyes tensed, he grasped the younger male by the shoulders, Kamui subconsciously leaning closer.

"No, you're not."

Kamui huffed. Even while frustrated, he found his actions so easily soothed in the other's presence. He was already leaning into the hand cupping his face. All the tension left way too easily, as though the gifted Onmyouji were casting a spell on him.

"Okay, I know I'm not _okay-ok_. But I will be OK enough."

"After hearing that I'm not so sure," Subaru's tease slipped. He was soon rewarded with a very obvious pout. He was close enough to lean in and…

"You know what I mean…" Kamui huffed cutely. He tried desperately not to close his eyes. The hand carding through his raven locks was just melting him. Eyes fluttered closed, helpless todo otherwise, as he breathed softly. He couldn't even describe what those gentle touches did to him. Kamui knew it just wasn't fair.

Since their meeting, there was always that craving for them to stay close. To stay connected. No matter what was going on, Kamui couldn't deny how _right_ their connection felt. How it soothed his mind bit by bit, healing him from the mental hell he fought daily.

So it was inevitable when Kamui practically purred into the soft touch. His half-lidded eyes gazed fondly at the protective man. Things had always been like this with them likely always would be.

Subaru visibly swallowed at the soft sound between a purr and a sigh escaping his beloved's lips. The protective male flushed, before giving in to his emotions. He pulled Kamui forward until they were pressed snuggly together.

The younger male was made to lay his head against the throbbing chest. Kamui saw _something very raw_ in those mismatched eyes. Something very powerful, that made him shiver.

"You're quite insistent, _Kamui_ ," Subaru told him. Lips curved in a teasing grin that Kamui could _feel_ from the words alone.

Kamui made something akin to a huff and a groan. How was it possible for one person to simultaneously talk like _that_ and to hold another with so much affection?

Kamui felt himself gasp, _feeling_ the chuckle escape and pulsate through the taller body. Kamui had to catch his breath. He shifted himself enough so he could look back up and meet the protective and worried eyes.

"I won't be alone today. You know that, right?"

"I know you'll be with Nekoi, right?"

"She'sgoing to be _upset with you_ if you don't start calling her by her first name," Kamui warned.

Subaru smirked, "I'll take my chances. "

"But anyway," Kamui pressed a hand flat on the older male's chest. He pushed himself up with reluctance. Subaru winced at the parting, leaving the boy with instant regret. Even if he was doing this for Subaru's sake.

"I'll be home when you return. And despite what you say. I know you care about your clients… And having to turn them down only hurts you more…"

"Kamui…" Subaru relented slowly. Arms loosened around the younger boy. He cursed himself seeing Kamui actually frown at the action. As though he hadn't been the one to pull away first.

"You care for your clients," Kamui told him.

"I _care_ for you _far_ more," Subaru expressed, without hesitation. Kamui blinked those soft violet eyes several times. His mind clearing from the direct response, he settled. Bubblegum-pink lips curved.

"Now, who's insistent?"

"On _that_ subject, I'll gladly be," Subaru professed quite bluntly. So stubborn. He grasped the younger male's hand still curled into the shirt, and brought it smoothly over his racing heart.

Kamui went breathless. Blue-violet orbs glistened before falling slowly, into very protective and emotional pools of gold and emerald.

Subaru's desired one was looking up at him, so beautifully vulnerable. Kamui hadn't responded nor protested to the actions. His lips were only parting, not forming a single coherent sound. Kamui was so open before him, slightly flushed, all of which left the older man _weak_.

Kamui was so raw before him, in ways Subaru had fantasized about countless times over the past week.

"But-ah...Subaru," He closed his eyes, taking soft silent breaths to calm a storm of mixed, vulnerable, and certainly confusing emotions.

"It's just…" Kamui trailed off, turning his face away for clarity, before returning towards the tender eyes that took him in so naturally.

"Can't you trust me?"

"Trust you?"

"That I'm being honest with you when I say I _will be_ alright today," Kamui explained softly. Bright orbs of violet shimmered, looking to their counterpart _pleading_.

Subaru breath let out in a strained, elongated sigh. He groaned, terribly frustrated. He wasn't sure he could ever win with Kamui if he kept looking up at him like _that._

"Suba-"

His words cut out at the familiar yet somehow addicting warmth overwhelming his senses. Kamui's head was made to rest back against the other's chest, thanks to insistent and protective arms. Kamui was helpless to do anything _but_ snuggle close as he was pulled back into place. He listened for a steady heartbeat and sighed.

"I do trust you, Kamui," Subaru assured him, brushing through strands of glossy black hair. "And it does help you won't be alone. I am glad you have such good friends."

"I do…" Kamui agreed, deja vu setting in when he first heard those words from the protective male. All regarding Keiichi and his care for Kamui. And all the good friends he had in his life.

He thought of mentioning Subaru in the mix of _good_ _friends_ but it felt _kind of odd_? They were _friends_ technically but friends seemed different like there was something forgetting to be added on? And he couldn't say he'd want to be _this_ close to someone he deemed family, either. Granted, his experiences were lacking.

Subaru was always there to come to his rescue. He was a… A mentor of some sort. A hero, always managing to swoop in and save him at the last minute. Definitely, _his incredibly kind_ _protector_. The tight embraces confirmed his thoughts tenfold.

"I guess, I will get ready to leave then…"

Kamui hated the words, but the blow softened by seeing the older male with childlike pouting lips.

"That's good then," Kamui couldn't hide the smirk.

The older male bit his lip suppressing the thought he could so _easily_ lean down. And god... _the_ _things_ Subaru wanted to do to that victorious smirk. Far too many scenarios that would end in him _never_ making it to work today.

Maybe a bit more time away would help his sanity and control. At this rate, it seemed.

"Yuzuriha and I are going to one of the book-stores on campus. Oh, and I think the Cafe." Kamui paused and turned with an inquisitive stare. "Do you want anything?"

 _Just you…_ Subaru had to bite his tongue.

"No, but I very much appreciate the thought, Kamui," he let out a deep breath and finally released the younger man in his arms. "Have fun." He expressed. The word felt awkward on his lips. It must have been a good decade since he used it last.

Kamui nodded, looking up a bit shyly, before quickly leaning up and wrapping the taller male up into a very soft embrace. Slender arms tightened around the taller male's neck. Kamui leaned up on his tiptoes. "Thank you," his warm breath tickled the sensitive hair on the back of Subaru's neck.

Just as quickly as it began, Kamui released the older male and turned back towards the stairs. "I should probably start getting ready too."

Subaru could only watch the younger male ascend the staircase, pleasantly dazed.

* * *

"Kamui! You made it! A cheerful, high-pitched voice called out to him.

A small curve formed on the boy's lips. He saw his energetic friend practically skipping her way over. Yuzuriha was adorned with a colorful yet tranquil outfit. She wore a flowery lilac blouse, which paired with her pastel pink skirt stopping right at her sky-blue knee-high socks.

Kamui looked down at himself. Still, as usual, wearing solid black. All things considered, it was fitting.

"Helloooo? Kamui?"

The short-haired female was all too close. Her hand waved over his face.

Kamui bolted back a few steps coming into reality.

He cleared his throat. "Sorry."

The dark-haired girl shook her head, revealing a cute lilac bow in the back of her hair.

"I'm just happy you could make it."

Kamui nodded.

"Well, come on then let's go!" Yuzuriha enthused, raising a hand into the air as she did so.

The girl grasped for Kamui's wrist. "Whoa! Wait, a minute-Yuzuriha!" He yelped. The younger student rolled her eyes at the protest and whisked Kamui along. Her precious Inuki in tow of course.

Orbs of violet glanced over the firm yet warm hand clasped over his wrist. Yet, a different type of warm than with the man he'd been with nearly all week.

Recollections of warm, possessive hands enveloping his own resurfaced easily. The touches still ghosting over his skin. Kamui frowned a bit. Even being older and a male, his hand was barely any bigger than Yuzuriha's hands.

Then again Subaru's hands were nearly slender as his own, just being longer. So it wasn't like he was that different, but...

"I'm really excited we get to go here again!" She beamed cheerfully and turned back to clasp her hand so they were tied palm to palm.

Kamui hummed with acknowledgment, looking over their joined hands. There was certainly warmth and kindness put in a friendly touch.

 _It's different…_ Kamui noted to himself. The energetic female held a lot of compassion. Hell, it pretty much radiated around her. Her hold was more at ease, free-spirited. Their hands, still loose enough to part at any time. Very open, kind, and sincere.

His mind wandered back to earlier this week, being pulled out of the director's office suddenly by an insistent hand. They had only gotten through their schedules. Subaru whisked him away before he could so much as utter a goodbye to Yuzuriha.

 _His_ hold over Kamui's wrist had been firmer, resolute, yet somehow still so amiable. The warmth when their fingers laced was all-encompassing. It felt impossible to part. The hold was kind and gentle but definitely much more protective. Very much refusing to release for the sake of the world itself. Kamui knew he returned that gesture.

He looked up to see the smiling girl. Looking cheerful and amused as though she could read his mind. Soft black hair glistened in the sun. He kept wondering how she kept so upbeat, despite everything they all have been through.

"And we're here!" She announced releasing her friend's hand and raising both hands up in the air. She spun around before gesturing, her arms wide to the lavish building

Kamui looked up at the impressive, burgundy building. The words _Clamp Academy BookShop_ were embedded onto the front of the building in bold white lettering.

"Shop" was an understatement. The building must be at least three stories tall.

"Come on," Yuzuriha waved him over, already heading towards the tall glass doors.

Kamui quickened his pace, before meeting up with her at the doorway.

"This place is amazing!" Yuzuriha announced, gesturing vaguely in directions all throughout the store. Her hands continued to move and point to various aisles, sections, and signs decorated throughout.

Upon entering the bookshop, they were met with brilliant bright lights. The room was vast with incredibly high ceilings reminiscent of a cathedral. The open and circular structure was like a ballroom or the literary equivalent.

Soothing pastel colors were strewn all over the walls and upon the hanging signs indicating genre types. Floral patterns were embedded and painted on the panels above, separating each floor of the building.

The shelves of books looked seemingly endless. Somehow, not a book looked out of place. Aisle after aisle had been precisely labeled, often with a poster of the latest book from that genre.

There were countless students. Many of them were thumbing through books in various aisles. Yet, the open space made it seem anything but crowded. Students from all grade levels were chatting amicably yet pleasantly softly. Keeping in mind others looking serious at some of the tables near the back of the aisles. Others sat in the luxurious chairs at the end of the aisle.

Violet-blue eyes were drawn more towards the older students, most of them sitting and eyes buried deep within the books. Many of them looked to be in their 20s. So university and graduate students. Kamui's smile turned bittersweet. Nostalgic for the days they _all_ spent here together.

_I know your goal wasn't to study here… but did you ever enjoy your time here?_

Kamui almost yelped, realizing there was already a staff member who greeted them, during his mind's wandering. They were met with a bright-eyed and cheery employee. Her energy matched well with Yuzuriha. Kamui silently thanked Yuzuriha for talking with her, diffusing attention to himself.

"Oh, no thanks we're just looking today," Yuzuriha mentioned and parted ways with the worker. She turned to move away before stopping abruptly in front of her friend.

"Unless, is there anything you're looking for here Kamui?" His friend turned back to him curiously. She bit her tongue and smiled sheepishly, bright eyes looking apologetic for her delayed question.

Kamui gingerly shook his head. The employee smiled, bowing her head and turning back to one of the front counters.

"I don't have any in either!" Yuzuriha belatedly tacked on, almost proudly. "But with this many books, I am sure we're bound to find something!"

Kamui's lips energy felt contagious. Kamui went ahead and explored the various aisles.

They went towards an escalator in the middle of the ground floor. Yuzuriha pointed towards the hand sign above stating ' _Manga_ " and " _Comics_ " were up ahead.

Yuzuriha bounced joyously up to her toes and back to her heels. She was humming something Kamui assumed to be a theme song. "Have you been keeping up with any series?" She gestured up at the sign.

Kamui shook his head again, tousling his hair in the progress. "I don't think I've read one in years."

Yuzuriha's mouth went agape. "Really?! Years? B-but-There's so many good series that have come out recently!"

"Really," Kamui answered honestly.

Yuzuriha hung her head in a brief bout of defeat. Yet, she bolted up and held her clenched hand into the air. A fire blazed in her eyes.

"Well, then we'll just have to get you started on a new series right away!"

Kamui scratched at his cheek and laughed a bit nervously. "O..kay." There seemed to be no stopping her. The second floor of the store was just as impressive as the last. The manga and comic sections were surrounded by new books on display.

There were countless series he didn't recall, yet had seen quite similar titles to in the past. There were mangas with vibrant colorful covers of fiery protagonists posed to fight with their more calm looking rival.

Of course, there was the flowery series with couples staring longingly into each other's eyes, holding hands. Off to the side, it's own table was a display of the usual comical and cartoon-styled books. Books he grew up with. Magical animals or mythic creatures took center stage on the cover.

Not only was there a ton of aisles filled with manga, but there were various tables with glass displays showing figurines and similar collectibles for sale. The aisles were even labeled by the hanging sign above, displaying every genre title he could think of.

Right before several of the shelves were small statues of various mascot characters. One of them had an odd-looking blue-and-white cat, holding a futuristic-looking tool. Kamui's lips curled a bit at the memory. So that was still popular then?

Along with it were several more cutesy and mythical looking characters. A chibi-style dragon. A bright yellow mouse with white wings and around, wide-eyed winged fish were standing across from each other.

The shop seemed to draw even more interest to a, particularly large statue in the middle of the floor. There was a vibrant display of black and white creatures with long rabbit ears and a gem on their forehead. _Mokona_ was written on the plaque.

"Aren't they cute?' Yuzuriha pointed towards them.

"Ah, yeah," Kamui returned a bit awkwardly. He felt gazes from both male and female students on him. This place alone was a bit intimidating trying to take everything in.

Luckily he had an exuberant friend who dragged him along down the "shounen and action" genre aisles.

"This Manga just came out next year, it's really good," She told him, handing over the first book decorated with some spiky-haired character and a sword. "You should look into it."

"Ooh," She hadn't even taken two steps before she took out another story. "I think you'll really like this one! The character even looks like you." she giggled placing the book in Kamui's arm.

Said male frowned looking at the broody teenage protagonist along with the cover, eyes staring off into the distance.

The lack of resistance to Yuzuriha's book suggestions led her recommendations piling up higher and higher. Kamui's arms feeling the weight of the once light pile of paperbacks.

"This one is really cool! I'm not sure even that into battle scenes, but the character growth in the second arc is amazing!"

She piled another book into the teen's arms. A bit overwhelmed. Seriously, how did she find the time to keep up with all these?

"And this one is a little slow-paced, hmmm…" She slid one book back into the shelf. "Oh, this one focuses more on magic!" She turned on her heel and placed the book to the top.

"And you can't read it without the accompanying light novel!"

Another book piled.

"This one is so cool, the sword warrior looks just like Arashi don't you think?"

"Yeah," Kamui agreed and reluctantly accepted the inevitable book being piled up to the growing tower of his hands.

He winced as they turned the corner to the shoujo aisles.

"I mean it says _Shoujo_ but," She shrugged and laughed. "Who cares? I'm still recommending them."

A top came three more books. Kamui eventually opted to place his pile on the ground beside him. They entered another aisle that was certainly flowery and aesthetically pleasing. The shelves were lined with a soft rose pink color. As were the _'A-Z'_ labels, organizing each of the series.

Perplexed blue-violet eyes widened quite a bit seeing the covers He flushed a bit. Some of them with two males wrapped up in an embrace. And others with various art styles of female couples.

"And probably best of all!" She turned around. "The Yuri and Boys Love section."

Kamui opened his mouth to comment but stopped halfway. He figured out the gist of it with the romantic and sometimes suggestive cover pictures. Although, he had to admit the art style was attractive.

"And look!" Yuzuriha invaded the boy's personal space. She held a book right up against Kamui's face. He scrunched up his face and took a few steps back.

"Doesn't he look _just like_ Subaru?!" Yuzuriha pointed out a bit of mischief swirling in those eyes.

"Ah, I guess so?" He paused looking over the cover. A seemingly tall, raven-black haired male, adorned soft pastel pink dress shirt and black trousers. He stood with his back to the outside of a door. His eyes were heavily detailed a deep forest green. Kamui noted Subaru's eyes were quite a bit more… Entrancing?

He lingered over the picture, seeing a more petite blue-haired boy, his clothing all black. His back kissed the door behind him as he appeared to be inside a gloomy room. Their palms were placed flush in the same spot. The door between being the only barrier. There was something tragic.

He looked to see a too close Yuzuriha leaning up towards Kamui with a Cheshire grin.

"Oooh, we'll have to add it to the pile," she said quite pleased. "Although it's a bit tragic. There's still something beautiful there."

"I think…" Kamui knelt down, sliding the book back in its place."I'll skip out on that one."

"Oh, God! I'm sorry!" Yuzuriha slapped a hand to her forehead.

"For what?" Kamui blinked several times.

"After everything, these are the last types of Manga I should be suggesting," She groaned. Her lips frowned, at the guilt, again somehow managing to look as though she herself, had not been involved in the fateful battles.

Kamui whipped his head side to side. "It's fine, really." He took out the tragic BL book once more. The eyes on the "Subaru" of the book were darkened, a bit dim. A watery gleam of light glossed over the shrouded eyes. It matched painfully well with the dejected curve on his lips.

Kamui winced, sliding the book back into place. He'd seen that look far too often. A soft reminder of the past week brought him back. The expression in those dual-colored orbs became more real. The light that burned out some time ago seemed to be returning. Every day it seemed brighter. They were more… Endearing.

The image of softly curved lips, holding a private smile etched into his mind. He decided Subaru looked best with a smile.

Yuzuriha held a knowing smile on her lips. Kamui couldn't quite decode it. He stood up and scanned over the books.

Yuzuriha returned to picking up more lighthearted BL and Yuri stories.

Kamui felt himself doing better. Mind staying on the positive. Until he looked to his right.

The character held a striking resemblance to Fuuma. _His_ Fuuma. Down to the warm curve gracing his lips. The very beaming smile Kamui had fallen in love with. That smile he still loved. A bittersweet smirk overtook his features.

"Kamui?" Her eyes were shaking. Worry lines formed on her forehead. "What's wrong?" She stepped forward face to face with her friend. "You're crying…"

Kamui's finger brushed against his cheek for proof. "I-it's nothing...just I guess till overwhelmed from everything..."

Yuzuriha's lips formed into a pout. Her eyes were glossy, pained. Kamui felt guilt strike his chest. Even if he couldn't help his own pain.

Yuzuriha looked down for a moment. A bit dejected. She quickly whipped her head up and bounced on her heels. Her clenched hand met with the palm of her other like a gavel. "I know what will cheer you up!" Yuzuriha beamed, assurance lightening the atmosphere between the friends.

Kamui returned with a soft half-smile. All his loved ones indeed looked their best with a smile.

"Come on!" She grasped his wrist leading him seemingly nowhere.

"Where are we going?"

"To the cafe of course," She turned around, smiling as though it were the most obvious answer in the world. "Remember Director Imonoyama's recommendation? He said they have _the_ best cupcakes in all of Clamp academy!"

* * *

Subaru had long left for his first job, taking a seat in the _thankfully_ uncrowded train. He breathed a sigh as he sat in a far off and isolated corner.

Slender fingers fanned themselves over gold and emerald eyes. Subaru sunk further into his seat. He could just _hear_ his grandmother's berating tone for his current slouching.

Everything easily drowned out when the thought of his housemate's insistence on having Subaru go. To get back to some semblance of his normally abnormal life. The fragile boy, looking up at him with those wounded yet stubborn eyes. Pink lips protesting, he would be alright.

_Kamui…_

There was a heat burning under the fingers. Images resurfaced from earlier. He found himself drawn to those soft private smiles, elegant violet eyes, and hands that held his own with affection.

Kamui was waiting for him. At _their_ home.

Subaru had awoken from his catatonic state barley over a week ago. It was only then he _finally_ realized how deep his feelings ran for, his own _personal_ savior.

How could he already have it _this bad_?

Thankfully, it was a relatively simple job, to begin with. He hoped at least. A widow's complaint of her recently _'haunted'_ house. It likely was in need of just practical spells he had used hundreds if not thousands of times. If not, he would do whatever else it would take to let the wounded spirit pass on.

He'd taken on that job, along with several others. Hopefully, he would be back before dark. The reward of coming home to his beautiful housemate left him quite determined to do so.

He could _still_ feel those slender arms around his neck. The soft puffs of air against his neck. And those shy smiles on those soft bubblegum lips. Those entirely plush, shimmering, (and not to mention _criminally_ kissable _)_ lips that would call _his_ name so sweetly.

Kamui's heart was still healing. There hadn't been a night where he missed calling out or plain screaming for his lost beloved.

Yet, he couldn't help but feel hope. A hope that Kamui always would stay close to him. That they could never be apart from each other's life.

The person he loved was _living with him._ They slept _together_ in the _same bed_ and _held_ each other close. I'd be a lie to say the thought alone didn't make his heart soar. The lovesick man knew the foolish grin threatened to take over his features.

The warm breath left from thin lips. Fingers absently pressed over his lips. His mind tried to conjure up just how soft _his_ lips would feel to press against.

A bitter feeling resurfaced, clearly recalling a glimpse of Kamui's _first_ kiss. He felt his lips curve far south. Quite bitter. A raven-black eyebrow twitched.

Subaru forcibly closed off the possessive glint in those dual-toned eyes and took soothing breaths.

Sleek fingers nervously brushed through the locks of raven hair. His spare hand reached absently to his pocket. He looked at the time on his phone. The lit-up words above the door showed him he had several more stops to go.

Breathe in. Softly. Exhale…slowly.

And hopefully, he'll clear his mind to work properly.

* * *

"Ah, this is the best!" Yuzuriha stretched her arms up high towards the ceiling. She leaned back in her chair, quite content.

Kamui nodded, taking a leisurely bite of the colorful treat. The large round cupcake displayed like art on the plate. Every color of the rainbow was swirling on top of the treat. The icing was sweet and a small purple candy heart was placed in the center of the cupcake.

Of course, his boisterous friend had to get additional cookies, donuts, brownies, and crepes. They had their own sampler ready. Two cups of steaming hot cocoa were placed on either end of the table.

The girl tapped at her cup. Kamui felt Inuki circling by his feet. The spirit dog shuffled around, presumably circling before lying down comfortably, resting by his girl's feet.

She cupped a hand to her cheek. Her head tilted. "What's Subaru's favorite dessert?

Kamui felt himself burn up a little. He hung his head.

"I don't know, " he meekly replied. He did ask about the older man's favorite food to eat, so he didn't ask further around the subject.

"What about you?"

Kamui flushed a bit looking down at his lap. "I'm not sure…"

Yuzuriha hummed. She lifted her mug to her lips. "You two are so alike." She teased gently and took a long sip.

"What do you mean?" Kamui looked back up with curiosity.

"You and Subaru. You reflect each other at times." She answered vaguely. Another sip of her hot cocoa. "And apparently with likes or the uncertainty with them." Her voice softened, hoping the words didn't come off judgmental.

Thankfully, Kamui just smiled a bit.

Those blue watery orbs certainly weren't looking at his friend. His eyes gazed back down and into the reflection, he could see in his cup.

"I think he's a lot kinder than me…" Kamui admitted sheepishly. He felt something fluttering inside. His final thoughts managed to slip out. " _Really gentle…_ "

"You're both kind people," Yuzuriha assured, and shook her head. Her friend was still lost in something that made him smile helplessly. The cat-like smirk returned at the action, but she bit her lip, stopping the giggle at its source. "I think you both are a bit too hard on yourselves."

"Ok, Let's try this again," She paused and took another swig of her drink. She looked determined.

"Okay so out of everything here. What's your favorite?"

"Ah-I guess ah…"

She giggled softly, smiling at her friend. "There aren't wrong answers here."

"Right, ah probably the cupcake then..."

Yuzuriha hummed, taking a bite of her own cupcake for confirmation. "It is very good." She agreed. "I'm leaning more towards the crepes today, myself but… if it's what you like."

She grinned happily to see Kamui looking up again. Whatever he had been imaging earlier certainly had him look a bit brighter.

"Then that's probably what he'd like as well," She reasoned and nodded with great determination.

"Maybe I'll bring one back for him," Kamui, again seemed to be talking to himself. His mind flooded with a mix of confusing emotions.

"You should," She readily agreed with his vocalized thoughts. "And you'll have to tell me if I'm right about this being his new favorite."

Kamui rolled his eyes fondly but relented. "I will."

"I'm pretty sure I'm right. Honestly, I'm almost positive he'll probably say he likes them more than anything."

"Why's that?"

"Woman's intuition."

Kamui's face scrunched.

"And because it'll be coming from you," She told him clearly.

Kamui felt those same raw emotions nagging at his mind. "What do you mean?" He couldn't meet her eyes.

She sighed. "You'll figure it out eventually," her grin resurfaced seeing a baffled Kamui.

The two fell in comfortable silence. Kamui flipped through one of the Manga. The gadget cat from the future, one he remembered loving in his childhood, it took his interest. He may have found himself drawn to a soft _Boys_ _Love_ Romance story as well.

"Do you think we could make these somehow?"

"Possibly?"

"I mean I'm sure there's some secret ingredient," She held up the cupcake, looking at the bottom of it for answers. "But maybe we'll get close."

"Hopefully, with the baking and cooking classes, we were assigned."

"I think they'll be a lot of fun. Though hopefully, we won't have a macaron incident."

"Oh God," Kamui snorted.

"I'm surprised we didn't get banned from the dorms for that!"

"It was an experience."

"Thankfully, we managed to keep the place in one piece until we were saved by…."

She paused biting at her lips. " _Sorata."_

The name sent a chill through both student's spines. The spirit dog awakened as though sensing his person's pain, and nuzzled his nose against the girl's legs. She absently brushed the top of his fluffy head and smiled a bit feeling him rest his muzzle on her lap.

Kamui's violet eyes darkened and he winced. Mood shifted.

Their pained eyes matched alongside their frowns. Kamui dug his nails into his jeans. He felt the most empathy for their friend who knew _him_ best.

"How's Arashi?"

Kamui inquired not looking back up to meet his friend's equally saddened gaze.

"She's doing the best she can… Considering…" Yuzuriha admitted.

Kamui nodded, the pain of losing the one you fell in love with was still painfully raw.

"But she does keep in touch. I heard she's staying at the temple now…"

"That's good."

"Yeah…"

They looked up and met eyes. Both sharing a bitter laugh. Tears threatened both pairs of glimmering orbs.

"She said she might sign up for some astrology classes when she comes back. "

"I think that might be good…"

"Hopefully. They'll always be connected you know… Arashi and S-" Her voice broke out. The quiet spirit dog leaned up peeking his head out from under the table again. He cuddled close again, brushing his nose against her knee. "Thanks, Inuki," She knelt down, between the chair and table to hug him close. Tears fell freely yet silently. Kamui had to feel to confirm he was indeed in the same state.

Kamui bit his lip tentatively. They gave each other the needed space. Both taking comforting bites of the food in front of them. It was no surprise they were nearly gone.

Yuzuriha snuggled her Inuki one more time before sitting up properly. "But I'm glad we'll be going to the academy together." She rubbed at her eyes. "It'd be way too lonely, otherwise."

Kamui smiled warmly at that. "I'm glad too."

* * *

Subaru must have lost his sense of awareness. His mind flooded with peaceful images from earlier made for a smooth day at work.

The sun had yet to set, and he was already walking back from the train station in Tokyo

He was too careless as he thought of the younger male. His brain didn't want to register what number was calling his phone before he answered.

"..." _And...Shit._ He lost his breath, a million emotions flooded alongside agonizing guilt.

"Subaru?" The tired and pained voice called from the other end.

He gasped at the familiar voice. Pained, self-admonished flooded his features, washing away the smile Kamui had brought him seconds ago.

"Subaru, you are there aren't you?"

Silence.

"I know you've suffered greatly. I won't pretend I can comprehend that. But I can't help but be glad you're here, alive."

Subaru swallowed.

"I don't think I could handle losing both of you."

"..." Subaru exhaled softly, pondering hanging up or letting his emotions consume him.

"You must know I'll always love both of you, regardless."

Subaru broke, "I'm not the same man I was."

Relief could be heard through her response. Finally, hearing the voice of the family she worried for most. "I'm aware."

"The role I've resigned myself is a burden I've committed to the rest of my life." He lamented.

"Yet, you _still_ use your powers to help and heal those around Tokyo."

"I'm broken," Subaru disclosed softly. Even if his targets to feed the Sakura tree's life would be of the scum of the earth. It didn't leave his hands clean. Not prevent him from using his powers to harm rather than save.

"You're certainly not broken," She argued back reverently, heart sinking at the state of her only grandchild's heart.

"I've become the one you despise the most in this world! How can you say that's okay?!" He snapped out, tone much ruder and colder than he anticipated.

"I'm not condoning your actions, Subaru." She admitted sadly. He had expected the sting. "For knowingly taking over, I never will." She was concise.

Emerald and golden eyes shivered, even while expecting it.

"Yet, I never _stop_ wishing for your happiness. And that goes beyond any expectations I've held for you."

"G-grandmother," Subaru maneuvered himself towards a more secluded area on the side of the park he strolled through.

"I am certainly to blame for your pain, to begin with…"

"That wasn't your fault!"

"You were a young child, you hadn't even gone on your first job!"

"It wasn't you that -"

_Shattered me._

"It doesn't change how I left you on your own. Even a second was far too careless."

 _He and I would have met regardless._ Subaru wished he could say. Seishirou was still far too sore a subject to speak on. Their fates had been intertwined.

"I've never once blamed you, grandmother."

He could feel the smile on the other end of the line. "I know. You'll always have had that gentle heart."

"I'm quite far from who I was."

He could hear the tired sigh from the other end of the line. "Yet, you're not as changed as you may believe." A long exhale followed.

"You were so young yet pushed to the edge daily. Never breaking from your duties. Not forsaking them for your own well being or what you truly wanted. It was only a matter of time. I believed what I wanted to, that you were honored as you said to hold such a position. Never once did you complain to me."

"I've let go of those duties countless times."

"And I failed to protect you when you needed it most. I barely managed to save you in the end."

"Grandmother, that was more than enough-You've sacrificed so much already I could never blame you further. "

"We both carry unchangeable regrets from our past." She proceeded. "Yet, time only moves forward whether or not we decide to join it."

"Don't I know it…" Conjured images of a wounded Hokuto haunted him. He could feel the warm touch on his hand when she left.

Much like… _Kamui_!

"I…" Subaru started. "I saw Hokuto. Well, not in this realm, but… She was as kind as always."

"So you did…"

"She told me to think of something I wanted to protect." His voice cut off.

"And you've found that _something_."

"I…" Subaru paused, heart hammering as he felt himself moving forward. "I have."

If Seishirou was the love who shattered him, then Kamui was the miracle restoring him piece by piece.

"I'm sorry. I have something incredibly important I need to attend to." His pace quickened beyond all sense of reason. The image of those beautiful eyes looking up at him. Those soft bubblegum lips calling his name, or even his own lost beloved.

The limber man found himself rising from rooftop to rooftop."I'll take what you said to heart."

"Ah, then you should get to _that someone._ I'll contact you again, " She felt her worries lighten. Something had certainly been restored within her fragile grandson. Perhaps, her own wish for his happiness would reach fulfillment. "I'm relieved to have heard you, Subaru."

_To know you're alive._

He nodded to no one's sight but his own habit of his old self. The sound of the phone clicked off. They bid their temporary goodbyes.

Subaru felt his heart racing painfully hard. He wanted- No he _absolutely needed_ to see Kamui. To hold the one he loved so tightly in his arms. He needed this… To touch, to hold, to hear, to sense… _Kamui_. To feel his own given energy merging within Kamui...

His cheeks were aching, a smile on his lips refusing to leave.

Subaru's grandmother felt herself _breathing_ for the first time in over a decade. The ache in her chest letting up enough. She could hear the genuine emotion returning to her precious grandchild. She silently thanked whoever had brought this hope.

_It seems your heart and mind have been swayed yet again._

Not to be shattered, but restored.

* * *

Heart fluttering wildly and out of breath, Subaru made it back far earlier than usual. It hadn't even been 15 minutes, still early enough to spend time with his precious person.

Kamui would be there. Exhaling softly, Subaru turned the knob on the door.

Given the circumstances, he didn't expect an over the top greeting like in some romance manga. He didn't know what to expect from Kamui's mood. Still, he couldn't fight the near pout forming on his lips not seeing Kamui in the entryway or living room. Or anywhere in his sight.

"I'm back," Subaru announced. The door closed and locked behind him. "Kamui?"

He sighed. Letting his emotions get the better of him like that. Subaru _knows_ he isn't the one Kamui is _in love with_ , but he far too easily hoped that Kamui still held some type of love for him. Whatever role to stay in Kamui's life he'd gladly take.

"Kamui?" he called out. The older man took off his long black trench coat and hung it on the rack in the entryway. Slipping his shoes off, he started his search. Hoping Kamui was wanting to be found.

He walked through the living room. Glancing curiously through the kitchen and dining room. The bathroom door had been left open. He doubted Kamui would forsake his own privacy.

"Kamui?!" He tried again. This time louder.

Was he still at the bookstore? It was quite possible. He held up his worst, staring at the flashing numbers.

Something told him the introverted boy wouldn't be out for nearly 7 hours, certainly needing some alone time.

"Kamui?!" He called worriedly. His eyes tensed and facial features tightened up.

He started up the stairs at a normal pace.

"Kamui…" His heart sank.

His ears perked up at a painfully hushed noise. The soft sound of quick broken off breaths and sobbing, brought him racing up to be there near instantly.

He frowned, opening the main bedroom door to see no sign of his beloved.

Finally, he went down the hall towards an empty bedroom. The painful cries became louder and more clear.

Subaru opened the door to the empty bedroom with no hesitation.

"Kamui?... I oh, _Kamui…"_

The taller male knelt down right behind Kamui. The wounded male had curled himself up to a ball. Knees were up to his chest, his arms wrapped around tightly. His face buried in his legs.

Subaru warmly brought Kamui closer wrapping his arms around him tightly, from behind. A _Dragon_ guarding their precious _treasure_. Subaru embraced him, protectively, not willing to let go even if it meant the end of the world would begin all over again.

Kamui let out a soft gasp at the touch "Subaru?!" He turned around quickly... Worry set in the older man. Kamui hadn't even noticed him coming in?

"Mhmm," he cooed. Subaru rested his hand comfortably in the raven hair. Fingers flowed softly through the tresses, the movement akin to gently flowing water.

More sniffling followed. Kamui continued to hide his face. "Subaru, I…" he whispered. Neither truly knowing what he'd say.

The younger male's voice was trembling. Kamui's _protector_ felt an ache in his chest. He cursed himself out for leaving Kamui on his own so soon. It was just over one week.

The long fingers continued to comb and soothe through the boy's hair. A reflection of light from the sun made it glossy. Glowing even.

Dual toned eyes became memorized. Gold and emerald lost themselves at the sight, lingering over his _everything_. The heavenly glow upon his head, trembling arms, shaky hands. He grasped one of Kamui's hands upon his own.

Subaru breathed an audible sigh of relief. Kamui finally returned his touch and turned to better fit their hands together.

The protective male let his precious person cry out softly. He reached out to hold onto both of Kamui's hands with his larger one successfully. They had practically been stacked on top of each other. Fingers soothed the skin they held closely. His hands stayed gliding through the glossy raven locks.

Finally, Kamui's hands eased in their shaking. He felt the boy slowly relax just a bit, leaning back. They flushed, chest to back.

Subaru's hand slid down from the hair, brushing some aside. Kamui allowed him to look through the barrier. To see those dampened, reddened cheeks. Emotion kept running rapidly, drenching his hair and exposed cheek.

Tentatively, those long pale fingers went further. Kamui's walls slowly lowering. Subaru brushed the long strands of hair falling in front of the boy's eyes.

 _It_ _ **is**_ _longer than before._ The older male confirmed to himself. He was all too memorized by quite a nice feeling.

Kamui drew in a quick breath, making the hand on his cheek hesitate. He breathed a tired sigh and leaned into the touch. The motion making the other male's chest throb, as it always did.

Movements were slow, gentle, and languid. It came naturally with them. Subaru treated Kamui's heart as though it were porcelain. Even if he knew his own heart was far more fragile between the two of them.

Subaru held in a breath, unsure if it was the time. He started to trace fingers under the soft under. All in hopes to see Kamui's face.

Plans changed. The younger male turned his body in an instant, finally coming out.

"Kam-!"

Kamui lunged forward. The surprise of the attack nearly made him fall back, pushing Subaru to the floor. _Then Kamui would have been…_

Subaru shook off the thought quickly.

Slender arms were wrapped needily around Subaru's broad shoulders. Suddenly, his arms were filled with a sobbing Kamui. Tears were staining the shirt. The younger male's expression sheltered itself in a warm, comforting shoulder. Both were preferring this kind of shelter. _Together_.

Kamui's protector let him do all he wanted. The arms were nearly painfully tight around the older male, but he wouldn't break the hold for the world.

Subaru kept breathing slowly, calming his mind. His arms held Kamui back in a very firm shielding embrace.

A hand rested on the small back, rubbing tender patterns upon it.

"I-I…" Kamui attempted. His emotions and sobbing voice made it impossible.

Subaru felt his chest aching. His heart warmed as he felt the trembling hand hold his own, guiding it back to his hair. He heard himself swallow.

Kamui's face burned hidden away to not expose his features any further. Wordless, the protective male all too easily gave in to the request. Fingers carded softly, and intimately through the silky locks of hair.

Far too lovesick to worry about requited love, Subaru further gave in to his heart. Just a bit. He pressed his lips immediately to the crown of Kamui's head letting them linger there. So long as the younger male allowed him.

Kamui felt a far warmer emotion building up inside. The cold icy agony was melting. He held back the urge to purr at the dual feeling of lips pressing to his head and the hand brushing his hair.

Subaru's other hand never seized to comfort the trembling male, caressing him languidly. The slender hand continued moving higher up near the smaller male's shoulders.

"Ha-" Kamui let out an undignified yelp. Those skilled hands eased the tension in a particularly tight knot.

Kamui's lithe form jolted up. The sudden movement knocking the hand on his face away. Though it returned instantly...

Subaru moved to massage the other shoulder, easing the tension and earning a smaller jolt. He let out a pleased chuckle, indulging fully in those reactions.

Kamui gasped, burrowing himself further into the protective form. He kept close, listening for a strong, steady heartbeat before he could relax. He didn't know what to think of the reason _why_ his actions came as they did. Simply, he didn't want to now. Keeping the moment sacred, not changing a thing.

Finally, Kamui muffled a reply. "...you"

Subaru frowned a bit, feeling guilty to ask again. Though it couldn't be helped. "I'm Sorry I could n-"

"I said 'thank you'" Kamui repeated his voice more audibly. He swore his voice broke out far louder than it actually was. Heat brushed up through a pale neck and ears. Vulnerability settled in. Yet, even so, he didn't want to hide away, not yet.

 _They're always so beautiful._ Subaru caught those watery violet eyes in a gaze. The pair hadn't spoken. The two simply lingered there.

Kamui lifted his head up more fully. His features softened, seeing Subaru more directly, closer.

Subaru's hand brushed away the stray strands of hair falling over his face. He cupped a tear ridden cheek softly.

"You've stopped crying… " Lovesick lips soothed. Subaru's relieved breath and smile followed.

Kamui brushed and held the hand upon his cheek. Subaru could _feel_ the seam of lips beginning to curve.

His smile was shaky but certainly hadn't been any easier on the yearning man's heart.

"I…" Kamui began. He squinted down at himself in frustration. "I was…before I started to…" Kamui's face scrunched up. "Aghh!" He groaned in frustration.

Subaru brought the boy into focus. The arm that found itself snaking around the slender waist retreated. He held the boy's neglected cheek in a soft caress. Both delicate hands continued brushing and easing the tension from the skin beneath.

"You don't have to push yourself, to talk about it, if you don't want to…"

He shook his head, his hand soon joined. Kamui's slender porcelain hands held softly to the comforting ones on his cheeks.

Watery orbs of violet shining a bit bluer under the sun looked up. Finally, dual orbs of gold and emerald bore into and locked with the pair of glistening violet blues.

Two puffy red ovals surrounded the melancholy boy. His nose was unclean and messy from earlier.

Subaru decided Kamui couldn't fail to look beautiful no matter what he did.

Although his currently tender lips made up his favorite look on the younger male.

Languidly, and reluctantly Kamui retracted a hand. He gestured his arm out to the right. Old picture frames and fallen photos were scattered about.

It clicked with Subaru.

"I think I want to tell you," Kamui confessed. The protective man felt that same familiar warmth dancing in his chest. Their eyes gazed into the other. Subaru's eyes lightened, yet there was still a deep longing within.

Kamui hadn't known the emotion he felt himself now. Far too many others came rushing in at once. They slowly moved from the comfortable embrace. They sat up, backs against the wall, their forms only moving a few feet to the side of the room.

Shaky fingers grasped for something strewn on the carpet. Kamui held up an old family photo and leaned back and closer to the warmth nearby.

The picture was a bit faded, clearly cherished for some time. There was a happy, innocent Kamui. His mother and the young six-year-old version of Kamui were posed gracefully. Both were smiling in front of the glistening blue ocean behind them. The resemblance was clear between the two. Their same facial shape, silky raven hair, and endearing smiles matched perfectly.

Subaru didn't know what to say. He opted to let Kamui talk when he was ready.

"It's… Just really hard, even after all this time..." Kamui confessed, grasping for the fallen photos on the floor and gathering them into one pile. When he was done he returned. Back to his protector's side. Their legs brushed.

Kamui held out a new photo. Subaru's slender fingers grasped it carefully. His head leaned back to rest between Subaru's shoulder and chest. His index finger traced over the picture held out by the taller male.

It appeared to be the same beach in the background. This time right at the shoreline. A young _beaming_ Kamui was there holding onto the help of his mother's blue cover-up dress.

Yet, they were not alone in this picture. The young mother was standing beside another woman, quite closely. Both of them looking to be around the same age and beaming tenderly. Sandy-blond tresses flowed down to her back. It contrasted with Kamui's mother raven-black dresses. The women complemented each other. Even their dresses contrasted neatly with blue and red flowy fabric adorning their figures.

A very young Kotori stood beside the unknown woman. She was a mini reflection of her mother. Quite a tall, yet very young innocent Fuuma placed his hand on his sister's shoulder.

Kamui thumbed over the photo. His lips quirked up in a sardonic smile. "This was the last time I remember my mother, truly happy."

"I barely remember my father," He explained softly and pointed to the woman beside his mother. "I would see 'Aunt Saya'," His two fingers curved to form air quotes. "Far more often than my father."

Subaru warmly wrapped an arm around Kamui's waist and held him close. Kamui's bitter smile sweetened just a bit. He fully leaned his head on the older male's shoulder.

"They were always so close… For as long as I can remember." Kamui breathed a heavy sigh. "I didn't get it as a kid and looking back I still don't. When 'Aunt' Saya left, my mother changed… Like a light burned out. I can't but feel I was missing something. And now I'll never know."

"Kamui…" Subaru soothed and brushed his fingers over the other's trembling. "I'm honored you've told me this. But if this is too much you don't have to go into this…"

Kamui's nose puffed a breath. He rolled his eyes, the movement was a bit fonder than he would have liked to show.

"I'll be alright, Subaru… I told you before _I want to do this…_ I don't have much else to say about Mother though…"

Another photo was placed on top of the pile. Kamui looked a bit older than the previous one. Perhaps around seven or eight. His copper-blind friend was sitting right beside him

That pure smile remained intact. Subaru mourned for its loss.

"Well...you know…" Kamui waved his hand around in a circular motion. His nose squinted up and he looked frustrated at his lap. He admonished himself. _After just saying it would be alright._

"Yes, I remember…" Subaru assured. Images of a shattered soul holding the head of his loved one was hard to forget. Along with those screams.

This picture seemed like an alternate reality. The childhood versions of Kamui and Kotori were sitting on a larger tree branch. Both with cheeky smiles, close to a bustling birds nest full of open beaked babies, and their mother.

"And…." Kamui didn't explain. He only slapped another picture on top of the pile.

A grade school Kamui stood in front of a colorful school building. His taller friend's arm gently curled around Kamui's shoulder. A young Fuuma's hand clasped over Kamui, the latter oblivious or all too willing to remain so intimate.

Kamui's lost love held was something more in those amber eyes. Even as a child a somewhat darker glint of possessiveness was visible. Subaru felt himself wince.

"It's weird to be back there now…" Kamui didn't speak further on either of his childhood friends and loves. He shifted over to piling on lighthearted images, candid photos of himself, Yuzuriha, Arashi, and Sorata at the CLAMP campus dorms.

One with them in the kitchen. Kamui adorably (to Subaru's mind) focused on the cutting board in front of him. Several carrots were cut up and Kamui's hand had held the helm of the knife carefully, his other hand holding the vegetable curled up properly.

Though, Subaru could see the cause of the cloudy and saddened eyes and a dejected frown from Kamui. His tall and jovial friend stood right beside him. He sported a cheeky grin and rested his elbows on the counter, seeming to watch Kamui carefully.

Another photo was of Kamui and Yuzuriha in front of the larger mixing bowl. Kamui held the mixing spoon a bit awkwardly but seemed at ease regardless. Yuzuriha had her hands clapped together.

Kamui's sour expression from before lighted a bit. "Yuzuriha is the same as always." He assures. Now, smiling a bit to himself at their earlier adventure through the giant bookstore.

"I'm glad you'll be in a lot of classes together," Subaru mentioned.

Kamui nodded. He would have liked to have them match more. Having a bubbly friend like Yuzuriha drew attention away from himself. At least, they had extracurricular cooking and baking classes.

The pictures continued to pile up, those beside Yuzuriha and Kamui. His friend often kept making some exuberant expressions in the photos. Her energy practically burned through the picture. And that small photograph brought a gentle hope from Kamui's features.

Those photos clearly focused on Arashi or Sorata made his expression fall quickly. The memory of the two, forming guilt in the former leader's mind. Even if his friend was foretold to die for the woman he loved, Kamui wished he had the power to change it. To stop the _Kamui_ _of_ _Earth_ earlier before anyone got hurt. Arashi lost many of those rare yet true smiles she gave back then. Perhaps some would return when she came to the academy.

"It's weird going back to the academy now," Kamui stated, his lips quirked. Beautiful violet eyes glistened with a tender light reflected.

"I _hated_ having these photos before….but now… I… guess I wish we had taken more."

" _Kamui_..." Subaru hugged the smaller male close to his side.

"You too," Kamui hushed vaguely, his cheeks painted light pink.

Subaru lifted an eyebrow, looking over the boy curiously. "What do you mean…?"

Kamui shook his head and turned away. "Nothing, it's stupid. Considering everything happening then…"

"Kamui? " Subaru prompted. He grasped the shy male's chin over to look at him. Their glimmering gem toned eyes bore into one another again. That familiar warmth met as their hands connected. Subaru held his own only to find Kamui instinctively lacing them together.

"Whatever you started on seems important to you. There's nothing I've heard you say that I'd even consider being stupid." Subaru hummed, giving the boy's hand a gentle squeeze. He prompted him to continue.

"I guess…looking at this now, I wish I had photos _with you_ at the academy," Kamui admitted, terribly quiet. The older male ducked his head down to hear the latter words.

_Oh._

When they sunk in his eyes widened and he flushed. His eyes darkened a bit, shifting away from the currently shy male beside him. _I was hardly in the right state of mind._ Enrolling only for the convenience to track down Seishirou.

"You helped me so much with my classes. And always were so kind and patient with me…" Kamui admitted, making both of their hearts thump wildly.

"You _still_ are…" Kamui hushed in a terrible soft whisper, gulping.

Those small moments were forever engraved in the older male's mind. Amongst the internal hell, Subaru had small moments of reprieve. Feeling he could breathe. All those times they met under the gazebo.

 _Just the two of them._ The world's fate seemed to pause, just for those few hours they went over past lessons.

A sense of freedom was felt. Like he wasn't eternally bound to that Sakura tree.

"As I said back then I'll say now, It was no trouble at all, for me…" Subaru's face glowed, lit by the setting sun.

Signs of red, pink, and orange swirled into Kamui's eyes. Those violet-blue orbs reflected them perfectly. The brilliant blend of colors. A painter's masterpiece...

"Kamui, I…"

Kamui looked up at him, with tear-stained eyes wide and Innocent.

Subaru stopped himself from moving any closer.

"I was happy to spend that time with you," Subaru opted to profess, shifting gears. He cleared his throat.

"Ah…" Kamui paused. Not really understanding the protective man's emotions nor his own. Far too many emotions, painful and aching to those fluttering warm feelings battling to dispel the darkness. "I'm glad."

Kamui shifted through a handful of photos and passed them to Subaru to look at. Neither spoke on them any further.

The two males simply stayed close. Kamui rested his head on the taller male's shoulder, his head nuzzling into the curve of his neck.

Silence followed onto the final picture, Kamui quickly covered it with his hand.

Subaru hadn't questioned it, seeing the photo well before Kamui's retraction of it. He recognizing a similar one in the old cracked frame off to the side.

He understood the boy's reluctance to talk any further. The picture was clearly treasured. And a fairly recent one at that. Kamui had been wearing his former black school uniform. Beside him was the man Kamui _deeply loved_ and surely _still_ _loves at_ this very moment.

Fuuma has been pressed intimately close to Kamui. A hand curved over Kamui's shoulder holding him protectively. Kamui's cheeks were dusted with alluring rose pink. He leaned close to his love. Kamui's head leaning to the side and brushing against the taller male's chest.

Even if they hadn't understood each other until it was too late… They could have easily been mistaken for lovers.

Kamui's eyes were focused only ahead on the camera. Fuuma's amber eyes held a certainly loving gleam in them, that was shrouded by a darker tone. Subaru could recognize that possessive glint anywhere.

That of a man clearly in love, taking his claim over the younger male and daring anyone to even consider taking _his_ Kamui away.

"I… Ah...I think I'm feeling better." Kamui broke the silence. He squeezed the older man's hand bringing him back to attention. Back to the way his hand had held to Kamui's smaller one, _hard._ An arm instinctively had moved, and continued to tighten and coil around the abashed male.

"Ah, s-sorry," Subaru snapped back to reality. Forcing that bitter feeling in his stomach down.

A sense of awkwardness came between them as Kamui shifted himself up. He nearly fell right back into place, a stuttering heart making him clumsier than usual.

"You're sure?" Subaru asked simply, quite expecting the soft hum of confirmation as his answer.

"Yeah… I-I'm sorry. It really was a fun day earlier even- just going through these things I…"

Kamui leaned up to his feet, stretching his arms up above his head. Hoping to break himself from getting too lost in his mind and memories.

The action was no surprise, yet Kamui still gasped softly. Longer and warmer arms than his own enveloped him from behind.

He was pulled back to a sense of blissful warmth. Those same arms insistently pulled him closer until their bodies flushed back to chest.

The taller male leaned down and rested his chin upon Kamui's shoulder. "You _never_ need to apologize for what you're feeling," Subaru assured. His warm breath blew right against the hairs on the back of Kamui's neck, as he spoke.

Kamui shivered a bit at the hold and nerve-wracking feeling which followed.

"Thank you…." Kamui professed his mind in a daze. There were only two people in the world he ever let himself get _this_ close to… Before _Subaru_.

The younger male felt himself relax more fully, as he was spun around to be embraced chest to chest. Kamui returned the hug with shaky arms. "I…brought you back something," Kamui mumbled against the warm chest.

"Hmm?" Subaru squeezed him tightly before releasing Kamui enough to see his face.

"Well, I went with Yuzuriha to that cafe I told you about…" Kamui started a bit awkwardly, glancing away from the inquisitive stare. "And ah… well I mean, I know you said you didn't want anything..."

Kamui grabbed at Subaru's wrist and tugged him out of the room. The older male let the one holding his heart, pull him along. Anywhere. The younger male hadn't looked back. Neither were sure who started it but their hands found themselves shifting and embracing tightly.

"I...still wanted to bring you something back." Kamui bit his lip. Nerves settled in, hoping the gesture wouldn't seem odd or unwanted.

"Hnnn," Subaru acknowledged, squeezing the smaller hand in his own. The motion was tight and reassuring. He let his flustered leader continue on.

The pair walked past the hallway leisurely. Kamui's gaze stayed straight ahead. He walked ahead, descending down the staircase. "So anyway…"

Kamui led him back to the dining room. Only then did their hands, reluctantly part. "Just stay here…"

The younger male grasped the back of one of the chairs, sliding it back. His warm, sweaty palms pressed flat upon the broader male's chest. Dual-toned eyes widened, and lips were about to part. Kamui stopped those plans, by gently pushing him back to the chair. With no resistance and help on Subaru's side, he was guided. to sit back on one of the dining room chairs. Hastily, Kamui retreated around the corner.

Subaru shifted to sit on the side of the chair. Bemused and terribly fond eyes followed the other's movements precisely.

 _Kamui is too cute…_ His brain kept stuttering the same thought on repeat. Kamui walked a bit hesitant towards the fridge. He breathed out softly, and decided upon the handle of the door and opening it.

A shy, softened smile crept up over the younger male's lips, he took out something in a plastic box. Hands rustled through the drawer, and he plucked out a fork. Kamui stood up on his tip-toes to reach for one of the small plates.

Subaru slapped a hand to his face. Fingers moved to massage the throbbing temples. _Why didn't I move those lower?_

Sprinkles of lemonade-pink colored Kamui's face. The sight became more and more apparent the closer he came. Kamui looked up at him, lips a bit shaky before forming a smile that contended to be admirer's favorite. That soft hesitant turn of lips, one barely visible, save for those close to it.

Subaru swallowed. His chest was aching, his emotions pounding wildly inside. It would be a terrible lie if he was anything but affected by the kind gesture. Having Kamui come out and serve him like this, with his _surprise,_ left him a bit lightheaded.

Lips hopelessly spread to a foolish smile that threatened to melt off his mouth. Kamui tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. The kitchen lights struck Kamui perfectly. He simply _glowed,_ even under basic lighting.

"I can never thank you enough," Kamui admitted, eyes a bit distraught as they strayed from sight.

Subaru's lips quirked. "And you don't need to." He assured, grasping for Kamui's hand.

"But…" Unfortunately, for Subaru, the keeper of his heart refused to meet his gaze. He bit his lip nervously. Not an uncommon gesture for Kamui, yet to see it this close, Subaru's mouth dried.

"You've done so much for me…I really appreciate everything. All of this..."

Kamui held his hand up high, his hand flowed to form an arc in the air. His gesturing made clear to indicate all throughout their home. _'Not to mention saving me...so many times.'_ Kamui's mind lingered as he paused.

"You're so kind, Subaru. I mean letting me live here like this…" Kamui started. Subaru started to protest before a flat hand moved before his face. "I'm still not used to everything...but I feel...a bit lighter with you here. Like I have _a home here with you._ " Kamui professed, gently softly. He stopped himself from talking further, hurriedly sitting down on the adjacent chair.

Kamui groaned to himself. Going through some mental war, unknown likely to even himself. He crossed his arms upon the table and buried his face. He muttered a string of words to himself. A mumble of something ' _sappy'_ was all Subaru could get out of it.

"Kamui…" Subaru's mouth hung open. Emerald and gold eyes widened, before shivering wildly. A soft white glow reflected in the lightened dual-colored eyes. He brushed his hand gently up and down sheltering arms. SImply, moving them up and down in hopes to soothe Kamui out of his shell.

"First, I have to reiterate, and will as many times as I need to. I do not _'let'_ you live here. I truly _want_ you here." _Need you here. "_ And what you said just ah...n-now," The words rumbled out into a stuttered mess. He could feel his cheeks burning like lava. The desire to copy Kamui's retreating actions was quite tempting.

Boldly, Subaru took a long drawn out-breath and continued. His hands gently nudged at Kamui's shoulder. The flustered male responded to the touch and slightly peeked out from his hiding place. His face from the nose down stayed hidden. Beautiful blue-violet orbs peeked out and were all but ravished by their counterpart.

Subaru snorted at the gesture, quite bemused. His eyes pored over the hidden face. He fell easily into those entrancing eyes, and his lips curved helplessly. Consuming eyes turned half-lidded and hopeless as they took Kamui in, entirely _gone_ on him.

"It made me very _happy_ , Kamui. This is your home as long as you still want to live here…"

Kamui couldn't help but grin at that and leaned up to speak more clearly. "I'll _always_ want to…" He stated simply, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

He continued to lift his head up, exposing more of his face. Enough for Subaru to catch a glimpse of an elegant trace of pink. And to see that soft grin falling to a kind smile.

"Then it's settled…" Subaru decided in a whisper-soft breath. Finally, Kamui slowly began to unravel. He leaned up and smiled, a sense of warmth and relief flooding over him.

"You don't have to do things like this to thank me," he assured once more. He glanced and pointed towards the neglected dessert. The recipient quite preferred to _devour_ the one he cherished, more visually. "But, I do appreciate you thinking of me…doing this."

"Then it's settled," Kamui mimicked from earlier.

Subaru's eyebrows lifted. "Oh?"

"I'll just keep doing these kinds of things for you...Because I _want_ to."

A confident smirk painted his lips. Subaru had to force himself not to linger on the movement too long.

"If you want to. And _only_ if you want to."

"I do." Kamui nodded, mind in quite a similar daze as the kind man holding his gaze., fully capturing him. Brilliant, glowing blue-violet eyes blended and fell into gold and emerald. Sparkling gem hued eyes were glistening. Time slowed just a bit for them.

Enough for them both to notice small details. Subaru took in those tiny glints of white had colored Kamui's eyes. Glints that could barely be seen along with the larger gleams of light reflected. Dual-hued irises were much lighter, and softer than Kamui remembered

Subaru absently found himself grasping for the fork, he dug the utensil into the large colorful cupcake. Glossy dual-hued eyes hadn't left the ones they pined for.

Kamui tilted his head, a bit curious how Subaru was able to bring the fork to his lips with no trouble at all.

Only, when his tongue met with over the sugary sponge cake did Subaru break from his trance. The frosted cupcake had just the right amount of sweetness. Perhaps, the person that gifted the treat, had a bit of an influence on its taste.

"This is _really_ good," Subaru thought aloud, taking another bite up to his lips.

"I'm glad…I wasn't sure you would like this sort of thing," Kamui confessed his worries. Full eyelashes blinked slowly over glossy violet-blue.

"Kamui…" Subaru followed the fluttering movements. He brought a second bite absently to his lips again, surprising Kamui with how effortless it looked. Subaru's hand reached out to place his hand over his own precious light. Kamui easily outshined the ones above. It likely would overtake the sun in that regard, at least to the smitten man.

"I'll gladly accept whatever you give me. Because I- care about you," Subaru settled with the words, relieved Kamui took them in happily. Not seeing how _painfully_ obvious Subaru had _felt_ he was acting.

"I care about you too," Kamui returned with sincerity, looking the older male right in the eyes to make sure his words were heard and understood quickly. His eyes shined extra blue under the lights. Kamui smiled assuring.

Leaving them both to a comfortable silence, broken by the occasional question and answer about each other's day.

_I care about you._

Even if that was the extent to which those feelings went, a warm sense of bliss overcame him. He meant something to Kamui, and they would stay in each other's lives. Kamui _wanted_ to stay with him. Subaru vowed to himself again, he would _never_ lose his _precious person_ ever again.

_End_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. As always, send those kudos, comments, etc to make up for my lack of social life


	4. Calathea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes/AN
> 
> Calatheas symbolize "new beginnings" And has its symbolism from the "saying 'to turn over a new leaf', which is what the plant does in the dark." ( .uk definition says at least). Angst, fluff, pining, and a look into Kamui and Subaru's first month since living together.
> 
> A little mature here, sexual frustrations. Subaru has the patience and self-control of a gd Saint.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why I put Subaru through this! I love his character so much I cry 😭Like when I first read TB I was fifteen discovering my sexuality and crying out my first unrequited love. (obviously, not Sub level pain but still a socially awkward teen, figuring out attraction, falling in love the first time-love for animals and interacting with them easier than people-he is so precious.)
> 
> The series gave me so much validation with the theme of everyone's pain being their own and you can't compare and belittle others' problems. Which is so important for all interpersonal relationships. Honestly, it is an amazing manga, and oh gosh an anime adaptation 2021! Now I don't have to re-watch the OVAs fifty times haha
> 
> It'll all be requited and lovey-dovey in the end. They will always love each other (as I see it). I end up writing them in love or falling in love. These two deserve a happy ending more than pretty much any character I can think of. And since there is unlikely one in Canon I will make my own angsty and sappy one.

**Ambrosia Ch 4: Calathea**

* * *

Nights beside Kamui came like a hurricane. All the day's repressed pain and suffering would pile up and release itself through the wounded boy's nightmares

Kamui was somewhat lying in bed. His arms and legs tangling up in the sheets. His back arches up high and painfully tight. The hurting boy's sleeping companion had to guide Kamui down several times, to rest on his back or side when he _needed_ to be held still and comforted. Lest Kamui risk further injury or more emotional trauma.

"Kamui, it's alright…" Subaru shushes the trembling boy. He pulls Kamui's back right up against his chest. Subaru feels the sweat trickling down Kamui's skin as he places a butterfly light kiss on his loved one's shoulder.

"Kamui, you're safe…" He tries again and softly yawns. With the lack of sleep taking its toll, his dual-toned eyes burned. Bags found their stay under sleep-deprived eyes.

"Shh... _Kamui, relax…_ " Subaru coos, quietly and lovingly. Miraculously, _even more so_ than he dared to do when comforting a conscious Kamui. Which was saying something.

"I'm here…" Lips breathe the words right in Kamui's ear, in hopes to calm. He vows, as he did countless times, and will continue to do endlessly. "I'll _always_ be."

Thankfully, Kamui seems to hear or feel some semblance of comfort. His trembling figure eases momentarily. Subaru breathes a long, soft exhale. He let his eyes close, careful, and expectant the storm was far from over.

Kamui's breathing slows for a bit. The trembling male starts to ease back onto the mattress. For a moment he calms, before Subaru feels a familiar shaking form in his arms, yet again.

"N-no…P-Please don't," Kamui begs within his dream. The man embracing him winces. He breathes a heavy and elongated breath.

The slender body keeps writhing in the tight hold. The older male barely holds back a gasp as he feels Kamui's hips and legs twisting against him. Subaru bites down on his tongue sharply.

The one he loves is desperately reaching his arms out in front of him. Trying to grasp the unobtainable, longing to hold another.

"Don't go!" Kamui cries out, his figure begins shifting and contorting. The somewhat controlled pace twisting and turning turns to wild movements and violet lunges forward.

Subaru worries if he holds him even remotely looser, Kamui might just throw himself off the bed.

" _Please…_ "

Kamui shudders, continuing to jolt forward. His hands keep reaching for something. The heartbroken boy's breaths became terribly ragged and harsh.

"I NEED YOU!" Kamui started screaming. Certainly, loud enough to wake the non-existent neighbors, if the house wasn't isolated.

"Do-don't leave me…" Kamui pleads desperately, shaking and struggling within the embrace. The slender body thrusts forward, fighting harshly to free itself. Subaru's arms were unrelenting, holding the one he loved only tighter the more Kamui fought to break away. Fears of his precious person injuring himself, falling off their bed, consumes Subaru/.

"F-Fuuma, Please!"

Legs were turning and even kicking the ones behind them. Subaru was left with no other option but to restrain the aggressive legs, tangling and taming them within his own. His arms were already plenty occupied with Kamui's trembling and unyielding form.

"I can't lose you…" Kamui cries, his whole body shudders. He sniffles, nose twitching sporadically, lips trembled. Breaths became even more labored and frantic.

Tears were flooding through his eyes. Subaru could _feel_ his cries, the way Kamui trembled, sniffled, and sobbed audibly.

"Kamui…" Subaru tries again, sounding more exhausted than before. He keeps the shaking body in his hold with one arm. His free arm moved and gentle fingers carded themselves through disarrayed patches of black. Skilled and practiced fingers smooth the soft locks of hair into place. He felt Kamui tense against him, before slowing his movements, no longer writhing away to escape.

"I love you- so _so_ so much…." Kamui professes, calling out to his _dream_ _love_. Subaru winces his eyes tight shut, long expecting and knowing how this followed up.

"I love you so much, Fuuma. I LOVE YOU! YOU CAN'T…"

Kamui's twisting and turning start up again suddenly. Tears were overflowing, from the heartbroken savior. His protector snuggles close beside him, and places his hand over those emotion bled eyelids.

"Shhh," he soothes, whispering sweet words into the younger boy's ear. Warm breath brushes against the hurting boy. He murmurs words of hope, affection, and vows to keep Kamui safe. To _always_ be with him.

"Kamui." His words caress. "Kamui…It's alright now. You're safe here… I'm with you…" He whispers soft words of affection, despite his pain, from Kamui's struggling.

"Don't go! FUUMA!"

Kamui's dream seemed to be reaching its most painful state. He feels Kamui's movements grow more desperate and violent.

"I know you're hurting beyond words Kamui… but please… You're safe here" His embrace from behind his love turns more frantic, arms almost painfully tightening around Kamui's slender waist.

Subaru winces and hears the one he fell for, whimpering and crying out. He feels his heart sink, hating the sight and sound of Kamui being so broken up.

" _Kamui, Kamui, Kamui!"_

Countless calls of the boy's name won over the painful cries. Kamui shivers for a moment, before slowly coming down bit by bit.

Subaru hoped the nightmare had reached its climax. The boy did slow his movements for a moment. Breathing was wild, but Kamui seemed to get close to an even pace.

Momentarily.

"FUUMA!" Whatever image that returned to Kamui brought the pain back tenfold.

"NO!" Kamui's shrill cries pierced through his protector's chest. "I-I can't -"

The struggling male had only fought harder to slip away. Perhaps some of his own power was aiding him. The protective man tensed, feeling an overwhelming pain, as the boy's strength increases. His legs kicked and struggled _hard_.

"Kamui!" Subaru calls out to him. Everything aches, hating the idea of waking him from such a fragile, vulnerable nightmare. But…

"Kamui!" He attempted again, louder and far more desperate.

"KAMUI!"

Unfortunately, for him, Kamui's senses seemed to have skewed. His unruly powers were overwhelming his ability to feel, hear, or see beyond the dreamscape.

The older male grit his teeth. Refusing to let any nightmare pull Kamui away from him. Even if the small bits of Kamui's power were threatening to bruise him.

"Kamui…" Subaru called again, calling over and over for him. His breath falling right into the boy's sensitive ear, his voice pleading. He grasped at Kamui's shoulders with both hands and started shaking him to no avail.

With great reluctance, Subaru prepares to go to one of his final options. Quietly and slowly, the older male starts moving away from the boy, preparing to release his hold and roll over and off the bed. He learned from experience Kamui would awaken the _moment_ he sensed Subaru's form left the bed. No matter how deep his sleep was or how quiet Subaru tried to be, he'd arise. Subaru always would find himself frozen. The lovelorn man saw worried, helpless violet eyes open up and look at him.

"Please…" Subaru pleads for Kamui again. Relief floods through the tired male as he feels his loved one easing back, again. Kamui stilled, yet his breathing started picking up.

"Kamui. " His lips brush near a sensitive part of Kamui's ear, causing an unexpected shiver, from the younger male. The younger male's breath hitches, and he's moving again.

"I-I…" Kamui sputtered out again. Subaru's words were either reaching him or Kamui's powers burned themselves out. Maybe both.

" _Kamui_ ," Subaru whispers, as he'd done countless times. Kamui murmurs something. The word always felt so natural on his tongue. He is unsure what to make of the slowing breaths and eased expression. A glance over the boy's features gives him an alluring sight. Kamui visibly softened, the dream clearly shifted as Kamui fell into the hold around him.

Kamui makes a pleased humming sound, his reactions going a full 180. Bubblegum-pink lips were smacking lightly together, making sounds soft yet audible enough to drive his sleeping partner _mad_. Kamui sighs with content as his body calmed, slowing and shifting its movements.

His protector was _almost_ sure Kamui would start to drift off. Well before far more high, pleasing sounds escaped those soft lips. Kamui loses his breath. He begins panting.

The smaller, affected boy starts to push his hips up and thrust them forward. His pace increased as he sought unobtainable friction. Kamui quickly cried out sharper, higher, leaning his head back. The young male's breath hitched. Those little cries were so soft, vulnerable, and… former cries of pain were now…

 _Oh._ The _realization_ hit Subaru _hard._ Kamui's once painfully twisting form moved to a sensual rocking motion. The one he _loved_ was _mewling_ out so softly. He couldn't do a thing about it. This was pure _torture_. His hips kept rocking back against the warm body, motions making the pining man painfully _weak._

Subaru attempted to save his sanity as he loosened his hold around Kamui's waist. He slowly started pulling away, hoping to give the boy the most space possible, without leaving the bed and thus awakening him. Though he wasn't sure how long he could refrain from doing so.

"Ah-K-Kamui," He cries with a breathless voice. He bit his lip painfully to suppress any other sounds. Kamui hadn't let him go so easily. The reactive male unconsciously shifts back against the older man. Kamui's unconscious form sought the retracing, familiar warmth, before fully _grinding_ back against the already oversensitive body behind him.

"Ka- ah- mui!" He groans between breaths. Emerald and gold orbs widened, glazed over with want and emotions he'd been fighting down all month. He grits his teeth. A long and deep exhale followed to keep the pining man relatively sane. Not to say this incident wouldn't be on his mind, tormenting him when he was alone. When his mind would be consumed with nothing but Kamui, and fantasies loving on him.

Subaru managed to pull away from Kamui, leaving the boy to pout his lips and release a very displeased whine. The lithe, aroused body seemed to settle on something after a moment. Kamui rolled on to his back, arching it, twisting and turning his form wildly. He turns slightly, hips brushing up against the sheets or blankets, obtaining some friction.

Subaru pulled further away and tried _not_ to _die_ or look back anymore. He heard the younger male mewling and panting. Crying out so- _so beautifully. Somehow even_ _more_ so than his sweetest dreams could offer.

Another destructive image tested the affected man's sanity. Out of the corner of his eye, he did catch a beautifully flushed and aroused Kamui. The one he loved _(fervently)_ was so very close, and lewdly moaning, erotically writhing tangled up in the sheets. The older male's face lit aflame, forcing his eyes shut, and mind to think of anything else.

It would be a miracle if the older man got any good sleep at this rate. Subaru would have to deal with his own _reactions_ later, far too exhausted and pained in many ways by the sound of his beloved's lingering cries from pain and pleasure. He couldn't nor would he allow himself to dwell any further.

Subaru rolled near the edge of the bed, turning his back to his love, and covering his ears in hopes of giving the boy some privacy. Hopefully, it could last before he had to resort to getting up, waking Kamui up from such a state. Thus leading to a very awkward conversation that would follow, for both of them.

"Kamui…" Subaru calls with great hesitance, seeing the younger male's movements still bit by bit. The affected and heated boy gasped at the sound of his name.

He didn't know whether to be grateful his voice reached him or heartbroken. The words seemed to play a role within the dream. Yet, not as expected.

Kamui kept crying. Unintentionally hurting his sleeping partner, as he continues calling for the name of his lost love. That beautiful voice does so over and over seeming to be on the pinnacle of pleasure. At last the climax. Kamui cries out sharply once more. His adorable breath calms and he slows his movements.

They both eased. At last. The more pleasant dream seemed, thankfully short-lived, as did the boy's writhing state. His back had arched up again. Kamui cries _beautifully_ before falling back to the sheets.

Hesitantly he rolled closer to Kamui, thankful for an ending to _that_ dream and a journey back to sleep. Hopefully.

The pair managed to drift off for what was assumed to be ten minutes after. The older male forced himself to think of nearly anything but what just happened.

It was quiet… before-

"NO!"

Kamui's sudden writhing and screaming startled his companion. Eyes shot open and shook. He turned back and held Kamui tightly. It seems another painful shift haunted his dreams. Never giving the poor boy solace.

Gold and emerald eyes shiver as he noticed Kamui had somehow slipped a bit from his arms and was on his back convulsing. The movement was wild and agonizing. The slender boy shifted.

"Shh… I'm right here Kamui…" Subaru hugged the boy close to him, turning until his chest flushed with Kamui's quivering back. The fit is always so perfect, far too natural to be a coincidence in this world.

"Kamui…" Subaru buried his tired eyes in the crook of Kamui's shoulder. The gifted onmyouji concentrated, feeling out the wild energy around him. One that could _only_ be Kamui.

One of his hands began moving, brushing around Kamui's waistline. Careful and innocent touches were placed before he pressed his palm against the boy's core.

"Ahn, K-Kamui…" Subaru grit his teeth. He had to catch his breath, feeling the brunt of the blow, untamed energy within the true Kamui moved him around recklessly. Kamui whimpers and an insane desire to protect takes over Subaru.

Subaru refused to give up, and a small technique he learned through training came to mind. His hand slips gently under Kamui's pajama shirt. A gentle palm presses down on his core.

Dual-toned, gem eyes, flutter close, concentrating. Subaru presses his forehead to the boy's back and feels. Even the incredibly skilled onmyouji is startled by the power, raw reactions in his loved one's system. Raw untamed energy kept coiling deep within the slender, pained body. So much of the energy ravages the poor system, all bundled up in Kamui's core, resistant to calm or disperse.

Kamui cried out again, whimpering. The potent energy, purely Kamui's ki, moves and strikes out rapidly. Attempting to shut out all others, Subaru feels a shock of resistance. One uncontrolled and terribly destructive to its surroundings.

 _No, wonder you haven't been sleeping._ Subaru reasons. His lips parted as he pressed a soft kiss against the back of Kamui's shoulder blade, once more. _This should help you._

"Kamui…" Those same tender lips start chanting a spell. A long string of spiritual words was repeated over and over again. Perfectly versed and precise. The spell was about the equivalent of a spiritual lullaby. Perhaps, slightly more effective, the way it was performed on his dearest one. Thankfully, the small amount of power used had an effect on the boy.

Subaru feels Kamui's energy easing and dispersing throughout his body. A small bit of Subaru's own energy had entered the boy surprisingly well. Likely due to the previous transfer of energy during that decisive battle. A pleasured rush flows through the older male. A part of himself within the one he loved, his heart skipped a beat.

The calmer male's _ki_ was soothing and guiding the tense feelings within Kamui to release. The twists and turns of the boy's body quickly soothed. The body went compliant until it fully leaned back into the comforting figure behind it.

Kamui's breath hitches, his mind feels dizzy. With the pain gone, he was too aware of this intoxicating warmth encasing him. Sleep takes over.

Subaru breathed a sigh of relief. Indulging himself a bit in letting his lips stay pressed to Kamui's shoulder. He breathed Kamui in. The boy's natural scent left him calm and enamored; sleep became inescapable.

* * *

Kamui arose first, oblivious to his protector's actions during the night. Shimmering eyes reflected a bluer hue than before, he wiggled away from the loosened yet stubborn hold around his body. He smiled a bit shyly, warmth taking over his features seeing his protector's sleepy face.

The tired boy only knew he had _that_ nightmare-which seemed to stop and shift, to a short yet embarrassingly _good_ pleasure-filled dream. He swore he could _feel_ someone calling for him, hot breath ghosting over him which made it feel so real, intense.

Kamui hid his burning face in his hands. Shame overwhelmed the sensitive male. He hoped he didn't bother the man sleeping beside him.

Subaru was way too kind and patient with him. He thought about telling Subaru he _could_ sleep in the adjacent room, but all the Same, Kamui knew he _couldn't_ bear to.

The thought of sleeping alone was terrifying on its own. Yet, there was something worse, the deep-seated pang of loneliness overwhelmed him the longer he entertained the thought. Not being close, feeling one he cared for deeply nearby was painful

He managed to sleep on his own a few of the nights during the month when Subaru was given late work assignments. Albeit terribly so. But _purposely_ sleeping alone when there was a perfectly warm and gentle Subaru nearby would be _torturous_.

"I'm sorry," Kamui quietly apologized. As much as he wished for Subaru's sleep, he couldn't stand changing things.

Hopefully, his sleep would get easier to deal with. For both their sakes.

"Thank you…" Kamui whispered, leaning down so their foreheads kissed. A pleasant rush flooded through the younger male. Safety, comfort, and something incredibly warm he couldn't place. He lingered a bit on the sleepy face of his protector.

The younger male curled his fingers into the strands of dark hair, combing through it. A small smile surfaced. He waited a few moments for the other to hopefully arise.

* * *

Sadly for both Kamui and Subaru both the latter had yet to wake up much till much later.

Hands instinctively grasped and reached to feel a sleeping figure at his side. When he grasped the air, he immediately shot up. He bolted up from his bed and breathed only when he saw the small scribbled out note on the bedside time.

_Left for school. Please rest as long as you need to. Please, please don't worry._

Subaru laughed a bit looking over the note. Kamui's constant reassurance, even when they both knew each other too well, it was adorable. _God, I'm hopeless._ Subaru berated himself.

His eyes turned towards the green-lit up numbers. The clock beside the note indicated it was 7:39 meaning there was a _small_ chance Kamui hadn't left yet.

Disheveled, exhausted, and slightly dazed, the lovesick male rushed out the door of the room and down the stairs.

Kamui was sitting calmly on the sofa. He held a steaming mug and pressed the contents of the drink to his lips. His school bag rested at the side of the couch.

The boy's curious gaze shifted from whatever he watched on the TV screen and to the sound at the staircase.

"I'm sorry, I tried to be quiet so you could sleep more," Kamui expressed, his smile falling with guilt. _And after everything, he's done to help me._

Subaru shook his head. "You didn't wake me," he assured, with a tender sleepy smile. The sleepy man walked further out. He closed a good part of the distance between them, standing beside where Kamui was seated on the couch. Subaru yawned, covering his mouth with his hand.

Kamui's lips quirked at the feline-like yawn stretching out the man's mouth to a wide oval shape. An image of a lion, one that had to be incredibly kind-hearted, yawning, and curling up flooded his mind.

"I wanted to see you off," Subaru expressed gently, leaning down to kiss the crown of Kamui's head.

The smile on the younger male's lips widened. He felt warm.

"Thank you."

Subaru shifted his attention to the TV curiously. Images of vibrant and elegantly drawn characters filled the screen. Two of them left, leaving a pair of male students sitting alone outside on a grassy hill. An eyebrow rose curiously, as the two boys, held their hands together tightly.

"What's this?" He gestured to the screen. Simply, interested. Another yawn followed.

"Oh... Um…" Kamui's eyes widened, he looked up helplessly. He had been caught, totally forgot he was watching something this sappy. Being _into_ a series this sappy. His face flushed a beautiful shade of scarlet that left his admirer helpless.

"It's ah. Well, Yuzuriha… r-recommended this a-anime series. It's from one of her favorite m-manga and it recently got an anime so..." Kamui explained cautiously, his voice rose a few octaves higher. Well, she had recommended the series initially. The manga engaged Kamui enough where he quickly caught up with it and found out about the anime adaptation. And OVAs, drama CDs, and movie news.

"Ah," Subaru said simply, a bit dazed. He went a bit breathless seeing Kamui so cutely flushed, this time knowing exactly what made his crush so embarrassed. He honestly didn't catch all the words Kamui said, too honed in on the movement of those soft plush lips. He got the gist of it.

"Y-yeah…" Kamui gulped, he turned to the side and awkwardly cleared his throat. When Kamui's gaze turned back to the screen, he reddened further. The abashed boy felt his face combust, as the couple on the screen started to hold each other close and move into a languid and loving kiss.

Worst of all he could feel the older male's gaze on him. Kamui couldn't bother to look up, at least until the commercial break began.

Subaru didn't comment, looking fondly over the boy. Quite liking to indulge upon this cute, and flustered side of Kamui. A Kamui so deeply flustered by light romance. The boy's innocence stirred something more… _primal_ inside the older man which he quickly fought down. His eyes hungrily took in Kamui, catching him watching the show with bashful interest and flushing over a simple kiss scene.

Then again, it's not like Subaru was any better. In his defense, the scene hit a little close to home. His glossy eyes had been lingering on Kamui's lips for quite some time and then looked up only to see two young men kissing on screen. The couple held hands, fingers laced neatly and intimate in the _same exact way_ they always did.

"I ah… Sh-should pro-probably start heading out for school." Kamui stuttered out, with an entrancing heat burning from his neck up.

Kamui turned off the TV, mentally took notes to re-watch the episode, privately, as the credits rolled. Kamui bowed his head which made his housemate give an amused look. He felt himself burning. He had to take a deep breath.

"I'll see you later today," Kamui expressed, a bit more composed than before. He hurriedly reached down, avoiding eye contact, and grasped his school bag, slinging it over his shoulder.

Though he wasn't so graceful getting over and heading to the doorway. Tripping over seemingly nothing, he felt strong arms catching him and being pressed to a familiar chest. The warmth and heartbeat attacking his senses nearly made him purr.

Kamui blamed all of this on that dream…making him more flustered, more sensitive than usual over everything.

The blushing student went to the door. He slipped his feet into the glossy new school shoes.

"Have a good day," Subaru called for him, walking up closely behind the flustered boy.

"Take care. I'll see you soon. _, Kamui,"_ his voice came out husky, deep, and painfully close to Kamui's burning ears. Kamui shivered, the feeling all too similar to what happened in his dream.

Kamui's eyes widened at the closeness. He felt that _hot_ breath so close to him, it left him lightheaded. _And God, did his_ voice just have to come out like _that_? He felt his knees buckling. It wasn't helpful he was so sensitive after _that_ dream.

What was wrong with him today? Waking from embarrassing dreams alone had been driving him mad enough. Now it felt like he'd combust to the simplest gestures of affection.

"I will! Ah, you too!" Kamui finished and hurriedly went out the door letting it close behind him. He hadn't bothered to look back, embarrassment, and shame reddening his features. His heart pounding, much to Kamui's dismay and confusion. Everything else _ached,_ he felt himself burning up. If only it was from something simple, like a cold.

Subaru absently licked his lips, quite enamored with _whatever_ just occurred between them. He doubted either would bring it up again… But… For right now he'd let it linger.

His mind wandered to a blissful alternate reality, one where emotions were requited. Where he could take in the innocent and flustered Kamui, greedily. He'd pin the heated boy to the couch, and give him a kiss far more passionate and ten times _deeper_ than what he'd just witnessed on screen.

And… He absolutely had it cut it there!

Subaru groaned, and fell back to the couch, painfully fighting down arousal. Just the thought of kissing the one he loved… affected him this much.

At least, Kamui had gotten enough sleep and would be doing well today. He seemed alert enough to have a good day back at school.

The older male let his head fall back against the couch groaning even more miserably.

The nightmares alone were exhausting enough. Yet, _those_ kinds of dreams, while seldom and short-lived, pushed his sanity further to the edge.

Kamui was far too _reactive_ in his sleep. The older man thankfully had the self-control of a saint. Having trained years to calm his mind, body and spirit helped tremendously. His skewed moral compass at least worked in some directions. His moral code wouldn't let him do anything that made Kamui uncomfortable.

Subaru _loved_ sleeping beside Kamui. He so found himself tortured by his desires...and the way Kamui unconsciously brought them all out. Those writhing hips, flushed cheeks, and labored breaths made their admirer go weak and delirious.

He knew Kamui was thinking of another man. Yet, even _still_ he couldn't fight off his natural urges. If anything it made him overcome with possessiveness. To seduce. To steal away the person he wanted. He often had to get out of bed when those dreams got too much. Which followed up with him turning to the bleary violet eyes. Overcome with guilt, he had already woken up his desired one he'd relent to his usual excuse.

"I'm just going to the bathroom…" Subaru would assure. Kamui nodded, as always. Yet, he never went back to sleep, always sitting up, waiting patiently, sometimes playing with his hands absently. Those wide orbs of violet-blue would stare off sadly, at the closed door. He kept waiting till his sleeping partner, and source of safety returned.

Subaru had at least become efficient at cooling himself in a record time. Often breathing in deeply, calming his mind in a meditative state he, until now, reserved for particularly intricate divinations or exorcisms. Yet, here he was… using it for something like _this._

He didn't have any better options. Returning back to see a soft, longing Kamui waiting up for him, made him forget all tension he had earlier.

Now, though, finally alone and certain Kamui wouldn't overhear or suspect more. Subaru could return to take a very long, cold shower.

* * *

"This may seem sudden, but we are glad to have a returning student transferring to class." The bright-eyed and quite joyous teacher declared.

The instructor appeared to be somewhere in her 40s. Her cherry-red hair was tied off to the side. Her outfit was covered with countless colorful flowers. Kamui felt his lip twitch, thinking Yuzuriha and her would get along well. Matching energies.

Kamui thought of a protagonist's mother from an old TV series. She clapped her hands together and beamed, her attitudes and expressions very welcoming and cheerful.

_Shirou, Kamui._

The aforementioned student quickly wrote up his name on the whiteboard in class. He took a deep breath and turned towards the class.

"Hello. I'm Shirou Kamui. I'm grateful to be returning to, CLAMP academy. It's nice to meet you all." He finished with a shaky half-smile.

The second he stopped the class erupted with sounds and chatter. Countless, "Oohs" and "awes" fell from the lips of male and female students alike. While a few quieter admirers looked from afar, flushing and ducking down into their seat pretending to go back to reading.

There even were several students eagerly patting and offering a seat beside them. His shaky orbs of violet-blue flew open further in relief. He heard a familiar and comforting voice.

"Hey, Kamui! Over here!" His friend, Keiichi called to him, quite loudly. Well, quite a bit boisterous but still comforting.

It seems he managed to attract several outgoing friends to himself. Ones who seemed to draw attention to themselves, purposely. Which helped when there was way too much anxiety brewing from the attention directed his way.

He nodded to his fellow classmate. His eyes lit up with thanks. Kamui swiftly made his way to the adjacent seat, careful not to lock eyes with the many admirers. Audible sighs came from the classroom at that.

. Many students were looking off dejected, and others seemed a bit too determined. A fire lit in their eyes. Kamui hoped to somehow douse that fire out.

Kamui returned back to school life a few days ago.

Several weeks (which he compromised with his very protective housemate and school director on) was the minimum time for him to stay home and recover…

He recalled the morning of the first day back, fondly.

* * *

"You're sure it's not too early for this?"

Subaru questioned a bit… sadly? His hands were busy smoothing out his uniform. And possibly lingering, wanting to keep Kamui close. Those dual-toned gems of eyes kept themselves gazing over the nervous student's features. Subaru simply smiled. His featured aglow cast in through the window behind him, making him all more ethereal.

"I'm sure… I think it might be a nice change of pace…" Kamui answered nervously, absently chewing on his bottom lip.

Sparkling mixed eyes followed the movement of his beloved's lips. Kamui's nervous habit. Subaru's mouth went a bit dry. Pupils dilated widely. Subaru had to turn away. His coughed into a fisted hand, partly shielding the flush.

Lips parted as though to say more, but the older male closed them shortly after.

Kamui's nose and bubblegum-pink lips scrunched up. His petite milky white hands were struggling with the dark tie around his neck.

"Here, let me help you…"

He offered quickly and eagerly. Hands already on Kamui before he finished his sentence. He was quite a bit nostalgic after seeing Kamui's clumsily fumbling and twisting the fabric into knots.

"Thank you," Kamui expressed quietly, his eyes shifted down to his uniform. The student's finger absently found itself twirling a long strand of hair that had fallen in front of his face.

Dual-hued eyes lit up, following with interest as Kamui brushed a strand of hair behind his ear. "Sorry… to have to burden you with this again. I haven't really got it down, and I'm really really bad at so many of the-"

He planned to continue but soon found the movements at his uniform stopping completely. Hands clasped firmly at the boy's shoulders pulling him closer. Emerald and gold orbs seemed to deepen and steel themselves. A smile turned to a bothered frown. Angelic facial features fell, firmer, and more serious.

"Kamui…" His protector breathed out softly, something searing in his eyes. The younger male's eyes shivered and shifted away, feeling something incredibly strong in that gaze.

It was a look Kamui had not been used to before. Not with Subaru. Not directed at him.

"Please don't…" He pleaded, for _something,_ his voice deeper, far more breathy. "I…" he paused again. He looked down with frustration and breathed a heavy sigh.

Words seemed to fail at the moment, so he pulled Kamui closer. They could feel each other's warmth again. The near embrace was not as close as usual, but enough to clearly see Kamui's face. Those beautiful reactions. His hands came back to rest at Kamui's shoulders

" _Kamui…_ " The husky, deep tone shook him to his core. A shiver raced down his spine. Unsure what to expect. His body mixed on what to make of the feeling.

"You have to know. You are _never a_ burden! " Subaru expressed firmly, locking intense eyes with anxious blue-violet.

His very soul held deep-rooted anger, certainly not at all to the one he adored, but towards the doubts plaguing Kamui's mind. Hating the _notion somehow_ Kamui could be anything but a _miracle_ to this world.

 _His_ miracle…

He stopped the nervous male's self-deprecation. He was far too enamored to let anyone, even Kamui himself, talk poorly about the man he _loves_.

Subaru's long fingers grasped at the Kamui's chin, turning the boy's face to the side and up to look at him.

The older male took it all in. Quivering lips, flushed cheeks from their proximity, and eyes filled with uncertainty. Kamui clearly took his words with mixed feelings.

Subaru felt his heart slow a bit, worrying his words came out less assuring, less comforting than he planned. Anger at those same _doubts_ slowly began to soothe, feeling the one he loved to stay close to him, grasping for a hand on his shoulder.

Kamui linked their hands perfectly, they connected. Instantly.

The one-hand still resting on Kamui's shoulder made its way to Kamui's cheek, caressing the smooth skin. He could feel the slight flush burning against his fingers.

Dual-hued eyes turned soft and bright. Fingers continued to keep brushing circles across the boy's face. Close he saw those violet eyes ease and relax, beautifully.

"Maybe those words didn't come out well enough. Or even were right at all…" Subaru lamented, pressing his lips to the boy's forehead briefly. "But my _feeling_ s within those words, to you, remain the same. Every. Single. One. I hate to hear you talk about yourself so poorly, because-Kamui I..."

I _love you_. "I care so much for you."

The fingers under Kamui's chin found themselves tangling in the locks of raven-black.

 _You make me happy, feel like myself again. You're always making my heart race, and skip beats as it did back then._ "I am so happy to have you here."

I _want you desperately. I_ _need_ y _ou like the air I breathe._ "You'll _never_ be a burden, and I'll always want to have you here."

With an elongated breath, Subaru pulled the hand away from Kamui's cheek, looking closely at the expression.

"Subaru…" Kamui's eyes sparkled bluer due to the sun's bright rays shining. A mix of gratitude and happiness could be placed… But their rest was an unknown, an untamed storm of emotions.

Kamui hadn't moved a step further back even when Subaru released him. That smile that brought light to a bleak world returned. Kamui frowned at the movement, locking eyes with the one whose heart he'd been given without his knowledge. Kamui came back, hugging the older man tightly in lieu of words.

Subaru smiled at that, hugging the boy close before he remembered what they were _supposed_ to do.

"We should probably…"

They were practically flushed to each other. Both indulgent in the other's warmth. While certainly adored by both, it hindered the original plan to help Kamui. Which Subaru mentally berated on doing in the first place. But the thought of a stressed or worried Kamui being late for classes made his decision.

After a moment, his fingers reluctantly grasped for opposite ends of the black tie. He tugged the long fabric very gently to get Kamui's attention and cleared his throat.

"Oh," Kamui spoke and stepped back a few feet away. Violet-blue for eyes looked up fondly.

Subaru lips curved into a warm smile. One that seemed to mask something else beneath. Kamui couldn't imagine how to ask about it. He quickly turned back to watching his 'mentor' help him with his uniform.

A thought slipped out. "You must be used to wearing ties and formal wear. "

Subaru let out a rare laugh, softening every line and contour of his face. Kamui's hand found it unconsciously reaching out.

Something seemed to pop into the older male's head and he shook his head.

"Like you wouldn't believe," he began, voice lighter and more amused than before. "I doubt there's a kind of clothing I haven't found myself in." Subaru mused, his eyes glittering.

Kamui found himself entranced, pulled into gold and emerald pools, not wishing to leave even if it meant drowning right there. He was mirroring the smile. His heart started fluttering, hearing something surely from a most painful past.

"Really?" Kamui asked simply, a very open question, allowing Subaru to say as much or as little as wanted.

Subaru let out that same light, airy **happy** laugh. One he had locked away since his teenage years. Free from the personal hell that followed.

"Honestly! And of course, with my profession, there were/still are the ceremonial robes we wear. But there were constantly new outfits I was made to wear. Formal, casual wear, sportswear, spandex, often themed outfits with some brightly colored crop jacket, swimsuits, costumes… " Subaru listed them down, and rolled his eyes fondly at the memory. His pointer finger tapped his index finger to the tip of every finger repeatedly. While counting off he became lost in blissful memories of a kinder time in life.

"Definitely both, masculine and feminine clothes, dresses, skirts, school uniforms… It went on and on…" Subaru trailed off on his story, looking up as though in a pleasant daze. He helped Kamui with a final slide of the fabric, locking it into place.

Kamui hadn't even seen him look down once to see his handiwork, but it was already flawless!

All that seemed left to do was straighten it out. Subaru's fingers lingered there for far longer than needed.

"That must have been an experience," Kamui commented. His eyes stayed on Subaru, not seeing nor minding the hands gently pressed to his chest. He couldn't stop beaming, listening to the story. His imagination ran wild.

More importantly, entranced orbs of violet-blue fell deeper into Subaru. That soft, serene smile enveloped him. Subaru seemed unburdened, connected to a better time. That glow, small, yet meaningful smile on Subaru's face made him entrancing. Kamui hadn't let his eyes off of it, nor could he for the duration of his story.

"Yeah, it was…" Subaru commented absently. His mind wandered off for a moment. At least until he felt a familiar hand brushing over his face. He looked down at gorgeous, sparkling eyes, the soft hand on his cheek, and found himself quite preferring to _experience_ everything Kamui.

Shyer than usual, the younger male corrected his actions. Everything was racing through his brain. He felt lightheaded. Kamui flushed wildly, retracting back the offending hand quickly. As though he hadn't done that before. As though he'd done something wrong.

Subaru hadn't time to reach for his hand before it was nervously tangled back at Kamui's side. His fingers twisting the fabric of his pants. He fought down the urge to steal that beautiful hand back and to insistently pull Kamui back to his arms. He'd kiss away any worries and doubts. His voice would speak tenderly, telling Kamui he loved his touches and they could… Definitely, in another universe.

Subaru shook his head. He needed to calm his heart and mind. Having Kamui in and out of his arms, seeing this shyer more awake Kamui coming close, it all made him _weak_ in the best way possible.

He opted on the idea of just reaching for Kamui's hand and-

"Um. Subaru…" Kamui mentioned. He shifted a bit and kept his gaze down. A smaller hand did grasp for the ones still brushing up his tie and uniform.

Subaru tensed. Absently, his hand had lingered up brushing with innocent feather-light touches, trailing all across Kamui's collarbone and shoulders. And _dear lord_ , he was entirely gone on the younger man.

His other hand placed itself flat and firmly over the left side of the boy's chest, feeling for that intoxicating heartbeat.

"S-sorry, Kamui," he cursed his stuttering. Subaru retreated both hands quickly and to the side. It seemed his self-control and awareness needed work.

"I...didn't mind it…" Kamui found himself muttering. Seeing widening eyes, he quickly went to amend the situation. "I mean, It's fine. Y-You're always so kind…"

 _'Incredibly gentle_.' Kamui's mind told him countless times since their meeting. He felt a little more warm than usual.

"Thanks again for helping me with this," Kamui expressed, softly, hands fumbled with the tie he spoke of.

"It's no problem," Subaru assured. His eyes moved up and down towards the uniform top. Hands habitually straightened out everything seeming amiss. He gave a proud smile.

"I couldn't remember how to do it before…" Kamui lamented a bit, teeth nibbled at bubblegum-pink lips, testing their watcher's patience.

"That's natural I didn't really explain just how to tie a tie…" He paused. "Nor did I this time." Subaru surmised, and smiled quite apologetically.

"Mn-Mn, " Kamui hummed, head shifting gently to each side. "It's alright I couldn't pay attention back then anyway."

"Well, it's understandable," Subaru told him, eyes giving off more warmth by the second. They seemed to find refuge with Kamui.

"I couldn't this time either." Kamui's eyes fluttered slowly, half-lidded eyes went soft. His hand kindly grasped for Subaru's own which was welcomed instantly.

"Again, with everything…" His voice trailed off.

"I… think I have trouble because when you were talking to me, it was hard to pay attention to what you're doing. N-not that it's anything on you. I…" He hesitated not grasping his own words. His tongue darted out to lick dry lips, making them glisten. Subaru silenced his disruptive thoughts screaming to ' _Kiss_ _him_ _already_! _'_ "I just liked being able to see your face, so at ease. You just seemed so happy and I…" Kamui paused. He swallowed, mouth feeling dry. To his very core, he felt helpless to pull away even if it was something he actually wanted to do.

Kamui was filled with a vulnerable-frightening kind of feeling inside. One pushed to the backburner.

Blue-violet orbs glistened, unable to pull away. his eyes always came right back to look up at the taller make. "I k-kinda got lost seeing you like that…"

Gold and emerald eyes blinked rapidly, finally, they stilled. Pupils blew up at the _swee_ t admission that was purely _Kamui._

Shimmering watery orbs darkened with desire. To protect, to immerse with love. To always keep the one he loved close. Subaru's heart went on a rampage. His words couldn't form. As his mind replayed Kamui's words over and over. And every time it drove his heart madder and madder. The lovesick man just kept falling and falling and falling further into Kamui's abyss. His hand squeezed Kamui's smaller one tightly. Hoping to calm himself.

Feeling the silence that followed. Kamui nervously added on. "I-uh… That came out way different than I planned. I… well you looked a bit happier than usual when you were talking. And it's nice.. . So I was glad, and I-well you know really I'm probably a bit tired… Too which helped me lose focus…"

The older male found himself burning hotter, further entranced by the incredibly bashful Kamui that kept stammering out some excuse. That was the one he loved, never pushing his thoughts or feelings on others. A fond little hum escaped his lips. Subaru had no audible comments.

Kamui's previous and clear words were already embedded in his heart and mind. Unfortunately for Kamui, his words, embarrassing or not, would stay with Subaru until the day he died, maybe beyond that.

Kamui only saw a hand at his hip and upper back, before he was snatched up. Subaru tightly hugged the smaller boy against his body. Arms quite at home around Kamui's back and petite waist. The arm around Kamui's middle remained and kept him close, while his other arm moved. That very tender hand-pulled Kamui's head to his chest.

"I have a lot of memories, Kamui...some good some bad.." Kamui squeezed his hand. Subaru fought down the urge to kiss that soft hand in his.

"And yes some _do_ make me happy," He soothed, fingers tenderly threading his fingers through the silky hair. "But… There are also things that make me _happy_ in the present."

More like one person but…

Kamui looked up with foggy eyes, as though lost in some dream. "I'm glad," he returned softly.

"And I want to make a lot more memories…" Subaru finished, adding nothing further. Lips kissed the shorter males temples.

Kamui transfixed on the mystery swirling in those eyes. He hugged the taller man back strongly, a bit overwhelmed to feel he could stay balanced on his own.

The shelter around him felt unbreakable. Soothing warmth and silence left them in their own state of bliss.

Only a quick glance at the watch, still resting on Kamui's hip, made his eyes widen. Reality crashed in.

"Crap! I-I really have to go now. I'll see you Subaru?" Kamui bowed in apology. He reluctantly pulled from the embrace. "H-have a good day!" he finished, quickly heading to the door and slipping his shoes on.

The flushed student found himself rushing out of the house without much thought. Much to the fond amusement of his "housemate".

Subaru held up the schoolbag still placed beside the couch. He waited patiently for the student to return, holding the bag out in the air, swinging it by the doorstep.

"I-ah… " Kamui hurriedly opened the door feeling flushed and out of breath. The older male looked down at Kamui with a small bemused smirk.

He held out the bag for Kamui, knowingly. "Right, thank you!" He grasped his forgotten schoolbag, and finally headed out the door _._

* * *

He was surprised he managed to find his way to school after everything that's been happening. His head in the clouds and asking one thousand questions.

Any injuries, deep or shallow, had healed remarkably fast, within days. Awakening as the "true" Kamui brought out a significant amount of power within him. His body was healed to a strong and healthy state. Unfortunately, those powers did nothing for his psychological state.

"Hey! Kamui!" An exuberant voice called for him. Kamui, turned knowing the cheerful brunette was close by.

"Keiichi?" He paused.

"You don't have any plans yet for lunch right?"

Kamui shook his head. A beaming smile widened all across his classmate's face. The bright brunette clasped Kamui's hand in his own.

"Come on then!

"Ah-whoa- wait!" Kamui attempted to no avail. He soon found his eyes studying the hold over his hand. The simple clasp held firmly and warm. More insistent on dragging him away than lingering there. A similar feeling came when he spent time with Yuzuriha.

Keiichi led them to the lavish clamp cafeteria. Kamui absently picked whichever bento was closest to him, lost in thought. Thankfully it seems his friend didn't notice nor mind that.

Frustration scrunched up lines all across Kamui's forehead. He couldn't place why it felt so different when it was with _him._ Even this morning, before slowly letting go of his roommate's hand there was just something -

. His friends all had different connections with him… But still. It was so very different from…

Kamui breathed a sigh. His friend looked back worriedly and Kamui waved it off. Maybe it was just something with Subaru. They were the closest to each other after all. Lost the two people they loved most in the world. So of course, they'd connect differently. Strongly.

Things seemed to calm down, they walked by a familiar-looking fountain. They sat across from one another at a table far back. Thankfully, away from curious eyes from unneeded admirers.

"It's really nice to see you again, Kamui," he responded, taking out the chopsticks from the freshly prepared lunch. Something CLAMP school could certainly boast about. He grasped for an egg roll and brought it to his lips.

"Mhmm," Kamui paused, seeing his friend joyfully taking several bites of his food and lighting up. He smiled at that, despite everything Keiichi seemed to pull through, find joy in every little bit of life.

"It's kind of… a weird feeling coming back here after…" Blue-violet eyes flowed with a trembling emotion. Kamui fought it down and grasped for the can of soda beside him. He squeezed the can tightly. "So much time."

Amber, eyes looked over the troubled teen. He opened his mouth, hesitating to ask. But even in a short time, he learned, Kamui needed time to sort things out. Whatever has been going on.

"Are you enjoying your classes this semester?"

"Yeah," Kamui answered. "It's a bit overwhelming at times catching up but… Not all bad."

Keichi's lips curved up. "That's good then. I'll be happy to study with you sometime if you'd like."

A small nod followed. "Thank you."

"It helps knowing someone here…" Kamui professes shyly, not quite used to opening himself, hesitant eyes fall down to his bento lunch.

"I'm glad we're in a lot of the same classes," Keiichi expresses sincerely another beaming grin graces his lips. He grasps some of the rice and vegetables with his chopsticks. A hand places on his cheek while he takes a bite. Lost in thought for a moment before asking.

"And you have another friend who transferred too, right? Nekoi I think? "

Kamui nodded, lips curving slightly ."Yeah, Yuzuriha Nekoi. She's held up working on some classwork in the library. But I'll have to introduce you two."

"I look forward to it," He professed, easing and assuring a light atmosphere.

"Yeah, I think you'll get along…" Kamui added on. "She's a great friend." He fully smiled, feeling comfortable having two kind-hearted (even if a little exuberant) friends on campus.

"So you are both staying at dorms again.?"

Kamui's hands fiddled with the chopsticks in his hand, stirring the food absently. "Yuzuriha is," he stated.

"Oh? Where are you staying then?" Keiichi questioned quite curious.

"Off-campus," Kamui added, lost in thought.

His friend laughed gently."Well, I assumed so if not in the dorms…" He waved his hands in front of himself. Kamui pouts. "I mean you don't have to answer if it's too personal. I was just wondering…" The brunette rubbed at the back of his neck.

Kamui shook his head. "No, it's alright. I have a _home_ , a bit on the outskirts of Tokyo. Still not too far off though."

"On your own or… ?" He trailed off, apprehensive to assume more, but still desiring to know as much as he would be granted. His amber eyes fell overlooking further for answers, a bit worried about his friend's potential solitude.

"No," Kamui answered with a fondness he hadn't expressed before. Certainly, not in front of Keiichi. His eyes brightened the specks of blue in his eyes which mirrored the sky above. The bright sun above lit up his soft violet irises. They absolutely sparkled a beautiful amethyst. Kamui's lips shyly curled up into a blissful and content smile.

"That's good. Who are you staying with?" He inquired lightly, curious as to _who_ could make the normally withdrawn man give out such emotion.

" _Subaru_ ," Kamui's lips brushed out incredibly tender and soft. That smile stained his lips, it didn't seem to slip for the life of him.

His friend fought off the urge to audible _aww_ , feeling overwhelmed with gratitude, someone led Kamui to smile like that. Kamui had someone he cared for _like that._

"Subaru…" The brunette thought back to earlier this year. _Subaru…_ Subaru….A finger tapped at his chin absently. Suddenly, Keiichi's amber eyes lit up. He recalled several study dates he'd interrupted his friend on. Guilt always racked up as he separated the pair. There was that beautiful college student who looked at Kamui so sweetly.

Discovery made!

"That's wonderful! A really great step!"

"Great step?" Kamui blinked. His smile shifted a bit apprehensive. Worry lines marked his forehead.

"Right!" He agreed, nodding profusely. His hands clasped together cheerfully. He beamed at Kamui.

How could I forget _?_ Keiichi mused _._ "So, your _boyfriend!_ How is he doing?" Keichi asked with nothing else but pure interest and compassion. His friend could sense that, but...

Kamui's eyes widened a bit, his lips parting speechless. Unusually clumsy fingers dropped the utensils in his hand and the food along with it.

A thousand emotions pounded through his chest and he didn't think _any_ of them placed the feeling that came to mind. He felt blood rush up through his features.

"W-What?" Kamui asked innocently, truly lost on the assumption. His face scrunched up, quite baffled.

"Oh, I said how is your boyfri-"

"No, no, n-no I heard that part!" Kamui interjected louder than he planned, voice cracking and anxiousness flooded all over. A few curious stares were given to the pair of friends. Kamui flushed a deeper pink and attempted to hide away, sliding further down his chair.

"It's not like that…" Kamui assured, in a quiet hushed voice, hoping his friend would take the hint.

His friend looked perplexed before his lips turned to a deep frown. His hands were lifted up in apology, his head bowed. "Oh gosh! I'm sorry. Did you guys break up?! "

Or maybe not.

Kamui let out a groan, covering his face with his hands, and sliding further down, near the table in front. Several heads turned towards the pair at the outburst. Many of them looked quite hopeful.

Kamui found himself wishing he could vanish. His blush burned scarlet. He hung his head. A groan fell from his lips.

He waited until he saw the stares shifting away from the corner of his eyes.

Kamui ran his hand through his hair, nervously. He closed his lips, swallowing evidently in his throat. His voice is hushed to a whisper.

"No, we are not together like that. Nor were we. Ah, Subaru is a… close friend ." Kamui explained, feeling a bit of a bitter feeling clenching in his stomach. He didn't know how to explain it… There was some word for it.

Probably.

Something that he _only_ had with Subaru.

Keichi's is eyes glossed over with worry. Something _didn't_ seem exactly _right_ about his friend's words. Or more so the way they were said, so lost, hesitant. The frown on Kamui's face, made his chest ache.

"I'm sorry. I just assumed like that," he expressed, careful to keep his voice quiet and careful. "But anyway I'm glad you both are very close. You can live with someone you really care about ."

Kamui eased a bit at the words, tense worry lines on his forehead washed away. A familiar smile returned. "Yeah, we are. I'm… really glad he's in my life."

Countless memories ambushed his emotionally driven mind. His _protector_. Those gentle smiles, touches, embraces the way his jewel-like eyes would bore into him so tenderly.

 _His_ rainbow after the rain. Kamui's eyes stared off a bit, eyes glazed over in a dream-like trance.

"I'm glad." Keiichi left it there, not wanting to rock the boat. He figured Kamui would open up if and when he sorted things out. His mind shifted to a simpler topic.

"You're taking Home ec with one of Akira's former students right? Ahh! I wanted to take that class so badly but it'll have to wait for next semester! What do you think you'll start learning?"

Kamui smiled, eyes falling and stilling in relief for the change of subject. Quite enjoying the lighthearted atmosphere.

* * *

Those bright lights on the bullet train felt blinding. Subaru groaned, the lack of sleep not unusual for him but still, headache-inducing. Granted he far preferred a lack of sleep due to comforting Kamui, over all-nighters at work. Easily.

Lips quirked up at the thought. Even while exhausted, there was something so full of life in him, something he hadn't felt in nearly a decade. It came out at the thought of the one he loved. Gold and emerald eyes light up and shimmered. They shined brilliantly, rivaled the very gems they mimicked.

Glancing down at the silver watch on his hand indicated he'd only boarding, the train for 5 minutes now. Still quite a few kilometers from the destination.

Even in his absence, the Sumeragi name alone kept him swamped. Turning on his phone, he winced, seeing there had been 3 missed calls since his last job.

And after already accepting two additional jobs than planned. The words of concerned friends and family begging him to help their loved one was hard to refuse. He knew he felt weak at the sound of those clients being "haunted" after losing their significant other…

Subaru couldn't change his own losses, but if there was a possibility to change another's fate, to give them a bit more time with the one they loved, he would try.

Though he knew where his priorities lie. He'd drop _any_ job if the one he loved needed him. Subaru was not sixteen. Not a martyr. Not taking on more than he could stand. The jobs he already did take on were tedious and longer than expected.

This meant coming home late. Less time with Kamui. The tired male sighed, eyes blinking slowly, as he held the phone near his ear. Several voicemails followed, thankfully none sounding panicked. He would leave the other assignments to someone else in the clan or hell another rivaling one.

It was something he wouldn't fathom considering as a teenager. His work duties taking, over literally _everything_.

His grandmother could berate him all she wanted if need be. The lack of sleep and Kamui made this non-negotiable.

He only put his phone down, before it vibrated again. He rolled his eyes, glancing over the screen before those same eyes glossed over. Unbridled emotions flooded his features. All signs of exhaustion and irritation faded. He smiled helplessly.

 _Kamui_.

Just seeing that in the notification made his heart skip a beat. He immediately unlocked it to read the simple message.

_'Sorry I had to rush out this morning. Let's have breakfast together tomorrow! Have a good day at work.'_

Helpless eyes swooned over the words over and over. A message most would consider ordinary already made his day. He clutched at his chest, as though his heart would truly try to break free and go to Kamui if he didn't hold it back.

His lips turned up ridiculously soft. His eyes scanned over the simple message, mind flooding with potential responses. His fingers kept typing and deleting on the screen's keyboard. Subaru pondered what to say, words that wouldn't give away how _bad_ he had it…

* * *

"Aggghh, this seems impossible!" Kamui groaned. His arms went up in a dramatic fashion before they fell to the table. He mumbled something under his breath. The soft head of raven hair collapsed, his arms cradling and hiding his face.

Subaru looked down at the younger male. His eyes glistened with sympathy. Slender hands took the opportunity to brush their way and bury themselves in the splayed out mess of black hair.

Subaru smiled hopeless, liking the little hum that came from Kamui far too much. He indulged them both by letting his fingers work their magic and linger through the raven black locks. Soothing the one he loved. So _this_ was _bliss_.

"Kamui," Subaru breathed his name and a sympathetic sigh. Fingers massage the boys aching temples, making Kamui ease into the touch. He looked up, bleary, tired eyes bore into the older man.

"You'll get through this. I know you'll be able to catch up," Subaru assured, bright confidence lifted his lips again. As _cute_ as Kamui was being now… and as much he wanted to indulge in the younger male endlessly, he couldn't.

"I'll be here to help you the best I can every step of the way," he promised, darkening a bit with deep sincerity.

While looking up with those cute doe-like eyes sparkling like crystals, he knew he needed to concentrate and go back to help Kamui. Helping the struggling boy came first. Even above his want to continue seeing Kamui lean into his touch, and letting out those cute contented sighs that made him _weak._ He wanted Kamui to feel confident, to realize just how amazing he was. To see even a fraction of the limitless potential he possesses.

"Let's start with this problem here," Subaru started. He grasped a pencil and tapped the tip of it to a long word problem on the page. "I know these seem intimidating," he started up lightly circling the mini-essay on the page. "First, let's read through the whole problem again, and then we need to break it down to the keywords from there."

Kamui looked up at him with sparkling blue-violet orbs. His eyes stayed on the older man lingering with admiration.

 _You always say you're not an ideal to help with this but to me…_ Kamui's thoughts wandered off, a bit of a dreamy smile stained his lips.

"Kamui?" Subaru called out to him, squeezing the boy's hand to break him out of the trance.

"W-What?" Kamui asked innocently, still in a bit of a daze. He did squeeze the hand in his own back tightly.

"We'll start by reading through it again," Subaru brought him back.

"Out loud?" Kamui's voice shook, his eyes widened.

"If you'd like, you're welcome to read it to yourself," Subaru offered kindly, hand still lingering on the one he loves.

"N-no it's fine," Kamui assured with very little confidence. "I think I might focus better just reading it out loud. "

Subaru's eyes brightened at that. "Go ahead then, when you're ready."

"The C-cost for the average streaming service is…" Kamui's voice started a bit shaky. He continued on forward.

Subaru's lips turned up to the point where they ached, his smile entirely hopeless and amorous. He rested the side of his face on his palm, listening, and watching attentively.

 _You're way too cute._ Subaru thought with frustration, surprised he hadn't fallen for Kamui long ago, well maybe he had… he knew he wasn't in the right headspace to understand himself then.

Awareness of his own emotions was never his strength. Once again, Hokuto had been the one to wake him up, to help him find what he _needed_ to protect _._ Before having a future beyond his original wish was never even considered.

Now...he _saw_ his new future right in front of him. It didn't hurt like hell, just made his heart skip several beats. He felt himself go so vulnerable and weak in the best way possible.

Mismatched eyes shined like crystals, lingering over every small habit of the student. The way his nose scrunched up when reading through and deciphering the text. Those beautiful eyes were deeply concentrated, narrowing down at the paper. His lips pursed to form a serious expression.

 _What would_ _she_ _think of Kamui?_ Subaru couldn't help but ponder, not noticing the concerned eyes nearing his own, nor his hidden love leaning over the table. He certainly did not see how dangerously close Kamui was coming until it was too late.

Subaru's mind stuttered. It was so- _so_ _easy_ to do what he wanted. He felt Kamui's warm breath over his lips, and all but fell back from his sitting position. Crimson burned into his expression, he felt the fire in his blush.

"K-Kamui?"

"Is something wrong, Subaru?" Kamui asked, eyes laced with concern and innocence.

"N-no sorry," Subaru cleared his throat, barely fighting the blush down to a mild pink hue.

"Okay…" Kamui's eyes lowered, his lips curled down and plush together.

He could just _hear_ his sister, and probably grandmother as well, berating him for acting like that. Again denying himself, trapped by the fear of letting his truth out into the open. Keeping it all locked away. He didn't know what to say to Kamui that wouldn't be a lie nor reveal too much.

"I'm alright, I kind of got lost in thought…" Subaru professed, eyes turning apologetic, a bit watery.

"Oh," Kamui said as though solving something, suddenly focused solely on the paper and textbook in front of him.

"It's nothing… Ah _disheartening_ ," he winced at his words but thinking up no better alternative. "I guess I sometimes get caught up, overthinking all the what-if's…" his voice softened by the word.

"There's just… With everything that's happened I feel… Lost and I was thinking...no feeling that I-I have things now that make me happy-you just-when I think back to- but I aghh-I don't know what I'm saying.."

Vulnerability, set in. Yet, it wasn't breaking him. For the first time in far too long, he _felt_ safe, even while spewing out strings of words that made no sense nor connected. Kamui listened patiently, eyes turning a bit watery and his chest aching, seeing the older male struggle and look down at himself in frustration. He simply held tight to both of Subaru's hands, his hold incredibly warm, soothing.

"You can always talk to me, Subaru. With whatever you feel comfortable saying… But you don't need to push yourself."

 _I_ _want_ _to tell you_ _ **everything**_ _, more than anything…_ His thoughts surfaced.

A gentle, barely visible curve of lips surfaced at the words. Kamui caught it and returned it incredibly shyly.

_Kamui…_

His worries were already easing. It was almost frightening.

"Thank you, Kamui," Subaru professed, He began unlinking and linking their hands. I

Intertwining their fingers differently. He couldn't help but feel content at the sight of those beautiful hands allowing him to connect, to join with his own.

"I didn't really do anything… " Kamui hushed, turning away quite shyly and pink. The sight of gentle hands embracing and maneuvering his own was a great distraction.

"You're here," Subaru at last, explained and to the point where he felt his heart ready to _overflow_ saying even the start of another word.

Kamui's mind scrambled for an answer. His violet eyes blinked several times over, full eyelashes fluttered. A porcelain face scrunched up, concentrating, similar to when he was solving earlier problems.

Kamui's mouth pressed up to a bit of a pout, before his eyes lit up, and broke out in an angelic smile.

"I'm really happy you're here, Subaru," Kamui confessed barely above a whisper, his hands feeling a little shaky.

Subaru's eyes lifted at the admission, shivering mismatched orbs soon settled to a calm yet longing gaze.

Kamui's eyes had shifted, to his hands, only to feel them caressed by incredible soft, gentle fingers. His hands were soon grasped. Kamui looked back up to see tender eyes caressing him. . He felt incredibly soothed, but he wished his hands would stop shaking already.

Yet, it became long forgotten as he felt lips gingerly press to his forehead, somehow feeling even _more intimate_ than usual. The brief touch warmed him, soothing his thoughts, and melting worry lines from his face. Subaru pulled back and smiled so _sweetly_ at Kamui, he felt his chest ache.

Violet-blue fell into gold and emerald orbs, both sets lit up and sparkling like diamonds. Both males remained in the comfortable yet unspoken silence, taking quite some time before they went back to what they were _supposed_ to do.

* * *

A month into January passed the fated year. Kamui looked outside his window from his desk. His teacher's lecture falling into the background.

 _Snow keeps piling up._ Kamui sighed quietly, resting his cheek within his palm. Well, what it looked like from a distance. A benefit of the CLAMP academy was not having to worry about the cold winters or overly hot summers.

He pondered just when the last time was he actually cared for the changes of seasons.

He knew Kotori had a love for all seasons, but spring stayed her preference. The time seeing the birds out and flying free always brought a smile to her face.

Fuuma seemed unburdened by the cold, and even extreme summer heat. _Maybe_...he acted that way to look strong, impressive in front of Kotori and himself. Kamui smiled bittersweet at the thought, preferring to interpret it exactly that way, hoping Fuuma did it far more for him than any other.

He pondered if Subaru liked snow or even cared at all for the seasons.

_Subaru…_

Kamui's gaze turned back to the board, relieved to see his teacher was seemingly oblivious, turned to the virtual whiteboard screen, as she wrote up notes, and bullet points from the last chapter.

Kamui turned forward in his seat. and started writing down the content absently. He scrutinized the symbols he wrote out, stuck on a thought from earlier this month.

_"You have really beautiful… ha-handwriting."_

Pink lips quirked up at the memory of his housemate during their grocery trip. It was almost embarrassing to think how much he _genuinely_ _enjoyed_ what was to most a mundane errand.

He'd be lying if he didn't say he'd been even more careful and aware of how he wrote, since that day. Never once did he even care for something so simple. Yet… It _was_ beneficial for everyone, his teachers seeming happy at the clarity in his written work. Especially in comparison to more scrambled out papers they received.

The pain in his smile slowly soothed at past memories. Bittersweet lips soothed to a warm calmer smile

_Painful memories. Happy memories. Things that make me 'happy' in the present…_

Kamui reminisced, holding tight to each cherished moment he has surfacing to his mind.

Maybe the seasons were already changing…

* * *

_"You smoke a lot don't you?" Kamui asked with a crestfallen face._

_"Hm? Oh, does it bother you?" Subaru asked a bit distantly. Neither male met the other's eyes._

_"No," Kamui waved it off. "But…" He looked up to meet the older man's eyes, ones always lingering with so much pain. Both orbs of emerald, at the time, looked dim, and ready to break._

_"Don't you worry that it'll-" Kamui started with pleading eyes._

_"It's fine. Some people find that smoking weakens their powers… But for me, it had the opposite effect."_

Subaru's mind swirled with memories.

"I'm an idiot…" He reprimanded himself, still seeing those pained, concerned eyes still trying to reach him. Even while he was so far gone.

Subaru sat back in a chair on the private veranda. He eased with the site of there being no neighbors around the secluded home.

The reserved man craved the space all to himself, to breathe. To be alone. To stay guarded. Yet, for the first time in nearly a decade, he _didn't_ want that.

He _craved_ Kamui.

It was only hours, yet Subaru already missed him _this much._ He felt his chest ache, missing this morning's smile he had helplessly lingered over and fallen harder for.

Back early from his work, and left with nothing but his thoughts had made things tricky. He leaned his head back and stared up towards the dark sky above. The snow was piling up. His lips twitched a bit, thinking of Kamui and his friends comfortable with the ever-perfect temperature at Clamp academy.

Subaru breathed out slowly, hoping to calm his thoughts and… Everything. It helped some but… His dual-toned eyes glared at the cigarette in hand.

A year later, and still with this habit. Subaru found himself with a conundrum. His index and middle finger gracefully held the burnt stick up towards the air.

He could still see that pained smile on his crush's lips. Still, see how he would breathily rush towards the marble gazebo-one that had built a world just for the two of them. For countless afternoons.

_"Look, Maybe It's not my business…but…"_

_Kamui looked down sadly. Glossy orbs of violet-blue darkened with worry. He didn't meet his 'tutor's' eyes just yet._

_"Smoking's still bad for you." Kamui's voice was so tender, whisper-soft. He didn't even meet those emerald eyes, turning down so timidly it made something in the older man ache. The need to protect overwhelmed. Yet what was there to do when he was the culprit._

_Subaru could feel the emotion in those beautiful eyes, the sincerity in Kamui's words._

_He pushed the stub of cigarette to the ashtray, the smoke rising alongside his "pupil's" eyes._

_"Let's get started." Subaru began, lifting up and opening the textbooks._

_"Okay," he missed that sad, conflicted look given towards him. Unsure if he could or should say more. Some relief had fled seeing the man stopping his habit due to his words. Yet, guilt took over feeling he made him do so._

"Kamui…" Subaru hushed out, his mismatched gems of eyes glistened. He could see that soft, sad little line seaming at his current love's lips.

It's not as though neither he nor Kamui had to worry about the crippling side effects like others did. Being the Kamui and one born with immense spiritual powers, both had an alarmingly strong constitution.

Still, it _wasn't_ good for him. Kamui's words always bore into his heart, even when he tried to shut all else out for his selfish wish.

Lately, it was terrifying and relieving. That last connection between himself and Seishirou seemed to slip away like the smoke dissolving to the air above. Cutting the ties between his past self and first love.

He exhaled another long drag, conflicted as he felt his hands shaking a bit. A mix of conflicted emotions was taking over his senses.

Seishirou….The one whose hands he wished to _die by_.

Kamui… The one whose heart he wished to _live for._

He felt his powers running wildly. He flushed embarrassed at his loss of composure. He could still feel his powers flowing and merging inside the one he loves so much.

He was certain he built up a harmful lifelong habit, another step towards his self-destructive path to find the one who tormented yet somehow loved him.

Yet, it had only been a month. One month. 31 days. And he found his thoughts of the past, the piece of his heart that held Hokuto and Seishirou above all else, slipping from his grasp.

Since he brought Kamui home… The cravings to smoke were there but felt far more minimal. At first, he assumed he was too preoccupied with nurturing Kamui to act on his vices. Yet, it wasn't so at all. Even on his own, he'd rarely felt the need to smoke, far far less than he ever had since he first picked up the habit.

Yet, replacing those cravings came unwavering, terrifyingly strong _desires._ Certainly _those kinds._ But more so the need to protect, to hold the person he loved so close. To feel their presence. To feel the way his power and energy entangled with Kamui's own, so tightly bound within the younger man. Those cravings were maddening. Sometimes causing him to fall back in his bad habit, to calm him even a bit.

The lovesick man was struggling to keep his thoughts and feelings in check. Just wanting to confess absolutely everything to Kamui and kiss the younger man breathless.

Subaru had, in the past, kept his feelings hidden for far far longer. Never once speaking of what was in his heart, until he dived within Kamui.

Still, here he had been. After one final drag of the cigarettes, he crushed the stub within the ashtray. Snuffing out the flame, and leaving the man alone, with no vices to escape from his unwavering emotions.

Subaru knew his heart was a slave to love. Now, it was bound to the one who held his heart so dearly without even knowing. He knew all too well he was vulnerable and at Kamui's mercy...

Which, thankfully felt far safer and kinder than at the mercy of his first love.

"Again?" Subaru was brought out of his thoughts. The reflective man groaned at the soft beeping and vibrating sound. He reached towards the side of his coat, he pulled out his phone.

His nose scrunched up when clicking on the lock screen not taking in the message before entering the numbered code.

When he did finally open up to see his message, he felt his stomach doing flips. Gem toned eyes glimmered and lit up as they looked towards the name of the sender. The one contact who would bring such a painfully idiotic smile to his lips, that would leave his cheeks aching for hours.

_Subaru, I'm sorry I had to rush to school so early today! Yuzuriha keeps asking me to say hi! So… I did. Hope you have a good day at work! I'll see you soon!_

Lovelorn eyes scanned, over the message several times over. One most would shrug off with a quick reply, and go on their way.

Still, something so simple. Knowing that he had been on Kamui's mind. He felt the heat rising from his neck up. His heart was barraging with no mercy for its owner. Subaru whined before letting his arms cross and tall on the table. He pressed his buried, flushed expression in their hold.

Bzzz… Bzzz…

The sound of another message came through. Subaru reluctantly looked up from his cradling arms looking at the phone screen.

_I miss you._

Gold and emerald eyes blinked and looked up and over the simple message.

Subaru's stomach tightened further and his heart raced more wildly to its owner's dismay.

He was nearly convinced Kamui was trying to kill him. And all he wanted to do was to love on him for it.

Utterly and completely at Kamui's mercy.

_CHAPTER FOUR END_


	5. Aster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asters are one of my fav flowers. Definitions vary esp by color but Red Asters can symbolize "undying devotion" which these two have even if things are still developing and being figured out between them.
> 
> February begins! Valentine's Day plans and events are coming up at CLAMP academy. SubKam hurt and comfort throughout, But a happy ending to the chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~~February 19th is Subaru's Birthday making him a Pisces. And I over-analyze the hell out of everything. So I was looking up the most compatible astrology signs. Cancer (another water sign-both very intuitive, sensitive, emotional, etc.) seemed to fit. I've left ages vague-ish but for future 18+ content I'm quite likely will have both 18+ characters being 18 and up. If nothing else, for one less warning sake on the story and all that. Esp as we get to more mature chapters eventually For now it's still pining, some more romantic tension.
> 
> The relationship between Pisces and Cancer is from what I've read, heavily driven by emotions and intimacy. Sex and emotions kinda have to go hand to hand with these signs. And like they are one of those pairings where sex between them is always "making love" (even when a little spicy) love is such a central thing for them. I love that, I cry.~~~~

**Ambrosia Chapter 5: Aster**

* * *

_February_

Another somewhat peaceful night. Kamui's usual nightmares over his lost love seemed to give him some leeway. Unfortunately, it wasn't quite the same for his protective bedmate. One who made Kamui huff and sulk now. As he felt taken out from a nice bout of sleep when those warm protective arms released him. Subaru is trembling, crying out, tossing, and turning. When he did slowly open his dreary eyes, Kamui found the older male on the far side of the bed.

"Subaru?" Kamui grumbled out, eyes wincing tight, and refusing to stay open all the way. He subconsciously growled under his breath, seeing his protector near the other end of the bed, and not _close_ to him as they started out. As they were _supposed_ to be.

Kamui's cheeks lit up dusted rose-pink, mentally strained between grieving and trying to figure out whatever else has been lingering inside. He shook off the thought, hoping to fight it down for as long as possible when hearing his protector cry out desperately.

"N-no…" Subaru's voice broke out, shivering and shaking from his spot. Kamui rolled over and crawled towards the far end of the bed.

"I hate seeing you in pain like this," Kamui expressed, knowing fully well the older male couldn't hear him. The younger boy took a deep breath, fully expecting to hear more of those sad cries, and calls for his loved ones.

The young raven-haired male nuzzled his forehead against Subaru's back. His chest ached, hearing the soft, desperate pleas of the one he cared so deeply for.

"Please…" Subaru's voice called out, going hoarse, breaking up into a string of indecipherable words. His breaths quickened, and his larger form is fully shaking, jolting his sleep partner to be fully awake.

"Shh, It'll be alright Subaru," Kamui consoles. His chest aches painfully, the feeling taking over his senses. He curled up behind the larger body and slung his arms around the trembling form.

"I won't let you be alone ever again…" he promised, violet eyes-glossy and watery.

Kamui scooted up on the bed, lying so he could be closer to eye level with the taller man. His messy raven locks brushed against the back of Subaru's shoulder. He buried his eyes there, fully embracing the other from behind, bringing their bodies flushed closely together. "I'm right beside you, I'll always be," Kamui vowed sincerely, he could hear his heart pounding, wanting to go already and comfort the man that did so much for him. He was fine to take over the role, being Subaru's protector. It wasn't the first time...but Kamui knew he'd been on the receiving end of comfort far more often.

"Subaru…" This close, Kamui could hear how painful those cries, calls, and quickened breaths felt. Slender arms tightened around the larger figure they encased. The older man was shaking, thin bitten lips parted.

"Please, don't…" his pleas came out hushed, a pitiful cry. The trembling arms at his side began shaking.

"I can't lose you…" he whimpered, those warm, comforting hands were grasping for something in the air. His cries of 'no' and 'please' come out hoarse. Subaru's voice cracks at every syllable that falls from his lips.

Kamui expects to _feel_ the protective man's pain. Losing the two people he loved the most in the world. _I know I'm not Hokuto or Seishirou but…_ Kamui's thoughts wished to speak aloud, but fear kept them in. They halted him from finishing that thought.

Those pained cries for the sister he loves dearly and the man he's in love with would come soon enough. Kamui could feel his heart lurch, hating the way the one Subaru gave his heart to was still tormenting him. Kamui supposed he wasn't that different, yet at least he had some resolve. Moments of seeing the true Fuuma, _his_ Fuuma once again was a blessing and a curse.

"D-don't go…" Subaru was breathless, eyes were pouring out tears. Kamui fought with himself on whether to awaken and comfort Subaru or to let him go through with the pain. Avoiding that vulnerability, feeling of weakness, he's feeling after awakening. He wasn't sure if Subaru would want that.

Kamui grimaced, painfully hugging the taller body against him, and burying his face in his neck. It would come soon enough, the part where his protector seemed the most torn. ' _Hokuto_... _Seishirou_...' Subaru would be calling for their return, he braced himself to hear those broken cries. Kamui would try to take on, take away some of the pain, as much as possible, staying beside the one he was drawn to. Kamui reached down to squeeze one of those trembling hands.

"I need you…" Subaru confessed, his voice full of love, need, desperation...he wasn't sure which of the two or if both of his precious persons were involved. Kamui hushed, as soothingly as he possibly could. Subaru's form started up shaking almost violently as the dream came to a bitter climax. The head of the raven-haired further buried itself in the older male's neck.

"K-Kamui!" Subaru screamed out _his name._ Something unexpected, making the younger man near jolt from the bed.

"Subaru? Y-you're awake?" Kamui called out, and trembled, not fully believing it, as the older man was still shaking. Orbs of violet-blue watered shook and widened at the sound of his name. He leaned up and gradually released his bedmate. The younger male leaned up, double-checking only to see Subaru's face stained with tears

 _"K-Kamui…"_ Subaru called for him again. tone softened and seemed far more in anguish.

"Subaru?" his voice trembled, hands shaking slightly. Orbs of violet-blue glistened and watered over, entirely full. The need to comfort and just wake the one so precious to him, from his sleep, was hard to resist. Even if Subaru would rather not be woken…

"I'm right here," Kamui professed. Even knowing the unlikely hood his words would reach, he did so. Kamui draped one arm around the taller side male's waist again. His free hand lifted, nimble tender fingers brushed away pained tears.

* * *

_Nightmare_

_Images flooded, haunted through the distressed man's mind. The dream feeling is far too accurate, close to a quite possible reality. An alternative to Kamui's true wish was being granted._

_Even if he did protect Kamui's wish. Protect Kamui… To Lose him again. Being forced back to life again, only to see the one he had fallen for…bleeding to his death._

_He couldn't do a damn thing about it. Only coming to consciousness by the time it was too late._

_Fuuma still looks as cruel as ever. Aiming the tip of the blade to Kamui's heart. Perhaps a blow the Kamui of Earth assumed he'd miss._

_"Kamui?" Fuuma, the_ _real_ _Fuuma calls out in a voice so lost, destroyed by his actions. The one he fell so hard for, was stabbed brutally, bleeding out in front of him._

_The cruel form of "Kamui" soon took over. Perhaps, a loss of control occurred. Perhaps, Fuuma didn't have the heart nor will to stay in the moment ripped from his nightmares._

_Kamui looked so at peace. It was almost infuriating. The Kamui of earth had won, so why was he still being looked at as "Fuuma", as the person Kamui loved the most._

_"You'll carry on my wish from now on," Kamui had prophesied, finally drawing up the barrier, a perfect sphere. Golden Light emitted and healed and restored the world around him. Subaru had been brought out of his consciousness. Forced to see the wish come to fruition, the wish, come with a cost._

_"Kotori and I are here. We'll always be right here in your heart," Kamui professed looking deep into amber eyes before him. His eyes glistened with pure unabashed love. "We love you endlessly. You've become the one I love the most." A weak shaky hand reached out towards the taller man's cheek._

_Earth's Kamui felt tears overflowing, blurring his vision with trails of pain rushing down. Fuuma took over his senses, unable to hold back, he grasped for Kamui's hand and held it to his cheek._

_"Kamui, I-all I've done… I-no…" Not on borrowed time. "You have to know I've always loved you the most…" He repressed bringing the weakened hand to his lips._

_The softest yet weakened smile returned. Making the taller male fall harder for his soon to be lost love. Those beautiful violet orbs glimmered once more, full of resolve._

_"K-Kamui?... You can't…" Fuuma broke out, his sense of everything snapped. "_

_Kamui!" he screamed loud enough for heaven and hell to hear. He only hoped now he'd go to where Kamui would be. But he knew where he was destined, how they aligned._

_The taller form sobbed painfully. He was completely unmoving, holding the unconscious bleeding form in his arms. Fuuma felt his world snap as those loving eyes fluttered closed for one last time._

_The Kamui of Earth never would win. As it should be. He was resigned to that fate, his true wish taking its toll by now. But this…_

_This was beyond suffering. "Kamui! KAMUIIII!" he screamed until his lungs gave out, his voice broke and blood fell from his lips. The thought of taking the holy sword came to his mind._

_'How very Romeo and Juliet' Fuuma mused with morbidity, nearly laughing at the thought. He reached for the hilt and began to draw up the blade. Fuuma's preparing to finish this before a hand placed on top of his on._

_Fuuma turned to see emerald and gold orbs shaking, turning to him with unbridled pain and anger. "Stop," he professed._

_Fuuma opened his mouth to protest before being uninterrupted._

_Subaru's eyes darkened, his hand grasping the younger male's wrist in a brutal grip. His eyes darkened. He resembled the "Sakurazukamori" far more than, Subaru Sumeragi. "Stop or I_ _**will** _ _force you to. You will_ _**not** _ _forsake Kamui's wish."_

_Fuuma turned to him at a loss. He looked at his own hands with shame. Feeling everything and nothing at once. He fell to his knees bringing Kamui along with him._

_Subaru kneeled down, took his trench coat, and covered it over Kamui's lifeless form. Neither male stopped, both broken beyond words._

_Fuuma hadn't stopped sobbing, crying out for what was hours, maybe even days. Subaru felt his heart die one last time. Existence was all he'd manage in life right now. Actually living was an impossibility. Living with the eye and duties that his first love left him, and the heart his second love restored and shattered. He'd stay alive to see the world Kamui wished for. His heart encased and locked itself eternally the instant his love drew his last breath._

_After some time, Fuuma turned towards the other forlorn man. His eyes lit with a sense of realization. "We've_ _**both** _ _lost the one we loved."_

_Subaru nodded, making no effort to hide the loss for the one person capable of making him feel past Seishirou. Who he'd give his life for time and time again._

* * *

"Kamui!" Subaru quickly shot from bed with a jolt of a start. Sweating profusely, his eyes widened, darkened. His heart was screaming at him. He's forgotten how to breathe even.

The shock of the sudden movement left the one he loved rolling several feet across the bed. Kamui's brain went fuzzy, he let out a yelp.

The very sound of Kamui's voice made the older man's heart sing. He could hear it, easily. He _wanted_ Kamui to hear the way it beats only for him now. He wants to hear Kamui's heart.

"Subaru?" Kamui sat up, wincing an eye shut and rubbing his temples a bit. "Y-you were having a nightmare," Subaru recalled nodding or making some sound of confirmation. Beautiful, dazzling orbs of violet met with gold and emerald. That was all it took.

"Are you o-Woah!"

In a sudden movement, Subaru surges towards the one he loves. Kamui falls on his back again. Beautiful locks of raven-black fell and splayed upon the soft white pillow. The contrast and shine from the dim light made it even shinier more entrancing. Dual-toned eyes took the sight in desperately, losing his breath and nearly his mind in the process.

Recovering more, Kamui looked up with concerned eyes and quivering lips. Two protective arms were at each side of his head. Passionate, dual emerald and gold eyes sparkled with new life. Relief couldn't begin to explain Subaru's awakening here. Like this. Seeing those violet eyes sparkle brighter and more alluring than his dreams could begin to conjure up.

Their eyes locked, and Kamui let his orbs of violet-blue flutter and fully close. Entirely unsure what the hell was going on, he attempted to breathe. Softly. Slowly. Deeply. Kamui could hear his heart pounding in his ears. They became closer. Kamui's heart was accelerating to the point he thought he'd lose consciousness. His very core felt like fire.

Kamui's heart lately had been so divided. Constantly, split between breaking and mourning, and healing. And whatever this was. This was…

"Sub-AH!"

Even that became near impossible. The bed creaked at the quick movement. Legs Tangled. Hips flushed. A mess of raven-black cascaded over Kamui's nightshirt. He felt the weight of the older male on top of him. He flushed a bit, thankful for the lack of lighting.

He recalled, under more grim circumstances this was how they met in the physical realm. His first sight was Subaru collapsed on top of him, holding the severed head of his first love.

Yet, here he was again. Mourning his second love and again being saved by the kindest person Kamui had ever known. The feeling of warm arms slinking around and under Kamui's form killed his thoughts. Warmth overtook Kamui's senses.

The desire to hold, to protect came full force.

" _Subaru_ ," Kamui breathed. His eyes darkened, shivered as they looked down at the trembling form pillowing his chest.

Warm dampened trails of pain were felt against Kamui's nightshirt. He glanced down. Sight and the feeling of teardrops were the signs known his protector was crying.

His cries, whimpers were so quiet, near-complete silence. Kamui's felt his stomach lurch. How many times has Subaru repressed himself _?_ How had he managed heartache to the point of repressing all sound? Audible evidence for any other gone.

The older man continued burying his face into the smaller male's chest. Subaru's eyes released a silent storm. Far different than earlier, when he had no conscious awareness. The silence, repression of it all worried Kamui further.

How long had it been since Subaru felt safe? If ever.

 _Well, it's time to change that now._ Kamui smiled, an unfamiliar protective and nurturing feeling overwhelmed him.

" _Su-ba-ru."_ Kamui's lips breathed his protector's name beautifully. Each syllable fell, a private melody for the two of them. And only them. His protectors became all he knew how to say. All he could think.

Gentle hands fluttered down and carded through his protector's hair. He brushed them in vague rhythmic motions.

" _Subaru…_ " Kamui cooed the words.

"K-kamui c-can I-I?"

"Yes."

In came Kamui's immediate response.

Subaru's eyes widened at that before chuckling, the sound bittersweet to his current "pillow's" ears. Looking back up to see Kamui left him breathless, wordless.

Things only intensified further. Everything feels so raw, exposed. Their room was as dark as midnight. Yet, somehow it was like they saw every inch of each other clearly. Kamui was the one to lean his head down and kiss what he could reach of his protector's head.

Subaru laid back down, his ear glued itself right above the fluttering heartbeat. An intoxicating melody for the older male

Kamui could _feel_ the smile curling up against his chest. A bit more to his senses, he felt himself burning. Images of countless times he felt innocent kisses on his forehead, head, and hands fluttered through his mind.

"Can I?" Subaru managed to get out, his breathing calming slowly by his beloved's melody. "L-like this?" He hushed out the words, feeling vulnerability, pain, fear, and deep _**deep**_ love for Kamui rushing in.

"Mhmm.." The younger male hummed to acknowledge.

" _Subaru."_ Kamui's voice resounded like an angel.

If Kamui was going to say his name like _that, it was all over._ He'd only keep falling deeper, further into the abyss of his heart's keeper.

Maybe that was alright.

Dual-colored eyes glistened, shining brighter than the gems they mirrored, even brighter than any diamond out there. Subaru's eyes were watery, shining with whites from the bit of moonlight.

Subaru felt the warm curls melt over his lips, knowing from experience it wouldn't fade any time soon.

Kamui hummed out a melody, one that made Subaru against his chest. The latter guessed it was from one of his beloved's anime. His form was slowly succumbing to rest once more.

The gentle humming continued, going softer, perfectly intimate. The song proceeded, blended with the melodic heartbeat, came the sound of an angel. Anecdotal evidence Kamui was just that.

Once pained eyes calmed. The feeling of being _right_ where he needed to be was such a foreign concept before, to Subaru. To Kamui.

Gold and emerald orbs lightened before fluttering closed. Kamui felt his will to stay awake gone once Subaru fell back asleep. The sight of pained eyes closing, lips calming and relaxing-eased him.

"Good night, Subaru." Kamui breathed out, smiling as he let his fingers brush through Subaru's hair once more again before sleep overtook his senses.

* * *

."It's February!" A cheerful voice resounded through the extravagant and spacious office. CLAMP school's very own director was beaming. His grins stretched so far his partner worried it may stay like that.

"Another beautiful month begins! We have to celebrate!" Nokoru beams brilliantly, outshining the sunny rays seeping through the windows.

His right-hand man, Suoh Takamura, breathed a long heavy sigh. He glared towards his closest friend.

The blue-haired man groaned, accepting the oncoming headache. Suoh's forefinger and thumb rubbed at his temples. The countless files on the computer and forms were piling up on Nokoru's desk.

"You've said that for every month, _Director Nokoru_ , and look where it got us last month. " Suoh gestured towards the mountains of blank files, folders and leaned forward. Looking at the PC, exiting the new festival document, and opening a folder with countless unfinished files. "I swear you haven't changed since Elementary school, _Kaichou_."

Nokoru laughed it off. He reached for a fan upon his desk and waved it over his face. The symbols for love were written across it alongside a heart.

"The world's been saved from total annihilation, I think now more than ever we should celebrate-besides…" Nokoru had _that_ glint in his eye. Telling his confidant, there was _no_ chance he'd back down on whatever he was scheming.

"It's the month of love, Suoh." Nokoru's sky blue eyes darkened to a hue of midnight. He placed down his fan and stood up suddenly.

Had Suoh not known the eccentric man all his life he would have been surprised at the constant dramatics.

The blond's hand slapped loudly onto the desk. He curled his hand in tight and held it before himself. "You can't tell me, everyone at CLAMP school doesn't deserve a chance to feel happy, spending one night celebrating their freedom and peace! Giving countless students! And of course so many women in need of that golden opportunity! To express the strongest force of all! LOVE! After all the hardship, don't you think they all deserve that much? "

Suoh blinked, feeling a bit moved, by how serious Nokoru looks. The seemingly carefree director took everyone's happiness into account, it only made him shine brighter in the other's eyes. He always had that smile, even on the very promised day, assuring the entire academy he would do any and all things he could do to keep everyone safe, even at the cost of his own life.

"I see what you're saying Nokoru, but…"

"And besides," Nokoru started up again. The bright glow in his eyes returned, his lips curled up with mischief, features easing and relaxing to one more conniving.

"Kaichou!" Suoh warned, a force of habit slipping out again. His glares never seemed to deter the director one bit. That same energy, a passion he held when announcing, deciding upon the clamp school detectives.

"We've got some incredibly interesting transfers lately, haven't we Suoh?" Nokoru's Cheshire cat grin couldn't be hidden for the life of him nor his best friend's sanity.

"I know what you're doing…"

"Do you?" Nokoru mused, looking mischievous as his eyes lit up.

"Yes, I do. And I think it's not my place nor _yours_ to step into their lives. They've gone through enough trauma, without one of your schemes."

"And that's _exactly_ why they need this. After everything they've lost don't they deserve to be happy? There's something shattered within all the Dragon's Heaven, a sense of innocence lost. I can see it even in the incredibly cheerful Yuzurihai's eyes. Innocence... Something they can't get back. Our beautiful Karen Kasumi's suffered, still torn, loving only from afar. And I can still see that shattered look in Miss Arashi's eyes…" He professed again sadly, reaching his attendant. Nokoru seemed to shiver at the statement.

Neither could deny nor ever diminish the pain of the one who lost their soulmate.

"She isn't attending this semester, but when she does I want to bring _something_ back into her life as well. A sense, a dream or purpose to make her smile, even a little bit." Nokoru further expressed, closing his eyes as he pondered his next words.

"It's not like I don't agree with you _Kaichou_ but right now our priorities should be on-"

"And it's not just the females as well. Aoki is fighting his life's greatest battle to win back the ones he loves the most and then there's… _Those two."_

Nokoru fell back into his seat. He heaved a dramatic sigh. The light returning to narrowing blue eyes made Suoh shudder.

"After everything they've been through. They two deserve happiness," Nokoru added, seriously enough and kindly.

Suoh couldn't stop the helpless smile already knowing he'd be dragged into whatever was planned.

"And besides I think they're _very cute_ together! ~" Nokoru cheered, his eyes brightening and tone fully returning to its usual cheerful self.

Suoh groaned, nearly falling over at the announcement. Just when he thought Nokoru was going to be serious today too.

"We don't have time to play matchmaking games. We have strict _deadlines!"_ Suoh reminded him, slapping a hand upon the ever-growing mountain of papers on the desk.

"But-Suoh!" The blond pouted. "You can't tell me you didn't see them?"

"See what exactly?" Suoh wished he were better at swaying the blond, not giving in to his emotions.

"The _sparks_ were flying! You can feel them from miles away!"

"Well yes… I know and that's why I think it's something that should stay _between_ them. Both of those men are rather private, reserved. Pushing them when they're not ready might even backfire, making it harder for them to solve things on their own."

"But! Ooooh!" Nokoru whined, already so in love with his new _project._ "Both Subaru and Kamui have lost so much. They've gotten _so_ close-the smallest push could bring them together! Honestly, they hardly even need a push!"

"Which is why you shouldn't," Suoh added firmly, staring down his best friend. He hoped to calm the fire in the director's eyes.

"But-but, it wouldn't take too long and we could have the High School and University councils working together on it!"

Suoh rubbed at his forehead again. He grumbled something under his breath. "Alright, but only for that one night!"

"Thank you! You won't regret it!" Nokoru sparkled, eyes lighting up wildly as he rose from his seat again and wrapped his arms around his friend's neck. Suoh shook his head at the hug, attempting to seem more upset but settled for patting the blond head.

"An incredible celebration of love! We'll have a ball! Oh, a masquerade! And on Valentine's Day of course."

"Of course," Suoh repeated, less enthusiastic. "It sounds like a worthwhile plan!"

Nokoru looked up at him brilliantly grinning.

"After you finish your paperwork." Suoh finished, laughing a bit as he saw the director hanging his head and slinking back into his chair.

"Oh! Suoh!" Nokoru groans, looking up for sympathy but receiving an icy glare that made him quake. "Fine."

* * *

"As you may have heard our Highschool and University councils are working together for this year's Valentine's Day Masquerade Ball." The bright-eyed, science teacher announced. His ocean blue eyes seemed to light up at the sight of the cheerful students. Several students lit up at the mention. One raven-haired student shied away, ducking his head down his sole interest in the book before him.

"If you want to volunteer or there are several signs up lists posted in the halls. You can also contact the Highschool Council through their email and phone or visit the council office directly. You've all been messaged about the event which you'll find in your student emails," Their teacher explained further, the more monotonous deals sounding rehearsed and worn out from prior classes. Still, their strawberry-blond professor smiled kindly to the students.

"Of course this is optional. Though I find you might enjoy the event. CLAMP school takes a lot of time and work into making sure their events are enjoyed by our students," he finished announcing eyes darting towards a few 'newer' students, Kamui and Yuzuriha included." And with that, you're free to go for the weekend. Wonderful work today class. "

Kamui had practically buried his face into his book by this point. He could feel gazes from male and female students boring into the back of his head.

It hadn't helped the sliver of sunlight lit up the raven-black locks exposing a hue of ocean-blue. Making the student all the more enchanting to his admirers.

Timid violet-blue orbs looked around the classroom. The reserved student waited patiently for the exuberant students to eventually leave and go to class.

The more mild-mannered and shy students looked over at Kamui quickly. They frowned a bit before giving in and leaving the classroom.

Though there were still a few more stubborn ones who came right up to Kamui's desk.

One beaming girl approached him, looking quite cheerful as though worries ceased at the sight of her. She tapped at Kamui's shoulder. The shyer student reluctantly looked up.

Intense blue-grey eyes stared into him, holding his shaky uncertain gaze there. He noticed briefly the female's princess style hair-cut and long wavy girls. There were several females and male admirers behind her, likely wanting to ask her when she was done.

"Kamui," she began and grasped for both of the boy's hands boldly. Absently, Kamui thought how odd it was, the hold over his hands now felt neutral, nothing warm, but a cool touch like that of a stranger.

"I've admired you from afar since you first transferred here. Now seems like the golden opportunity I've been waiting for. I like you," She professed, boldly looking into his nervous - shifty violet eyes before turning back weakly. He put on a weak smile, staring uncomfortably at the hands-on his own.

"Shirou, Kamui, will you be my date to the masquerade ball?" She asked firmly, clearly though there was a bit of tension seeping through. No ill intentions. But Kamui couldn't help but get lost in his earlier thoughts. Emotions.

This was a nerve-wracking thing to do. Briefly, he wondered what his friends would do in these situations.

"I'm sorry," Kamui bowed his head. "I can't return your feelings. And I'm not planning on attending the dance anyway. There's still a lot of school work I need to catch up on," he expressed as gently as possible, feeling a bit odd. His old self turned down anyone, coldly quickly and without a second thought.

Guess a lot has changed since the promised year.

"Okay…" His rejected admirer hushed out. No longer, finding the classroom safe, Kamui reached for his school bag and headed towards the door. Unfortunately for him, Yuzuriha, his only familiar face in class, was talking with a few other classmates. She waved at him as he went towards the door.

"Kamui!" A deep male voice called out to him. The admired boy felt his head aching. Absently, he rubbed at his temples.

"I've had my eye on you the second you transferred," he professed theatrically. Brushing his hands through spiky red hair he continued on.

"I knew it had to be destiny for us to meet!" He continued. Kamui's eyes widened startled as he felt his back press against the wall. The taller male student had both of his arms caging him in. Kamui couldn't fight the scowl.

Being cornered like this was infuriating. Kamui really hated how his brain mushed up a similar scenario with those he was close to and had been close to. All of which involved conflicting emotions and individuals he felt strongly for.

"Shirou Kamui, please be mine!" His voice lowered in a way Kamui assumed he'd be more drawn to. It's not like the person was unattractive. But nothing…

Kamui wanted to think he simply hated being trapped like this, and he did, truly, for most people. Yet, there were two particular males in mind, that he knew would bring a different reaction. His second love had done the same on occasion, and recalling brought a warmth to his face. He was very comfortable with Subaru... Thinking how he might not mind… worked his brain and hormones into overdrive. That was enough to bring a slight flush to his cheeks.

"Not just for this masquerade, I want to be with you, always. You're so beautiful Kamui-I," He continued breathlessly, taking Kamui's earlier flustered look like a sign of reciprocation. "I love you! Please go out with me!"

At that, Kamui's lips curved into a pained frown. He grasped the wrist of one of the arms caging him and released himself.

"I'm sorry," Kamui expressed, not harshly, but still firm. Images of the last person who professed his love to him, who he loved painfully, made the words sting all the more.

"I can't return your feelings," Kamui offered quickly enough. He easily broke out and away from the older male. A saddened smile fell over his lips. He watched the dejected male process his comment, before bowing and taking his leave. Kamui still wasn't sure if there would be an end to this.

Sadly enough, he hadn't even made his way down the hall before being approached by another. His admirer had an unsettling lustful look, eyes scanning the younger boy up and down. He locked his lips which irked the shorter male.

Entirely put out, Kamui held out his hand. Glaring and scowling at the man, and harshly calling back. "I'm not interested. That's not going to change." A cold voice surprised the man, a voice he hadn't used since he first returned to Tokyo.

The stubborn man clicked his tongue. He mumbled something under his breath and seemed like he was going to lunge forward. Hands were grasping for the boy, not so innocently. Kamui harshly grabbed his wrist.

"Leave, now," Kamui warned, easily able to twist and turn offended. Only then did the man finally curse and mutter something about Kamui "not being that cute,"

He couldn't feel guilt, quite knowing the look over him was purely a desire he didn't understand. Desire _like that_ without emotions… It didn't sit well with him. Without someone knowing him, to look at him like that.

Certainly, the more innocent admirers approached. And Kamui did his best not to get overwhelmed. Thankfully, he heard a familiar voice call for me.

"Kamui!" Yuzuriha's cheerful voice turned several heads in her direction.

Her friend was certain he saw a halo around her head as she walked towards him. His friend placed an arm around his shoulder and beamed cheerfully.

She noticed the deadly glares in her direction. _Oh._

There was something kind yet mischievous in the smile.

"Sorry, everyone! My _best friend_ promised if he could make it, he would go with me!" She explained all too cheerfully, earning the glare and envy of Kamui's Fanclub.

"Besides," She added on. Kamui wasn't sure if it was a plan to help him or not. She shook her head. "Kamui's heart is already spoken for. Trust me, my friend is taken 1000%, and that is certainly _not_ going to change."

She announced, Kamui looked up at her incredulously. His mouth hung open, not even able to say his friend's name. There were angered and dejected faces all around him and throughout the hall at the announcement.

"Come on, Kamui~" Yuzuriha called out kindly. She seemed too amused at the admirer's reactions.

The poor boy was left flushed. His friend grasped his wrist and led down the hall. Picking up their pace along the way.

"Ahh, I know we have homework this weekend but still it'll be fun…" She trailed off. Going on cheerfully about plans for the weekend. As though His mind came up with a million ideas as to what she was referring to. And each one was only more embarrassing than the last.

* * *

Winter within the academy looked beautiful. As did all seasons, flowers bloomed beautifully year-round, and environments for birds, insects, and other small animals remained intact.

Before leaving the house there was plenty of snow surrounding the private and spacious home. Subaru left a bit earlier that day, something which made his younger housemate frown a bit. Perhaps, he had gotten far too used to being seen off.

Kamui wore his long-sleeved uniform. On top of that, he brought a coat. Although he knew he'd be shedding it upon entering the academy.

Kamui still wishes had been a little less clumsy on his way out. Nearly, falling as he slipped over a clear path of ice off the driveway. Thankfully, he caught himself this time, uninjured.

Feeling hopeless, he looked down to see he was still wearing the same shoes he'd tripped in days before. Thankfully, he had the sense to go back home and retrieve his shoes suited alongside his uniform. Rather slip-resistant and with better traction.

Granted he hadn't been as composed the day before. He had just said goodbye to his housemate. Only to descend from the first step and make a fool of himself specularly. He yelped and absently called out to the older man. It was in a blurt, still barely awake enough for the day. Thankful his protector truly had a sense for when he needed help.

"Kamui!" A panicked voice called out. Dual-toned eyes caught sight of Kamui starting to onto the harsh concrete below, and he moved faster than any normal human could hope to achieve.

The door flung open faster than Kamui thought possible. At least to stay tied to the hinges. The young student felt strong, warm arms surrounding his middle. Both arms wrapped around his waist and lower back.

Kamui's body was caught, being pulled up and forward quickly and easily. Kamui wants to feel frustrated. Knowing despite having such power and being the "savior" for the world on a fateful day, he knew he still seemed less than intimidating in stature. He wasn't much taller than Yuzuriha. Or many of the female students to begin with. It didn't help him being so slender and light to be moved around like so.

Yet, he didn't feel nor could frustrate. Not when it came to _Subaru_ being the one saving or helping him out.

Just as he never could stay mad when Fuuma would easily pick him up. Especially when injured or a clear emotional wreck. There his second love would be, hoisting him like a princess. Kamui shook his head

Occasionally, he would be brought to a futon or couch to lie on whilst injured. The way his lost-love could easily wrap him up in his arms and pull him to a broad warm chest. Hearing the steady heartbeat of the man he loves.

 _I'm starting to forget the sound of that heartbeat…_ Kamui thinks bitterly, feels like hating himself. _His laugh, smile, touch, voice…. It's there but.. becomes harder, more painful to recall._ He didn't want that. Even if it meant more pain. It should _stay._

Things now were quite different. His relationships and bonds would be different.

One in particular had made it hard to understand himself.

Kotori and Fuuma, those were the two people he loved most in the world.

Only two. Those had been his thoughts for quite some time. His mother's words would ring in his head. Though his heart wasn't immune to pain from losing others. From becoming attached to those around him...

Of course, he cares _deeply_ for Subaru. Embarrassingly so… But it's different, he thinks.

What he and Subaru had was different than others. Special. Of course, as every relationship would be, but even more so. They saw into each other's hearts. Saved each other countless times. It was sometimes _too_ _intense_ for the world's former savior to think on or define by a single word. Kamui wasn't ready to solve all those mysteries quite yet.

Before he either can dwell on it or calm his thoughts, he's moved. Those arms quickly spin Kamui around, effortlessly. He's tugged and made to rest his head, against a familiar chest. Hearing a heartbeat so warm, so steady, and so _alive_ ringing in his ears.

He tried not to get lost in spouting out words that would only make the other worry. " _Thank God, you're alrigh_ t," Subaru professes, whisper soft, his eyes were foggy, swelling up. The hold around Kamui tightened, and they're only left more intimate. Warm breath caressed his temples.

Kamui couldn't see the unwavering emotion in his eyes. Lips pressed to Kamui's forehead briefly. As they did. The touch came as naturally as breathing. The older male rested his chin on top of the smaller male's head.

Subaru kept Kamui close, protective in his sheltering hold. Kamui nearly did cry, feeling his eyes water. Someone here. Someone he cared deeply for. Tangible. Who could really see him?

If Subaru wasn't here. _No_ , Kamui winced, chest going tight. … He didn't want to even fathom that life.

"Kamui?" Subaru asks, his eyes start shaking. He frowns feeling warm drops of emotion over his clothes.

Kamui buries his flushed and vulnerable face into the older male. He wants to cocoon himself within his protector's embrace. Kamui can't respond for a moment, not before hearing the steady, _real,_ and truly _flourishing_ heartbeat a moment longer.

"I'm really glad you're here, Subaru…" Kamui professes. The shorter male doesn't look up and tightens his arms around the protective man's middle.

Subaru's eyes glisten with concern. He feels Kamui resting, cuddling intimately against his chest again. He tries not to overthink it. Arms firmly pull the boy closer and closer. The movement doesn't stop until he feels Kamui flushed against him. Allowing the pained savior to feel close for as long as he needs to.

* * *

Yuzuriha and Keiichi did get along quite well. As Kamui predicted. The two were a bit different, quirky in their own ways. Yet, it seemed to make sense.

So his two friends were chatting amicably about the latest episode of some shounen series. Kamui's mind wandered a bit.

The reserved male felt content with his friend circle. He had to admit while they weren't close, he did miss seeing Arashi. She had a calm, collected demeanor. It helped to not be the only quiet one.

"What do you think of it Kamui?" Yuzuriha asked him, her direction point-blank.

He felt a bit uneasy seeing the two gazes on him. Kamui's cheeks dusted rose-pink, as guilt overtook him.

"Sorry, I was...lost in thought," Kamui apologized, hanging his head. Thankfully, neither made an effort to tease him. Both reading the room surprisingly well. To his benefit, there were no grandiose of overbearing expressions and questions.

He felt Keichi who had been beside him at the time. The cheerful brunette lips curled to a sympathetic smile. "Are you alright?" He asked simply, not adding on more nor pushing Kamui.

Both friends waited patiently. Kamui _this time_ could be honest while saying, "I'm alright. I'm still not used to all this…" He gestured vaguely around himself.

Yuzuriha blinked. "School?"

"Well, yeah, and… Spending time like this," Kamui added quietly.

Yuzuriha could sense a bit of what he meant. She knew she couldn't very well say too much. Keiichi had been unaware of the promised day, and both planned to keep it that way.

That final day. Days before the end of the promised year… The recollection was still raw and bitter, especially for the chosen savior.

"I'm glad I can spend time with you again," Keiichi smiled, an earnest gleam shining in his eyes. The brunette explained and turned to Yuzuriha. "Things were lonely here for a while…" He confessed, sadly losing his usual joyous beam.

Seeing Kamui's face fall, and both friends lips crestfallen, he hurriedly followed up. He waved his hands in front of himself.

"What I mean to say is that makes me appreciate the here and now even more. And now I get to spend time with both of you." He professed so sincerely. There was something so raw and pure in his amber eyes.

Kamui felt his lips curve up, guilt falling away. For the most part.

Yuzuriha's eyes shivered as though they would water. His lips pouted out before he suddenly bolted up. Their energetic friend quickly went around the table. She wrapped both arms around her friend's shoulders. Pulling them into a hug.

Kamui wondered if this is what life _could_ have been like, had he not been chosen for a cruel fate. Looking over and into the bright, caring eyes of his friends, he let the thought go.

There were things he very much cherished in the present after all.

* * *

"Valentine's Day is coming up." The exuberant instructor clapped his hands together. Nokoru hadn't been lying when he said the instructors were incredibly passionate about their subject.

With dark green hair and sparkling gray eyes, the man looked similar to Akira Iijuin. A legend amongst all of the CLAMP academy especially those studying culinary arts.

"This is a wonderful opportunity to show your love for the people you care about! So we'll start by making our own homemade chocolates."

"There are several types of chocolates to celebrate, Their instructor went briefly through the various types of chocolate.

"Of course you have "Giri Chico" or obligation chocolate given to acquaintances, family, or classmates. They serve as an expression of gratitude." He expressed first and foremost. Nearly every student nodded to that, having someone in mind they would make them for.

"These chocolates will be a bit easier to make, simpler but still showing gratitude towards the other person." Their professor continued on, taking out several different ingredients and countless colorful confectionery upon the front desk.

"Then there is 'Tomo chocolate' which is exchanged between close friends. You might want to take time to consider different confections and the type of chocolate for a particular friend in mind," He paused a bit, and scratched at his cheek. There was something bright and starry in his eyes as he continued. "It's more traditionally given between female friends, though I honestly feel it's a wonderful gesture for anyone to give their loved ones! The same goes for giving true feelings chocolates. Love should be expressed by all~" The bright shine in his eyes only magnified as he saw the looks of awe from a few admiring students.

It seemed like a default to include the first two. While they would have to do baking on their own time after this, having everything readily available and step by step was a great head start. Certainly, the students found they had at least one person they could show their appreciation to.

Kamui softly smiled at the thought, his lips curving up quietly. It was still a bit strange but nice.

"And last but certainly, we have 'Honmei Choco', which you'll want to be spending the most time on. These are given to your romantic partners. They're often given while confessing one's love."

At the words, several students went starry eyed. Others seemed nervous and fidgety in their seats. The idea of expressing love almost always has a sense of apprehension.

"I'd suggest starting on these chocolates if you have someone in mind. We have a wide variety of confectionaries and molds to go with them."

The sparkling eyes, and dreamy expressions of some students, gave away just how badly they had fallen.

Kamui avoided any gazes, quite tired of the fanbase. Although most had backed off, admiring him from afar and waiting for the opportunity to strike when Kamui was available. If ever.

Thanks to his cheerful friend, beside him, there was a change in the tide. It wasn't certain whether it was better or worse. But somehow it felt better. Rumors and speculation were going all across the school. Just who could have stolen the gorgeous transfer student's heart like that.

The popular transfer wasn't sure just _why_ his friend jumped in like that. A part of him was glad. Yet, another part was scared to ask.

Kamui sighed. It is not like he wasn't still bound by love. He _did_ have a man he fell so hard for. Still ached for. Yet… He didn't know what to consider all of that under the grim circumstances.

"So, what kind of chocolate do you think Subaru will like?" Yuzuriha asked suddenly, snapping Kamui from his thoughts. He flustered.

"Wh-what?"

"You're planning on making some for _him_ , right?" It wasn't a question that much the conflicted teen could tell. Yuzuriha stated this, already deciding for her friend. Kamui knew it… Well, when it sunk in.

Kamui's violet orbs lit up glistening as he looked down towards his hand. He was sure to avoid any gazes. Though he could feel his friend's cat-like grin taking over her features.

"I… I'm not sure…" Kamui had to think through his answer. "I mean probably…" His chest filled with a pleasant warmth. Pleasant, comforting images of Subaru at his side, holding him, comforting him, and smiling so privately, so sincere. _Definitely.. ._ Though the more he thought on it the more that warmth mixed with nerves, tension.

They'd grown far closer than acquaintances or regular friends. Yet… Kamui wasn't going to profess romantic love. Everything was so blurry…

Well, it's not like he had to name what kind of chocolates he would give his gentle protector.

If he were being _honest_ he did want Subaru's to be the highest priority and quality. After everything they've been through and everything, Subaru has done and continued to do for him… Yeah, Subaru's would definitely be the ones he'd save for last, take the most time on.

Where to begin?

Kamui to think back to a few conversations he had with his housemate. Subaru mentioned he wasn't too fond of overly sugary sweets. Maybe dark chocolate? Although, despite those words, his housemate ate every sweet Kamui had brought back or practiced making as though it were manna.

His lips curled. His finger absently twirled through a stray lock of raven hair. What else did he know? Their brief cooking and baking escapades were memorable. Mainly by Kamui finding Subaru wasn't perfect at everything. He wasn't terrible, per se, but it was clear he spent a life focused on rushing from a job after job, with little time to care for his nutritional needs.

It was far from a flaw to Kamui at least. If anything he found it _cute_. A term before these past few months he wouldn't consider using to describe Subaru. There were a lot of very positive traits and words that came to mind when thinking of his protector. Still, _cute_ didn't seem all that appropriate before. Considering the fate of their world and the man being nine years his senior.

Lately, Subaru had not felt so closed off. He wasn't pained to find Subaru carrying on his inner battles all on his own. Kamui felt a part of his world, more now than ever before.

"Kamui~" His name was chirped out in a sing-song voice. He found his friend looking uncomfortably close at him. She seemed all too _amused._ With such a cat-like grin, Kamui wondered if Nekoi wasn't her real surname after all.

"Yuzuriha!" Kamui huffed. He ungraciously leaned back as far as possible, giving some space between his friend and himself. He hated the _knowing_ look seemingly all his friends had around him as of late. Even meeting up with the older Dragons of Heaven, he swore he was lost on some big secret.

"You looked _really_ happy just now! ~" She told him, none too subtly, but Kamui was learning to expect that. Still, there was something sincere, caring behind the teasing words.

"We should get started with the ingredients before all the good ones are taken!" She insisted.

Her reserved classmate only nodded, and a bit dumbfounded. His mind still processes everything his friends have inferred about him. It didn't help, he hardly had a solid grasp of his own turbulent emotions. Honestly, he was a bit scared to talk to Karen.

So he lets himself be tugged along again. It seems to be an ongoing thing with him and his dear friend.

Kamui eyes a few of the dark chocolate bars along with an assortment of different brands. He and his baking partner take heart, star, and round molds which there were plenty of.

Soft packets of sprinkles and colorful confectionery sugars were adorned over the large classroom table. It wasn't something Kamui would be used to…

Well not for a long while. What seemed like a lifetime ago.

Well, it would be good practice. Kamui clasped a few more chocolate samples and toppings before returning back to his shared desk. His mind wandered seeing their teacher prepare a "simple" as he called it chocolate for friends. Though the sample results he displayed seemed far from. All perfectly shaped to their molds, colorful and decorated with a balanced number of heart and star sprinkles.

Their cheerful instructor gestured towards a large pot on the stove. He emptied a bag of large white-chocolate chips into it alongside a pre-measured cup of heavy cream.

"Alright, now that you've all made it back to your seats let's begin."

* * *

"Subaru?" Kamui called out, lying back on a newly acquired loveseat in the back of the room. He was all too comfortable lying with his legs dangling around the arm and side of the white sofa.

A new piece of furniture that Kamui _knew_ hadn't been acquired until he moved in. And it wasn't an uncommon occurrence to see either. He hides the foolish, goofy-looking grin behind the book delicately held in his hands. _Their home..._

Kamui had been attempting and failing to read over one of his books for English class. He didn't know what he was thinking. Kamui's voice could only be divided in the presence of the older man.

"Hm?" Subaru responded, only glancing away from the screen in front of him for a moment. He glanced at Kamui, saw the way he sprawled himself across the sofa, and hurriedly turned back.

Kamui could see the way the older male's ears were burning. He sat up a bit to get a better look. Kamui bit inside his cheek, deciding against commenting on it. He fell back into the love seat. He knew his protective roommate was already swamped with work as of late and didn't mean to add on more. Making Subaru take on accommodating Kamui further. To the point of exhaustion if need be.

Subaru would do just that, especially if Kamui asked. Thankfully, he heard the soft clicking of keys. Looking up he could see the side of the older male's face. Kamui pressed his lips together, concealing another smile.

He tried not to dwell on those little habits of the older man and, just how focused Subaru was over the task at hand. Kamui could only place it as _endearing._ Subaru's nose crinkled a bit over whatever was on the virtual document. His dual-colored eyes seemed to roll with exasperation as he scrolled through a length of text.

"Kamui?" Subaru called for him suddenly. He. brought the day-dreaming male back to his earlier question.

"Oh, right," Kamui blurted out his blunder. Subaru chuckles. Honestly, he kinda wished he could be somewhat upset at the way Subaru laughed after that. But all he thought was how smooth, and warm the laughter sounded.

 _Subaru doesn't laugh enough._ Kamui's mind tells him. _He doesn't smile as much as he should. He looks best when he smiles._ Though these seemed to be more common occurrences since they lived together. He couldn't help but want to see a lighter side of Subaru, more and more.

"You have a birthday coming up right? The 19th?" Kamui asked at last. The typing from before stopped. The older man spun his chair around and turned his focus on Kamui.

"That's right," Subaru confirmed, looking over the younger male curiously. His mind tried to scramble up the last time he ever cared for the day. It had to be way back when he turned 16, maybe earlier than that. He worked through countless "special" events and holidays.

"You told me a while back," Kamui responded. His lips quirk a bit, answering what he presumed to be an unspoken question. The younger male sat up fully, crossing his legs on the loveseat.

Subaru felt his eyes following Kamui as always. The way he moved so smoothly, fluidly. Kamui's shy smiles only making, all of him that much more _attractive._

"So…" Kamui presses the soles of his feet together, holding them still. His crossed legs were now more spread out, resembling a butterfly. There's something entrancing as orbs of violet-blue glisten, orbs of white light are moving with emotions. His smile grows just a bit, though his gaze is shy. "Is there anything you _want?"_

"I…" Subaru swallows hard, throat going fully dry. His mind tries to think of a remotely _appropriate_ response. Though his senses are failing him again, he watched the way Kamui leans forward. One hand presses and rests upon his own soft and sleek thigh. Kamui's free hand starts brushing through his silky hair a bit nervous, as Kamui waits patiently.

"Ah, N-no," the older man audible clears his throat. "There's… nothing in particular," Subaru lies and starts to turn back to his work. An overall effort to save his sanity.

"Really?" Kamui inquires, as he frowns _. You look like you had_ _ **something**_ _in mind._ He wants to say but stops himself. He feels his nerves kick in though he can't place why.

"Really," Subaru assures or tries to. His fingers start absently playing with the side of his overcoat. Kamui watches the way they twist and turn into the fabric. "Birthdays aren't really something I celebrated…" He admits, too honestly, and his smile flips to one more bittersweet. Lips purse closely.

"I see," Kamui's eyes darken sadly. His head ducks down a bit. Subaru wants to clutch his shirt, feeling his heart sink.

He's _this_ close to scrapping work altogether for the day. Mind quite favoring comforting Kamui over all else. "Ah, what I mean is…" He's swallowing again, looking at his lap. "You don't need to worry about getting me anything… "

Kamui's head lifts a bit at this. His face scrunches up as his lips slightly pout. "I _want_ to though," he further clarifies. Those eager, determined eyes can be stopped by nothing. Certainly not Subaru.

"Alright, I won't stop you," Subaru feigns a surrender.

Kamui smirks at that, laughs beautifully. Subaru forgets how to breathe properly. "I still don't know where to begin…"

"Kamui. There isn't anything I need," he expresses in a partial lie. _Not something you can go and buy,_ Subaru's thoughts proceed. Although certainly something Kamui could provide… If and only if Kamui shared these feelings.

"I'll be more than happy just spending the day with you," Subaru drawls out, only realizing he's thought aloud. Though it's the first thing he said that's so raw and convincing.

Kamui flushes a bright side of pink. This only makes Subaru realize his blunder, and he's about to add on but thinks again. Kamui isn't all that surprised, nor remotely upset. Perhaps it wasn't the most embarrassing thing he's admitted.

Subaru can feel the heat flushing up wildly in his cheeks. Kamui kept his head down, briefly, before slowly leaning up. His eyes are bright and glossy. His lips curve brilliantly.

As soon as they lock eyes again, they turn away for a moment. Subaru covers his mouth with his hands, hoping he can stop himself from making matters more complicated.

"Well, then maybe… I can make you something," Kamui starts out, breaking the silence. He had no clue how much power those bright violet orbs have over the older man. Subaru is left helpless. "At least a cake for your birthday," Kamui surmised.

Subaru smiles foolishly. "I'd really like that," he expresses.

"Well, I guess I have a start then," Kamui expresses.

"You do," Subaru's gold and emerald eyes glaze over. He can't help it when Kamui starts biting his lip again and turning his gaze away. His heart starts up frantically. "Kamui?"

"Yes?" Bashfully Kamui turns up towards him.

"You were born in July, correct?" Subaru attempts to verify casually. Though he's certain he knows. Subaru fingers absently start playing with his cost. He felt himself aching as he gazes at the other.

Kamui's pupils dilate and he's practically bouncing up to be sitting on the couch. The lights in his eyes move again, the hues of purple and blue gloss over beautifully. Kamui's lips curl up, with an even wider smile taking over.

"Yeah," He answers, feeling a bit warmer than expected. It's just a birthday but… For Subaru to recall after some time. After everything that's happened...It's sweet.

"20th?" Subaru is quite sure by now.

"The 20th," Kamui affirms and tries to not look so starry-eyed. It's to no avail.

"I'll be keeping that in mind," Subaru says, attempting to sound smoother than he feels. Like he didn't recall the date clearly, at the start of this topic. "I'll of course keep the day free for _you_ ," Subaru promises, clear sincerity in his smile. "For whatever you want."

Thankfully, Kamui does respond to that quite cutely. His cheeks are still painted a soft rose-pink, and he is beaming. Kamui's curved lips seem like it might melt off his face. It's that bright and warm. His purple-orbs widen reflecting those soft doe eyes that make their _admirer_ weak for them.

"Thank you," Kamui says sweetly, almost whisper-soft. The two find their eyes lost within another, again. Mismatched orbs of shimmery gold and green fall into violet-blue, as though that's all they were meant to. All they needed to see.

"I'd really like that," Kamui confesses, unable to tear his gaze away. They're left like that for a few blissful moments.

With great reluctance and annoying notifications beeping from the PC, did Subaru start to come back to reality? He gave in to sitting up from the chair, closing the space between. He bends forward, dips his head down, and kisses the crown of Kamui's head.

The younger male means to respond, to say something maybe hug the older man? But he feels his thoughts still for a moment. He melts from the comforting warmth.

Kamui watches as Subaru reluctantly returns to his desk. He can tell his protective housemate is far from unaffected, as he buries himself back into work. The younger male covers himself with his book attempting to get back at his literature assignment.

* * *

_February 13th._

A constant clatter of pans, bowls, spoons, and other ingredients kept ringing through the dorms. There were plenty of messy bowl opened bars and bags of melting chocolates and various decorations on the countertop.

It had been just like that for the past few hours. Especially as he and his boisterous friend beside him would remind him of all the people he needed to make in life.

They made a very beautiful presentation to send off to Arashi. Colorful-hearts, stars, and cat-shaped chocolates were organized neatly into their own boxed off section. Different colored tissue paper lines the bottom of the box. All with notes from all the remaining dragons of heaven were words of love and adoration. Showing how much she is loved and needed. Even Subaru wrote up a note with Kamui. They had their own shared note. Which the latter found incredibly endearing.

"I think these will be perfect," Yuzuriha announces, quite certain of herself. Her precious Inuki was walking curiously upon the floor. He brushes up against his master. She leans down to pet him.

"Is chocolate also poisonous to spirit dogs?" Kamui asks without thinking it through. He feels like slapping his hand to his face. Did they even eat? Likely not. Why was he even thinking that?

Yuzuriha looks up at him quizzically. Her smile starts soft, before widening to a grin. Soon she's falling back on the floor. Giggling and full-on bursting into a fit of laughter.

"S-sorry," Yuzuriha started, sounding anything but sorrowful. Kamui's lips pout up and he turns away. He feels incredibly childish for blurting out something like that.

"I'm sorry," She calms a bit. "Really, don't know why I found that so funny. I guess I just wasn't expecting it from you. But no he doesn't need to eat the way we would. If he did well I wouldn't want to chance it."

Kamui seems satisfied with the answer. Though he still grumbles something inaudible.

"So…" Yuzuriha pets Inuki on his head a few more times. She bends her knees and rises back up. "Did you figure out what to make for _him_?"

Kamui doesn't need clarification. His lips twist and change between a slight frown and pout. His face grows a little warm. Blue-violet orbs stare into one of the empty mixing bowls with interest.

Yuzuriha pokes her head around the corner. She smiles at her friend's embarrassed face.

"I think so," Kamui answers, at last, there's no clear denying he _had_ to make chocolates for Subaru. As he did for all his friends and thus all of the former Dragons of Heaven. He can reason with this. If he wanted to.

Yet, he can admit it's fully beyond that. His connection with Subaru-it was unlike any other amongst his former seals. The least he can do, after all, Subaru's done for him, is to try to give back to him, bit by bit.

"He's mentioned before not always liking things overly sweet, though he's never had a problem eating anything I've baked before." Kamui reflects on this. He can still see the way Subaru looked blissful trying the overly sweet sample chocolates he brought home from baking class. His eyebrows furrow, making his expression quite soft and cute.

"But either way I think dark chocolate would be a good way to go," Kamui finishes. He gestures to the unopened bars of chocolate, clearly saved.

"So you're saving the best ones to make for last?" Yuzuriha teases. Though they're fooling themselves to think it wasn't on point.

"I-I'm putting time into all of them," Kamui defends. He takes out another measuring cup, strewn out on the countertop, and fills it with the carton of cream."

"I know," Yuzuriha pulls back a bit, giving Kamui his space. She still has a few more arrangements she has made for those dear to her.

Of course, she'd put her heart into perfecting a recipe for the one she loves. Even if the feeling wouldn't be required, she wanted to do just that. "I'm hoping I can make some that Kusanagi would like." She professes, her voice quotes, as though it were a secret.

Kamui shakes his head. Though he had been the last to figure that out. "I'm sure they'll be just fine...I can tell you've really put your heart into it," Kamui expresses with sincerity. His lips quirk up, slightly amused. Yuzuriha covers her burning cheeks with her hands.

"Thank you," She says, sweetly. "But know I'm putting time into all the ones I've made.." She mimics her friend's earlier proclamation, albeit quite dramatized.

The atmosphere stays quite light. Kamui laughs a bit

He starts breaking up pieces of the dark chocolate bar. Carefully, Kamui places the bowl over the pan. He watches with diligence to make sure it's at the right texture, stirring.

The shyer student looks over the molds. The traditional round chocolates maybe heart as well. Though his eyes gloss over as he looks at the mold of stars.

His mind immediately flashes to Subaru. On one hand, he hopes desperately it doesn't cause Subaru to think of the Sakurazukamori anymore than has to, and that symbol that had haunted him for so long… yet he trusts that Subaru won't read his intentions as being cruel. It's a simple candy mold after all.

Kamui takes a moment, and can't help but wonder if it's a nice gesture or not, but he couldn't help it. Stars make him think of Subaru…

His protector's kekkai. The one he was certain would never form again, protecting a world without Seishirou…

Without either of those he loves… And His wish, again denied. Kamui understood Subaru's actions past all that suffering. And Kamui was the one to keep him in this world.

To continue to live in that kind of world was against Subaru's wishes. He knew it, felt it ripping at his chest.

Though Kamui took him away from all the same. Saving a broken Subaru from the Rainbow Bridge. Kamui would do it an infinite number of times over again.

Subaru never once blamed him for it. Nor his selfishness.

_You're so incredibly kind…_

Through all the tragedy… Everything he had lost. They had lost. Subaru came back. He risked his life. That star-shaped barrier rose once again.

 _Because_ …

Subaru had something to protect. Even after everything. He still couldn't believe the turn of events.

Kamui flushed cherry red, losing track of time with the uncertain feelings fluttering within. He wants to capture them, take them out, examine them, and use logic and reasoning from there on out. Yet, they're entirely stubborn and only getting more intense with time.

Subaru never really explained _why_ he came back. Although it seemed every other dragon of heaven, aside from Kamui himself, understood why.

"Careful! Kamui! You don't want it to burn!"

The emotionally-driven male breaks from his trance enough to turn down the heat on the stove. He begins stirring the mixture, with relief he finds it is still alright.

 _It should be perfect._ Kamui thinks, scrutinizing the chocolate and ingredients. Surrounding the one he cared for as a barrier to healing the world. Maybe those little things… could bit by bit heal Subaru's heart.

* * *

Kamui felt worry sink in. His protective housemate came _home_ insanely late for the 4th night in a row. Raven-black eyebrows lifted and furrowed up. He huffed, especially seeing the older man tiredly stumble through the door.

Kamui's violet eyes widened tremendously, worry took over him. That same feeling only multiplied tenfold as he felt the taller figure starting to collapse.

The younger student had been wiped out. Sleeping only to wake up, _alone_ , and exhausted. Yet, entirely an insomniac.

"I'm… sorry Kamui," Subaru's sleepy voice came out weakly yet there was clearly something sweet within it all. Kamui brushed his fingers through the messy locks of raven-black and shushed him.

"It's alright," Kamui assured, brushing his hands through unruly, yet still silky locks. They only seemed to soften under his touch. Kamui's violet orbs went soft, fully entranced.

Despite his smaller frame, Kamui was quite capable, powerful. Subaru has never treated him as anything less. Insisting on protecting, caring for him, because he wants. With an arm slung around his shoulder and a half-asleep Kamui, he maneuvers them both over. They're only a few feet away from the sofa-already with a blanket half-covering it.

Kamui is first to sit back against the couch. He carefully drapes his sleeping partner across his form. He settles with keeping the older male's head in his lap. Kamui's a little surprised how natural it felt, but again that's something special to them. Soft touches, embraces, sometimes innocent kisses-they seemed to make sense.

He hopes Subaru thinks the same, not minding this kind of intimacy. Subaru looked so peaceful, relaxed resting in his lap. They did sleep in the same bed. Embraced... Stayed so close to one another. A pretty good sign this was kosher.

Subaru starts stirring. His eyes are blurry and he looks up. Even as he bolts himself, partially up, his eye-lids are half-closed. The older man winces, making his housemate's lips curve south. There's almost a scolding look in Kamui's eyes, Subaru working himself this hard. Yet, he knows he isn't much better, quite likely more reckless. Compassion wins out and Kamui gently guides Subaru back down. His hand presses on the side of the older man's head and guides him back to resting on his thighs.

Kamui feels warm puffs of air against his stomach, and he heats up a bit himself. Though he doesn't want to pull away.

" _Subaru..._ you can sleep," Kamui coos his name, like a treasure. He's quite glad for their privacy. Too tired to argue, Subaru yawns and falls back asleep. An equally tired Kamui leans his head against the back of the couch.

Absently, Kamui starts combing his fingers through the other's hair. Fingers trace zig-zag and a mix of patterns up and down the taller male's head and try to remember what was done for him before. There's something entirely cathartic about this all, Kamui's eyes blink sleepily. It isn't long before he's fallen into the abyss of sleep.

It's an hour later, Subaru comes to his senses, and is able to stay awake for more than a few seconds. He feels entirely bad for a number of reasons. Kamui being up this late, having to carry Subaru here, and to sleep all twisted like this... He's burning from his neck up, and sees his beloved's partially exposed stomach, first thing.

Kamui flopped over on the couch, his arms are out to the side. They're pillowing his head upon the arm of the couch. The twist seems uncomfortable but Subaru leans up to lose his breath again.

Kamui's long eyelashes seem more radiant under the dim lighting. His effeminate features are relaxed, with no worry lines or scrunch in his face. Then there's the sweet way Kamui's lips part occasionally, letting out a soft sigh.

"Thank you, Kamui," Subaru professes to the sleeping boy. While quite happy to be like _this_ with Kamui and _not in a dream._ He knows the one he loves needs proper sleep. There would be a long day ahead leading up to another one of CLAMP school's lavish celebrations.

Leaning up fully, Subaru stretches out a bit. He gives one last longing gaze over the sleeping Kamui, and carefully shifts the boy around. His arms slip under a slender waist, and under his knees. Kamui huffs a bit, cutely.

He stirs a bit, before partially opening his eyes. Kamui quickly settles upon seeing his gentle-hearted protector. He nuzzles close, hearing that heartbeat. With a compliant and sleepy Kamui in his arms, Subaru carefully yet swiftly walks up the stairs, leading them back to their room for proper rest.

* * *

_February 14th-Valentine's Day_

Rays of bright light reflect through the glass. Full eyelashes languidly blink open. Kamui yawns, and feels the urge to stretch his arms up, but finds them locked. When his vision comes in to focus he's greeted with the sight of familiar, warm arms snaked around him. He pulled closer until his back kissed his bedmate's chest.

Kamui leans back in the hold, indulging in the warmth for a bit. He looks at the clock, the numbers telling him it's an hour before school.

At the sign of the arms loosening just a bit, Kamui wriggles from the hold. One of his arms escape, and he frees his hand enough to hold the one pressed flat at his chest. Kamui manages to repeat the same gesture and feels the man behind him stirring.

Kamui's hand traces the protective arm at his waist, before landing upon the larger hand on his stomach. He attempts to gently guide the arms from his form after giving both of the larger hands an affectionate squeeze. Subaru groans. At the feeling of arms tightening all over again, the smaller male laughs through his nose.

"Subaru," Kamui whines. He attempts to seem more irritating, scrunching up his face, but it falls apart easily. He's all too easily beaming at the embrace. He feels needed, not as _the_ Kamui, but Shirou Kamui. The hot breath of air at his neck, makes him freeze.

"I need to get up…" Kamui tries again and manages to wriggle a bit away, and lean his head back. Of course, Subaru had fallen back asleep.

Taking a moment to gather his senses. Kamui heaves a heavy sigh. Subaru's taken to having him as his personal hug pillow. Kamui feels warm, feeling even their legs were quite entangled.

" _Su-ba-ru_!" Kamui beckons him again, a bit louder, more resolute.

A part of himself is not even wanting to try to be responsible. Not to try and be up for school, when he can wake up after a rare evening where his mind is not disturbed.

A day filled with endless gossip over _who_ stole Kamui's heart away awaits him at school. Then there were those who didn't care for the rumors being true or not determined to try and try again. As though Kamui will do anything but turn them down.

He almost wants to skip, but he's promised his friends he'd be there, go to the dance thing (and stay at least a half-hour). Not to mention the Chairman has been gracious enough to let him back into the prestigious academy twice, going to one of the events seemed like the proper thing to do. Kamui turns around in the hold.

"I want to have time to make breakfast and get ready before I leave for school… " He tells the other. His hand reaches up, delicate fingers brush up against the older man's delicate-looking face. Light and as fragile-looking as porcelain, Kamui can't help but always soften his touches. They're so smooth, warm under his fingertips.

"Mm…" Subaru starts stirring again. Kamui frowns a bit, feeling a little bad as he sees tired, slightly pink eyes.

"It's morning. I'm going to get ready and start something for breakfast," He tells him. Dual-hued eyes are foggy as they fully unveil. They're always full of tenderness, compassion, and something more so when they zero-in on Kamui.

"You can go back to sleep though… I just thought I'd let you know," Kamui hesitates to continue. "So I won't miss you before I have to leave," He finishes. _Like I promised you._

Apparently, notes and texts were not so preferred. Kamui understood, being able to vocally say goodbye was the best case scenario… Though it still felt odd to wake him up for that. Even if sometimes Subaru would fall asleep afterward.

"No, that's alright…" The drowsy man replies. Subaru's body relaxes through a soft breath. He looks sheepishly down at Kamui, realizing how he's kept Kamui's legs snuggly within his own, and how arms were relentless to keep Kamui there.

He loosens the hold. A shy and apologetic smile escapes Subaru's lips. "Sorry, Kamui…"

"It's alright...I just…" The younger male feels a mix of relief and frustration.

Maybe more so with himself. They were _exceptionally_ close this morning. So…that factored into things. "... Needed to get up," he settles on.

Kamui could break away, on his own, of course, but… he'd rather not be too hasty. A fear plagued him, accidentally using too much strength. Losing control. Hurting the one he cares so _deeply_ for, in what would be a simple attempt to break out of a sleep driven hold.

Kamui's fully let out, and he swings his legs out to the side. They fall over the bed and the rest of him decides to sit up. He quickly stretches his arms over his head, and heads to the connected bathroom, first thing.

Subaru's tired eyes follow the younger male's movements. He smiles, it's still quite warm. It smells like Kamui.

"I'm going to start breakfast-" Kamui mentions again. Though something dawns on him and he blushes. He remembers what day it was after all… And therefore _had_ to retrieve those.

"Alright do you need…" Subaru starts sleepily. He weakly reaches out to the one he loves, and yawns.

 _Subaru has to be the first._ Kamui's set in his ways. His decision had been made, and the other's words can't reach him just yet. He turns towards the door.

"... Help?" Subaru finishes his prolonged question. Only to hear light footsteps trailing down the stairs.

Subaru sits up for the first time this morning. His shimmery eyes watch as Kamui disappears into another room below. A hand combs its way through messy locks of raven hair. Gem-toned eyes blink slowly. He's not quite alert enough to realize something is definitely different with Kamui this morning.

The older man looks towards the clock and groans. _Still so early…_ He thinks, sulking a bit at his lack of sleep… due to the late-night jobs… And lack of Kamui against him.

Subaru rests his tired head against the pillow. He buries his eyes there, opting for another few minutes before he gets up completely.

Kamui keeps himself busy in the kitchen already setting up ingredients for the upcoming breakfast. Eggs, cheese, spices, rice, and so on.

Being something he hadn't made since his last home ec class. But he felt confident enough to try it. Subaru did mention he remembers liking omurice when he was little.

Though it was followed up with a quick _, "But I'm not saying that like it's a request or something - you don't have to make them. Everything you've cooked for us has been perfect"_

The memory brings a fond gleam in violet eyes. Kamui feels a wave of deep emotions falling over them. Valentine's Day was traditionally a day for lovers, but he well sill wanted to express love and care in his own way.

It was different but he wanted to show the people he cared for and loved, how much they mean to him.

He adores all of his friends, of course. Kamui and his friends are aware of how particularly close he and Subaru have become. There was something special there.

Kamui takes a moment before cooking, to check on the very important chocolates in the fridge. He opens the door and grabs onto the various candy bags and boxes.

He looks through various friend chocolates and is happy to see they all were in pristine condition. The little dots, hearts, cat, and rabbit-shaped sprinkles were on top of the milk chocolate hearts and circles. He looks over and inspects them and feels relieved these chocolates were good.

Then he checked the over-the-top handmade box. It was beautifully crafted together. The white heart-shaped box (she insisted) had stickers of hearts, stars, and a golden ribbon stringing it together. Beautiful pastel colors lined the bottom of the box. Yuzuriha made them just for Kamui to hold his gift for Subaru. Kamui beams, feeling the day may be tough but having kind friends like that definitely helps

Subaru's chocolate Kamui can't quite place what type of choco this would be. Yet, he hopes that's alright. It's not in that space of friends-but they're not romantic. Kamui can't find the middle balance. We'll they're Subaru chocolates. So they'll at least get the point across to him.

Opening the box, Kamui scrutinizes every detail of the seemingly flawless chocolates. But these were for Subaru…. They should be perfect.

Then to his horror, he sees the contents. He narrows down and inspects the chocolates. It would be unnoticeable, able to most, but Kamui sees it. Sees the way some of the chocolate had chipped when taking out of their mold. Decorations on top looking either too crowded or some had fallen off.

Kamui thinks up a quick plan. He did still have some chocolate leftover. And could quickly whip up a new batch of chocolates from there. Then Kamui would have to give the gift later which was unsettling. He was really wanting to have Subaru be the first to receive this.

"Kamui?" Subaru calls out to him and descends the stairs. Carefully he hides the surprise chocolates for now. And he hurriedly goes on to set up a quick breakfast.

Hopefully, this would taste just as good. Kamui is quite careful to use the right consistency with his ingredients. Carefully Kamui flips over one of the eggs for the omurice. He takes a handful of fruits, washes them, and garnishes the plate around the main course.

For a second Kamui has an idea. He opens the kitchen door and grasps for a bottle of ketchup. He writes his housemate's name carefully, on top of the omelet.

Kamui waltzes back over to the table. Subaru watched the other-looking so happy. So full of liveliness.

"Your breakfast, I know you used to like this before… So I hope I can capture that memorable taste." Kamui explains, bashfully, before setting the plate on the table.

Subaru's heart skips a beat. He looks at the cute writing of his name on the omelet. Every little detail put into this. Kamui remembering something like that-something he mentioned casually no more than once. And here Kamui was proving to be even more beautiful by the day. He's been gawking over it for too long.

"Do you… Not like it?" Kamui's eyes shift with worry.

"No, not at all Kamui," Subaru beckons for him to come closer, lean down. Subaru's tender hand cups Kamui's cheeks. He goes breathless. Fingers continue to caress softly, and the image of Kamui leaning into his touch is everything. "I'm just happy, you did this for me…"

"I didn't do all that much but…"

Subaru huffs. "Kamui you made this for me it'll be perfect," He ends their discussion and digs a fork into the beautifully displayed omurice. His eyes light up at the taste alone. "As I said perfect." Subaru confirms this, blissfully eating the food Kamui made for him. Kamui's pleased smile makes it perfect.

"I-I well I'm glad it tastes that way," Kamui tries to hide his excitement. But the beaming grin and glowing eyes give him away. He practically skips back over to the kitchen, preparing his own plate.

There's something beautiful about this morning. Everything seemed to fit, fall into place. As it seems when they continue to lightly converse and finish their meals.

Subaru insists on taking care of the cleanup. Kamui attempts to protest but is all but pushed into the living room and relaxes. "You've done a lot of work. So let me take care of this you can watch that show you like."

Subaru proceeds by smoothly sliding his hand across Kamui's cheeks. They warm a bit at the contact. Kamui gives him a shy but beautiful smile, which Subaru falls in love with.

"Alright," Kamui concedes and holds the hand upon his cheek. Subaru's touch, tone, and warm words are so amiable enough to make anyone melt. And so Kamui finds himself heading into the living room and lets his incredibly kind housemate do as he wished.

Subaru thoroughly scrubs and cleans the few dishes from their breakfast. While it still is no problem to do swiftly, Subaru can't help but get caught up in the awws, gasps, and other cute reactions.

Seeing more of those up close gives him that extra boost to finish quickly enough. Then there he is, sweet, innocent, and beautifully laughing Kamui. The sun casting through blinded windows, and fluorescent lights above, reflected His violet-doe eyes sparkle like amethysts, lighting up now and again as they watch the show in front of him,

"Mmm, Kamui..." Subaru beams, gold, and emerald orbs sparkle like the gems they are. Kamui finds himself unable to look away, feeling a blissful warmth, at the sight of the other. "What are you watching?" Subaru had one of his favorite smiles on. The one Kamui loved to see. One so soft, tender, and private-one that was made entirely for him, and him alone.

"Y-yes?" Kamui feels warm at his own thoughts. Thankfully, the sound of the loud commercial breaks pulls him from his thoughts.

He sees the chuckle escape Subaru's lips. He repeats the question, "Is it that same anime Yuzuriha got you into?" There's a teasing glint in his eyes, Kamui still being shy and reluctant to admit he enjoys watching fluffy BL and other romance series.

"Y-yeah it is!" Kamui stutters out, and he bolts from the couch. There's a comforting bout of laughter, and Kamui is entranced watching the way his lips move and breath comes out.

"Oh, b-but wait!"Kamui recalls, and quickly turns and rushes back into the kitchen. Leaving his partner perplexed, his eyebrows raise, and his lips press and stretch out as he murmurs a 'hmm'.

When Kamui does emerge from the kitchen, there's something elegant as he walks over. Subaru is left breathless by those soft-doe eyes sparkling with beautiful hues of blue-violet. His tiny smile, and the meek way Kamui tucks his hair behind his ear.

"Th-" Kamui stops himself. He calms through a few breaths, wanting to get this right. He presents the small heart-shaped box before his housemate.

With sparkling violet-eyes and one of Kamui's most beautiful beaming smiles, Subaru falters. He sits further back on the sofa. The second he looks upon those soft plush lips, closer this time, Subaru feels a shot through the heart. His eyes turn glossy, and the hopeless smile overwhelms his features.

" _Happy Valentine's Day, Subaru_ ," Kamui professes, looking away from the entranced eyes gone on him. The bashful action only makes his admirer's heartbeat that much harder.

Unable to form proper words, Subaru scoots over to the other edge of the sofa. He pats the seat beside him, and Kamui obliges. They sit close, legs brushing together.

"I made these for you," Kamui drawls on, though he seems to be having a harder time making eye contact. He quickly hands the box to a very dazed Subaru, who still hasn't looked away from him. Still, the lovelorn man wasn't certain this was all some dream that would soon fall away…

But. "Subaru?" Kamui looks at him concerned. The gentle touch on Subaru's face, Kamui's warmth, and compassion. It could only be a reality.

"Thank you so much...I ah wasn't expecting this," Subaru trails off vaguely. He's quick to follow up and waves his hands in front of his face. "And by that I mean-" he hates the way his voice cracks. "I...I'm so incredibly happy!" Subaru expresses the world so sweetly, so blissful and he feels the weight of past pains begin to dissolve. Even just for this moment. He pulls Kamui into an incredibly tight embrace.

 _"You're perfect,"_ Subaru wishes he could tell him. He settles with soft kisses on the boy's forehead, over and over again, then repeats the gesture to the crown of his head. "Is-is that okay?"

"Uh-huh," Kamui nods and looks so breathless, it makes his protector's heart pound wildly.

"This means so much to me, Kamui," Subaru professes. Kamui spends time on this, making chocolates for someone he cares for. Kamui's tenderness and compassion truly would be the slow, pleasurable end of him, and he'd love it all the same.

"It's my first year since...I can't remember how long I've made these, but I hope they taste alright," Kamui's fingers twiddle with a long strand of raven-black hair. "So, hopefully."

"I'll love them!" Subaru jumps the gun. His dual-toned eyes widen comically so, at his blurt. Kamui is left speechless, filled with an incredibly tight feeling swelling up in his chest. His lips curve up to smile, before laughing softly, entirely ethereal. Again Subaru is entranced, helping to anything but watch and fall for Kamui all over again.

"I'm really happy too," Kamui professes softly, his features painting a little pink as he leaned closer. Kamui pressed his hand over Subaru's on the box. "You should try one, I know you don't always like sweets so I made these with dark chocolate for you," Kamui points at one of the star-shaped chocolates. Subaru's lips curl up, admiring every little detail, the near-perfect molds, confectionaries on top, and of course, they were all made by the one he fell for.

" _Beautiful_ ," Subaru professes and looks up towards Kamui. Kamui's eyes open up in surprise. He only realizes his blunder and is about to protest. Yet, things connect. Kamui is beaming again.

"I'm so glad you think so, I spent the most time on these so-" Kamui hurriedly flushed and cut-cuts himself. He starts stumbling unable to look away from the enamored man at his side. _I'm not supposed to say that!_ Kamui whined a bit, he loves all his friends and spent time, and well yes Subaru's did take the most time to bake-needing to perfect them….but, still.

"T-try one…"

Subaru's pupils blew up, countless emotions shook from the whites in his eyes. Gold and emerald irises were darkening, deepening. Subaru has no hesitation, as he removes the hands that buried his beloved's face. With one hand, he curled fingers around the boy's chin and turned him so their eyes would meet. Kamui felt his breath hitch.

Without turning his gaze away for a second, Subaru grasped for the first chocolate and plopped it into his mouth. Dual-toned eyes sparkled, going starry as they tasted the treat, the perfect balance of bitter and sweet. The texture was so smooth, perfect, and he knew now how much time Kamui spent for him…

Something clutched at Subaru's chest. When he finally finished the treat, he was met with violet-blue doe eyes shimmering, waiting. As though anything Kamui gave to him would be anything less than- "Perfect," Subaru professes and hugs the smaller boy up against his frame. Kamui's brought close enough to hear the older man's racing heartbeat. He's flushed pink now, he can feel them heating up so much. Yet, he can't keep the smile off his face. "I'm glad."

"Happy Valentine's Day, Kamui," Subaru professes to him. "I'll have to return the favor." His arms tighten around protectively over his precious Kamui. "Thank you, Kamui…"

_~End~_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Next half of February is coming up; the Rest of Valentine's Day/Masquerade Ball/Subaru's Birthday and their not-a-date they go out on. Thank you for reading through my overly long chapters! I wanted to post one more chapter before my Birthday on December 1st-as I like to accomplish as much as I can before it begins. Nanowrimo is finished (the story isn't but 50k word count-done, not the novel itself but hey) and this chapter. So I've essentially done nothing but write and work this November. But it feels productive!) So as always send out those birthday kudos! Cause the promised day is coming, I'm getting older and the world will end oh no! But also thank you for reading this long ongoing series so far!


	6. Violet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love is in the air as Valentine's Day stirs up many new and old emotions at CLAMP academy. Kamui is ambushed by admirers who still wish to pursue him and those who are dying to know about his apparent mystery lover. A bit of sadness as Kamui feels torn between the painful love he harbors for his lost-love and blooming emotions he feels guilt even thinking of. The highschool-university councils' masquerade ball begins and there's a bit of romantic tension... Subaru's Birthday begins! He may fall a little bit harder for Kamui as they go celebrate on their 'not date.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> his chapter's flower has a lot of interesting symbolism to it. Violets are often considered the flower for those born in February (which seems to tie Subaru and Kamui even more together.) Violets have a lot of different meanings-innocence, everlasting love. As well as loyalty, protection, and healing.
> 
> Obviously, I have to use violets now. These beautiful flowers closely reflect the color of Kamui's eyes in a lot of the manga artwork. Violet eyes (or purple) in anime can be symbolic of mystery or great power. Which fits our Kamui to a T. Interestingly enough the anime Subaru has dark-violet looking eyes while Kamui's are amber. Anyway, that's the floriography today.

**Ambrosia**

_Chapter 6: Violet_

Lingering that's the only word to describe this feeling now. Even if there were things to do, responsibilities, daily tasks...it was difficult.

"I ah, should probably head to school," Kamui starts off hesitantly. He leans up very slowly, his head lifting from his housemate's shoulder.

The younger male's gaze shifted. He avoided the sad but understanding glossy eyes holding tight to him.

Kamui's fair hands went a little shaky and he feels his breath leave him when the hand on his shoulder pulls him back. Just a bit.

Kamui forms a curve between a pout and frown upon his lips.

"I know…" Subaru expresses, solemnly, but nods. Though he still has an arm back where Kamui's shoulders had been.

"Th-then I should get up, " Kamui swallows, and loses his balance sitting up. Subaru easily catches his former leader, pulling him right back against him.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Subaru asks with so much care and sincerity, it affects the younger male. Something pulls at Kamui's chest.

"I'm just fine," Kamui answers sweetly, though neither believes him fully. Subaru looks over him wearily and holds Kamui a little extra snug against him.

"Really," Kamui draws out. His mind feels a little foggy. He feels a craving for some distance to make sense of things.

Being lightheaded for far too long, leaves him feeling extra vulnerable. He's this close to just falling back against the other, giving in to the sweet, protective touches.

Usually, they'd have breakfast together (if Subaru wasn't on two hours of sleep). They would talk a bit about events from their work and school life. Or more usually exchange soft glances and smiles in the comfortable and intimate silence around them.

After, Subaru would give Kamui space to watch his shows. Usually. Subaru was aware of Kamui's embarrassment overexpressing shows he liked. Certain _genres_ he liked to indulge in.

Though even then Subaru still sat with him and watched. Never speaking on the sappy shows his friend had got him hooked on. Or Subaru read a book nearby. But Subaru would always leave for at least a few moments to get more coffee or go for a quick smoke break. The latter which thankfully, Kamui found to be more and more infrequent.

This morning though... Subaru was beside him the _entire time_ , holding Kamui close. All of this started when Kamui gave his protector those Valentine chocolates.

 _I've never seen anyone look that happy to receive a gift from me._ Kamui's mind is racing, trying to make sense of this.

Kamui feels himself grow warm but not unpleasantly so. Longer, larger hands encompass his own. Violet-blue eyes settle on the fit of their hands together. Kamui feels gentle fingers brushing over his knuckles. It's soothing enough to make him close his eyes. The younger male squeezes Subaru's hand tightly in return.

They share a soft look. Sparkling dual-colored gems of eyes become glossy, brighter. Kamui can only return that gesture.

Kamui sits up slowly. It's to no surprise when Subaru arises with him. The older male takes the liberty (as per usual) of straightening out and smoothing down occasional creases on Kamui's uniform.

Kamui's gaze turned down, seeing the way even their feet seemed closer than usual. Maybe they always had been.

There's a hold on the top of Kamui's tie. A small tug follows leaving the reserved male to look up questioningly.

Subaru shakes his head. His lips curve the millisecond Kamui looks back up at him. "Take care today, Kamui."

"You too…" Kamui praises himself for not stuttering. Especially so when soft, smooth lips press softly and linger on his forehead. Maybe, he'd become more accustomed to these gentle affectionate touches before they parted...

"You're working late today?" Kamui states, both knowing it's not all that unusual.

"That's right, it shouldn't be too long tonight," Subaru hopes. He looks over at Kamui who comes back staring at their clothed feet.

"Is that alright?"

Kamui nods fervently. He has an inkling of how willing Subaru would be to change things otherwise. But certainly not the entirety of how much power he held over the painfully lovesick man.

"It's fine," Kamui pauses, looking back up at the other. His violet eyes gloss over beautifully, he hesitates before wrapping his arms around Subaru's middle.

Gold and emerald eyes widen. When they do settle they're honed in on the flushed face, partially hidden against his chest.

" _I'll miss you…_ " Kamui professed, so soft it's likely he hadn't meant for the other to hear. If so it had failed. Subaru shivered at the profession. His arms snaked around the boy's waist and held him.

Hearing words like that...ones spoke with sincerity, melts him. When Kamui does look back up, his admirer is _this_ close to just brushing his lips against Kamui. But he controls himself. Hugs Kamui to the point where he nearly squeaks and settles to kiss the boy's shoulder. "You're going to the masquerade tonight right?"

"Mhmm," Kamui answers out of breath.

Subaru's index finger and thumb captures the other's lowered chin. "Then we might be back around the same time." Subaru pauses, kisses Kamui on top of his head anyway, deems it acceptable. He's far too gone this morning. "I'll miss you too."

Kamui brightens at that. Fully uplifted. His cheeks lift at the touch of familiar lips on his skin.

"Imonoyama invited you as well, Subaru."

"I'm aware…" Subaru huffs a bit. _And fully aware of just what the director_ intended by doing that.

"Well, I think it's very kind of him…" Kamui trails off, looking a tiny bit bashful. Entirely oblivious of the blond director's affinity for matchmaking."He even offered to buy clothes for me and Yuzuriha to wear. Between that and being enrolled on campus for free he's very generous.."

"Kamui if you want…" Subaru felt himself stiffen. His voice lowers and brushes against Kamui's ear. While still caught up in this feeling, his arms squeeze Kamui tighter.

Too lost in Kamui's innocent admiration for the other man, he practically growls. Despite himself, the director is one of the biggest supporters of him and Kamui becoming something more. But now though it's not so clear. " _I'll_ get you whatever you want for the dance, _Kamui,_ " Subaru hushes right by Kamui's ear. He looks up, eyes quite firm. All as though he's already deciding between them.

Kamui shudders, feeling exposed. He had to fight down the hot full body shiver wanting to escape. One threatening to burn through him at the feeling of hot breath, and the sound of his protector's voice going husky and deep. Something about that maybe has been a thing. He's found himself drawn to since he realized his attraction to men.

"I'll be fine. I'm not all that comfortable in formal wear anyway so…" He shrugs, his gaze veering off towards the walls. "Or would wear it enough to own it so... I'll probably just rent something on campus," Kamui assures, not quite getting the change in the atmosphere.

Subaru doesn't waver nor loosens his hold on Kamui. His mind far too muddled up by the thought of Kamui praising another man like that to realize what should send his heart racing. The one Subaru loves _wants_ him to be at that masquerade. A quite _romantic e_ vent at that _._ And not to mention the very man causing such uncertainty was rooting for him and Kamui from the get-go.

"I do… need to get going now, Subaru," Kamui's tone is hesitant. He forces it to be firm. His eyes darted towards the clock on the wall. He knows to be quite insistent on this. Though his brain keeps switching between whether or not that is negotiable.

"Right…" Subaru concedes, slowly releasing the other from his hold. He watches as Kamui avoids his gaze, leaning down to grab his school bag. Subaru sulks a bit not seeing beautiful eyes meeting his own, but stops when Kamui does turn back.

"I'll see you later then," Kamui smiles shyly, eyes glistening.

"I'll see you," Subaru brushes a stray strand of glossy black hair behind his ear.

The flustered student's knees slightly buckle, still a little shaky from whatever that was earlier. Or more so all this morning.

"Bye, Subaru!" Kamui hurries out, slipping on his shoes and disappearing behind the door.

* * *

CLAMP school was as lively as Kamui remembered. Even more so during the holidays. It seemed Keiichi was right about the over the top festivities.

Overnight, the campus transformed into a pastel wonderland, drowning in soft pinks and reds. Beautiful floral archways surround every doorway Kamui has come into contact with. The hallways are lavishly decorated as they are full. There's plenty of students, couples with heart eyes chatting all throughout the halls. Many of whom were already handing heart-shaped boxes to their loved ones and confessing their love.

There's a near assortment of heart-shaped balloons tucked into the corner of the hallways. Perfectly trimmed paper crafts are hung from the walls. Most of which have the same heart shape, cupids, and of course the words "Happy Valentine's Day", in several languages throughout.

Of course, it wasn't complete without a flood of colorful flowers. Roses, lilies, tulips, carnations and countless other flowers Kamui can't quite name are blossoming down the halls. It almost took him aback, the building resembling much more of a garden than a school.

Lavish bouquets of flowers were displayed in vases sitting upon shelves newly placed on the walls. Curtains of multicolored roses were painting the same walls and framing classroom doors.

Even the ceilings were painted with floral coloring. Baskets filled with a wide variety of red and pink flowers hung down. What appeared to be vines of wisteria and cherry blossoms were filling the spaces between wreaths, rings, and lights above.

Kamui hadn't managed to make it to his first class of the day without being stopped. He felt the nervous tapping of fingers on his shoulder.

"Um...K-Kamui?" Came the boyish timid voice. Kamui whipped his head around to see a petite male student. It was a surprise for Kamui to actually look down at one of his admirers.

The student was slender, short and from what Kamui could see had very pretty features. His teal-blue hair fell in front of his flustered pink face.

"Yes?" Kamui asked. Apparently, rumors hadn't spread to everyone about his apparent relationship status. The boy didn't seem to be one to push feelings on someone taken.

"I… I… I...I know you probably don't remember me, but I-I saw you two weeks ago at the courtyard during our lunch break, Y-you…" He started nervously wringing his hands.

Kamui's eyes widened with concern, worried the boy was going to hyperventilate. He didn't have the heart to tell him that he really couldn't recall their meeting.

"You were really kind, and you stood up for me when I was being harassed by those guys and helped me pick up the things I dropped…" He pauses and looks down. The boy's fingers nervously twirled around each other.

A light goes off in Kamui's head. He did remember their meeting now. Kamui certainly remembers those jerks with disdain. That group of overly muscular and haughty guys harassing a very timid student. One about to break down crying at any moment.

Kamui had to step in, and certainly enjoyed the rush that came when he realized he wasn't in the wrong to fight back if needed, defending himself. One even tried to swing at him, Kamui easily caught the man by the wrist. The looks of arrogance turned to horror, knowing the feeling of being put in their place. Though all Kamui got to do was twist the apparent 'leader's' wrist, before he was dragged away by Keiichi. But at least there was the satisfaction of their physical education teacher, catching wind of the men, reining them in. Ultimately being suspended.

"I remember you," Kamui responded offhandedly. He misses the way the boy's eyes flutter and he flushes a darker shade of red.

"I-I've always liked you since that time…and so I… " He trails off, blushing.

Kamui gave a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry-"

"I know you won't return my feelings!" The boy interjects quickly and leans down, extending his arms out. "B-but still! I at least wanted to give these to you as thanks!" The boy professes, handing the small box to Kamui. He bows his head and runs back down the hallway before Kamui can even respond.

 _Well, that wasn't so bad._ Kamui thinks to himself, looking at the colorful ribbon wrapped around the square box. It was actually sweet. Kamui hoped the boy would find someone to return those sincere feelings.

Unfortunately, Kamui's day hasn't been complete without several more confessions. All of which he had to turn down. Some students were polite enough to handle rejection.

Unfortunately, some encounters were far less pleasant. Male and female students alike… It seemed far too many didn't understand the word no

An assertive or more so rude female approached him. Her hand grabbing his arm stubbornly until he turned around. Her hair was cut to seem like a "princess", with long curly golden tresses.

Kamui could only assume she was from a powerful family. There was something irksome about that smirk, and air of entitlement around her.

"Kamui, I think it's only natural for someone as gorgeous as yourself to be taken. But it's equally so that you'd fit much better-being mine," She flipped her curly hair up. Kamui rolled his eyes.

"No-" Kamui immediately started and went back to class.

"You do realize who you're talking to? Considering refusing? I could provide your every need-"

Kamui glares at her. He crosses his arm under his chest. "My answer is _no_!" His violet eyes steel and darken," The person I _love…"_ he pauses, voicing cracking. _Or would it beloved..._ A hand digs itself into the side of his pants. Regaining composure, he _boldly_ proclaims for the first time. "Is a far better, kinder person than you could hope to be. Even if I was available I'm not interested in someone who thinks they can buy me."

"Do you realize how foolish you're being?" She snaps back and glares at the trails of gossip being spoken. She whips her head back and practically growls at the others.

"And I'd say the same to you," Kamui responds coldly. He shoves the overly lavished box of "bakery bought" chocolates back to the arms of the girl. "I don't return your feelings nor will I ever!"

The girl looks surprised, her mouth hung open as though she never heard a rejection before. With a dramatic huff, she turned on her heel. "Fine. I was only joking anyway, to think you thought someone like me would consider you."

Kamui groaned, hoping to hurry to class. However, several near-identical encounters with aristocratic students occurred.

He nearly lost it when one aggravating male decided to try and back him into a corner. The student actually had the nerve to try and trap him in a wall press. His stubborn admirer's arms flat on the side of Kamui's head in a clichéd "kabe-don" fashion.

"Kamui, I've had my eye on you for some time," He proclaimed. Or some words similar, Kamui was seeing red at this point and jabbed his knee into the offender's pelvic area.

The infuriating man even tried to back Kamui up again, this time with more force. He was lucky they were stopped by the school bell. A classroom door opened and someone higher up in the academy motioned them in, already seeing quite enough and hearing Kamui's story, the woman threatened expulsion.

Kamui was finally free to go and actually got to go to class. Like he was supposed to do. Never had he been more glad to hear a lecture.

* * *

"Mnnnnggg," Kamui groans. His arms crossed in front of himself and rested on the silver table in front of him.

He buried his face in the nest made by his arms. A sympathetic hand patted him on the back. Even hidden away by large garden walls and shrubbery, there was something still nerve-wracking. As though there were still going to be a flock of new admirers pursuing him or watching him.

"I'm sorry Kamui, it seems like this morning went worse than I expected," Keiichi expressed, with an apologetic smile. His usually cheerful friend starts to absently pat the boy on the top of his head.

Kamui peered up, from the cradle of his arms. His lips puffed out to a miserable pout. He mumbled a string of curses under his breath.

"I guess I really did make it worse," Yuzuriha's voice laced with deep guilt. Kamui couldn't help but feel bad. He looked up to see the guilt-ridden girl hadn't formed anything close to a smile since she met up with him. "I thought saying before you were taken would draw some attention away but now it seems…"

"It's not your fault," Kamui sympathized, well not entirely, even if the shift in attention may have been. _It's not like it's entirely untrue._ He thinks mixed up in a storm of emotions and lost love. "For the most part, people have backed off, more interested in my apparent 'lover' than anything." He smiles a little bittersweet, torn up over how to begin things.

The female fan base was especially starry-eyed as rumors, as true as they may be, spread like wildfire.

All because of an off-handed comment on Kamui's part.

A young, and thankfully quite respectful underclassmen professed his feelings.

_"I hope it doesn't bother you that I'm a male, saying this but I love you… as a person and yes as a man too, I'm very attracted to you," He paused looking Kamui up and down with a glowing smile Kamui may have thought more of under different circumstances._

_"It's just how I am and how I feel. I fell in love with you Kamui Shirou." The soft-spoken blond professed, extending his arms out with a colorful box out as an offering._

_"It's not that…" Kamui's lips curved to an apologetic smile. They only sunk further as he was met with vulnerable and watery eyes._

_"Gender has never really bothered me," he admitted with all sincerity. "I just really_ _ **have**_ _given my heart to another."_ _ **Had**_ _given my heart away, maybe…_ Kamui questions himself bitterly, pain shivering in his eyes.

Since that day, students must have overheard as the rumor spread within hours. Quite a few girls were enamored with the idea of Kamui loving and devoting his heart to another male. Of course, male admirers unsure of his attractions were elated at the hope if Kamui became single again. It was _'cute'_ apparently he had this secret boyfriend or something…

Kamui tried to tune them out. His face was flushing brightly. Everything was burning up at the somewhat accurate rumors.

He did love another man...and lost. History repeated from his first to second love. t that he could begin to explain that to anyone outside of the Dragons of Heaven.

So he was unavailable and longing all the same. All the pain from love, but there was no relationship to speak of…considering everything that happened on the promised day. His mind has been a jumbled mess since that day...

"I understand if you want to head back home after school," Yuzuriha continues. Her soft eyes are starting to water, guilt still seeping through her. Both of his friends seem to be reflecting the pained gloss in Kamui's eyes.

Kamui shook his head. Earnestness is both a positive and entirely vulnerable trait of his friend. Or well both of his friends here it seemed.

"You don't have to go to the Masquerade at all if you'd rather not…" The young girl looked down, hanging her head. "I know I roped you in without talking it through first."

Kamui smiled for a bit. He shook his head and leaned. "That you did," he bantered, smirking a bit.

Yuzuriha looked torn between laughing and crying. Their mutual friend felt a bit awkward, staying quiet for the time being.

"Kamui…" The brunette starts tries to soothe the atmosphere between the two former seals.

However, it's soothed when Kamui follows up. "But it's already too late. I promised an _important_ friend I'd go with her so…" He shrugs, attempting to play it off cool. Though the cute softened curl couldn't quite hide from his lips.

"Aww! Kamui!" Yuzuriha's gray-blue eyes start sparkling. Overwhelmed, by an emotion she practically leaps across the bench towards her friend. Her arms fall snug around her friend's shoulder as she pulls him into a hug.

Kamui smiled briefly but soon started trying to shrug off the overly enthusiastic hug. Still, not crazy about extended overdoses of affection. He _wants_ to think it's like that in general, needing the same space with everyone. Although... Cheeks start flaming red, burning up recalling this morning.

Quickly, Kamui jumps into a conversation. Hoping to stop his mind from processing what feels like an inevitability.

"And I'm glad I'll be able to go alongside you as well Keiichi," Kamui expresses, feeling the other's beaming grin and bright eyes on him. It impressed Kamui, both of his friends could smile like this, after everything, lost. At the very least, innocence... "You've been helping out with the Highschool Council right?" Kamui is glad he remembers his friend telling him so.

The sand-brunette lights up. His grin extends from ear to ear. "That's right! I'm _really_ excited about it. It's been a lot of work."

"I'll bet," Yuzuriha chimes in. Images of their hallways and classrooms alone showed how overboard this school would go. The main building would be expected to have a more elaborate setup. Something more so grandiose only CLAMP academy could manage.

"So…" Keiichi begins. He rests his elbows on the table in front of him. His chin lies upon the heels of his palms. His eyes were sparkling, as he leaned forward. His curving cheeks were held up and framed by his palm.

"Did you ask your…" He paused unsure how to frame it. A gray area that seemed to be on his friend's mind more and more as of late Kamui only denied them being a couple and looked a bit sad, lost when Keiichi mentions the other as a friend so… " _Your_ Subaru or uh your roommate if he could come?" The brunette corrects himself as quickly as possible but it's already too late.

Kamui's lips fall and he starts sulking. His eyebrows furrow, as his features scrunch up. He attempts to make an annoyed leer-comment how it slipped out but he can't. There's not a word to place it.

"Oh?" All earlier guilt floods from the girl beside him. He swears he can see cat-like ears perking up with interest. Her smile turns to a scarily amused smile. Her eyes widen with interest and her lips curve to a Cheshire smile.

 _Of course, they both have the wrong idea. 'My Subaru'..._ Kamui thinks sardonically. Perhaps they were far too similar. Their pain now especially so.

 _The one Subaru fell in love with, he's still mourning that loss. For him to comfort me despite all that is so incredibly kind._ Kamui's lips foolishly curve to a small grin. His cheeks dust pink, and he reasons with himself. The confusing emotions now we're bound to be something else. Hormones, pain, loss, and all comfort is a given to cause some reaction. It's bound to make his mind a mess. To want more and more of that closeness...

Kamui feels like burying his head into his arms. Or disappearing. "He's-" Kamui's voice cracks to his mortification. He hurriedly clears his throat and turns away from the eyes on him.

"He's busy with his work as is… And it's not like I'm going to impose on him," He finishes with a half-truth, not noticing the sad expression he must have been making. Nor the way his smile began shallow and pained.

Both of his friend's brightened eyes narrowed with concern.

"I mean I-told him about it… How Imonoyama allowed all students to bring friends or family to the event…" Kamui clarifies. _Subaru happened to be pre-approved before he even asked the director._ Kamui further explained thankfully not seeing sympathetic glances anymore.

His cheeks dusted pink. "And besides if I were to ask him outright like that it might sound like I'm asking him on a-a-"

"Date?" Yuzuriha finished for him, entirely too amused.

Kamui huffs and glares towards his friend. Though there's no real anger behind it, his cheeks are still pink. "Exactly, which it's _not!_ " He affirms sharply, even while knowing he's grown far from intimidating. Well, around those he cares for. His eyes narrow and darken just a bit as though to get his point across. Though there's clearly _somethi_ ng he's missing if his friends are giving him more sympathetic expressions than anything.

Kamui clears his throat, shaking his head. "At all and I… I'm not going to put pressure on him to go out of his way for something like this… Not when he's done so much for me." Kamui explains, his voice grows softer and softer with each word.

So much so that his friends share an understanding look before turning back to their trouble friend. They can't help but wonder if Kamui is even aware he does _that_. Aware he can't stop smiling when he mentions his "gentle-hearted" housemate. Or how often Subaru has come up in conversation the past two months.

Then there's that entirely vulnerable smile, nervous shivering violet eyes. Sometimes trembling lips. Ones that tell his friends, things are still a bit too up in the air. Coming to a realization might be a bit too _terrifying_ for their friend to consider just yet. So there's no pressing further right now.

* * *

Kamui gives himself a once over. Blue-Violet eyes scan over his pristine and pressed ensemble in the mirror.

A burgundy blazer fit perfectly upon Kamui's slender frame and shoulders. Hidden beneath was a white undershirt. The dress pants below matched his shimmer blazer quite perfectly. The soft violet in his eyes was brought out even more so beautiful and glossy.

Kamui was thankful to find an outfit without a frustrating necktie. A simple yet elegant white rose was pinned to the side of his jacket, contrasting well against the darker fabric. The clothes hugged Kamui and seemed made just for him.

He almost couldn't believe his luck in finding and renting this especially last minute. Though he had a feeling those higher up at CLAMP school had some influence.

Being a masquerade though there had to be an extra accessory. Thus came the lavish mask Kamui held in his hands. The eye-mask was a sleek silver color as a base with traces of iris-purple swirls all around. Accenting the right side of the mask was a deep purple rose.

"Aww!" He could hear his friend squeal. Rushing in through the adjacent room of her overly spacious dorm.

"You look so cute!" Yuzuriha professed, earnestly with starry eyes.

Kamui wondered if she knew how fortunate she was to be one of the select people allowed to talk to him like that. Still, he huffed, pouted his lips out.

"I'm not cute," Kamui grumbled. Unfortunately, his friend knew him well enough to take it lightly.

"Now! Smile!" Out came the only warning before a bright flash and click resounded through the room. All leaving Kamui little time to even form a small half-smile.

"What are you doing?" Kamui deadpan still blinking away the flash from his friend's phone. Only soft giggling followed.

"Yuzuriha?!" He demanded in a firmer tone. His face blanched seeing the image and contact name on his joyous friend's phone screen.

"I'm sending it to _him_ ," Yuzuriha grinned wickedly.

"And _why_ are you doing that?" He could feel himself burning up. Kamui grasps for the phone only to see his friend dodging and holding it away from his reach.. Completely scandalized. "He-" Kamui groaned at the crack in his voice. "It's not like he's going to see it anytime soon anyway…" Kamui grumbles and turns his head away. " _Tch_."

"Aww don't be too mad Kamui!" Yuzuriha tried, her eyes going soft, though her smile and tone was anything but apologetic.

"Subaru's not able to be here himself. And I'm sure he'd like to see you all ready for the Masquerade…" She explains quite cheerfully. Though she can't help but take advantage of how Kamui's expression lifts at the name of the older man.

Kamui rolled his eyes. _Maybe I was a bit curious what he'd think but…._ He shook his head, ready to derail from that train of thought.

"Okay! Okay! I'm sorry," She lies all too obviously. Her cat-like grin only increases. She casually stepped towards the side. Her arm draped around her embarrassed friend's shoulders. He gave her a warning look.

"I'm not sending all of the pictures," She promises. Sincerity is her eyes that make the frustrated male sigh. And for the first time tonight, he believed her. "I just want to have a picture of us for the event! For my personal collection."

Kamui groaned. Already quite aware he and his 'date' would likely be caught up in getting more pictures taken by professional photographers at the dance. This was the beginning.

"Smile! Oh, and put your mask on," She dipped her head down, gesturing towards the neglected mask in hand.

The boisterous girl turned to her friend and was absolutely beaming. Kamui looked awkwardly at the camera flipped to selfie mode.

Yuzuriha was as natural as ever. Her bright smile only made her shine even more so in her dark-red, ruffled evening gown. The hem of which was adorned with beautiful lace and flowers, which fit perfectly with their theme.

Her dark hair was partially braided back with a light pink bow and ribbons pinned in the back. Everything seemed to be in place. There is a natural glow and energy that came with each picture snapped.

Kamui was certain all of the Dragon's of Heaven would feel less awkward than him now. Attempting to mimic part of his friend's energy, and not feel too awkward. Still, Kamui looked up and gave a small smile.

"Perfect!" She had said although also choosing to snap a few more follow up photos. When it was deemed acceptable, Kamui was finally let go.

With one more look at himself and a long exhale, Kamui nodded. They both headed out towards the dance.

* * *

_Masquerade._

At last, the Masquerade ball began. Though Kamui was quite tempted to turn back upon reaching the entrance. The building's outward, lit and flowery decors seemed to transform the typical building into one more extravagant. It seemed it was not uncommon by CLAMP standards. T

Although nothing so far could prepare him as he walked inside. One would swear they stepped into a castle. Cathedral-high ceilings and staircases with spotless red carpet tint only made its appearance more luxurious.

Deep red curtains flowed over every entrance and exit throughout the building. Beautiful archways of roses, lilies and countless flowers of red, white and pink surrounded every door. Every single flower seemed freshly bloomed. The petals were bright, colorful, full. Every single flower and leaf seemed so perfectly aligned.

The archway certainly one would imagine of royalty. A must-have for any celebrities or aristocrat's wedding. While the themes and colors were similar to those seen earlier that day. These were even more grandiose, fresh, colorful, and lively than the ones in the regular school buildings.

The lavish ballroom was flooded with beautiful decorations. From heart-shaped signs, chandeliers, displayed bouquets, and so on. Roses, peonies, tulips, lilies, and countless flowers were adorned all through the room. Several of which were shaped into luxurious wreaths on the walls. All of which were neatly tied together by a silk red or pink ribbon.

The walls, pillars, and flooring were sparkling gold. The lighting only revealed more and more beauty. And quite a bit of his nerves reacted at th sight.

There were quite a few of Kamui's and his friend's admirers. Thankfully, the looks and smiles came from afar. And they were staying that way!

"Hey! Kamui! Yuzuriha!" Called out a familiar boisterous voice. A flash of light brown and a blindingly bright smile was all they saw before being swept aside.

He and his friend were swiftly brought and given instructions on poses and props. Thankfully, none of them were made to be too close or romantic. He supposed rumors got around, Kamui had quite the 'mysterious lover' in actuality. And his "best friend" claimed this to be the truth.

The pair of friends were surrounded by a small group of student volunteers. Many of which Kamui recalled from the council.

White curtains and frames of red and pink roses serve as the backdrop. Kamui awkwardly followed along with the instructions. A part of him already regretted this idea, and his friend's for dragging him into this.

"Beautiful!" Keiichi called out to the duo.

Thankfully, the pair of friends were released after what felt like an hour. At least to Kamui.

Yuzuriha smiled, clapping her hands together sweetly.

"You look so great I'm sure you'll be on the front page of our school paper for sure!" Keiichi attempted to sound positive and cheerful. All his sulking friend could decipher was more attention on him.

"You look good as well, Keiichi," Yuzuriha responds animately. She nudged Kamui in the side with her elbow. He nodded in agreement, already looking up for a clock or the equivalent to keep track of time.

The two more extroverted friends started talking about the day and setup. Somewhere along the way, he was introduced to every member of the Highschool and many students of the University division councils.

"Oooh! The music is live as well! It's almost magical!" Yuzuriha commented with glossy and bright eyes.

Kamui snorted. As though she wasn't surrounded or blessed with her own 'magical' abilities and allies. If he didn't know better, it would only seem unfathomable for her to have been one of the seven chosen to save those living in this world.

"Right? The music department has been swamped with so much practice for this event! Aren't they amazing?!" Keiichi boasted and chatted again with his friend. Kamui nodded on occasion to the vague topics.

Before knowing what was happening he felt a strong tug on his arm.

"Come on, Kamui!" Yuzuriha pulled him further towards the center of the room on the dance floor. His cheerful friend joyously spun around in her gown.

Kamui ducked his head down, not knowing the first place to start. He went along with the various instructions for his arms and steps.

"You haven't done this before?" They both knew the answer. His friend was all smiling. "My experience is from watching videos online so…"

Their friend stepped in. "I've been to a few of the dances here," Keiichi smiled as he took Kamui's hand in his own. "I'll be happy to teach you though it'll be easier showing you both. Here Kamui. I'll lead."

"Ok…" Kamui ducked his head down lower, ignoring the squeals and awws from fans watching him from afar. He felt an arm around his waist, and hand holding his own outright. Kamui's spare arm was guided so his hand rested on his friend's upper arm.

The meeker of the friends couldn't even keep his gaze up, far too nervous. He listened to the brief instructions and watched the movement of their feet, stepping forward, back… And so on.

Kamui could _feel_ the gazes on them.

* * *

_Surprise Call._

"Haa," Subaru breathed out. He all but collapsed onto the sofa. He hadn't even bothered to take off his coat. Dual-colored eyes shut tightly. His head fell back against the arm of the couch.

His eyes darted up towards the wall clock. Earlier than expected. _He's still out._ Subaru thought unsure whether to be disappointed or happy the one he loved was away at the event. He opted on a positive note glad Kamui could have some normalcy in life, as grandiose as CLAMP school was, and time with friends.

Finally, turning the sound back on his phone he was met with countless notifications. Missed calls, voice mails from several unrecognized numbers.

Then his eyes rose up, seeing the text message on top of the screen. There was an (image) text shown beside his contact, Yuzuriha Nekoi.

He sighed. Honestly, unsure when or where his housemate's friends gave out his number, or if he offered it himself. Though it couldn't be helped. If Kamui requested it himself, there was no way he'd deny the younger male.

Being head of the most powerful onmyouji family, his number wasn't exactly privatized. And having contact with those spending the day with Kamui was good for peace of mind. He was somewhat like a guardian over the younger male. So knowing if anything happened with Kamui, being contacted first and foremost was crucial.

Being Kamui's #1 emergency contact for the school went even more so.

But… This was far from an emergency. Even if the image displayed made him beam like a lovesick fool. He already saved it to his phone milliseconds after seeing who it was.

_Dear God! You're beautiful._

Subaru was mentally screaming. It was almost maddening. Attempting to act (and often failing) like he wasn't completely head over heels for his housemate. And _bedmate_ …who had quite taken to cuddling up and wrapping his arms around him.

Kamui had a small curve on one side of his lips. His eyes widened, clearly taken off guard as he was dressed in his deep-burgundy formal wear. The mask held tightly in his hand, he could only imagine made Kamui that much more alluring.

 _~Your Kamui ❤️~ T_ he caption written below the image. Subaru belatedly noticed this and blushed a fiery shade of red.

He was way too obvious wasn't he? It was just so _impossible_ to not look at the world's savior as his _very_ reason for not see Kamui through lovesick eyes-there was only so much he could handle. His very reason he even came back to face the mental anguish that would come with re-entering reality was living beside him.

Hopefully, this was not too obvious to Kamui. Though he knew he couldn't conceal everything from him. But the object of his affections seemed comfortable around him, and not bothered or mentioning anything. So it seemed his secret was safe from the one person he wished he could know.

Before he could type out a reply, his phone started vibrating and emitting a loud ring. Subaru nearly dropped it in surprise.

"H-hello, this is Subaru Sumeragi, I-"

Laughter filled the end of the line. His blush deepened at how sloppy he had just been. The second time he answered his phone without a second thought.

"I'm quite aware," Came the mischievous voice of the CLAMP school director.

The bemused grin was evident through his voice. The blonde's eyes were twinkling. "It seems like you're available to talk after all...so these efforts won't be put to waste."

"Imonoyama? Wait what efforts? Is this about…" He couldn't bring himself to say it, fearing his heart might be ready to burst

"Of course, It's for _your_ _beloved_ Kamui," Nokoru teased, his eyes sparkling bright. The cheerful grin on his face only caused a slew of or admiration directed his way. Only his best friend beside him knew just what he was plotting, why he has that smile. More chuckling followed from the kind-hearted but rather conniving Imonoyama successor.

Subaru felt chills run down his spine. "Well, I'm at the CLAMP school's masquerade. So it only seems logical I'd take care of our student's needs… And one, in particular, I thought it was only right to tell you about. "

"Is there… Something wrong with Kamui?" Subaru's voice shifted to an impossible shaky, worried tone. Any worries or embarrassment fled the scene at the notion it _could_ be a possibility. Though he doubted the school's director would sound so amused if it were serious.

"Not to worry. Kamui is safe and sound. Though I can't help but notice he keeps looking a bit forlorn, glancing around like he's looking for someone. Someone, it seems he was perhaps a bit too hesitant to invite after all…" He forms a mock-sigh, setting the bait.

" _Kamui's_ alright though?" Subaru couldn't help but ask for clarification. His voice went entirely soft, especially at the name of the one he loved so deeply. The thought of a saddened Kamui felt like poison in his stomach.

"Wow, you're really serious about him, aren't you?" Nokoru's voice laced in surprise as he ignored his chief-assistant trying to get him to actually get to work and converse with the council members. He brushed it off.

_One minute Suoh! This is important!_

Subaru heard words hushed through the line. He sighed. Still, he didn't see the harm in denying what was apparent. "Yes, of course, I care deeply for Kamui."

"Excellent!" Nokoru's cheeky grin took over. "Then you won't mind coming by to the Masquerade."

"Right now?"

"But, of course. Time is of the essence. While I do admit tending to the needs of ladies and their smiles takes a special priority… I can't help but want to do the same for our dear Kamui. And…" There came that mischievous, chill-inducing laughter. "I have a feeling you'd prefer to bring the one to bring our Kamui's smile back! Though I'm happy to take over the job if you're truly too busy."

Game set and match.

Subaru clenched the phone in his hand painfully tight. He couldn't respond, mind seething with irrational jealousy. Even knowing this was all just part of the director's games… The thought of Kamui smiling for another potentially _wooing_ him was maddening. Nokoru being off the top bachelor's in all of Japan didn't help much with insecurities.

"I suppose, for Kamui's sake. I will have to get ready but I'll see what I can do…" Subaru expressed cooly, though his voice faltered.

"Oh, I know you will. And there may be special measures prepared to ensure you do just that!"

"There's what-" _Click._ The phone line went dead.

A loud knock on the doorbell followed. Subaru was cautious and a bit unnerved the guest had something to do with _that call._

By the time Subaru had gathered himself and went to the door, the guest was gone. He couldn't see whoever it was but sensed a rather innocent presence rushing away. One probably dragged into this scheme.

Sure enough, there was a long white box with a large red ribbon covering it. Subaru's name inscribed on the top.

He knelt down to reach for the box and brought it inside. Hearing the door shut behind him he slowly, cautiously undid the ribbon and opened the box.

His eyes widened though, considering everything this evening they still just as quickly. Holding the box with one hand he could see the extravagant outfit inside. A sleek red suit, with a silky black undershirt. One that unknowingly to him, would blend quite well with Kamui's own attire.

Subaru sits down to use both hands to look over the outfit. He sees a sparkling gold mask with emerald shaped jewels and a beautifully dyed-green rose on the side.

The note flying out of the box confirmed his suspicions.

_"We'll see you at the Masquerade. Let's not keep Kamui waiting~"_

The note reads out and Subaru rolled his eyes. He held up the attire over himself and sighed.

This all felt like a clear setup. One he should knockoff from the start. Kamui would enjoy his time with his friends at least a bit. This wasn't necessary, he'd only be making himself more obvious.

On the other hand, if there was a _chan_ ce this would make Kamui happy. And prevent unwanted admirers from attempting to win over the boy's heart. Well, then he'd have to come to the more logical solution, according to his love clouded mind.

* * *

_Moonlight Dance._

Kamui Shirou had one foot out the door by the first hour of the masquerade. Between clumsily being dragged into dancing with his friends, and turning down various admirers, he was exhausted. The lights were dimming and songs only seemed to get slower. At least for the moment, and it seemed like an ideal time to take a break.

Thankfully, he was given some time to rest, have a sip of a drink, and sat amicably by his friends at the farthest table from the crowds of students.

Kamui saw his own saddened reflection looking into the cup. Bitterly he smiled, taunting himself for being foolish. Staying that bit longer _just in case_ there was a chance he could see his roommate for a few moments at the event.

A tap at the shoulder brought Kamui out of his longing. Tired violet eyes glanced up to see an all too amused school director peering over him. His eyes fluttered open and sparkled with mischievous intent.

Kamui looked up curiously, unsure how to frame the question.

Thankfully the charismatic blond answered for him. "It seems we had a certain _guest_ show up last minute." His grin stretched far and wide.

Nokoru pointed towards a far off door and winked. Kamui caught sight of a tall, familiar figure and presence he rose to his feet.

His legs had a way of carrying him towards the nearest doorway. He missed the many knowing, quite happy smiles his friends held. It was too hard to focus, Kamui couldn't even explain it. Coming closer he only confirmed who the late-night visitor was. He clutched his chest, feet rushing, faster before he came towards the exit.

The sight of the tall elegant figure made his breath hitch. He opened the door and stepped a few feet before immediately being met with tender gold and emerald eyes. Ones that thankfully were not hidden nor hindered by the comparing mask.

"Subaru?" Kamui called out to him a bit quietly. He could feel his knees starting to buckle. The older male nodded and beamed beautifully, easily rivaling the full sparkling moon overhead.

"What are you doing here?" Kamui asked, dumbfounded. Certainly, seeing him here was an improbability yet an all too welcome one. He stepped a bit closer, noticed the way the moon highlighted the glossy deep-red formal wear.

"I'm glad I made it in time," Subaru only says, taking a step further.

Kamui goes immobile, unsure if he can handle being closer. The blur of mixed emotions from earlier this morning came back to plague his thoughts. Nervously deciding to step forward, Kamui bumped into the side of a marble fountain. One unconsidered and hardly noticed until right now.

"Woah!" Kamui yelped out. His timing was unfortunate as the millisecond his foot bumped against the bottom of the fountain, the lights around it brightened. The sound of rushing water started up, making the boy nearly stumble back into the water.

"Kamui!" Subaru had called for him. His arms instinctively reached for and wrapped around Kamui's waist and upper back.

Kamui's arms moved quickly, grasping on to the taller man's broad shoulders for stability. He hadn't expected to lean that close while doing so. Their noses brushed. Both men turned a bright shade of pink and looked away, very carefully pulling apart. Well, slightly, their hands found themselves fitting together once more.

"Sorry!" Kamui profusely apologized, feeling his chest ache more. He felt a bit lightheaded and leaned forward to rest his head on his protector's shoulders. "I wasn't expecting

that to go off just now…"

"It's perfectly fine," Subaru expresses. Though some guilt wells up as he felt himself yet again, just seconds away from catching himself from stealing his crush's lips just then. He knew he would have to meditate, work harder on staying even more in control. Right now he could only reprimand himself for his reactions all day. His mind was dangerously far gone, feeling the one he loved clinging to him. Well, that didn't help matters either.

"Bad timing I guess…" Kamui mumbles out, rubbing a bit at his neck. The older man is brought out of his muddled thoughts.

"Yeah, bad timing," Subaru repeated, though he looked through the window and glared. Quite certain there were other forces at play here.

"Hm?" Kamui looked up at him curiously. Subaru shook his head.

"Nothing." He told the other and sat down at the side of the flowing and glistening fountain. The bright pink and red lights from earlier dimmed, soft Instrumental music began to play in the background. Subaru fought back the urge to groan at this.

He pats the seat beside himself. Kamui sat beside him without hesitancy, their hands still connected after all.

"Um...w-was work okay?" Kamui asks to break the tension and silence the thoughts in his head. His light-headed feeling was normal, this was a nerve-wracking and populated event day after all. Or so he tells himself.

"I-" Subaru stopped on his explanation. He sees the way Kamui shuffles his fingers down the side of his hair in a zigzag pattern. All too nervous for whatever reason.

A bit too preoccupied, feeling and sensing Kamui earlier, he hadn't gotten a close enough look. It was decidedly dangerous he was doing just that. His hand quickly took over where Kamui's had left off.

Beautiful violet-blue orbs keep sparkling. They're simply dazzling as they were illuminated by the soft pink lighting. Dual-hued eyes couldn't help themselves, hungrily taking in every millimeter of the one he held so dear. The sleek burgundy suit seemingly tailored just for Kamui, and the beautiful mask whose curves of deep amethyst only brought out the brilliance in already alluring eyes.

"Work was fine." The older man's mouth went dry. Thankfully, Kamui had closed his eyes. There was something to be said about how well the violet-colored rose looked at the side of his beloved's mask. It was easy to picture the younger male with a flower, cutely brushed behind his ear. Possibly blushing a deep red that made the usually composed man (or so he used to be) lose his breath in an instant.

"That's good," Kamui leans his head to the side. He gracefully tilts his form further off until his head is nestled comfortably against the side of Subaru's neck.

Subaru takes it as a positive sign. Kamui is initiating, soft holds and touches like this. He couldn't help but wrap his arm content around Kamui's waist. He pulls them close until their hips brush snuggly beside each other. The protective man can't help but feel a craving for more, even if he can control himself enough. His mind loved to wander, desire, and love beyond all reason.

The fantasy of Kamui a bit closer sitting on the older man's lap flashed before himself. Subaru's cheeks started burning. The flustered man imagines the feeling of the slender male's weight on him, their bodies flush and facing one another.

The younger male starts humming. Blissfully unaware.

"Was school alright for you?" Subaru manages to ask.

"It was… OK." Kamui sighs, looking up and frowning. The smoothness in his face starts to crinkle. A quick mental debate begins before he decides to continue on. "Being the day it is. There' been a lot of unwanted Um… Confessions? It's been a little tiring… " Kamui more fully explains. His lips pressed together tightly. Though there's a more than a little annoyance flashing through his eyes as he frowns at recollections.

There's a bit of an irritation induced twitch in the taller male's eye as he listens. He turns to look back down at Kamui, processing the information. He doesn't doubt for a millisecond the gorgeous student was popular.

"Some were more persistent than others. Ughh," Kamui groans, clearly annoyed by the mere thought. He keeps to himself how close he had gotten to injuring many of them.

Subaru fights down a sweeping emotion. He can't hide the possessive glint and darkening in his eyes. He knew Kamui would be popular, but it's another thing confirming others were attempting to make a move on him.

The arm around Kamui's waist tightens, protectively. The younger male is hugged warmly to his side. Kamui complies, mind a bit too foggy to let him do anything but stay close. He shivers a bit of the feeling from earlier returns.

Perhaps, Subaru takes it as a sign Kamui was cold (mind lost on the perfect weather system at the school). His protector starts to rub his hands up and down Kamui's arm. Though the action only reverses Kamui's problem making his stomach do flip-flops and heat up.

"I'm fine," Kamui breaks out with a dry mouth. He grabs one of his protector's hands, one that is not at his hips, and holds it tight. Carefully, Kamui brings their joined hands to his lap. "I'm glad I was able to see you here," Kamui professes, boldly looking there other in the eyes as he says so.

The older man's breath hitches. He squeezes the hand holding him captive in the boy's lap. A lap he dreamily remembers waking up in late last night.

"I'm glad too," Subaru tells the younger male. He pulls Kamui close. Having been away from the boy for over half the day leaves him longing. He kisses the top of Kamui's head, relishes in the smile that comes from it, and refuels his daily quota of Kamui.

"I missed you," Kamui comments after a moment of tangling their fingers together. His eyes admire the fit and length of their hands. "It's been a longer day than usual," he quickly follows up and buries his face further against the other's shoulder.

Subaru lightly chuckles, entirely enamored. "I missed you too." The words make it so the shy student looks up at him. A hand under Kamui's chin lets him maneuver the beautiful face so it's leaning up as he wants it to be. Subaru's brings their foreheads to press together in a sort of kiss. Their eyes close for a moment relishing in the warmth and soothing experience.

Only the sound of rushing water and soft piano music is heard from the outside. They stay in that blissful quiet. They're all unguarded and unknowing of how deeply moments affect themselves. Let alone the other.

After a brief moment, a cute idea comes to mind. "Kamui," Subaru calls to him.

Kamui's eyes flutter open, looking into the warm eyes taking him in fully.

Slowly, Subaru begins to lean back up. He holds back a laugh at the way Kamui's nose wrinkles at the movement and he just stared up at him. Violet-blue eyes telling him the other was quite comfortable before. The older male made a mental note to indulge in this with Kamui later on. The thought sends butterflies in his stomach. The idea of seeing Kamui react more wins over all else.

The taller male smiles down at the frowning student. He tugs Kamui along with him, their hands linked lovingly (from at least Subaru's intentions). To love without needing that in return, without aching every second like his first it was baffling. Love beyond an immeasurable amount of suffering hadn't felt like a possibility just months ago.

Kamui's figure glows under the moonlight. His hair shimmers, and purple eyes lit up as he willingly moved along with his protector. He trusted the taller male to all but lift him to his feet.

The mood was quite nice. Far too nice to pass up.

"Would you like to dance?" Subaru offers the hand not being played with by Kamui's own. It curls up beckoning the shorter male.

Kamui's eyes light up, his lips curve. Those beautiful eyes avert again, shyly. His lips are bitten. Subaru works to stay composed at seeing, an alluring nervous tick that makes his mind fuzzy.

For once, Kamui doesn't dread that question. Save for, of course, casual requests from his friends. He didn't mind dancing casually with his friend. Even learning more proper ballroom styles from Keiichi wasn't all too bad.

Now, though...Kamui actually _wants to_ do this.

Sparkling, and vulnerable violet-blue eyes look up into the caressing orbs of gold and emerald. He smiles at the way they zero in on him. It's like they entered their own little world.

"Yes," Kamui at last response, feels pulled close. He's brought up to brush and flush against the taller body. Certainly, closer than he'd allow with anything else.

"Then let's begin," Subaru practically purrs out the words. The deep yet gentle tone, makes Kamui feel he's falling forward. An uncomfortable ache he wants to born embrace and run away from comes forward. However, he's securely held up by a protective hold. Always safe, when he was _here._

Subaru brushes his long fingers through any out of place strands of raven-black. Kamui hums at the feeling of his hair being fussed and played with by skilled fingers. Their hands unlink for a moment, which makes Kamui frown a bit. This earns him a soft kiss to his burning temples.

"You probably already did this kind of dance before with friends," Subaru mentions, forcing away the sulking curve of his lips. "So you know there's a lead and follow." He proceeds to clarify, hoping he's not too obvious nor seeming too eager to try this with Kamui.

Kamui nods at this. His inexperience and boundless trust lead him to speak. Again words he'd never spoken tonight come forth.

"I'll follow you," Kamui gently tells the taller man, and squeezes their linked hands. He tilts his head slightly right, looking up. A little nervous, feeling a bit clumsy, Kamui doesn't grasp the magnitude of his words. Nor could he recognize the reason those eyes light up as though seeing the very colors of the world for the first time. He is pulled into a tight hug, certainly _not_ part of the dance.

They part just enough to actually move together. Kamui's hand is guided to rest on the taller man's shoulder. Their arms glide over one another. As per usual, _his_ protector has his arm gracefully wrapping around him. A tender hand rests itself upon Kamui's upper back.

"We can start slow," Subaru says a little breathless, a little pink. The color painted on his cheeks entrances violet eyes. Kamui forces himself to stay focused, looking down at their feet to draw his breath.

 _It's a lot like hugging._ Kamui ponders. There's something comforting about the way they hold to each other in the dance _._ Kamui recalls, this dance certainly different than all the earlier ones.

"And well, that only fits with the music out here," Subaru follows up, his mind just as busy as Kamui's had been.

If this went well...maybe he could find more than one occasion to do this again with the one he loves.

Subaru gestures towards the speakers by the fountain. There was a high amount of speculation the pace would pick up anytime soon.

"Right, go ahead," Kamui gives his permission. Subaru takes a step forward slowly and waits to make sure Kamui indeed steps back with the opposite foot.

Subaru glides across the area. They start incredibly slow, moving forward, back, stepping in time with each other. Memories of dance lessons his sister dragged him to felt heaven-sent just now.

Subaru looks down at Kamui and softly smiles a bit impressed with his quick follow. Though he doesn't like thinking of the prior dance partners and practice involved. Kamui returns the smile, as they start stepping towards the side.

Still, Kamui was here: flushed, beautifully glowing, and comfortable in _his_ arms.

 _I love you._ Subaru's mind begs him to say. He ignores it in favor of moving then forward again, towards the side, together. _So so so… damn much._

He pauses looking over Kamui to see he's following along, even if he does misstep at the end.

"S-sorry!" Kamui ducks down his head and flushes. The younger male's weight is surprisingly lighter than he imagines. Even when he steps on Subaru's foot, the older man doesn't even flinch. If anything the clumsy action only deems Kamui more endearing.

"That's quite alright. I probably stopped too abruptly," Subaru professes, kindly. He gently squeezes their hands closer, brushes circles on Kamui's lower back.

"I got a bit lost in thought," He admits a bit sheepish. Kamui nods, liking to see this rarer side to the protective move again, now stepping backward.

Subaru steps forward towards the one he loves. Kamui comes to sense it well enough to step back with the opposing foot. Gradually he loosens up his stiff movements.

"What about?" Kamui asks curiously gazing up at him. They step towards the side, moving more beautifully in sync than earlier.

"What? Indeed," Subaru teases, and Kamui's lips slightly pout. He huffs for a moment but follows along just as well. They slowly move out to the side back together.

Subaru prepares them for their first turn. He takes an extra sidestep out towards the left. Kamui follows the movement. His arm is gently pulled and guided so they turn, dancing together into a more fluid circular motion.

"You're quite natural," Subaru tells the other. Thoughts of any previous errors or missteps are completely vanquished from his mind.

"Thank you…" Kamui flushes brightly at the compliment, even if there's a trail of disbelief in his eyes. It pales in comparison to his beaming grin. "You make it easy to follow," Kamui admits quietly, looking away a bit embarrassed.

A sweet idea pops into the lead's head. He smirks a little at the thought before it melts to a familiar private smile. The kind of smile reserved for Kamui, alone.

Their clasped hands shift a bit. He releases an arm around Kamui and raises the other linked within Kamui's own. Kamui only stops looking baffled at the new movement.

"Would you like to spin?" Subaru asks, belatedly realizing how in his head he's been.

Plush lips pressed together. Kamui seems to mull it over, and they dance slowly around each other in the meanwhile.

Kamui's eyes drift and glance around the courtyard. His body moves on autopilot, comfortable with his partner's previous steps. He blushes realizing only now he's checking to assure they're in privacy. Confirming it's so and seeing that hopeful smile, Kamui can't help it.

"Why not?" Kamui answers, sparing his partner further anxiety. The younger male is soon rewarded by the sight before him. The soft hopeful smile blossoms into one more brilliant than the countless stars surrounding them.

Subaru repeats a similar motion than before. They're stepping out to the side. Subaru stops tapping his feet, Kamui manages to stop himself from continuing his steps. Barely.

Somehow that makes the dance even more endearing to the sight of gold and emerald orbs.

The arm at Kamui's side releases once more. Subaru lifts his arm up for Kamui and waits, shifting their clasped hands.

Grasping the stop, Kamui slowly, and stiffly forms a spin. Though it comes out more of a nervous walk around. His cheeks flush and his gaze towards down to the ground he wished would swallow him up.

"Would you like to try again?" Subaru gently offers, not a sign of judgment or teasing anywhere. Kamui nods on his way up to looking the other in the eyes.

"Relax, there's no wrong way to do this," Subaru assures. Kamui presses his lips together and looks up, quite skeptical. "Not with me." He clarifies and it perks the shorter male up.

Kamui's lead guides him to step off to the side again. Kamui takes a deep breath when he feels their arms lifting. When Kamui is released this time he turns far more fluid, their hands clasp each other and shift delicately.

Subaru's arm traces around his beloved's head as he spins. He keeps the memory of that movement deep in his heart. There's something angelic about the soft movement, entirely graceful.

"I guess that wasn't so bad," Kamui admits after a brief moment. He comes back and a bit closer to his dance partner when they're face to face. They move a bit slower as their song starts to fade out.

"You pick things up quickly," Subaru praises. Even while Kamui hesitates on agreeing he nods a bit.

"Thank you," Kamui comments. Though he feels his legs go a bit shaky. Everything was so new and God! he never even dreamed he'd enjoy something like this before. "I'm glad you think so."

"I know so," Subaru returns with complete confidence. Kamui's eyes lift and widen before he looks away. Obviously flustered.

Subaru's grown fond of just how _shy_ Kamui actually is. His crush is so endearing, easily embarrassed, and flushed. It's to Kamui's benefit the older male isn't aware of how exclusive this is to Subaru alone. This level of a flustered Kamui, at the least, belongs only to Subaru.

Certainly, he's seen the reserved side of his love before. They had that in common from the start, connection through touch being all the more meaningful with them. Now, it's a little different, quiet, and melting the older man to his core. He can just picture Kamui when they had their first study date. A Kamui he's grown fond of seeing. Subaru sees everyday life Kamui. Finally, he's allowed a moment of reprieve without the constant fear of the world and lives hanging in the balance.

There's something so incredibly soft and intimate now. They're moving in vague patterns, box steps and occasionally Kamui stops and hugs the other for a bit. They sway, taking a breather. Thoughts are unspoken. Even if they would align quite well if known.

A new song starts up, a bit more upbeat than the rest but still quite soothing. Certainly slow enough for the dancing they've been doing for however long it was?

Subaru feels he's pressing his luck, playing into a dangerous game that could easily lead his heart to break. A few words from Kamui that's all it would take. Still, he can't fight how he feels this close to the one he loves.

Their mood is very nice, very intimate, and private. If not for the few times he swore he could see the school's director peeking at them.

He hadn't planned on this, but seeing Kamui at the perfect angle, illuminated by the moon did him in. He couldn't shake the idea out of his head.

So with the same movements, Subaru comes to a halt. "Kamui c-can I-… " His voice breaks. The taller male leans down and whispers into Kamui's ear his remaining request. Which is hindsight maybe only made it seem like it was more embarrassing than it actually should be.

The thought of trying new dances together, and seeing Kamui from all beautiful angles and motions was too endearing to let go of. And maybe it made himself fluster all the more.

There's a hesitance to the curve to his lips, but Kamui does smile and nods. "I don't know how though," He admits bashfully. Subaru assures him it'll be fine with a brilliant beam upon his lips.

"We'll start out as we did at the beginning," Subaru explains, leading Kamui into a simple and slow box step.

Subaru takes an extra step out with his left leg. He bends a lean and lunges slightly to the left. Kamui steps to the side so they're facing each other and perpendicular. He mirrors what the other is doing and waits patiently. Full trust exhumed from bright violet eyes.

Subaru clears his throat. Realization dawns on him he would vocalize this. Every step to what wasn't exactly an uncommon part of a formal dance.

"Y-you… will want to bend your right leg a bit like this," He explains motions with a hand touching the right side of Kamui's hip. He does just that.

"And th-then then you'll keep your left extended in front of you and we will start to…" Subaru can't finish his sentence, he taps Kamui's left thigh. The perplexed male does the best he can with the instructions.

"H-hold," He takes a deep breath and swallows, not wanting to be stuttering all night. Even if he has to will himself to do it. "Onto my shoulders, and I'll start to lower you," Subaru attempts to sound cool and smooth, and is thankful Kamui doesn't say otherwise.

"Alright," Kamui gives in and follows along with the instruction. He lifts his arms up and holds very tight to his nervous partner's shoulders. Their arms brush together and there's a familiar. Both arms are at Kamui's slender waist. It's somewhat familiar until they move forward.

The dance move wasn't foreign to see this evening. Still, experiencing this was not in Kamui's plans for the evening. He felt a little dizzy as he found his body angling and being lowered by the one he trusts so deeply.

"I won't drop you," Subaru adds, seeing a bit of tension crinkling over Kamui's features.

"I trust you," Kamui responds instantaneously. There are only adoration and absolute faith in shimmering violet eyes.

They look at each other and nod with understanding.

Keeping a wide stance, Subaru gently lowers Kamui partway down. Kamui's arms tighten around broad shoulders as he's lowered further. He goes breathless when they've stopped.

The slender male's extended leg raises a bit at the dip. Kamui's slightly suspended there, though it feels more so with his head slightly back. The shorter male clutches on to his source of safety.

Their eyes glisten, falling into one another. It's a different side of intimacy neither were expecting to fall into. Gold and green orbs swirl with a tender mix of adoration and something not quite definable. Though whatever this is, it's intense, boring into Kamui.

They fully capture and hold Kamui's vulnerable violet ones. He goes a bit light-headed.

The music feels way too quiet. Way too drowned out by overworked and fluttering heartbeats.

Subaru knows he can't keep Kamui like forever, even if he does simply shine at this angle. Carefully, Kamui is lifted back up with ease and feels their foreheads pressed together. "Thank you," Subaru professes and earns a soft little hum in response.

 _For the dance._ Kamui mentally finishes his partner's statement. Still, it all feels way too intense.

It's to no surprise how flushed and breathless they become once fully upright. Kamui doesn't take the chance to overthink it anymore nor look the other in his eyes. He quickly wraps his arms around Subaru and hugs him tight.

A burning face pressed against the side of the taller male's neck. Subaru returns the gesture, embracing Kamui warmly. He is all too happy to allow Kamui to hide away as much as he needs. Especially, now having the image of dipping Kamui, and holding him there quite _lovingly_ embedded in his mind.

They stay together for a moment of labored breaths. A bit tired and out of breath, they move together randomly. Swaying every so often for their last song of the night. Although for the most part, they simply bask in each other's arms.

* * *

Neither reserved male could look each other in the eyes as they returned home. Valentine's Day turned out quite a bit more eventful than planned. Though not all bad, even if both male's went a little breathless when they did finally part, _realizing_ they'd lost track of time. That is if the text of "Good luck! Take your time!" From Yuzuriha was anything to go by. "We'll see you at school on Monday!"

Kamui had gone back inside a bit awkwardly anyway, to talk with his friends and give a proper goodbye. Neither friend seemed remotely surprised nor upset to see how he wandered off like this. There were a few innocently teasing words that Yuzuriha whispered in his ear.

When the two males returned home, their minds were bombarded by countless questions. Kamui couldn't bring himself to hold the other's hand for the first time, fearing it might burn up if they touched. Or that he might say something out of line, ruining what they had and only mixing up his emotions even more.

Even if it was for a few moments to think clearly, it was bothersome for them both to not touch as they did.

The walk back was quiet. Kamui was quick to excuse himself to the bath. Subaru reached out his hand attempting to add on more but stopped. Kamui needed his space.

Fear crept in the older male. The fear he indulged himself too much, consumed him. He was going more and moreover the line towards something romantic. Here he thought he could keep himself in check as being a close-friend to Kamui indefinitely. A _very_ close friend, but still...

Even if their friendship was overwhelmed by intimacy, it wasn't as though they were romantically involved.

Kamui was a bit more relaxed as he came out of the bath. He walked down the hall, lips outstretching to a widened yawn

"K-Kamui?"

"Yes?" He answered either though couldn't look the other in the eyes.

"I'm sorry," He professed, blushing up a storm and bowing his head down.

A gentle hand made its way to his arm. Kamui tilted his head slightly to the side, looking up at the other. "Why?"

"I… If I made you uncomfortable at all, at any point… I've probably seemed a bit odd all day so…." Subaru pauses and looks over a saddened Kamui. "I'm sorry."

"You didn't," Kamui responds quickly. _It's not you making me uncomfortable, it's that I- I'm too mixed up to understand myself right now._ The hand on the taller man's arm brushes up. Kamui's fingers glide up until they're cradling a warm cheek. _Not a bad un_ comfortable. If he had to be fully honest.

There was something a bit scary and a bit inevitable. But Kamui knew that wasn't Subaru's fault.

"You _al_ ways ask me if things are okay. And they are-I really care about you," Kamui shifts his gaze nervously.

He looks back with a breathtaking smile. "Always. So I _lik_ e being close to you." Kamui confesses in a way that makes the world stand still for the two of them.

"I…" Subaru's breath goes dry. "Care for you too."He pauses before deeming his next words okay. "So much Kamui."

Kamui's cheeks pinken a bit and he turns a bit to the side. Though he's brought back by a larger hand clasping the one on his cheek.

"You should… Ah, Take your bath now," Kamui breaks the silence. The tension he's a bit scared to define.

"Alright," Subaru responds. He squeezes Kamui's hand before disappearing down the hall. Kamui all but collapses onto the couch.

They turn in for the night. As awkward, and _warm_ things had felt, there was a kind of _pull_ neither could shake off. They turned towards each other in _their_ shared bed. Something that always felt terribly natural.

They look over the other. a moment before laughing. They find themselves reaching for the other, cuddled up in bed anyway. Despite how jumbled up their thoughts had been.

* * *

The following days go by well enough. A bit of 'dancing', only around unresolved emotions is felt in the air. Thankfully, school and work keep the two busy enough.

Unfortunately, Subaru wasn't expected to come back tonight. Early morning at best. Kamui thought of staying at a friend's but went against it last minute. Tomorrow was a Saturday, and Subaru ensured he was off for the day.

Subaru's birthday. One which he had the kitchen bustling with pans, utensils, bowls, and countless ingredients.

Subaru was precious in a way like no other. It couldn't be bound by a word of even a thousand more. Fear and guilt took over the need to freely explore what _this_ could be…

Kamui busies himself prepping a few specialties in the kitchen. There is _some_ gratitude to have the privacy of the very spacious kitchen to plan the surprise.

It wasn't too hard to clean up, from the treats and meals for one made tonight. Though Kamui did miss them spending breakfast and dinner together.

Kamui begrudgingly slips into bed. His nightmares are always a fear he feels right before closing his eyes. Still, he can breathe in his bed mate's scent on his pillow. He opts to sleep on Subaru's side for the night.

When the aforementioned man does come home on his birthday, around 3 am, he catches the endearing sight of Kamui cuddling what was usually his pillow. Subaru takes off his coat, changes to looser nightclothes, and returns.

Fingers brush through Kamui's hair. He's more thankful than ever to be alive this year. Kamui's plush lips breathe out beautiful little sighs. The sight is enough to make his heart skip beats.

 _Thank you, Kamui._ Subaru leans down to kiss his secret love on the head.

The movements and proximity stir Kamui. Soon enough a smirk covers that beautiful face. Subaru feels his arm grasped before being dragged down to their bed.

Subaru loses balance. And well…He just about loses his mind as he lands inches away from being right on top of the one he's been pining for.

The thought of Kamui _under_ him does things to his heart and body. He'll have to take care of that another time. Thankfully, it's not too obvious of a problem now.

Kamui is blissfully unaware. A part of Subaru can let out a breath he didn't know to be holding. While another more devious part of him wonders about Kamui's reaction if he did know how wanted and needed he was.

Well… this scenario assuming there were a time and a chance that _maybe_ they would continue to grow closer. To step over the blurred line they seem to keep walking between friendship and romance.

Maybe though… He was only thinking of what _he would like_ to happen _._

Suddenly, he's jolted from his thoughts. Kamui's on his side curled up against Subaru's larger form. Arms surrounded the overheated man. Thankfully though, Kamui's eyes are closed and unseeing of the other's mental predicament. The boy easily drifts back to a much deeper sleep and he makes use of his new hug pillow.

Subaru chuckles at this and returns the hug. With another kiss to Kamui's head, he resumes closing his eyes. Falling into a blissful sleep.

* * *

_Subaru's Birthday_

Leaning over their bed, Kamui quietly leans down. Glossy raven locks fall to the sides of his face. His lips and eyes soften at the sight of a sleepy Subaru. Carefully, Kamui ducks his head down and rests his temples against the older male. Slowly, he leans back up to gently pull the other from his sleep. His fingers play with the strands of hair messily falling in front of his face.

"Happy Birthday~ Subaru," Kamui greets sweetly, he smirks a bit at the groggy way his housemate stirs. _Cute._ Kamui thinks again.

" _Subaru…_ " While having a tender voice with Subaru was natural, his voice is rarely this cheerful. Maybe not cheerful, at the level of his boisterous friends but still joyous.

"Good morning~" Kamui adds softly, sweetly, and brighter than usual. The shy male can make an exception for his kind housemate on his special day. Or a day he wanted him to start seeing as special anyway. Subaru can hear the smile in his tone. Subaru's eyes blink open blurrily. When his vision clears, as he expects, he's met with a breathtaking sight of Kamui.

Gorgeous violet-blue eyes sparkle, mirroring hues from the sky above. Sunlight hits Kamui perfectly. Something as per usual, Subaru finds. The younger male's raven hair is glowing and glossy. A halo may as well surround his head.

His hands were folded neatly and dangling by his legs. Leaning up on his elbows, Subaru took in the sight of the pastel blue apron around his love. The sight made his heart flutter and smile melt on his lips. Kamui had made something for them _again,_ becoming more and more talented _._ Subaru wasn't sure if he'd ever get over the feelings that such a regular act to most, did to him.

And yes Kamui was looking genuinely happy today. His eyes lit up. His smile was bright and brilliant. Although, it softened and turned a bit shy seeing eyes awaken to meet his own. The sight only would make the younger male more alluring. Adorable. Precious. Perfect.

Subaru's mind could go on, continue to destroy itself. He takes a step back with a small, calming breath before he fully sits up.

"Thank you," Subaru expressed. Tender hands reach up and glide across soft, flushed cheeks. Fingers linger and press firmly but gently to feel more of the enticing heat.

Long, full eyelashes fluttered close. Mysterious and enchanting violet eyes were hidden for the time being. Kamui is leaning his cheek into the loving hand caressing him.

"It's not a problem, ah-Subaru," Kamui begins, voice soothing to a soft purr as he falls further into the touch. Gentle but insistent fingers turn Kamui's mind and further thoughts into a puddled mess. It takes a moment before he realizes what he's been doing.

"Um, I-I made us breakfast," Kamui remembers to say. He easily stumbles as the hand on his cheek continues to move and comb up and around, brushing away messy strands of raven-black.

" _Kamui_ ," Subaru calls for him intimately.

"Yes?" Kamui responds, feeling his pulse race.

"I'm so _happy,_ you're here," Subaru professes so softly, gently, and in a way that could make most anyone melt.

His arms wrap around Kamui's waist, and he is very tempted to take _sweet_ "revenge" by tugging Kamui into bed. Seeing his reaction would be...amazing- But Subaru knew where his feelings lie.

Kamui may have just been bemused when he pulled him down. But Subaru…. He couldn't do something like that without his thoughts being caught up in much more. It would be far too tempting to take a rather romantic turn from there.

Though he doesn't even need to do that. The younger male takes the initiative to move in closer. Kamui's eyes are smiling as the orbs of violet-blue hold sparkling lights within. His lips match the feeling in his eyes. The brush of pink painted on his features as he leans closer and hugs him back is _everything._

"I'm happy to be here," Kamui tells him softly. His eyes avert bashfully continuing, "With you." Kamui admits softly.

Subaru feels emotion welling up in his eyes. Something is tugging at his chest. He pulls Kamui close enough so he can bury his face right below the shorter male's shoulder blade.

Kamui briefly tenses at the pull, the feeling of being held like this never fails to make him a bit lightheaded. "Subaru?" Kamui asks with some concern, and his hand makes its way to the back of his protector's head.

"S-sorry Kamui, I just need a minute… That's okay right?" Subaru's voice is so vulnerable and exposed. Kamui knows he can't find a single part of him objecting to staying close and warm like this. Even if he for some reason wanted to, Kamui knew he couldn't deny the request.

"Of course," Kamui replies calmly, a strong contrast to everything rushing through his head and tugging at his chest and stomach.

Kamui's hands absently brush up and down the other's sleep tousled hair. Subaru nuzzles himself comfortably against the one he loves. He could breathe Kamui in from this proximity. Every nerve soothes as he took the other in.

When arms did slowly loosen around Kamui's waist, they gradually moved apart. Subaru cupped Kamui's cheek, feeling it flush a bit. Kamui leans his elegant face into his hand, his every touch.

"We should get started on breakfast before it's too cold," Kamui reminds the other. Though he makes no moves or signs of urgency.

"I'll meet you downstairs then," Subaru says with a bit of pout. It stops as he begins yawning a bit.

Kamui nods at this. "Alright," He hesitates to look over the other, and nods again but to himself.

The younger male leans back in and wraps his arms around Subaru in a tight hug. "Happy Birthday, Subaru." Kamui expresses one last time before he leaves. Their foreheads kiss together; the pair exchanges a blissful gaze.

Subaru almost groans in a complaint when Kamui does eventually pull away. Though he knew they couldn't stay here forever. Kamui had a day planned for the two of them. He himself was still quite obviously tired and sleep tousled, not even out of bed. They look towards one another in a lingering gaze for a moment before Kamui turns towards the door and leaves the room.

Subaru enters a small adjacent restroom and proceeds to brush his teeth and comb his hair. Making himself a bit more composed.

Subaru looked over himself. Turning the knobs on the sink, he begins splashing some water on his face. Another hand grasped for a tube of a clear face-wash. Something seldom used before that became more of a habit since his recent cohabitation.

He begins massaging the cleansing lotion against his cheeks. This had to be the first Birthday he acknowledged since…

 _Since I was sixteen._ Subaruthoughts came bittersweet, pained. He closed his eyes and flushed water over his features, rapidly.

_Since Hokuto…_

He goes back to where he could share his birthdays with his precious twin. Always made to at least spend a few moments of the day having a meal together or baking and eating some kind of cake his sister wanted to experiment on. She'd always wrap her arms around him, saying how thankful she was to be born alongside him.

The memories brought a mix of emotions out. His lips lifted before falling again. His gold and green eyes became more glossy and watery. They threatened to tear but he held it back. He hopes Hokuto is at peace in the other realm. She deserved far more happiness in life than what the world offered her.

It's painful to look back, as he takes a towel from the side of the sink to dry his face. He's swept up by a current of varied emotions, sadness and regret overtaking most.

Though the image of gentle arms around him just moments ago grounded him. The hold of one he loved deeply but differently encased him. The way Kamui held him close, ran his fingers down his hair, brought the heat to his cheeks.

His eyes were heated with emotion too. He had Kamui so very close. His touch was so incredibly sweet and tender.

Subaru wonders what Hokuto would think now. If she'd be happy.

But he can't see it any other way.

_Hokuto…_

She _always_ wanted for him to finally have something he could never give up or nor let go of. For him to have that something, _someone_ he'd given anything to protect.

Once again his sister had been the one to help him realize who that special person was. That there was a breath of life beyond the storms of agonizing pain.

"Subaru!" A gentle voice beckons him, pulling himself towards the present moment. His lips quirk up. The greatest _present_ he could ever hope for was waiting down those stairs. He couldn't stop himself from following this new path in life.

 _Happy Birthday, Hokuto._ He ponders while looking, himself in the mirror. He can still picture his teenage sister standing behind him, her arms wrapping around him in a tight hug. _Thank you for being born alongside me_

"Subaru!" Kamui calls from downstairs.

The beckoning of his name brings him back to reality. He swears he can still feel his twin's warmth and exuberant smile telling him to " _live on"_ and " _finally be happy_." He hurriedly makes his way out of the room and races down the steps.

An endearing sight of Kamui comforts him. He's placing down a second plate at _their_ table The shy teenager brushed a strand of hair behind his ear. Nimble fingers untied strings, and Kamui lifted his apron overhead and off.

"Happy Birthday," Kamui calls sweetly, he turns around fully. "I really hope you'll like breakfast," he expresses. The quiet male waves his hand down gesturing towards the empty seat beside where he is standing.

"Thank you," Subaru responds amiably. Sleep was laced in his voice. He concealed a yawn behind his hand and stepped in front of Kamui. There was something ethereal with how the light hit the younger man's features just then.

"I'm sure I'll love it," Subaru leans down. His lips press delicately to the shorter male's temples. Blue-violet orbs flutter closed as the gentle press. Kamui's lips curled up at the feeling.

Upon opening his eyes, he noticed Subaru standing behind where he was presumed to sit. The taller male pulls out his chair and waves to Kamui to sit down. His lips part to form a small oval before the polite intention hits him. Something he had only seen in older movies his mom liked to watch.

He never expected this to be done for him. "Thank you, Subaru," Kamui responds quietly, he averts his eyes to calm himself. Turning back he cups the taller male's cheek and feels a warmth as it leans into his hand nicely.

"If anything I feel I should be doing that for you, it is your birthday after all," Kamui reminds the other. Subaru is quite stubborn and doesn't budge until Kamui takes his seat first.

"It's the least I can do when you already made breakfast," Subaru countered gently. He scoots in the boy's chair and can't shake the warm feeling like he was _courting_ Kamui. He waits for Kamui to settle before eagerly sitting beside the younger male. He can't help but notice their chairs seem closer than usual. Kamui is sitting right beside him this time and their legs brush up against one another.

"I wanted to make something special since it's your _birthday_ ," Kamui mentions to him again, quite seriously. Subaru softly chuckles at the gesture, as though the day held some weight in the world.

Yet…

Today was _important._ A day of pain but one that blessed him to be born alongside the world's greatest sister he could ever hope for. Today would mark a new chapter in his life, finally sharing the day with someone he loves so dearly. Even though life cruelty took the ones he loved far too soon, there is a sense of hope. While he feels a sting of pain, it loosens as there's a familiar, slender hand curling over his own.

Bittersweet feelings start to warm…

Kamui considered this day special. The first of their Birthdays they'd celebrate together. No more fears of the world ending and losing anyone else would have to haunt their minds and hearts.

"It's perfect," Subaru told the other. Sincerity glistened in orbs of gold and emerald. Kamui laughed a bit, brushing a bit with the ends of his silky hair.

"You haven't tried it yet," Kamui's plush lips pressed up into a bit of a pout. He waves a hand down towards the full and beautifully displayed plate of food.

"Ah, r-right," Subaru flushes. He looks down at the traditional Japanese style breakfast. A bowl of freshly steamed rice, and a plate of vegetables and grilled fish. The bowl of steaming miso soup and tofu made his stomach grumble. Kamui made something between a laugh and giggle that only turned his grumbling stomach into tight knots. Of course, there was a near perfectly rolled and folded omelet, sprinkled with nori and various seasonings. The words "Happy Birthday" were written neatly on top with ketchup.

Kamui shied away, turning his head when he noticed Subaru finally looking over his meal. "It's made by you," Subaru continues on, and takes the hand on his own, pinning it between his larger hands.

"You put in all this work for me. So of course it will be perfect," Subaru explains as though it's common knowledge. The other male ducks his head down slightly, cheeks coloring.

A hand gracefully moves from the top of Kamui's on and under a pointed chin. He turns Kamui's eyes, taking interest as per usual in the dazzling lights and brightness that comes from those violet eyes. "Thank you, Kamui."

"We'll-you should still try it," Kamui grumbles or attempts to. His cheeks are still too obviously flustered as his eyes keep shifting and averting. It's hard to hide from those intensely amorous orbs. "To make sure."

"Alright," Subaru concedes. He gracefully takes a fork into his right hand. He turns the utensil to the side to break off a piece of the fluffy omelet before poking it into it with his fork. He assures that Kamui is watching him as he presses the food to his lips

A meal _Kamui_ prepared with so much compassion and consideration. How could it be anything short of perfection?

Kamui bites down on his lip a bit. He watches with shaky eyes, the moment going in slow motion as the one he worked so hard for takes his first bite. Subaru's eyes stay gentle, brightening, and going starry as the taste graces his senses. "It's perfect," he confirms finalizing the decision.

His hand squeezes gently at Kamui's own. "As expected," Subaru smirks a little, though it grows more as Kamui's blush comes back at full force.

"I'm glad then," Kamui admits and lets out a breath. He tries his own breakfast attempting to confirm it at least wasn't bad.

He smiles watching over the other silently as he continues to try and savor the meal. All of this, as though he were dining on the finest delicacy the world had to offer.

* * *

_Picnic_

Kamui blinks a bit dumbfounded. The taller male beside him waves towards the open seat of the sparkling luxury car. One called in and pulled at their street corner to pick them up.

Kamui fit a bit out of place. Unused to the ways of those prominent in society. Though this extravagant way of living was a rarity for Subaru as well. Both easily could go just for a walk for public transport, no problem… Subaru could drive, although the need for a car had seemed a bit unnecessary as he could always move faster (if needed) on his own than with a vehicle.

But this was a full day spent _entirely_ with Kamui. The student already worked so hard after classes cooking and baking up a storm with newly learned recipes. It only seemed fair to have Kamui travel in comfort to their destination. It may have helped sway Subaru's decision realizing he'd get more privacy with Kamui this way as well.

"Thank you…" Kamui at last proceeds and enters. He ducks his head down and slides towards the far off seat. His hand pats at the one beside him. Subaru nods at this and sits beside him.

"Are you sure this isn't going to be too simple?" Kamui frets, within the lavish car, he feels more out of place. He's dressed up nicely with a long lavender sweater and black jeans. Kamui's hand plays with the hem of his sweater, a bit of a guilty smile something this simple, and maybe cliche? Was his first idea for an outing.

It wasn't CLAMP school weather but this February was mild and cool. It wasn't a bad day to go out for a picnic.

His fingers fiddle around the handles of the tall black knapsack. Their bento lunches are carefully sealed within.

"I'm sure," Subaru confirms, holding his hand over Kamui's own. The younger male looks up at the other. Their eyes lock as they share a tender smile.

"I'm just glad to spend the day with you," Subaru professes warmly. Kamui looks away, a bit sheepish, but turns back just as quickly. He runs a finger down his own cheek and scratches.

"Likewise," Kamui responds. Even if they were living together, school and work were realities. Both were certainly time-consuming. But maybe that made this day even more precious.

Subaru's decision to travel like this felt _very_ right. Certainly worth every cent. Especially as he felt warm breath between his neck and shoulder blade. Kamui leaned to the side, falling over until his head nestled within the crook of the other's neck.

The driver glanced back at the pair through the rearview mirror and smiled. The dividing window between the front and back rolled up, making Subaru flush pink. He worriedly glanced down at Kamui who had his eyes closed. The older male let out a breath of relief.

Kamui doesn't seem to care or take notice. His face nuzzling a bit closer to the warm body beside him. A perfect contrast on the cool winter day. The affectionate male's actions hadn't helped their relationship seem any less entangled. Subaru finds it impossible to not be swept away.

The driver probably had done this countless times. His perception of what was between them was (unfortunately) wrong. Though Subaru wasn't about to complain. A little bit of happiness fluttered inside that they were indeed close enough to pass for being more intimate than in actuality.

The privacy was rather welcome. Subaru's arm surrounded Kamui's shoulders. He leaned down. His lips pecked the smaller male on the crown of his head. The warmth kept growing between them, especially as he felt Kamui absently playing with their joined hands.

Subaru leaned his head down, gingerly resting it on top of Kamui's. The younger male's eyes fluttered open, curiously up at the action. Still, he couldn't fight the curve on his lips for the life of him. Subaru almost wants to complain when they do reach their destination.

"We've arrived, Master Sumeragi," Their personal driver announced as they came towards the quaint park not far from home.

While the driver had the habitual urge to open the door for the pair. He had gotten a very protective and doting vibe from the older of the pair. This came out tenfold, especially around this one he cherished.

Their driver waits and allows Subaru to open his own door. It was of no surprise that the lovesick man immediately came right away to open Kamui's door before he even had a chance.

The shy raven-haired male took the offered hand suspended towards him. Kamui carefully got out of the car, their lunches and folded blankets in tow.

Subaru went around to greet the driver. Offering a tip that made the man's eyes widen.

Yet, there really wasn't a price to pay back those tender moments he got beside Kamui. Honestly, if he were to do this again, he might request taking a longer more scenic route. The grassy, peaceful park was with few visitors at the moment.

Easily enough the two males made their way up a green hill. While the area was far from populated, there were quite a few heads turned towards the beautiful pair passing through.

As per usual gender was not a limiting factor. Their admirers male and female alike had their eyes looking up the pair from head to toe. While unresponsive to his own admirers, Subaru felt tension through his veins, his blood boiling when he noticed Kamui's admirers.

His fingers curled in on his hand. Clenched at his side, he caught heated glances towards Kamui. His dual-toned eyes steeled themselves as he glared towards each and everyone who _dared_ to look at his love like that. A throaty growl nearly escaped his lips, watching with some ease as those lust-filled admirers turned tail and left far from the pair.

A small yelp escaped Kamui as an arm suddenly snaked itself around his sleek waist. He felt pulled close enough so they were flushed together at each other's side. Unfortunately, for Subaru, there were quite a lot of admirers turning starry-eyed, and chattering at the sudden display of affection. Though he relented, finding it preferable to the earlier stares.

"Subaru?" Kamui looked up, seemingly oblivious to the possessive behavior taken over. His mind was a bit too preoccupied. He couldn't quite grasp the feeling of poison in the pit of his stomach. He _knew_ his housemate was quite attractive, but there was something frustrating about others reacting to it. Kamui worked hard to set things up for _him_. This was a day for the _two_ of them.

For him to express gratitude, someone this…

Someone he cared this deeply for…

Kamui licked at his dry lips, biting it soon after. Violet-blue eyes trailed up and admired his protector. They started to gloss over, feeling that earlier scowl, melt away as they locked eyes. Kamui nearly bolted as their eyes met, being caught staring off like that. So lost in his own head.

"We should find a place to set up," Subaru ignores the unspoken question lingering there. Kamui's lips pressed together tightly, feeling a bit lost, exposed under brightened eyes.

"Somewhere a bit more… _private,"_ Subaru had finished. His words intended to come off mostly as a _little_ annoyed or maybe a _little_ protective. Though there was a certain heat to his tone. His voice deepened, going deep, husky and hot against Kamui's skin as he spoke so closely.

The younger male tried desperately to suppress the full-body shiver. Subaru looked over the shorter male with worry, hugging him tighter to his side, his warmth. Kamui could only take in the warmth clouding his already overwhelmed senses.

"Good idea," Kamui finally responds, letting himself be whisked off to a more secluded area of the park. There are a few moments of walking to find a private space but it's entirely worth it. Kamui kept close to the taller male's side all too easily drowning in the soothing atmosphere.

They stay close and quiet. Subaru glances down to see Kamui if he's lost in a daydream or perhaps a bit too overtired.

Kamui looks back up towards him. His lips press together and curl up a bit shyly. Beautiful sparkling orbs of violet hold his own captive.

"Let's set up here," Kamui suggests veering towards a large leafless tree. While a bit cool it's not icy enough to cause any comfortability to set up here.

Subaru follows along. Helping take some of what Kamui had been carrying. The younger male grasped for a blue and white checkered blanket.

"Let me help you with that," Subaru is all too eager to help. Especially seeing Kamui's nose scrunching up cutely. He twisted and unfolded the long picnic blanket, in an attempt to get it to even out.

"Thank you," Kamui expresses warmly. It's much easier with a partner. Holding opposite ends of the blanket they're easily able to lift and place down the main blanket. There are two extras folded up and off to the side if needed. Though it wouldn't be unwelcome if they shared the one. Kamui thinks and shakes his head.

Kamui grasps for a lunch filled knapsack on Subaru's side. The latter gently laughs at the reach and grasping hands. He decides against teasing Kamui, though barely, and hands the bag over.

The pair settles in. There's nothing rushed and it's entirely natural, as they sit close by. Their backs lean against the tree for support.

From their current sitting position, they're facing the crystal blue lake a short distance off. Kamui kneels and gradually opens the bag, taking out various layers. There are sectioned off Tupperware, chopsticks and plastic utensils, napkins, water bottles, and two warm thermoses.

Kamui hands Subaru a forest-green thermos. The latter can already smell the enticing aroma. One familiar and made quite a few times since Kamui came home from one of his home economics classes. He brings the thermos to his lips, sipping the perfectly calming royal milk tea.

The younger male watches carefully. His hands resting on his thighs as he kneels. Violet-blue eyes shift from watching the older man's reaction and opening the various containers of food.

"It's really nice," Subaru tells him with a melting smile. One that nearly makes Kamui curse himself and fall forward, thus toppling the planned picnic.

Relief floods through him as the words sink in. "I'm glad," Kamui professes, pursing his lips together. "I learned this from one of Akira Ijuyin when I went to visit the director…" He explains, not seeing much of a problem with his statement.

And there isn't. Only a few personal insecurities bubble up. Most have dissolved when he saw how eagerly Imonoyama had been to set them up. Though it does drive some curiosity into the older man.

"When did you do that?" Subaru asks, seeing several bento boxes displayed neatly in front of them.

"About a week ago?" Kamui continues to set up, placing napkins 2 pairs of disposable chopsticks in between them.

"Oh," Subaru says. He takes a pair of offered chopsticks in hand and removes them from their paper wrapping. Satisfied with the display and now empty knapsack, Kamui settles back up beside the older male.

Their thighs brush. Such closeness again in a way that makes it hard for the pining man to think.

"I… Ah, sometimes go to hear more about my Aunt…" Kamui trails off with his explanation. A bit of a pained smile embraces his lips. "A bit more about my family." It made sense as she knew the CLAMP director and board well.

His lips quirk up. "It helps the director, seems to have knowledge about her and honestly countless other topics, people… An-Anything really. It's kinda frightening."

Subaru laughs at this. "It certainly is," He only half-jokes. Thankfully, the youngest Imonoyama uses his resources for good. Though it does seem to be used in mischievous ways to amuse the prodigy.

 _And it helps to learn more about you._ Kamui grips the silver and lavender thermos between his hands. His hold tightens a bit more, whitening his knuckles.

Even quite a bit of knowledge into the Sumeragi clan is within the director's reach. Subaru's family, Subaru's tremendous spiritual powers, him being chosen quite early for the fateful day…

Kamui's lips pouted. He could still see the smug smirk on Nokoru's face when he asked curiously, trying to be nonchalant if he knew even about his housemate

A bit of guilt welled up for giving in to his curiosity. It's not that he couldn't ask Subaru, but it was _hard_ to know what would and wouldn't be appropriate. Heaven knows the man has one hell of a traumatic past.

"Kamui?" Subaru voices with concern. His eyes laced with worry. Gold and emerald gems of eyes lighten as he feels Kamui responding to the hand over his.

"I'm alright, just lost in thought," Kamui answered in a partial truth. Now wasn't the time to go into things further. Even if Subaru did look a bit wary.

"We-we should start our lunch now," Kamui insists, gently pushing one of the homemade lunches towards the birthday boy.

"Alright," Subaru doesn't press further. Though he does squeeze Kamui's hand tightly. "If you ever do want to talk, I'm here…" His voice comes out breathy, tender. Kamui can see himself in the dual-hued eyes.

Finally, looking forward Subaru's eyes gazed over the beautifully prepared bento. The variety of different vegetables, proteins, and carbs were quite impressive. All of which was too with some colorful garnish.

The older male never considered himself to be that interested in food. Well, outside of its use to survive. Yet, he felt his own mouth watering, _craving_ the food before him, and absolutely everything (successfully cooked or not) Kamui prepares for them.

He was _dying inside_ as he noticed Kamui watching him sheepishly. The boy kept peering, checking for his reactions towards his gift.

 _Oh._ Subaru deems it time to verbally assure _everything_ Kamui made was incredible. "This looks delicious, Kamui." Subaru heartily compliments, indulging himself in watching as the pinkish cheeks flare up to a cherry red.

"I'm glad," Kamui's gaze shifts down, now taking interest in the blanket below.

Subaru gingerly took one of the bento boxes. Wonderfully seasoned, white rice, perfectly crisp egg rolls, and fried tofu were neatly displayed in their sections.

Sushi, vegetable mixes, fruit salads, shrimp omelets, and pasta. It was astounding just how much was prepared in a short time. And the work it would take to do something like this made his stomach flip.

"I ah… it probably seems like a lot," Kamui rubs at his nape, not looking the other in the eyes. "I made a lot of different things so you can pick whatever is your favorite…"

"Thank you, Kamui…" Subaru neglects the food for a second, as he tightly pulls Kamui closer to his side. He maneuvers the younger male so they turn to face each other chest to chest.

Kamui gives in immediately to the hold. Everything fluttering inside and racing through his mind. He wanted an escape, even if he knew being closer would just cause everything he's felt lately to amplify.

With a hand under Kamui's chin, he finally looks back up.

 _"Kamui. "_ His name is caressed from the older man's lips.

"I'm so _happy_ right now," Subaru professes, pupils were blown out and eyes brightened as they sparkle like diamonds. Kamui loses his breath, feels an arm around him keeping him terribly close. Subaru leans his head down and their foreheads rest against one another.

They're close enough to feel each other's breath. To hear each other's racing hearts. Leaving this moment just now seems like a cardinal sin.

It is quite a while before either can fathom pulling away and actually doing what was normally done at picnics. Hesitant Kamui speaks up. "Subaru?"

"Hmm," Subaru hums, Quite content hugging Kamui close, breathing him in.

"We should eat though, I don't want your food to get cold."

"Okay," Subaru brushes their noses together, before relenting. They very slowly make a move to be a part. Even while out of each other's arms they're flushed to each other's sides.

The older man pressed his hands together, a silent thanks for the food, and whatever God or angel allowed him to be _here_ right now.

Kamui repeats the gesture, grasping for a few of the shrimp sushi rolls with his chopsticks.

Subaru grasps his utensils, trying a very delicious looking omelet, again cutely written in ketchup with the symbols for "Happy Birthday" and another with his name.

Subaru gingerly turns Kamui to him. His fingers gently hold to the boy's chin. He kisses his love's forehead delicately. Lips linger there and he smiles, turning back to his lunch as though nothing happened to leave a flustered Kamui.

The smaller male blinked several times. Pressing down whatever was happening for another time as far off as he could manage.

Taking a few silent breaths, Kamui is able to clear his head. Though that dazed feeling in his head lingers a bit. He brings his own thermos up to his lips, slowly sipping the tea and soothing his nerves.

"I'm grateful, Kamui," Subaru is once again one to speak. He brushes and pets Kamui's head. Fingers linger through the silky locks.

"What?" Kamui blinks, lips parting and looking up dizzily.

"For doing all this. I know it must have taken quite some time," Subaru follows up, cupping the flushed cheek in his hand

"Oh," Kamui blurts and recalls. _Right._ "It wasn't a problem at all." He shakes his head and beams. "In fact, I had a lot of fun with it."

The image of a beaming Kamui talking amicably about domestic activities was something _terribly_ damaging to Subaru's sense of control _._

 _I'm being foolish._ He scolds himself. Getting so worked up over something this simple. What was wrong with him? Still, it doesn't lessen his craving. The image of Kamui bustling in their kitchen, sweetly preparing a meal, is forever ingrained into his heart.

And _God,_ Kamui's resting against him now. The head of raven-black locks falls so naturally upon his shoulder.

"So uh…" Subaru clears his throat. He finds talking to Kamui will help silence his daydreams a bit. "How are the classes going? You have your cooking classes with Yuzuriha, correct?"

Thankfully, it isn't too hard to fall back into the intimate atmosphere. No matter how much silence precedes it.

"Yes. They're going very well… " Kamui answers amicably. The two rather reserved men find their conversations followed with short comments and comfortable time in between. The gentle touches between them speak volumes more than mere words could hope to achieve.

Somehow they manage to eat quite a bit of the smorgasbord Kamui prepared for them. The younger male mentions something about one of his favorite anime and quickly grasps for his phone.

"It's my favorite opening so far oh! I'll play it for you-" Kamui starts up. Only noticing how overly excited he acted after doing so. He hangs his head a bit, flustering at his antics. "Ah... If you'd like to hear it…"

"I'd _love_ to, Kamui," Subaru dissolves every bit of nerves and doubts from before. All with a simple brightened smile. His eyes close giving an angelic aura around him and somehow more alluring when those eyes flutter open.

Kamui lifts his head up. He can't hide the widening smile on his lips. He grasps for his phone, opening a music app to play the aforementioned song.

"It'll sound even better with these," Kamui adds as he takes out a set of blue earbuds. One of which is handed over-placed gradually over Subaru's left ear, as the remaining one Kamui puts in his own ear. They have to lean close to listen at the same time but it's not a problem for either male.

Then it's all too easy to follow up with the next one, and another...Until they're comfortably leaning against each other, watching the soft bout of sunlight shimmering over the crystal blue lake across from them.

After some time, they finally decide to sit up and stretch. Going for a brisk walk around the park, hand in hand. A bit too gone in the feeling to care for others stares, though honestly, most everyone hadn't seemed to linger on it nor mind the sight of the two.

The sky paints itself with beautiful reds, oranges, and pinks. An indication of how long they've been out. The two silently agree to sit back down, returning to their earlier picnic spot. They take out one of the blankets and lie down, inches away from each other watching the setting sun.

* * *

The pair can't seem to keep the smiles off their faces. There's something incredibly intimate, comforting as they hold hands on the car ride home.

 _I'm being too greedy, aren't I?_ It _should_ be more than enough to _finally_ have his precious person at his side, regardless of their relationship. Honestly, he considers himself grateful.

_And yet...I..._

Subaru's heart can't help but feel hope. Think of possibilities that they could continue growing. Closer. Deeper. Forming a stronger bond than possible.

Kamui disappears from around the corner. He presumes the boy is in the kitchen as he hears a mild clinking sound of utensils and plates. The voice the protective man loves is humming a tune. Subaru recalls the melody hearing as an opening to one of his beloved's favorite anime.

"Hey! You have to sit down!" Kamui calls out to the taller man. His hands are on his hips. "It's your birthday after all." He stubbornly insists, gently pushing Subaru out of the kitchen and back towards the table.

"Alright, alright, I'm going," Subaru chuckles, teasing along with Kamui. "But if you need help-"

"I don't," Kamui responds instantaneously. Subaru softly snorts.

"It's just…" Kamui's voice comes out a bit more vulnerable. He comes out from the kitchen, holding the sides of the cake stand carefully in both hands.

On top is an elegantly decorated cake with white and gold-tinted frosting. It's equivalent to what would be seen at a bakery. But there's something more charming.

The _"Happy Birthday Subaru"_ is written in beautifully curly letters. Time spent on the details for his name and frosting flowers were far too personalized to be for just anyone. The homemade charm and a few messy dollops of frosting make it all the more endearing.

"I really want to do this for you," Kamui professes, turning his gaze to the cake in his hands and only that. He places the stand down on the table.

Subaru feels his heart accelerating to a hummingbird's heartbeat. Kamui walks towards the adjacent kitchen. He returns shortly after with utensils and two smaller plates.

"Happy Birthday, Subaru!" Kamui turns towards him with glittering violet-blue orbs and a smile ready to melt off his face. It works to melt the man it's directed towards, inside and out. His smile mimics the one he loves.

Kamui slices the cake and places a small white plate right before Subaru. The cut exposes the smooth dark chocolate cake concealed by frosting.

He carefully lifts the slice with the side of the cake knife and places it on Subaru's plate. Kamui does the same for himself. Kamui comes around to take a seat. He laughs as his plate and seat are scooted much closer than seconds ago. They're pressed closely against one another as they sit. Yet, there's not a sense of comfortability, only wonders if the couch would have been a better option to go with.

Subaru locks eyes with Kamui, as he had done before while digging his fork into the dessert. The treat is pressed against his lips, staining them slightly white before the frosting is kicked away.

Kamui watches it all with interest. He eases seeing the hum of approval when Subaru takes that first bite, starry-eyed.

Dual toned eyes close as a familiar touch returns. Subaru's lips caress the boy's temples.

"Thank you, Kamui…" Subaru professes. A well of emotions threatens to drown his eyes. "This means so… So much to me," Subaru whispers the words as an intimate confession.

"I… I didn't do much," Kamui visibly swallows. He trails a finger down his cheek, sheepish.

Subaru only shakes his head. He grasps for Kamui's hand and pulls it over the cage of his throbbing heat.

"You're _here._ Kamui you put in so much time and effort for me. That means _everything_." Subaru threads his fingers through silky strands of black. Kamui leans into the touch suppressing a purr.

"S-still I wish I had come up with a more tangible gift to give-I mean…" His hand turns and waves towards the cake. "It's not exactly long-lasting."

Subaru shakes his head. "I _love_ my gift," he professes.

_I love you the most._

Kamui easily flustered at the words spoken so tenderly. He feels the warm breath against his ear even after those lips move again.

"This is the first Birthday since Ho-" Subaru's voice breaks. Kamui's eyes lower as violet eyes begin to glisten, his lips curving south.

"Subaru you-" Kamui yelps before being pulled out from his seat. Strong arms hold Kamui protectively. The smaller male is lowered so his legs straddle longer ones. Their bodies face each other.

Subaru pulls Kamui close to his chest. The desire for more intimacy blocks out the thought of what position he brought them into. Kamui's head is made to pillow the older man's chest. To fall into the deep lullaby of Subaru's heartbeat.

"This is the first birthday I've had… Since I was able to celebrate with…" He squeezes Kamui tightly, holding his pillar of support lovingly. "With Hokuto…"

Kamui's breath hitches. Strong arms keep him caged against Subaru's warm chest. He can _hear_ a soft sniffling sound, _feel_ the soft trail of emotion, dropping down his protector's face.

Kamui leans up, enough to slowly move up. His chest aches. He sees his precious protector's face. He confirms Subaru's emotional state and kneels up to switch positions. Subaru's eyes widen as he's insistently pulled so his head is guided to Kamui's throbbing chest.

The steady heartbeat is enough to push Subaru over the edge. He gives in to his need to _feel_ and buries his face in Kamui's chest, making the latter let out a beautiful gasp. Arms wrap snugly around Kamui's waist. The dam inside begins to crumble.

Hot trails of emotion spill from Subaru's eyes. Kamui's hand caressing the back of the man's head with deep affection. He allows Subaru all the time needed to rest, to stay here with him.

Tears sound form to audible, embarrassing sobs, as Subaru sees them. Yet, Kamui only feels the pain cast on them. Pain long held off. He shushes the older man and tries to fight the dizzy feeling as he feels Subaru's face nuzzling and brushing all across his chest.

When they _do_ come to they're flushed from the neck up. It's hard to look into the other's emotional glistening eyes. It's harder to look away.

As Subaru's breathing calms and his tears finish falling, he looks up towards the one he's helpless to do anything but fall deeper even more madly for.

"T-thank you…" Subaru professes, loosening his grip. Over Kamui, allowing him to move. And they're forced to confront exactly what position they had wound themselves into.

"Sorry!"

They both apologize simultaneously as realization dawns on them, just how embarrassing of a state they put the other in. Kamui slides off Subaru's _lap._ That is not something Kamui planned to be reflecting on today. And many days after...

Settling, taking soft breaths, they return to each other. As their eyes seem only further pulled to do. They share a laugh, raw and exposed to each other-something inevitable since their first meeting.

Gradually, they end up returning to the neglected cake. Subaru savors the sweet treat, his _present_ from his heart's keeper earnestly.

Kamui all but shoves the dessert into his mouth. Silencing something stupid or embarrassing he could follow up with. Until he is calmed.

"I think I can come up with a tangible sort of gift," Kamui expresses, his mind coming back from orbit. He's able to look into tender eyes without feeling dizzy.

"Oh?" Subaru raises his eyes, smirking a bit, as he notices the boy's cheeks flush.

"Although, I guess it might be more something I want…"

Subaru drops the fork in his hand. He's fully intrigued towards the other.

"I mentioned before how… At the dorms, we had all the pictures taken right?"

Subaru smiles at this. "Yes."

"So I -" Kamui takes a breath. "I'd like to take a picture with you. We could have it printed, framed… a memory for today."

Subaru nodded. "I'd _love_ that," he confesses, his throat goes a bit dry. Kamui's eyes darken a bit, he looks deeply within the other's eyes, searching.

Kamui wordlessly takes out his phone, switching the camera mode. They're still a bit flushed as Kamui leans closer. Both within the frame he attempts to steady the camera, though can't help but feel nervous.

Subaru turns and presses a light kiss to Kamui's cheek. A simple peck, but it throws Kamui off a bit to where his hand slips, a successive series of shots and flashes follow up.

"Sorry!"

"You're fine," Subaru shakes his head.

Kamui purses his lips. He smiles, eyes shimmer apologetically. Subaru only snakes an arm around his waist, easily, as though it belonged there. Kamui is pressed close. Sitting intimately nearby they form soft private smiles towards the camera. Kamui's head rests upon Subaru's arm.

His outstretched arm feels a little shaky. He manages to still, the camera enough to press on the screen several times.

Kamui pulls his arm back and swipes through the photos.

"Good?" Subaru asks, curiously seeing Kamui study the picture like a profound work of art. His lips curl up beautifully.

" _Perfect_."

_Owari_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter ended up twice as long as I planned. Idk ideas just kept popping into my head. Dancing is a big passion of mine (though I don't normally like partner dances myself), and I think it's beautiful. Subaru and Kamui definitely do things much more intimately than what you'd see in a dance class-but that's how they are.
> 
> I'll see you next chapter as we go into March/April Chapters. White day. Some fluff, some angst, lots of pining, etc.
> 
> Also Merry Christmas 2020/Happy Valentine's Day in this story's universe/chapter. You can be assured I confuse myself doing this and have told my family Happy Valentine's Day quite a few times. I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season and New Year. I love SubKam in all universes so I plan on having a one-shot for them in the Tsubasaverse, which may or may not be up before the next chapter of this?! Just depends on how inspiration strikes! Take care everyone!


	7. Zephyranthes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~March & April Chapter~
> 
> Subaru takes Kamui out, spoils him, and with romantic tensions running high things get a little frustrating. It's becoming harder and harder for Kamui to ignore and brush aside what's been blossoming between him and Subaru. He attempts to spend more time away, reflecting, in an effort to keep himself grounded, though that backfires. These two keep dancing around each other's feelings though we're coming to a boiling point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First Chapter update of the New Years'. Hopefully, this will be a good hopeful year. I am also so excited for the new Tokyo Babylon anime and maybe hopefully something X-related will come along the way. This chapter has a few mentions of other CLAMP universe characters in it because I love CLAMP and am working on reading towards all their manga I can which has been published in English. I'm almost through Tsubasa: reservoir Chronicles and am sad there is not more of the vampire twins.

Ambrosia Chapter 7

_Zephyranthes_

_(possible symbolic meanings: kind caresses, healing, love, 'will you help me?', sincerity...)_

* * *

_March_

Wasn't somebody supposed to tell him, warn him, at some point in his life, that emotions and all those hormones _didn't_ get more manageable with time?

At least that's how it felt.

Kamui buried his face down on the table in front of him. He sat beside a giggling Yuzuriha, ready for the floor to open and swallow him whole.

His boisterous friend seemed to stay in contact with every single Dragon of Heaven and of course Kusanagi. Arashi was no exception. Kamui found himself brought along to a video conversation with their still grieving friend, and former Dragon of Heaven.

The elegant dark-haired woman listened attentively from a video window up on the computer screen. Her expression, quite somber, greatly contrasting with Yuzuriha's beaming grins. Kamui had to wonder how they managed to maintain a close friendship with their stark differences. Then again he could say the same for himself, it seems his feline-like friend managed to get along well with just about everyone.

So, their video call was going well, peaceful even. Yes, things had been going just fine earlier…

"Aww, you look so pretty today!" Yuzuriha gushed, her eyes sparkling. The older girl didn't know quite how to take that compliment. She ducked her head down and softly ushered a word of thanks. Kamui smiled sympathetically, in quite a similar state, never knowing quite how to react to sincere compliments like that.

"Are things going well at Mt. Koya?" Yuzuriha asks, sweetly, though there's a hint of concern darkening bright brown orbs.

"Mhm," She acknowledges, eyes drifting off absently. Both of her friends felt a deep pang at their chest.

Kamui's violet orbs panged with empathy. His pain was different from the former Miko but still, he felt the ache healing from his own lost love. The fateful day at Tokyo Tower tore at his heartstrings and flooded his thoughts.

_I don't know how I'd be going on if Subaru hadn't been there that day...Or if I'd ever even leave that place..._

Arashi was on her own in Mt. Koya, finding answers, and a sense of connection or perhaps closure from where her departed love had spent most of his life. Hopefully, she felt some support there as well.

"It's actually a bit tranquil," Arashi adds on hurriedly, noting the crestfallen looks on her friend's faces. The background of her video screen shows a traditional Japanese styled room behind her. The antique walls and panel doors seen from the webcam, indicate she's likely in the temple right now, albeit in her own space. "Everyone's being so accommodating, welcoming me. So I'm quite fortunate," Arashi adds quite humbly, and there's a very small but still hopeful smile on her face.

"That's good to hear," Kamui chirps in for the first time since the call began. Save for a brief hello. Arashi nods at this. Kamui feels some reprieve talking to another of his reserved friends.

"How are things going over in Tokyo?"

"Really well! Or well enough~" Yuzuriha chimes. "It seems people are going back to their day to day lives. It's been really nice to be back to CLAMP school!"

Yuzuriha is practically bouncing from her chair. Her lips curl to a Cheshire cat smile that makes the boy beside her grimace.

"I can't wait till you come to transfer here!"

The bubbly girl beams, looking brighter than she had in a while. It was almost unnerving how much easily those words came out and with such earnestness.

"It'll be nice to have classes again," Arashi puts simply. There's a small smile again hidden amongst the pain of everything from the fated year. "And what about you Kamui?"

Kamui blinks at that. His mind wandered off. "What?"

"You're living with Sumeragi now, right? You two seemed quite close when I last saw you. Are things still well?"

"Y-yeah," Kamui stutters. He can feel his friend's mischievous gaze on him. "Things are going _really_ well. Subaru is incredibly kind… It feels _natural_ there," Kamui let his thoughts slip out. He groans and covers a hand in front of his mouth knowing what's to come.

"It's pretty much their _love nest_ at this point," Yuzuriha teases. Kamui rolls his eyes, huffing. She sticks her tongue out at him and continues, with the most serious face she can muster. "They've been _together_ almost three months now!~"

Kamui scoffs at this, but can't find the energy to reply to something like that. Though his expression can't keep firm, he has felt a sense of belonging since living together with Subaru. Though the choice of words caught up to him, and he lets out a soft sound between a whine and growl.

Unfortunately, for him, their serious friend had taken that implication to heart. Kamui's beet-red cheeks and hopeless smile from earlier, doesn't help matters either.

"O-oh," She flushes lightly. Though there's a bittersweet smile coming through as she looks at the former savior. She reminisces on her own actions with the one she loved. Their boisterous friend had an uncanny ability to grasp others' feelings better than they could. Not that she'd tell Kamui of course.

"So you two _actually_ are now-"

"No!" Kamui exclaims much louder than needed to be. _Oh, God!_ He feels his pulse racing at the implication _Wait, 'actually?!'_ His mind repeats. Even Arashi had gotten that impression? His hand slapped flat upon the table as he rose from his seat without a second thought. Blood flows all across his face even his ears sting red at the outburst. He recalls just how he and Subaru were the last day they saw each other. Bleary, weak and heartbroken, he couldn't think more beyond giving into being held and taking in every ounce of warmth as Subaru carried him. He sits back down slowly, face now in flames.

"I mean… sorry. It's not like that with us." Kamui buries his face in his hands, groans, and mutters a string of curses.

"Oh, of course. I shouldn't have asked something like that," Arashi responds as kindly as possible. She offers her friend a sympathetic smile. Her eyes glimmer with guilt and sincerity. She closes her eyes and bows her head down.

"I'm sorry, I assumed…" She professes though still a bit mixed on how her former leader responded. Perplexed as well on what even made her curious, not one to really care for or look into others' personal relations. Though maybe it had to do with the feeling of relief her usually pained leader seeming brighter lately, with someone to make him smile again.

"N-no, it's not your fault," Kamui turns his gaze towards his friend. A harsh glare follows, but there's no animosity behind it.

"It just seems so… Odd for it not to be ' _like_ _that'_ though," Yuzuriha quotes her friend's overused words. Her precious Inuki walks up to her side and nuzzles against her leg. His ears perk up at the sound of his girl's cheerful tone and giggles.

Kamui's eyes turn more venomous. He's seething by now. Though he absently worries why he's been reacting _this_ much today. Everything is a jumbled mess in his head.

"But I think that's a good thing! Having someone you're that close with is wonderful!" She explains. Yuzuriha holds her hands up in front of her like a barrier.

It didn't help that Kamui was clearly far more embarrassed and flustered than anything. Hormones were all over the place and Kamui wanted to run away from all this.

Although, he did seem to accept the response well enough, being impossible to deny how important the bond they shared was to him. Still, it only seemed more _certain_ there _was_ possibly something more developing.

The joyful girl worked to contain her laughter. even while looking at a sulking and irritated Kamui. She gently placed a hand on her friend's arm, calming down. The girl gave an apologetic smile.

Kamui accepted it for now. Though he knew his friends weren't exactly one to quit talking about this altogether.

Keeping an ever composed face, Arashi looks sympathetically towards Kamui. The latter took a few moments to cool down. His mind becomes more of a mess.

Arashi asked something simply on the lines of how the holidays were at CLAMP school. Kamui thinks he was too busy burying his face in his arms on the table.

"It was amazing!" Yuzuriha chirps. The cheerful girl beside him is entirely beaming! "Even Kamui went to the Masquerade with me!"

Kamui looks up, smiles at this, albeit uneasy. His bubble-gum pink lips shake.

"Well, he did for the first hour…"

The poor teen buries his face right back again. It didn't help even Arashi now mistook his relationship with his roommate. She listens quietly to his friends ramble on how Kamui did in fact sneak away to meet with the older man.

While he didn't regret it for a second it was hard. He could talk to Subaru about most everything…

But what was he supposed to do when his concerns were about Subaru himself? Or more so how mixed up he's been feeling.

* * *

_-White Day-_

Popularity certainly came with its costs. Kamui's school bag was overflowing with various bags of square-shaped white-powdered sugar cookies. The more perfected and decorated ones of the bunch would be given to Yuzuriha.

Several bags were nearly sealed and tied for classmates and admirers who gave him friendly and obligatory treats. Though he did have fun baking cookies at his home with Subaru (a then flustered flour-coated mess). It was _tedious_ to try and do it for every return. So a trip out to acquire some store-bought, but still, very aesthetic cookies were needed.

By certainly _not_ accepting any _honmei_ chocolates he didn't have to worry about adding on too much work.

Kamui heard rumors of how much money some would pay for gifts in return for what was given on Valentine's Day. He could breathe out a sigh he wasn't troubled by that problem, at least.

Though these things were still a bit confusing as of late. There were certain _moments_ he wasn't ready to bring up to himself. Valentine's Day especially so…that evening, being so close like that-swaying to the soft music under the brilliant moonlit sky. He had to steel himself and give himself more alone time than usual as of late.

How could he still be in pain, mourning yet feel that bit…hopeful? How could he feel he was able to manage his suffering day by day? Why was his heart beating frantically over the smallest, kind gestures from his housemate?

Nothing was making he was quite unwilling to try and understand himself. Still, isolating and brooding for too long wasn't helping matters either.

"Agh!" Kamui cried out in defeat. Okay. _Maybe he is...attractive._ He admits with of Subaru's angelically smiling face, and ethereal eyes when lingering over him come to mind. _Understatement of the millennia._ He groans burying his face in his hands. Being attracted to men was nothing new for him. Finding his housemate attractive was something most anyone could agree to. Keiichi had brought it up himself, but also said the same about Kamui.

Yet, he rarely got so attached. _It's normal to think that though. Hell, even Sorata would say so._ Sorata certainly had his heart set on Arashi so... _I need to stop overthinking it. We see each other a lot more often. I'm just noticing more things I couldn't before._

Kamui fumbled with straps on his bag for a bit, before snapping it closed. The numbers on the clock told him he had well over an hour before needing to go to school.

His housemate disappeared moments ago up the stairs. Kamui's head could clear a little bit from the mess it's been in whilst alone.

Fortunately for Subaru, his endless list of mostly one-time clients and rather to the point method of working helped him to avoid unwanted admirers. Of course, those that did hold affection and admiration for him went entirely unnoticed anyway. Not having coworkers or classmates, he didn't have to haul around bags of return cookies or chocolates or whatever he _would_ be obligated to give…

Kamui felt himself breathe softly through his nose. Relief flooded through his mind.

 _That's right_. _We're similar._

Subaru hadn't brought home nor accepted gifts Kamui was aware of. It was highly doubtful he was one to do so nor he would have time for exchanging pleasantries like that with those who were basically strangers.

So there weren't any gifts accepted of the romantic persuasion either.

That's how _they_ were. Both knowing the pain lingering and aching from the men that stole and broke their hearts to pieces. They were prisoners to love, to fall in love deeply, only to be made to end the life of the ones they loved the most.

They shared a similar pain in that regard. So it's natural they'd have even more in common. A soft smile crept upon his lips as his mind wandered, today they shared something as well. Neither had to be wrapped up and get overly concerned over these holidays.

The sound of soft footsteps, ones Kamui's grown accustomed to walking down the steps reverberate.

Kamui turned back towards the other, feeling the rise in his cheeks. His lips curved up further, fuller.

"You're back," Kamui says, turning more fully from the couch. His eyes widen as Subaru steps closer.

"It wasn't exactly _easy_ to hide these from you," Subaru lightly teases, stepping closer and handing Kamui a colorful bag tied up from one hand. The other present for Kamui becomes obscured by the back of the sofa.

"Sorry, I was cleaning our house yesterday," Kamui adds sarcastically. He rolls his eyes but the smile gives away his affectionate expression. The flushed young man accepts the gift gratefully.

Subaru flushed lightly, not terribly noticeable to Kamui. The latter was a little too focused on receiving whatever this was. Subaru looks over Kamui with a burning shine of longing. At the gentle smile directed his way, Subaru's breath hitches. His heart starts pounding like it did when he was a teenager. _And all of this started because he had said it was_ _ **our**_ _house._ Subaru muses.

Well, it was _their_ house which was thoroughly cleaned and cared for. Yesterday seems to be no exception. All of this leading to Kamui nearly finding the presents and surprises. Subaru took over, making Kamui protest that he truly _wanted_ to relieve Kamui from his current work around the home. This offer, not uncommon but with more insistence than usual.

Kamui pursed his lips and raised an eyebrow, not quite convinced. Though eventually he did, nod and relent. Yes, he might have been swayed with gentle words and tender hands on his cheeks telling him to rest up.

Kamui takes a moment to look over the neatly wrapped treat bag on his lap. He felt his cheeks as they raised and reddened. Fingers clutch tighter around the gift, treasuring it.

_Right… he did say he'd return the favor from Valentine's day…_

Subaru looks quite flushed. It's something Kamui might have considered even cuter had his brain kept its ability to function just now. Finally, he takes notice of just what other surprise was to await him.

Subaru lifts the other gift for Kamui gradually. He holds back a soft chuckle, seeing Kamui's eyes rise wildly. The lovesick man moves closer to him and gingerly hands over a beautiful bouquet of white camellias, lilies, and roses.

Subaru turns around towards the front of the sofa, and sits right beside Kamui, as though it's his natural place. The flustering boy looks down at the bouquet cradled in his arms and against his chest. He can't argue with that sentiment.

"Happy White Day, _Kamui,"_ Subaru speaks softly, intimately. His voice only deepened at the use of his name, making Kamui start to shiver. Kamui looks up, eyes glossy and perplexed. Subaru's hand lovingly reaches to caress Kamui's cheek.

The younger male closes his eyes. He continues cradling the bag of presumed candies and flowers tighter.

When his violet eyes do open up they're greeted by sparkling gold and emerald orbs. A pretty face closer than before to his own. Ones that bore into him deeply.

Subaru can't fight the way his eyes brighten, and lips move to curl up and spread.

"Y-you didn't have to do this though...but of course I really am _happy_ ," Kamui begins his trail of words. He fidgets in his seat, before finally deciding to place the bouquet on his lap.

"I hope it wasn't a lot of trouble. I know you've been so busy lately." His fingers untie the gold ribbon from around the white plastic bag.

"I'll never be.. too busy for you," Subaru professes gently, mind in a dreamy state. He begins stroking Kamui's hot cheek. Though he burns up just as badly realizing his embarrassing admittance. Subaru clears his throat and follows up with. "You mean so much to me… Kamui."

For those words, Kamui indulges him. He leans forward, the flowers bristling against his stomach as he hugs Subaru quickly. His eyes are shining, and he feels trapped by the way Subaru's eyes hold him so dearly. Like he really truly was someone _special._

"I really do…" The shy teen pauses, mouth dry, fingers nervously brushing the sides of his hair. "Care so much for you," Kamui professes sweetly, leaving the older man elated yet mixed.

Kamui caring for him made him very happy of course, but Subaru couldn't be entirely open with him in return. Still, he's omitting just how deep those feelings ran. Of course, he cares for Kamui. Adores Kamui. Keeps falling harder for Kamui. He's never felt this pulled to tell someone he loves them. His heart was torn between love and despair with Seishirou, not leaving much thought or time for affection. Subaru's heart had been sealed so tightly for such a long time. Now it felt ready to burst.

He seems to think about words for too long, worrying about the younger male. Not being _entirely honest_ was taking its toll. He _wanted_ Kamui to know more. But not now….it would complicate things, so he chooses to enjoy the joy Kamui's care brought him. His lips curl up softly.

Finally, he opens the treat bag. On the inside are several white candies. There's a mix of familiar candy brands, small pieces here and there. Though what makes Kamui beam foolishly is the most important part. Small square-shaped candies made of white chocolate are throughout the mix of brand-named treats. The broken-up candies vary in shape and size, some parts a bit broken off, chipped. All of which only adds to the homemade charm.

"You made these?" Kamui looked up towards Subaru.

"Mhmm," Subaru confirms with a nod. Gently the hand upon Kamui's cheek tangles in his hair. Violet-blue eyes flutter beautifully until they close. Kamui's lips keep curling up and out unsure whether to smile or pout as Subaru changes the touch to pat him on the head. And eventually retreats the hand from the already burning cheek.

Kamui takes a second to catch his breath. He tries one of the handmade white chocolates and indulges in the flavor. His eyes brighten at the sweet taste. It's very sweet, others might consider it too sweet, but it was hard to find something the older male did that Kamui wasn't fond of.

Then there are the flowers laying on his lap. Ones that are beautiful, sweet, and enchanting, much like the one gifting them. It's a little overwhelming.

A dizzied Kamui takes a moment to look the enamored older man up and down. Not that Kamui can decipher that feeling. He leans up so they're at face level. His eyes drift away for a moment to find courage.

"Thank you Subaru," Kamui whispers, face entirely flustered. His smile tightens so entirely shy and nervous, it melts the older man. He has to grip on the couch cushion beside him to balance. His free hand cups Subaru's cheek, turning him towards him.

Subaru is sure he can pinpoint the second his brain short circuits. Kamui's _incredibly_ plush lips brush against his cheek. The one he adores is so _close_ to him. It's a rare initiative of Kamui. The display of affection causes a spark. Both catch their breath for a second and look away.

The older of the two understood it quite well. At the least, he'd been more familiar with this feeling since admitting it to himself. Whilst this sparking feeling was quite unnerving, intense, and developing for Kamui.

They freeze for a moment drawn back to each other. Sparkling eyes entrance one another. Their lips part a bit, both a little dazed. Kamui leans up quietly. Their legs brush up against each other. Subaru looks at Kamui in wonder. The latter is actually the one moving much much closer.

The older male thinks of something to ask, but it's for naught. Kamui quickly squeaks and hurriedly whips his head back and down. There are signs of emotional distress drawing lines across his face. Panic takes over Kamui, realizing what he actually went and did. And whatever he meant to do just now.

Kamui chooses to take a moment of reprieve. His fingers retreat from the man's cherry red cheek and he brushes over the flower petals on his lap.

"You're always so kind to me, Subaru," Kamui trails off playing with the petals and leaves.

"Kamui you're…" Subaru's left breathless.

"Subaru?" Worry clouds beautifully adoring eyes.

_Everything._

Subaru swallowed. Had Kamui's eyelashes always been that full? Were they always so alluring?

"You're so _important_ to me," Subaru stumbles out words. Kamui is back to looking at his lap again.

"You too," Kamui replies quickly, before averting his gaze. It's a struggle to keep his eyes focused on the other. Things stir up and make Kamui's stomach lurch. A million emotions pull him every which way. He grasps Subaru's hand knowing all too well how pliant it was when they touched.

Kamui knows how well they connected. Simple yet affectionate acts of skinship. It's been their way of connecting since their first meeting.

"Are you working late today?" Kamui asks softly, entirely precious.

 _So, perfect._ Subaru drowns in sparkling violet-blue eyes. The lights from above once again, reflect beautiful flows of white amongst the enchanting Watery orbs.

"I _shouldn't_ be," Subaru is able to say. Though there wasn't a certainty in his line of work.

"Oh…"

"I'll make it back _home_ as soon as I can."

"I know…"

"Kamui?"

"I hope I'm not sounding selfish …."

"You're not. "

"I just. I know how important you are to so many people, not just me. You help so many people, you're…" Kamui gushes, barely stopping himself from babbling on and on about all he liked and saw in his precious protector. "I don't want it to seem like I'm needy, monopolizing you…"

"You're not," Subaru assures, quick and to the point. He squeezes Kamui's hand tightly. His free hand reaches for one of the white roses. Kamui's eyes follow the movement as he removes one of the roses. His fingers elegantly trail down the stem, assuring it's clearance of thorns.

"Though I don't mind at all if you do," Subaru professes. He gently pushes back a few locks of raven-black behind the other's ear. Delicately the stem of the roses is placed to rest at a reddening ear. Kamui's breath hitches as he feels his stomach in knots again.

Kamui only nods for a moment. Mind going a bit too dizzy.

"Ah, c-can I ask you something?"

Subaru's eyebrows raise at that. He smiles, petting Kamui on the head. A nod follows.

"I ah… It's probably a stupid question…"

"Kamui."

"I'm not used to all of this. These holidays, actually attending school, having a regular schedule. All these events and I… wondered."

"It's really alright Kamui, you can ask me anything," Subaru prompts, brushing his fingers through Kamui's hair. The younger male almost pouts. It was frustrating how composed the other seemed! Subaru must know how _those_ kinds of touches made it hard to think.

"Um like before… I don't know. I imagine you had a lot of admirers…" Kamui nods to himself, thinks over it. Recalls his protector's kindness and the way he shined as someone irreplaceable since their first meeting. His savior countless times. "Of course you would."

Subaru isn't sure what to make of that. His lips part slightly. He blinks several times, his mind goes foggy.

"Did you ever do this?"

"Do… What?" Subaru asks carefully.

"I don't know," Kamui groans in frustration. "The whole white day valentine's day thing? Did you receive lots of gifts, chocolates, and then… and then do the same in return?" Kamui finally finishes up. His legs press together shakily.

"Kamui," Subaru begins, there's heat forming in his eyes. Gold and emerald orbs only burn hotter, darken, as Kamui's cheeks dust pink once more. He lowers his hand to stroke Kamui's cheek.

"I didn't exactly have a regular school life either so there wasn't so much of that with classmates or anything... But I didn't have anyone I wanted to receive or give gifts to either, well aside from one's I'd exchange with my sister."

"I see," Kamui pauses. He purses his lips together seeing the bittersweet smile at the mention of his beloved twin. Though there is some light in his eyes at whatever memory came forth.

Subaru leans down. As they had done often enough, he presses their foreheads together. They rest upon each other. "So no, I didn't have someone I wanted to _return_ gifts to either," Subaru pauses. _Not to this extent._ His eyes darted down to the beautiful bouquet.

"At least until now," Subaru finishes gently. Kamui can't fight the smile coming over his lips. The magnitude of what Subaru admitted doesn't quite sink in, delirious happiness and unexpected relief fill the younger male's mind. Quite satisfied with the answer Kamui gently places the flowers on the table before them. He grasps for the remote beside it, and leans back, resting his head upon the other's shoulder. Subaru hugs Kamui close, his hand at the boy's side.

They take a moment of comfortable silence before school and work take them away. For now, they can be close, not having to question why it came so naturally. Kamui picks a random TV program to play in the background, hoping it'll help his thoughts clear taking a break to ponder something else. Although it's hard to pay attention to what's on-screen.

* * *

Kamui is thankful while there are beautiful white roses and decorations, it's not as intimidating as Valentine's Day.

He gave out a few treats in return to his classmates and admirers who were genuine and didn't push their feelings on him. He felt it right to return gifts to ones who gave him chocolates or gifts out of kindness.

"This is so sweet, Kamui!" Yuzuriha exclaims. Her arms lift above her head to pull her friend into a hug.

Kamui huffs and shrugs it off. He wonders if he should be worried he's getting used to all of these hugs with his friends. It's still a little awkward feeling (save for with one person) but it wasn't bad.

Something about it all does make him reflect on his past. He envisions images of his two childhood friends as he looks up to the sky. Their beaming smiles when they were kids, gentle touches, and looks when he returned to Tokyo.

Then came loss. The image of his happy friends faded away, replaced by more gruesome images.

Then there's that small moment of reprieve. His first kiss…and then...

"Are you okay?" His friend asked, genuinely worried.

"Yeah, I'm alright," Kamui can't look the girl in the eyes. He takes a breath.

His friend looks skeptical at him for a moment. She takes out her phone and starts typing rapidly.

Kamui's eyes widen and he looks over her skeptically. There's far too much mischief behind his friend's smile. "What are you doing?"

"It's nothing!" She denies this. And grasps onto her friend's arm. "We still have some time for our lunch break though. Let's go see the garden!" She insists, hopes it cheers the boy up a little bit.

Kamui follows along, happy she is no longer pulling him along as they arrive at a colorful and serene field of flowers.

* * *

_Evening_

Kamui, rarely one to be home later than his housemate, was greeted by trembling and concerned eyes. Emerald and gold orbs glistened. Kamui noticed fragile lips parting to say something.

"Suba-"

Kamui yelps when he's pulled a bit roughly into a protective embrace. He hadn't time to leave the doorstep before his feet left the ground. Mind going dizzy, Kamui looks up with questioning eyes.

"I was worried," Subaru explains in a vulnerable, broken tone. Slowly he lowers Kamui's feet to the floor. His protector isn't one to let go that easily, as fingers tangled to the back of the younger male's head.

"I told you I'd be a bit late," Kamui professes, omitting the lie within.

_I need to prepare for exams so I'll be home later._

It was only a few hours after his final class would end. Normally alright. Yet, not a single word came from Kamui after that time, even when trying to call him. His friends as well got in contact to ask if Kamui went home early. Those whom he was _supposed_ to be studying with.

Earlier that day he received a bit of a worrying message.

_Kamui seems really sad today. Maybe he'll talk more with you. He'll need some cheering up._

Subaru sighed, still stuck on the subway train between jobs at the time.

His lips did curve a bit at the last words.

_It is White-Day after all so it seems fitting for you to do it._

If his thoughts weren't racing at the time, he would have flushed. Tried to brush things off or deny.

Guilt seeped in. Kamui knew something was wrong, Subaru didn't answer him further. He only tugged Kamui so he rested his head upon his chest. The younger male was made to listen to the skipping heartbeats.

"I know," Subaru professes, leaving the other lost. Kamui looks up and presses his hands against the older male's chest, attempting to distance himself from the embrace.

"That is what you told me," Subaru finishes, and Kamui shivers. Stubbornly his protector brings him right back where they started. Guilt within only amplified. Kamui felt his heart racing, anxiety going through the roof.

 _He knows…_ Kamui winces his eyes tightly shut. The usually steady heartbeat doesn't soothe him this time. He can still feel Subaru's heart speaking loudly. It does soothe when Kamui gives in. He rests his weary face against the warm chest.

"Although…" Subaru doesn't finish, doesn't need to. The final nail in the coffin came from the director's personal call.

Kamui missed his last classes. Something entirely odd for him since his first time enrolled. There was a place on campus close to the broken boy's heart. It wasn't hard for Imonoyama to track where he left.

 _"He's been at_ _**that place** _ _for a while now. I know he's been hurting. But it's unlike him to be absent this long... I'll let you make the call on this one, though you might want to consider picking him up."_

And he did. As tough as it was, he knew Kamui needed his time, his space to grieve. Though he questioned his judgment as time went on.

"Subaru…" Kamui says weakly. His violet orbs tear up, lips trembling. "I…"

He can't finish it. Kamui gives in to comfort. Instead of running away from pain, he wraps his arm around the taller male's waist. Kamui holds him tightly, more so than he remembers ever doing to anyone in his life.

"Let's sit down…" Subaru advises, already leading them towards the couch. Kamui's vision is too blurry, he simply allows himself to be gingerly picked up and placed upon the cushions. He feels the other's weight dip beside him.

Kamui looks up too tired, weary eyes. His chest aches further. "S-sorry…" He whispers, shakily. Everything aches to the point where he can't think beyond the comfort. His hands tightly clench and curl themselves into Subaru's shirt.

Hot droplets of emotion stain his protector's shirt. Subaru pulls him closer, so Kamui is cuddled up to him. He buries his straining eyes into the crook of the other's neck.

"Kamui…" Subaru shushes the boy. He looks at him with shivering yet gentle eyes. His lips form a pained smile, and he lavishes Kamui's head with soft kisses, whispers of praise and adoration follow up. As much as he can express without admitting to those three words.

"I'm just glad you're alright," Subaru professes. Kamui feels a weight lifted, though is given little refuge. His heart aches for the raw pain he's been dwelling on. Looking up to see deeply caring eyes causes the dam to break.

Kamui cries out the other's name, in a mix of tears and sniffles. Tears only turn to more sobs, as he all but knocks the older man onto the couch. His slender form rests on top of. the other, his weight instantly accepted and embraced upon the other.

"It's alright," Subaru breathes out. His arms hug Kamui even more intimately. Hands brush up on the back of his head and lower back. Soothing circles on his back and combing gestures through his hair calm Kamui's breathing.

Patiently the older man waits for the one he loves to form words again. Whenever he would be ready, Subaru would wait. A few moments pass, painful as Kamui continues to cry and hideaway within the embrace.

"Subaru," Kamui whispers weakly.

"Hm," He acknowledges, shifts their position back so he can rest his head more comfortably against the pillow. Kamui falls back on him and makes use of the other's shoulder to bury his face.

"It's...been...h-hard," Kamui expresses, not bothering to look up or loosen his tight hold on the other's clothes for anything. He isn't asked to do so either.

"I know," Subaru gushes. He leans down and presses a lingering kiss on the crown of the other's head. "You've been going through so much, I can't begin to know your own pain." He speaks sincerely, even if they shared similar traumas, Kamui's was Kamui's own. Subaru would always respect that.

"I… Subaru-" Kamui glances up a bit. Violet-blue blue eyes blink tiredly. "H-how do you…" He stops frustrated, and twists his fingers further into the man's shirt. He buries his face deeper into his personal sanctuary.

"You've been so hurt too…" He says very hesitantly. "I… how have you…been able to keep going?"

The question doesn't fail to burn within Subaru's eyes. Life's traumas rush through his memory. Kamui is held almost painfully tight. Subaru had to stop the urge to shift their positions, pin Kamui down, and love on him until the pain subsided.

But he doesn't, could never allow himself to do something like that unless Kamui reciprocated it. Subaru settled for his arms tightening further around the other and squeezing him until there was no space between. "I'm not so sure I am managing," he laughs bitterly. Kamui nuzzles his face into the other's neck. It's the only thing he can manage, being held this tightly.

"But if I had to say a reason…" Subaru pauses. Knowing the words would be as good of a confession to anyone else. He brushes his lips wherever they can reach, falling to the side of the younger male's head. "It's because I have you here."

Kamui's eyes widen at the profession. A storm of tears started streaming again. " _Subaru…_ " Kamui cries out his name. His breath quickens, his heart accelerates and his body won't let him move an inch.

Subaru's eyes flutter shut, allowing Kamui refuge. His hands moving soothingly up and down his beloved's head, back and sides.

He hushes and holds the smaller male against him until he hears his breathing still. Kamui falls asleep.

* * *

A good hour and a half pass by. When Kamui awakens, his weight lifts considerably. His violet eyes are red and puffy. He flushes at his vulnerability and the very warm body _underneath_ him.

 _Oh…_ All he did earlier floods his mind.

"I'm sorry!" Kamui squeaks. He winced his eyes shut. Yet, the man he's been resting upon simply pets the top of his head sweetly. Subaru looks up with tired, gentle eyes.

"Are you feeling any better?" Subaru asks, looking over the other carefully. He stifles a yawn behind his hand.

"I… Ah… Yeah a bit," Kamui answers honestly. "It just _hurts…_ some days I just- _it's so hard to just_ keep going-"

"I know…" Subaru replies gently and combs his fingers through his hair. The hand gently glides through Kamui's raven locks, in a way they know the younger male likes. "Well thinking of my own situation… anyway."

Kamui nods and buries his face back into the wrinkled shirt.

"I'm sorry… I lied, worried you," Kamui apologizes softly, still hiding his face.

"You did," Subaru agrees, and hears a pained whimper against his chest. "But-" He curls his fingers under the boy's chin, making their eyes meet.

Both males have to take a breath, as their glistening eyes bore into each other. There's something incredibly strong at that moment they met each other's gaze. "I had forgiven you the _second_ you walked through the door…"

Kamui's heart pounds wildly. His lips part left wordless, and without a coherent thought able to process.

"What matters to me," Subaru professes further, feeling Kamui's hands curl back into his shirt. There's something so _right_ and a bit satisfying to know he's the one Kamui clutches on to. "Is that you're alright."

His eyes widen and his lips start parting and trembling. "Subaru…" He cries with overflowing violet eyes and goes right back to hiding his face. The older male allows Kamui to do as he pleases, to hide away from the pains of the world. Even if it's just a few moments.

 _Why are you always so kind to me?_ Kamui desires to know, yet feels overwhelmed with what he knows. He's not sure his heart can handle being treated so gently, hearing more words like that all at once.

After a long moment, Subaru lets out an elongated breath. "Maybe it's not the best to say now," He starts, feeling he'd only spoil this incredibly tender moment. Words are chosen carefully. "But you can talk to me about what's bothering you. If it Helps I can even go with you, next time you _see them."_

Kamui feels his chest tighten. He looks up to serious, glowing eyes, holding to him as though he were the rarest treasure in the world.

 _To see Kotori and Fuuma._ Or more so… _Pay their respects. Seek out some semblance of closure._

"I might… Take you up on that," Kamui decides. Subaru feels his heart murmur, being let in so closely.

"Okay," Subaru says. Feels Kamui cuddling close. Hands move to caress up and down the vulnerable boy's spine.

Kamui closes his eyes feeling soothed. Skilled hands go on to move up and tenderly ease tension in his beloved. Subaru massages one particular spot by Kamui's shoulders that makes him mewl.

Subaru can't look away, mind replaying that adorable sound over and over again. Kamui adverts his eyes and completely hides his face in the crook of his protector's neck. It takes at least five minutes before he can look back up.

"Kamui, I…" Subaru begins his words gently. Kamui partly looks up from his hiding spot. Though the follow up is interrupted by a loud gurgling sound.

The tension eases in the air before it dissipates. Subaru chuckles softly, and sits up, pulling Kamui against him once more. They share a tender look, hearts fluttering as they break out into soft laughter.

"I ah…" Kamui swallows, mouth only feeling drier. Gold and emerald eyes hold to him as though he were the only sign of light in a dreary world. Not entirely untrue.

"I should probably start on our dinner," Kamui attempts to excuse himself. His heated cheeks are cupped and made to look into darkened eyes.

"It's been a long day…Just Let me cook tonight," Subaru offers sweetly. Then an idea springs. "Or well I _would_ like to take you out to eat if you're up for it," He offers.

"Now?" Kamui asks, feeling his cheeks warm up again. He

"If you'd like or tomorrow if that's better…" Subaru leaves it open. "I'd like to continue returning the favor. It _is_ still White Day after all."

"You don't need to do that!" Kamui assures. _I hardly did that much..._ He gasps feeling a finger to his lips. His mind shuts down momentarily.

"I _want_ to," Subaru assures. "You prepared quite a bit on Valentine's day and my birthday I might add."

Kamui still looks up, a bit uncertain. Still a bit guilty for earlier. "But…" It's all he can manage in protest.

"Besides we haven't really had time to go out anywhere for a while now," Subaru explains coolly, outwardly at least. He feels some relief, the words come out smoothly. "So I'd like to take you somewhere." He fights off the voice in his head telling him he's _practically_ asking Kamui out.

Kamui looks up at him for a moment. He studies the older man's elegant features. He smiles at the sight of sleepy eyes and a yawn.

Subaru's small private smile wins him over.

"Okay," Kamui returns the gesture.

* * *

_Dinner_

Being on White Day, there were a lot of couples walking hand in hand beside the pair. Subaru couldn't hide the smile creeping up his lips as Kamui _still_ held onto his hand even while out like this.

A few heads turned in their direction. Most of which seemed out of curiosity or interest. It wasn't an unusual occurrence. Though it became more noticeable to the pair now that more eyes were not just on them as a pair, but focused on the other they cared so deeply for...Or loved beyond sense and reason, in Subaru's case.

This part of Tokyo seemed a bit of a better option. Several gay couples were amongst the groups openly, and the older man recalled this area to be a bit more popular amongst LGBT couples. At least according to a former client. Which they were not. Subaru would be pained to tell himself daily (even if he tremendously loved the thought of it).

Still being openly affectionate, even _just_ holding hands, was nice. Even though Kamui seemed to care less at the gazes which followed him. He held Subaru's hand tightly as he pleased. Whether at his school or out in their not-quite-dates.

They agree to go down a quieter part of the street, avoiding people as much as possible. A quaint little restaurant, with the words "Sushi Koi" above, becomes their pick. Granted the pun made Kamui roll his eyes.

Subaru takes the initiative to step a bit forward, and open the door for the one he loves. He steps to the side and ushers Kamui in. He fights the amused little smirk down seeing how Kamui looks up at him curiously processing things.

"Thank you, Subaru," Kamui says very softly and nods up at the taller man. They shared a soft smile. He ducks his head down a bit, hearing soft "Awws" from an older couple walking by. Kamui had a feeling they didn't do that just for close housemates going out. His hunch was about to be confirmed.

"Such a sweet couple," An elderly woman hums softly to her own partner, walking by.

Subaru and Kamui both burn up, flushed dark pink. Amongst his fair features, it seems to contrast even more so. Kamui quickly retracts the hand that betrays his senses wanting to feel heated cheeks under his fingertips.

Neither can look at each other in the eye, yet still, Kamui can't help cool down. They both feel several gazes. Ones of envy, admiration for them as individuals, and them being here together. The shorter male grasps for Subaru's hand, a bit too nervous. He softly sighs when his hand is squeezed tightly, something is relieving about the touch.

"A Table for two?" Their server asks with a bright smile on her face. She glances down at the two and their joined hands. Only Kamui follows that look and the way her smile brightened as she looked back up.

Kamui figures Subaru must have acknowledged in some way. Her hand moves to a big sweeping motion. "Right this way," she walks on ahead cheerfully, "Would you like to have a table or a booth?"

"A…" Subaru pauses looking at Kamui. His eyes immediately go over towards the round booth they could both be close in. His heart flutters a bit at the idea. Though he doesn't press his luck.

He looks over to Kamui who very shyly ads. "A booth… Please," He glances up and about. He feels admiring glances towards how close they are.

"Of course," She responds sweetly, leading them to a very private booth near the back. One that can be assumed to be mainly used for intimate occasions.

Kamui partly realizes he makes the assumptions worse. Yet, he feels it a bit worse to let go of his protector's hand. Even if the latter might be mistaken for having quite another role in his life, it brings comfort.

The gorgeous pair of housemates certainly gain appreciative looks, many with the 'wrong' doesn't help that Subaru has always been so gentlemanly with him. Subaru patiently waits for Kamui to slide into the partly circular booth before him.

Very shyly he avoids all gazes on him. Especially the one that seems to effortlessly make his cheeks burn up. Kamui slides in and glances over to see Subaru joining him.

Kamui notices Subaru leaves a bit more space than usual between them. The former frowns a bit, not knowing what to make of it all. Subconsciously, he's found his way to sit right against the taller male. He feels their legs brush, which brings him back to attention. Subaru's eyes widen a bit before settling, he smiles gently. Their hands interlace under the table.

"It's quite a nice time to be close, what with how cold it's been lately," Their server adds on casually. Both Subaru and Kamui fluster a bright pink at the comment. Mouths feeling dry and hearts pounding in their ears, it's not easy for either of them to form some retort.

Even without seeing their joined hands, it's understandably easy to see how things got misread. A fond smile graces the server's lips. "I'll give you a minute to look things over. Can I get you started on some drinks?"

Subaru turns to Kamui first.

"I-I'll have sparkling cherry water," He stumbles out, eyes focused on the menu ahead.

"Ah, right you can make that two," Subaru responds, raising two fingers. He squeezes Kamui's hand tightly. Worry settles into those eyes as he notices Kamui's reactions.

"I'll be right back with your drinks," She announces and turns cheerfully on her heel.

When she is out of earshot, Subaru leans in. He softly speaks, "Are you alright Kamui?"

The smaller male nods vigorously. He still can't quite look back up. The pink flush darkens wildly as he feels fingers under his chin and tilting his head up. Subaru's cheeks nearly mirror the heat in Kamui's own. Something eases between them at the mutual sight. Though it leads to more unanswered and brushed off questions for later.

"I'm alright, Subaru," Kamui answers, looking into tender worried eyes that melt him to the core. "I… Ah...I guess I maybe made people get the wrong idea-" He stutters and keeps averting his gaze, the hand under his chin doesn't let him turn too far off.

"What are you talking about?" Subaru blinks. His eyes lower further, glossy with deep concern.

"I mean…" Kamui starts, feels his stomach lurching. _Oh, God. Do I have to say this?_ "I-I was the one who k-kept - h-holding y-your h-hand like that…" He takes a quick breath, Why was it so hard to put this into words? Especially when the soft touches themselves came as naturally as breathing. He glances around the restaurant and whispers the latter. "Um... So it probably gives other people to think that we-we are…" Kamui can not finish, his voice turns softer and softer by the word. He stubbornly turns his head away.

Subaru gazes longingly over at the younger boy. His lips part as he processes the words. "I think I know what you're getting at," Subaru saves him from having to explain further. It fully clicks and he works on pushing the small smile down from his face.

"Does that bother you?" Subaru asks carefully.

Kamui looks up, eyes widening. "W-what?"

"Does it bother you if we're mistaken as being something _more_? because we are…" Subaru reiterates the question, searching for a word to describe them the best. Not wanting to push the other further. "Right now, quite _close."_

"I…" Kamui presses his lips tightly together. He makes a sound of frustration as he stays quiet looking down at his lap.

"I…" He takes a deep breath. "It's not like it's bothersome but… just all these looks are kinda embarrassing," Kamui admits, voice growing softer and softer. Subaru had to lean closer to catch the last words, which only darkened the flush on nervous cheeks.

"I see," Subaru says neutrally, there's a gentle smile on his lips. Tender dual-toned eyes glisten, holding Kamui's gaze, telling him no matter what he didn't mind. He looks down at their linked hands. "Do you want to… stop this for now?" He holds up their hands and slowly loosens the hold. Though leaves them close enough to return just as easily.

"No! " Kamui says quickly in distress. His lips tremble at the words. _Even if it can be embarrassing… It's not like I want things to change, so long as he's alright too._ He feels his hand go shaky and empty, at the lack of warmth. Kamui snatches Subaru's hand back

Subaru barely conceals a fond smile as his chest is throbbing painfully.

"I really don't… But I d-don't want it to seem uncomfortable for you-I just-I tend to do these things without thinking them through…" His voice comes out softly and a bit apologetic. "I don't want it to cause trouble for you," Kamui starts with a frown.

"It won't," Subaru assures quickly. In a smooth movement, Subaru grasps for one of the menus on the table and tugs Kamui up against him by the shoulders. He opens it before them and holds it before their close faces.

"I don't mind at all," Subaru professes sweetly. His eyes are overwhelmed with hot glows of love and his _need_ for Kamui.

Soft pale-pink lips press to Kamui's forehead, as they naturally did. "I _lik_ e being close to you," Subaru repeats an earlier confession of Kamui's.

"As long as you're alright, Kamui… I don't want to change _this_ ," He exudes the words amorously. His gaze meets with beautiful orbs of blue-violet and squeezes Kamui's hand for emphasis. He feels the heat below rising as he kisses Kamui's temples. "So as far as I'm concerned… Let them think as they like."

Kamui hesitates for a moment. He takes a quiet, but deep breath out. Something about the hand in his and the words make any eyes on him or words seem to fade.

"Okay, " Kamui finally agrees. Honestly, Kamui can't find a single part of him against staying this close to Subaru. They knew the truth, what was between them meant the world, beyond words. Even if it's a little embarrassing when others view that in quite a romantic tone… it wasn't something he wanted to change. Especially not for strangers.

Subaru gently lets down the menu hiding them away. Kamui keeps their hands locked, both are quite flushed, but something seems a bit more okay.

 _It doesn't bother him…_ Kamui ponders the words and feels deep relief. His lips creep up to a gentle curve. _Subaru is incredibly kind._

Kamui thinks over this. Subaru's reassuring words earn him another opportunity for Kamui to slide close to him and cuddle closer to his side.

The soft handholds and closeness wasn't something really drawing negative attention. At least it was like that in this area. Gazes certainly being more on the admiring side.

This was _nice._ Both males decide upon this. Violet-blue orbs are helpless to fall deeper into the abyss of gold and emerald. There's a tender smile exchanged between them.

Somehow the tenseness and pain from earlier this evening was melting.

The two had ordered a variety of different sushi. Subaru reassures him again and again that prices were _not an_ issue for Kamui to worry about, for him to get what he liked. A squeeze to Kamui's hand and the press of their foreheads starts. Subaru's expression is sweet but firm, his resolve not changing any time soon.

Reluctantly Kamui relents and ducks his head down as he orders. He's certain their server saw that little exchange. He mumbles out a few of his favorite sushi-rolls, and Subaru repeats them more audibly. Kamui can hear the amusement in his tone. He finds his affectionate protector to have a similar stubborn streak to his own. He can't find himself disliking the _firm_ side of the older man. This goes especially so when he acts this insistent only to spoil him. Kamui can't help but feel a bit _special_ beside Subaru.

"Beautiful…" Subaru calls absently, softly. Deep affectionate glow in darkening eyes. Kamui whips his head back up to meet a gentle gaze, soft-looking lips. He quickly shakes his head.

"What?" Kamui asks, a little weak. Subaru's eyes widened, as he's alerted to what he let slip out. In his defense, it was hardly fair for one person to look _that much_ like an angel when they smile.

"The display," Subaru lies quickly. He's quite certain neither believes him. His words sound more like an endearment and less of a trivial comment on decor. Still, Subaru vaguely waves towards their table, with beautiful flowers centered within, to further his point. There is some truth, seeing the floral arrangement, and matching patterns on their bowls of miso soup.

"Oh, y-yeah," Kamui swallows, taking a breath to calm his stuttering. "It is…"

They're back to a somewhat awkward atmosphere by the time their meal arrives. They looked down and away at each other. It certainly raises confusion from their server who saw them cuddled up moments ago.

"Thank you," Subaru is first to recover, seeing long plates upon the table, each with their own garnished sushi roll. Small sides of wasabi and ginger are neatly placed at the edge of each plate. The tempura rolls themselves are nicely displayed with drizzles of brown or orange sauces.

The aroma from the food brings the flustered male to turn back up. Kamui's stomach gurgles again, as he feels hungry for the _'beautiful'_ new display before them.

Subaru chuckles at this, leading Kamui to slightly pout. They turn towards each other and laugh softly. Tension trickles away as they enjoy the rest of the meal.

* * *

Leaving the restaurant alerts Kamui to how cold it actually has gotten since they arrived. He feels it even through his jacket. He isn't one to press the issue, but the shivers, and rubbing at his arms becomes a dead giveaway. Subaru smiles softly and shrugs off his long coat. Soon enough Kamui feels a weight draped on his shoulders.

Kamui blinks several times. He looks up to see a tender expression that makes his knees buckle. The warm coat is guided to wrap und Kamui further. Kamui shyly takes it in his hands.

Subaru relishes in the way of the admiring looks of others around them, towards Kamui either stopped or turned sour. There was a bit of a rush knowing others saw the beautiful male was quite cared for.

"Thank you," Kamui expresses, looking down a bit. Bright violet eyes linger over their hands being laced together again. "But won't you be cold?" He looks up with shivering eyes.

Subaru shakes his head fondly. He feels his body heating up enough just at the sight of Kamui's slender form all wrapped up in _his_ coat.

It wasn't exactly the first time. He hopes it's far from the last.

"I'll be just fine," Subaru assures. He shrugs, wearing a long-sleeved turtleneck underneath anyway.

It helped that he wasn't quite as sensitive to the cold. Certainly mastering his own spiritual powers came with balancing his own thermoregulation. Enough to be more than just fine to give his coat for Kamui at any given time. Or _anything_ for Kamui, honestly.

Kamui nods at this bites his lip in the same way he always has. The nervous habit only serves to build up heat within the protective man.

The hand within Kamui's own is squeezed tightly. It's released causing the younger to frown and ponder protesting.

"Subaru?" He gasps before easing into the feeling of a familiar arm surrounding his waist. Subaru hugs him close to his side, soft warmth and silence exchanged for the short distance back home.

* * *

_April_

Snow melts away to make for beautiful spring flowers. That went even outside the CLAMP school.

It seems a surprising number of students shared a birthday on the 1st. Syaoran and Sakura were a pair that shared that same day. Shy love-filled smiles exchanged as they sat beside each other in class.

Kamui briefly saw the two in his classes. While he had hardly spoken to either of them, there was certainly something about the lovestruck students that made them shine. His late mother's words ring in his ears. ' _Those who are in love often have a certain glow...making them shine brighter than ever before.'_ She had said though he never once saw said glow the few times she interacted with, and he saw his father.

Aside from the class couple, though Kamui knew quite a few students and seniors sharing the same birthday. Some of them clearly skipped out of classes, indicated by several empty desks in Kamui's English class. For the most part, students were quite studious and punctual, talking amongst their friends.

His home-ed class had a surprise planned for Kimihiro Watanuki, one who came on occasion as an assist, their instructor. The student was easy enough to talk with and certainly helped Kamui and Yuzuriha both with more complex recipes learned. It only seemed right that they'd present him with a personalized birthday cake and a few other treats for his birthday.

So there was excitement even for birthdays at this school. CLAMP academy seemed to love to celebrate just about everything.

Kamui ponders. With his birthday being in the summer, he never had to think about school then. Though it wasn't like he was exactly an honor student beforehand.

This Birthday… Maybe, will be quite memorable. He had friends who genuinely cared for him. He had his incredibly warm and kind housemate, who promised to keep the day free for him. Something no one had done before, usually not even noticing his birthday at all. The pressure of his destiny outweighed any simple celebrations.

Kamui looked outside the window, his chin resting on his palm. His eyes became entranced by the beautiful grassy and blossoming gardens. Something he enjoys seeing both on and now off-campus. Blossoming plants and flowering trees around his and Subaru's home, it's nice.

The weather is warming up, sunlight breaks through to the window. Something about this season brings out a feeling of hope.

* * *

"Pleaaaase!?" A shrill cry emerged. Kamui had to cover his ears with his hands.

The introvert amongst his two boisterous friends left him fatigued. He sighed, gripping tightly to the small gaming controller in his hands.

"No," Kamui deadpanned.

"But why not?!" Yuzuriha stood up firmly, jostling her precious dog. Though only two of the room's occupants can see it.

"You know why," Kamui put out simply.

Keiichi had been sitting on the couch, feeling he was made into a mediator. One could hardly tell from the current conversation the two teens were responsible for the world and humanity's future.

His ever cheerful smile was present but he could feel some unease. His lips pursed tightly as he clasped a hand on his friend's shoulder.

"I would like to see your home as well Kamui," Keiichi started softly, there's a tinge of sadness behind it. "If it's alright," He finishes a bit sadly.

Kamui feels a pang in his chest, guilt seeping in. His friend has been kind enough to invite him to meet his mom, for what may have been the final time either saw her.

"It's not like you both can't come over," Kamui starts hesitantly. He ducks his head down and avoids the overly enthused gleam in his friends' eyes, Yuzuriha more so than the other. A feline grin spread over the girl's face. "Just… it doesn't have to be while Subaru's back," Kamui names his condition.

To no surprise, both of his friend's earlier faces fell. Kamui avoided the puppy-dog eyes from Yuzuriha.

She huffed, her eyebrows scrunching up, and placed her hands on her hips.

"And why not? Subaru's my friend too!" She protests, leaving their mutual friend to wave his hands between them. He looks back to the screen, the kart-racing game put on pause for quite some time.

"You have ulterior motives," Kamui argued sternly.

"Ah!" Yuzuriha huffs. The short-haired girl holds a hand to her chest in mock offense. Her arms folded under her chest before falling back into her seat. "I do not! Why can't I see my two friends?! After all, we all were involved in-"

Kamui makes a cutting motion with his hand before his neck. Yuzuriha quickly stops herself, turning to look at the perplexing brunette, oblivious to what really tied his friends together in the first place. If possible it would be kept that way.

"Well, we are all friends!" She argues once more. Kamui looks sympathetically at Inuki, attempting to snuggle up to his owner who can't keep still for the life of her.

"I would like to see him again too," Keiichi chirps in thoughtfully. "It's been some time, and I am curious to see what your home looks like." He mentions gently. "And I won't ask him anything personal. I know how much you care for each other and need privacy."

Kamui flushes a deep shade of pink. The words were comforting on one hand. Yet, on the other hand, it just made the already blurry relationship even more so frustrating.

Still, it was hard to argue with sincerity like that. His friends were genuinely kind even if they were a bit _too_ _insistent_ on certain topics.

"Maybe… "

"Yay!" An exclamation comes from the starry-eyed girl beside him.

Kamui glares her way, not at all surprised by her words.

"Now we can see your _love nest~"_ She teased, leaving a mortified Kamui. It doesn't help matters when he only reddens, feels so much heat from the words and implications.

_Which shouldn't even be a thought!_

"A definite maybe in your case," Kamui mumbles under his breath. Grasping for his friend's controller and pressing the + symbol, starting up the race a bit early and leading his two friends behind him.

"Hey! That's not fair!"

* * *

"So… That's it…my friends were very insistent! They really wanted to come over and watch a movie or something…" Kamui grumbles out glaring down at the table in front of him as though it caused the problem. "Again! It was Yuzuriha's idea!"

"Is that so?" Subaru laughs softly. He reaches his hand across the table, brushes his fingers over Kamui's clenched hand.

"But uh…" Kamui hurriedly adds in and keeps his gaze down. Thankfully not noticing dual-hued eyes glossing over and all but devouring his flustered face. "Of course, if it doesn't work out I understand. Whether it's the time or…" He mumbles the last part. "In general…it's okay. " He tries not to look too hopeful, eyes on the dinner plate below.

_Maybe, Subaru will be against it. Or have to work all day anyway._

Kamui's fingers fumble with the edge of the tablecloth. He shyly pulls his hand back to his lap, missing the pout on the other's lips.

"I don't see a problem with it," Subaru says simply. He twirls his fork into pasta and presses it to his lips. He lingers on the taste staring longingly at Kamui.

"You don't?" Kamui says a bit anxiously. He presses his lips together, unknowingly licking at the seam.

"Not at all, they're your friends," Subaru ads with assurance. Not mentioning the tiniest tinge of envy said friends got to spend more time with his beloved lately than he did.

Kamui had good friends that cared dearly for him. That was what had mattered.

"Besides it is your home as well," Subaru mentions warmly.

"I know…" _Our home…_ Kamui finally looks up, meeting tender gold and emerald eyes.

"Then feel free to have them over," Subaru says. One of his hands moves under the table clenching slightly. He wouldn't have Kamui alone to himself for their movie night, cuddling close on their couch. Though he notes to plan one soon.

"O… Kay," Kamui says reluctantly.

"So is there a day you have in mind?" He asks, generally curious.

"Um… on Friday after school," Kamui mutters. "But if that day isn't good I-"

"It's fine, _Kamui_ ," Subaru says smoothly, despite his racing heart as he reaches for the other's slender hand and links them together. "I will be working a little bit late…" He expresses.

"That's alright, " Kamui ducks his head down and hides the relief in his eyes.

"But I should be back around 8," He finishes, leaving Kamui's eyes wide open distraught.

"Ok… They both did want to see you again…." He says meekly, finding it way too hard to focus, what with Subaru's thumb moving to caress the top of his hand. The older male debates kissing Kamui's hand or not. Something about the feeling of their hands linked always comes off so right.

While not a first time thing, he couldn't guarantee it wouldn't make him more obvious than usual. And it likely would just make him start craving more and more of Kamui.

"Then it's settled," Subaru says amicably, he settles his thoughts squeezing the other's hand tightly. Their hands stay clasped for a few moments.

"Okay, well we should probably finish your dinner… Before it gets cold I mean…" Kamui professes clearly embarrassed, gently unclasping their hands.

Subaru is rewarded with a deeper more beautiful blush as he smiles tenderly towards his heart's unknowing keeper.

* * *

_Movie Night_

The sound of the doorbell sends Kamui's mind into a frenzy. Looking up at the clock on the far wall, it's around 6. Definitely too early for his housemate, so that was still on schedule. Then the sounds of idle chatter and laughter outside his door gives it away.

Kamui's eyes rose to see a very luxurious looking car pulling out of the driveway. Yuzuriha caught the look and proceeded to explain.

"When the Director heard I was going off-campus tonight he booked a personal driver for me," Yuzuriha explained simply enough, her eyes sparkling. "They even had a TV in the back and desserts and drinks…." She trails off.

Kamui shook his head a bit. Well, it seemed Nokoru was ever chivalrous and indeed had a soft spot for truly every female on campus. Though Keiichi came along as well, so it seemed like it ended up working for both of them.

"I was fortunate enough to be around at the time to come along," Keiichi confirms his involvement.

"That's good then," Kamui turns to the short-haired girl. He briefly glances at the colorful cat-themed backpack. One that assumed to be holding her gaming console and maybe movies as well. It certainly seemed new but very fitting for his friend.

Kamui looked down fondly at the spirit-dog beside his friend. He always seemed so protective, and naturally in sync with whatever his energetic owner and friend were up to. He stops halfway leaning down to go and pet Inuki. The gray wolf-like dog decides to cuddle up to his owner's legs.

It seems those chosen for the promised year were still the only ones who could see him.

"Your home _with Subaru_ is so beautiful!" Yuzuriha complimented, her eyes glossy and starry.

Kamui huffed, catching the added words easily enough.

Thankfully, their mutual friend went on as a mediator. "Thank you for letting us come over Kamui," He expresses to his friend.

"Right! So let us in already!" Yuzuriha doesn't seem to savor the moment. But Kamui can tell she's only teasing as she steps over the threshold.

Keiichi quickly shuffles out of his shoes and places them neatly by the door.

The cheerful girl plops down to sit, taking her time to unzip and untie short white boots. It seemed to match well enough with the brightly colored skirt and flowery blouse.

Kamui is reminded it is Friday as he looks at them both in more casual wear. He himself had barely remembered the change out of his uniform moments ago.

"Subaru isn't here yet?" Yuzuriha stands back up, loosely places her shoes down beside the other pairs.

Kamui isn't sure whether he sighs in relief or disappointment.

"No, he's working later today," Kamui explains stepping to the side and letting his friends look around the expansive living room. One that he hadn't gotten to spend more than five minutes in this morning with his precious housemate

"Aw, that sucks! You must really miss him then!" She exclaims a bit dramatically. Yet they all know Kamui can't deny it for the life of him.

"Well, yeah…" Kamui admits abashedly. He shakes it off quickly. "But I get it, and he'll be back around 8 or so…" And it was helpful and _kind of cute_ , to Kamui how his protective housemate texted him regularly throughout the day. He felt his cheeks heat up, recalling several sweet messages complimenting Kamui for how hard he worked at school. Sometimes he'd go on about how sweet Kamui was to him, and how wonderful the lunch Kamui made for him had been.

"That's good then. I'm really happy you both have each other," Keiichi smiles earnestly. Kamii can tell there's something else meant to be added after. Though it's hard to act neutrally when he knows his friend well enough and their antics. The brunette beside him stays quiet for a moment before redirecting towards the TV.

"So should we set up? I brought over a new fighting game I got last week!"

"That sounds good," Kamui says softly. He eyes the kitchen in the corner, he vaguely gestures towards it, his friends hooking up the cables for the console. "It's pretty simple. I did put in a pizza a few minutes ago," He mentions.

"Oh, thank you!" Keiichi chirps up, looking a bit hungry as he looks back at the kitchen. One which until now Kamui had prepared meals for just himself and Subaru. Though there was something nice about doing so with friends as well.

"We brought a lot of popcorn and candy for movie night!" Yuzuriha chimes in pulling out various treats from her colorful cat devoted backpack.

"We have some here too! Although with you we might need to combine," He jeers towards his friend. Knowing her love for sweets and various snacks.

She stuck her tongue out childishly, before mock glaring at her friend. They looked towards each other with stern expressions. Quickly enough it ended with them breaking into laughter.

His friend went towards the console, clicking off the small controllers on its side. She gave two of the controllers to her friends and had the player 1 controller for herself.

Kamui sighed as he went to sit back on the sofa. A little fondly, a little sadly he remembered playing games with Kotori and Fuuma. How smaller versions of himself and Kotori used to always pair off to work on a team. Sure enough, Fuuma would tug Kamui's hand, smiling so warmly. _"I want Kamui as well,"_ he would insist, leading his sister to pout.

Looking back now it should have been more obvious. It wasn't just Kotori who felt that strongly. Kamui can almost see as he'd be tugged to rest his back to the other's chest. Small thin legs were essentially straddling Fuuma's lap. Nothing was considered off. That closeness felt _right..._ The older boy would hold his hands over Kamui. All to 'teach' Kamui new combos, certainly not just to hold his hands. Kamui never once questioned it.

His friends took their seats beside Kamui. He was brought back present seeing a hand wave in front of his face.

"Are you alright Kamui?" Both friends call out to him when he finally comes back down to earth.

"I… Yeah, I guess I zoned out a bit there," He ducks his head down and mumbles an apology.

"It's not a problem, just don't feel you need to keep things inside, I'm happy to listen," Keiichi offers, kindly gently squeezing Kamui's hand. The latter was made to realize once more how different such a simple touch felt affected him. All of which depended on who that person was.

"Same with me! I really don't like seeing you so sad like this," Yuzuriha admits, lips curling down, unusual to her. _That's probably why I like seeing you with Subaru. You smile so much when you talk about him_. She thinks softly.

Her spirit dog whines softly, seeing his owner quite deflated, he rests his muzzle on her knee. Occasionally, he nuzzles until he feels his human's hands petting him with reassurance.

"Thanks…" Kamui mentions softly. He grasps to hold his controller better in his hands. "I'll be alright." he expresses lips turning to a smirk. "Especially after I win this round!" He mentions beginning to scroll through the selection screen of fighters.

* * *

The evening went over quite well. Surprisingly, Subaru hadn't come up as often as he predicted, though there were a few teasing words that were exchanged. Kamui knew he'd' been caught smiling dreamily at the incoming messages on his phone.

Still, it was nice, and the homemade pizza came out as planned and learned in Although Kamui did feel a tightness in his chest when he finally heard the key turning in the lock.

Yuzuriha grinned at him with a Cheshire-cat smile which had become her own signature look. At least it was so when she had a mischievous us glint in her eyes.

"Your _boyfriends_ home," She teasingly whispers to Kamui.

"He's not!" Kamui hisses in protest, eyes turning to an icy glare. It can't last when the feeling of his protector near melts him. He flushes red, quite mortified at the thought of his housemate overhearing. Still, though, Kamui is already on his feet again and heading towards the door. Keiichi looks towards Kamui with a sympathetic smile.

Kamui looks back quickly. "Don't even think about saying that around Subaru!" He warns with an icy glare. Yuzuriha rolls her eyes, her friend was already right before the door to greet his housemate he supposedly held only platonic feelings towards.

"I'm not planning to, you can relax," She expresses, mocking offense, her arms folding under her chest. "You're more fun to tease on your own anyways~" the cheerful girl ends in a sing-song voice.

Though of course, Kamui isn't responsive. She snorts and Keiichi has to suppress his knowing smile.

Subaru can't hide how he beams, seeing the knob turn fully, like a puppy waiting for his owner to return. There is no hiding the way violet-blue eyes light up at the sight of a tired, slightly disheveled Subaru. Those same eyes soften seeing the older man suppress a yawn behind his hand.

"Kamui," Subaru greets him warmly, feels his stomach do flip flops at the soft violet-blue orbs brightening. Subaru quickly looks down at his watch then back to his most important one. "Ah, I guess I was back later than planned."

Kamui shakes his head. "I'm just glad you're back."

 _"I missed you,"_ Subaru hushes. His voice breathes the words, coming out soft and intimate for _only_ Kamui to hear. His hand gingerly brushes a few misplaced locks behind his ear. In a fluid movement that same hand brushes by and briefly holds to a heated cheek before retracting.

"I…" Kamui attempts to respond. Though he sees a beautifully amused smile on the other's lips before being pulled close. Kamui only yelps at how easily he moved in those protective arms. There's something extra protective in his embrace today.

"I'm home, _Kamui,"_ Subaru whispers into Kamui's reddening ear. He shivers in those arms being pulled tightly close. Both flush from the proximity alone and the way their eyes seem to always meet and fall into each other. As though they've known each other through countless lifetimes and worlds.

"Ahem." The sound of an awkward voice comes out, with throat clearing. Effectively popping the bubble the not (quite) boyfriends became lost in.

This time both Subaru and Kamui are equally flushing crimson. They part from the embrace awkwardly and look away from each other. Hearts race wildly, Kamui can't make out what's said after.

"S-sorry," Kamui expresses. The very shy student turns back to see his friends. Yuzuriha looked at him with mirth, he had been caught. Or what it would seem to her.

Keiichi looks sheepishly, a tad guilty for interrupting the little reunion. Although, it felt a little too private to be around.

"Ah, Nekoi. Segawa," Subaru slowly recovers, smiles and nods at each of their guests. A polite smile graces his lips. "It's good to see you both again." A hand is extended.

"Same here, it's been quite a while," Keiichi responds in kind. He takes the older man's hand and shakes it strongly.

Yuzuriha giggles. She gives the taller male a brief hug. "You don't need to be so formal. Just Yuzuriha," She insists firmly. Something about her ever bubbly tone and smile, makes Subaru think of a younger Hokuto.

"Right," Subaru trails off a bit awkwardly. Even if they were both Dragons of Heaven, Subaru couldn't say he found himself particularly close with anyone, save for Kamui, of course.

"Was work alright?" Kamui feels pressed to ask, seeing tired eyes avoiding his own. Though something darkens, pains at the question.

"It was…" Subaru pauses and stops himself. "I still have a bit of work to get done, but I should be out soon," He says vaguely. The reserved man excuses himself.

Kamui quickly runs up to him. He grabs onto Subaru's arm and holds it sweetly.

"Did you eat yet?" Kamui asks, looking to the gold and emerald eyes for truthful answers.

"I'll get to that after-"

"There is some homemade pizza left. But I can make something else if you want."

"It's alright, Kamui. I want you to have fun with your movie night. I will be out as soon as I finish a few reports for today."

"Alright," Kamui relents a bit and pouts slightly seeing Subaru walking back towards the stairs. "I'm going to come to get you if you're in there too long," Kamui assures.

Subaru reaches his hand out affectionately petting the boy's head. Subaru carefully glances down to see Kamui's friends watching them with interest. There's a moment of silence. Kamui steps up close to him.

The protective man smiles with adoration at the boy. Though those gold and emerald eyes are a bit red fatigued and hints at a bit of pain.

This was usually the moment where Subaru would close the distance. He does lean closer. And hugs Kamui tight looks at the younger male as though his entire world was right there within his arms.

Yet, soft lips don't press upon his temples nor the top of his head. He is squeezed tightly in the hug before being let go. A solemn line replaces the beautiful smile Subaru formed around him.

Something aches terribly in Kamui as they part. He watches the older man walk up the stairs, clearly, bothered by something from today.

It shouldn't bother him, yet Kamui is forced to admit something terrifying. He had grown quite accustomed to that affection. Kamui _wanted_ Subaru to kiss him as he usually did.

Those innocent kisses…

Even if the kisses were _only_ on the head or forehead. Even if they were _only_ displays of affection between close friends. Even if it was frustrating and embarrassing, he felt a longing. Those touches were special between them, and only them.

It felt _wrong_ to not have that closeness, for Subaru to maybe even shut him out? He could feel something a bit amiss.

 _Subaru I…_ Kamui's brain feels itself in disarray, he shudders. Still, he couldn't deal with this right now. If Subaru needed time to work and unwind that was alright. Plus it wouldn't be fair to his friends. He sighs and attempts to force all of this down.

Kamui finally turned around. He walked over towards the couch in a bit of a daze.

Both of his friends turned towards him with sympathy.

"You okay?" Keiichi's eyes are glistening with distress.

"Kamui if you need to you can-" Yuzuriha starts.

"No, I'm fine!" He attempts to shake the look of misery on his lips and forces a half-smile. "I'll go make some popcorn," Kamui hurriedly excuses and rushes into the kitchen. He had to compose himself and going to Subaru right now might bring those same thoughts to the surface.

* * *

"Ugh, just go see him already!" Yuzuriha exclaims with frustration.

"It's fine," Kamui lies horribly, voice dripping with sadness. "I want to have our movie night and he said he will be out."

"If you say so…"

Keiichi sitting beside him on the couch clasps a hand on his shoulder. "You're important to him, whatever is wrong I'm sure you'll be the first one to open up to."

"Thank you," Kamui professes and whispers an inaudible _"I hope so."_ He can feel the warmth in his friend's voice and confidence.

"I-I might check on him in a few minutes though" Kamui does finish off, worries taking over.

"If nothing else, to bring him some food to eat. It's not good for him to skip meals." Kamui says to himself, a bit absently. Realization dawns he let his thoughts slip out. He finds his cheeks would be burning for the majority of the night.

"Fair enough," Yuzuriha settles and presses down on the remote, starting up the anime film. Emotional music starts playing on the TV. Which only escalates Kamui's brooding

It didn't help that the movie featured a BL romance, _and_ the main actor looked a tiny bit like Subaru.

 _Though Subaru is much more…_ Kamui curses his own thoughts, the way he feels his cheeks aching from smiling like this. Yet, he can't seem to suppress the lingering thought. _Beautiful._

The brooding male sighed for the nth time that evening. After, few moments of emotional dialogue the very much so established movie couple were, cuddling in bed. He feels himself burning even up to his ears. It is not like it had to be exclusive to couples.

Though the way they held each other was quite commonplace for Kamui and his bedmate.

His mind couldn't stop drifting to that first night Subaru brought him home. How painful that day was, how much of a mess he had been. So broken and ready to just give up.

Yet… once more he was brought back. Subaru held him so tightly that night. And countless nights to follow. Nothing about it felt anything but natural…Still, he shouldn't be going down this road. He can't! It's not like his heart had even been put back together.

Finally, Kamui stands up. "I'll be right back."

"Have fun with _your_ Subaru~" Yuzuriha teases. Kamui rolls his eyes, his face not cooling off from his earlier thoughts.

The flustered male is quick to grab a plate. He heats the homemade pizza in the microwave and adds some fruits and carrots on the side for some balance. With his line of work. Subaru needed all the nourishment he could get. Maybe Subaru was just overwhelmed with work, but still, there was something. He feels it.

Kamui heads up the stairs, hoping for the best.

The worried boy walks up the staircase quickly. He knocks a few times on the door beside the shared bedroom.

"Subaru?"

"You can come in," Subaru calls for him, feeling the other's presence instantly.

Kamui hesitantly turns the knob, closing the door behind him. "Subaru?"

To his dismay, Subaru's eyes are on the computer screen ahead of him.

"I brought you dinner," Kamui tells him gently. He walks over and places the plate on the computer desk. "It's not good to skip. It… makes me worry."

"I'm sorry…" Subaru expresses sincerely yet entirely exhausted. He leans back and starts rubbing at his temple with his index finger and thumb.

Subaru doesn't stand up though and closes the distance. When he looks over to Kamui he weakly smiles, looking a bit pained at whatever he had been working on. He doesn't tug Kamui until they flushed together, and doesn't place innocent kisses on the shorter boys' temples. His eyes keep shifting to the now silent keyboard.

"I will be fine though," Subaru says unusually distant, his mind drifting. He doesn't respond until Kamui brushes a hand upon his cheeks. Finally, Subaru turns back, there's a depth of sorrow within those eyes.

"I know you're not when I asked about work earlier you just.." Kamui goes off on this and sees the older man wince again. Kamui holds a comforting smile on his lips, violet-blue orbs brighten. "You can talk to me…"

Subaru only shakes his head.

"I'll be down in ten minutes-you should go have fun with your friends."

"I can't when I'm worried about you!" Kamui's eyes start burning up. His hands are shaking. He only realizes now how his frustration with this just leaked.

"Please, Kamui... You don't need to."

"But, Subaru!"

There it went again.

" _Please…_ I just need a few more moments, then I'll take a break, _"_ Subaru turns back towards the screen before him. Subaru's words come out so broken, soft, and fragile. Kamui feels his heart crack.

Kamui stops arguing, his lips curl down. Glistening violet-blue eyes are shaky and pained. He feels Subaru placing his hand on top of his own.

"Just a few moments?"

"I promise," Subaru nods, squeezing the hand on his own before letting it down gently.

"I… if that's what you want then," Kamui reluctantly turns to leave with crestfallen lips. He makes it to the door. It was up to Subaru what he wanted to do and say. Still, not being able to do more..actually hurt.

Kamui turns back once more to Subaru, forcing a half-smile. Though looking back once more they start to truly see each other in their eyes. The spark ignites and their eyes fall into each other. The thought of moving any further away becomes ludicrous.

Kamui's trembling eyes breakthrough Subaru, hurting him more than his earlier worries had been. That violet-blue he could spend a lifetime diving into, they were hurting. He was the one causing this hurt.

"Kamui?" He's a bit relieved to see Kamui waiting patiently by the threshold.

"Please…" Subaru beckons him with a wave of his hand. "Come here."

Kamui steps forward, hesitant, and complies. His cracking heart from earlier starts its own repair as those strong protective arms grab for him. Finally, holding Kamui again, he breathes out.

"I… It was a harder day at work than I expected," Subaru says. Not like there were easy days, but it couldn't help but get to him.

His client having to part with the one he loves most-unable to hear the pained words in return. His soulmate, now gone from this realm…

It genuinely hurt… tears and desperate cries… still ringing in his ears.

The fear of losing someone he loves again took over his current thoughts,

"You can talk to me…" Kamui assures him once more as he hugs the older male tightly back and kneels on either side of Subaru's legs. Arms wrap tightly around his protector's shoulders as they settle, neither can look away.

Kamui's light-weight settles so naturally on the older man's lap. Subaru hugs him warmly and leans his head down just a bit. It had been a long day with work. The tired onmyouji buries his face in Kamui's neck, feeling the full-body shiver against him. Thankfully for Kamui's embarrassment, he is not quite in the state of mind to look into it, just how sensitive Kamui's neck was.

They stay close together. Kamui brushes the taller male's hair with his fingers. Soothing lines and zig-zag run down the raven locks.

It's moments before he responds to Kamui's offer.

"I… I know, we can talk about it later," Subaru starts a bit shakily. Kamui links their hands tightly.

"I want to," Kamui insists, stubbornly. This side of Kamui brought out a laugh.

"But… After your friends get back home," Subaru reminds and squeezes the hand in his own.

"Oh!" Kamui blushes pink, again remembering his friends were very much downstairs. He was very much in Subaru's lap. This time by his own stubborn actions to keep his precious protector looking at him.

He scrambles off the other's lap, tries to force down the heat he feels in his stomach. Kamui hops off and extends his hand.

"Come with me? You could use a break right?" Kamui's voice is tender, violet eyes sparkling beautifully. There's no choice for Subaru to do anything but surrender.

Subaru does indeed take his hand, but only to pull it forward. He kisses the top of Kamui's hand languidly, nearly making Kamui stumble.

His mind brings up the image of a knight bowing his loyalty, protection, and in this case affection.

"Su-Subaru?" Kamui stutters, not calming nor able to look away from the gentle lips on his skin.

"Alright," Subaru says, despite pulling the one he loves intimately close in one more embrace before heading back down.

* * *

Pure amusement. That's the only way to describe the bright-eyed look of Kamui's friends as they saw the pair walking down the staircase.

Kamui kept his head down, knowing what those looks were about. Subaru seemed to have somewhat of an idea, but neither bothered to hide or unclasp their hands.

"You're back," Keiichi beamed, a bit brighter than usual. His smile settled to one more gentle, seeing Kamui and Subaru exchanging private little glances; their fingers entwined.

"Come over here! We even made a new bowl of popcorn!" Yuzuriha chimes in and waves her former seals over. And the array of boxed candies were sprayed out before where Yuzuriha sat.

Speaking of which. All too conveniently the sofa was perfectly open. Whereas the chairs on either side were occupied by his friend.

A pained grimace spread over the shy teen's lips. He takes Subaru's hand whilst down the stairs and leads him towards the couch.

There's an air of awkward silence as they sit down with matching flushed cheeks. There's a bit of muffled giggling and gazes right at them. Kamui grasps for the bowl of popcorn. He places it in a little space between himself and Subaru.

The older male takes the bowl between them and scoots a bit closer, as per usual. Yet somehow things felt more intense. Maybe it was their additional guests who already had the wrong idea. Kamui kept his gaze down and turned to the paused TV screen.

"What movie did you decide on?" Subaru asks curiously. Kamui sat back a bit more comfortably, lifting his legs upon and towards the side of the couch.

Thankfully, the question does shift the attention off of himself and his special person beside him.

"It's one of the new anime movies which came out! Called _Before the Sunrise._ Kinda like an action/fantasy," Yuzuriha explains and turns to Kamui, making sure he looks her in the eyes. "And a bit of a romance~"

Kamui debates his choice of friends at the moment. Or at least the invitation here.

"I ah… I can catch you up on the movie," Kamui says in a hushed tone and turns on his side slightly. He doesn't bother to look and see his quite satisfied friends watching him get closer to the person he cares deeply for.

Subaru hums in acceptance of the idea. His hand rests on Kamui's hip as Kamui shifts his sitting position and curls closer.

"Ah, b-but play the movie now. I've made you wait long enough," Kamui suggests with a slightly apologetic tone. Flustered, he looks away and keeps waving his hand forwards and towards the screen.

"Okay~" Yuzuriha chirps out, feeling quite satisfied with how the two were already so close. Lines blurring regarding exactly what was between them. Yet, her friends looked happy. She finally pressed the play button on the remote.

Kamui gently placed his hand beside Subaru's neck. He leaned in close, eyes fluttering, entrancing gold and emerald. The older male blushes beet red, only seeing Kamui nervously press closer. His lips part, seductive to the older man, and nervously to Kamui, before he licks them. The warm breath against his ear, makes Subaru nearly fall back on the couch and likely bring Kamui back with him.

"So basically…" Kamui whispers, summarizing the bare bones of the movie plot. It deemed his turn to become a flustered mess, as he attempted to skid away from talking about the sappy romance scenes. Ones he might have liked.

Dual-toned eyes followed his crush's lips especially honing in when a small tongue pushed put to lick them. Subaru took his word for how the story went. Kamui's red cheeks, and ears were a good indication he left some parts out. The sight never failed to leave a pool of heat simmering within.

Still, Subaru listened quietly and attentively. "I see…" He breathes out, and turns his head. So their noses are close enough to brush.

"Yeah… Well… ah," Kamui nervously swallows. "th-that's it for the most part," Kamui can't keep his eyes in one place, slowly pulls away. He bites at his lip, keeps his gaze towards the screen, only to redden further at the prolonged kiss scene.

The shy student would have to talk to his friend about this particular movie choice. The moment seemed to go on for ages on screen. He felt a strong gaze on him, the scene got a bit more intimate, making him brush his legs together, hoping no-one especially not the man beside his would see that.

Not bothering to look up, he misses the look on Subaru's usually calm face shift to one more heated, and untamed. Gold and emerald eyes darkened, cloud with desire. Subaru fought off the powerful urge to carry Kamui back upstairs and ravish him into sweet oblivion. _If_ they were alone _if_ Kamui was _his, If_ Kamui felt it too... _Gods,_ he knows he wouldn't stand a chance in heaven or hell resisting that urge.

Though to be fair the only person who wasn't flushing red by now was Yuzuriha herself who seemed enamored and starry-eyed than anything. She seemed to have a gift for indulging in others' relationships in fiction and around her. She only really flustered when talking about her own love.

When the scene did stop, Kamui's breath hitches. A hand clasps his shoulder and tugs him close. Subaru's smile is so incredibly tender, eyes soften lit up by the TV light. Kamui's violet orbs go incredibly soft, he bites inside his cheek and looks over to his sides. Seeing his friends actually watch the movie, he leans into the warmth with ease.

Occasionally, grasping for several kernels of popcorn, hoping the food keeps his mouth from saying something embarrassing.

Somewhere throughout the movie, Kamui's eyes blink tiredly. Violet-blue orbs glance blearily, into adoring emerald and gold. Long eyelashes flutter, enchanting. Slowly Kamui softly yawns and leans over, resting his head on Subaru's shoulder. He shivers a little There's a comforting arm curling around him protectively. The love-sick man grasps for a blanket and wraps it snugly around the sleepy male. The warmth is entirely too much to resist, Kamui drifts off to sleep.

Subaru rests his head to the side of Kamui's own. An irresistible sleep spell takes over, as it did with an atmosphere this affectionate, warm. When Kamui starts nuzzling his neck, that does it for him. His heart feels wonderfully full.

Absently they fall into slumber together, waking only at the sound of a particularly loud battle scene. The pair sits up abruptly, Kamui nearly bumping his head on the taller male's chin.

Heated cheeks burn painfully. Crimson expressions take over beautiful features. Unintentionally, lip biting and licking, assures Subaru he will need a smoke break very soon. At least if he wants to keep his sanity.

Kamui feels entirely overheated, shrugs the blanket off, though the main source of heat is clouding his senses, judgment. He sees his friend's head whip to the screen.

It becomes a difficult task, looking the other in the eyes. Especially at the knowledge, they'd been caught just now. The younger of the two sinks into the couch, cocooning himself in the previously shrugged blanket. Subaru gently pets Kamui's head and keeps his focus on the seemingly never-ending movie.

Poor Kamui can't manage to look up. Not for more than a few seconds, even after it's time for his friends to go. The credits roll, and a knock is at the door.

"Aw, looks like it's time to get back on campus~," Yuzuriha says looking down at her watch and seeing the estimated time she gave.

"Bye, Kamui. Thank you again for letting us come over," Keiichi speaks the sentiment equally to his classmate and his senior.

"It's not a problem," Kamui answers, awkwardly. He hugs and waves his friends goodbye, watches as they get into their personal driver's car.

"I'll see you Monday! Have a good night you two!~" Yuzuriha chimes out through a rolled-down window. The car takes off. Subaru tugs Kamui back a bit by the hand.

Knees are wobbling. Kamui nearly stumbles back but is caught by the warm body behind him. Familiar arms wrap around his waist from behind, Kamui forces down an embarrassing physical reaction to his already flustered and overly hormonal body. One that had been acting up like crazy as of late.

Thankfully for Kamui's sake and pride, the other doesn't take notice. Somewhere along the way, a door closes behind him and Kamui is pulled into a much tighter embrace than he'd been in all night. Kamui does his best to at least keep his hips back. At least he could keep his hormones in check from embarrassing himself further. Lips flutter all across Kamui'ss forehead. They linger before slowly parting.

" _Subaru…_ " Kamui calls for the other. Wishes, his tone didn't come out so weak, needy.

A yawn escapes his lips before Subaru responds. Softly chuckling, Subaru squeezes Kamui snuggly against him. "We should get to sleep," He advises, attempting to reason that he _didn't_ just feel that reaction from Kamui up against. He bites back a groan.

The reactive male is quick to start parting, hands pressing firmly on the older man's chest. Slowly they part, enough for Kamui to turn around and try, and hurry up the stairs, or maybe better to go to the shower first.

Tonight just couldn't get more embarrassing. This is all without realizing his friend snapped a picture of himself and Subaru sleeping snuggly together on the couch.

Though fate proves him wrong. His knees buckle making him stumble forward a few steps. All too easily, Subaru's arms are under his legs and back, scooping him up bridal style. Kamui practically squeaks out a yelp at the quick movement. His lips form a soft pout, mind dizzying.

"It's alright. I just was a little dizzy I can walk besides I'm sure you have to…"

Subaru doesn't comment but the soft bout of laughter stops Kamui, gives away to his delight and fondness in all of this. Kamui's far too entranced to finish whatever he was going on about. Subaru heads up the stairs, leaving the boy in his arms with an overheated face and hammering chest.

Kamui closes his eyes. The image of a sand-timer pouring out is front and center of his mind, moving faster alongside his fluttering heart. It was only a matter of time...

_End_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hope you had fun writing my self-indulgent fluff and angst happy 2021. Things keep bordering on the romantic side for these two. And of course, my chapters end up way longer than planned but And feelings become quite difficult to brush off. Stay tuned for the next chapter.


	8. Jonquille

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Kamui starts coming to terms with feelings he's been dancing around the past few months. Spring is in full bloom, love is in the air! Emotions are more chaotic than usual for Kamui and Subaru. Kamui comes to find his dreams shifting from the mix of love and pain/pleasure he's come to associate with Fuuma. Fantasies begin to change, much to Kamui's embarrassment. With the way things have been going, Kamui seeks some different perspectives on what might be coming over him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: This chapter/ Spring event is gonna be broken up into two parts(kinda like I did with the February chapters) because I ended up having a lot of ideas all at once and it all came out longer than planned. So the first part of this is here, and I plan on the second half being up for/by Valentine's day so it will be soon!
> 
> ((Warning: There' bit more of a mature content wet-dream/fantasies in this chapter. And a bit of dubious-con amongst some of the dreams/fantasies. Nothing overboard but essentially what you'd see with the darker version of Fuuma or-Kamui Fuuma (suggestive touches, pinning Kamui to some surface- etc etc.) But it's short-lived))

**Ambrosia 8: Jonquille**

_May_

Spring was in full bloom. This beautiful season could brighten almost anyone's day. This goes especially with their over-the-top CLAMP school campus. Despite being Spring year-round, there was something even more colorful and lively about the season's natural timing. Trees flowered and plants bloomed gleamed beautifully in the sunlight.

Unfortunately, Kamui was not in the headspace to stay in the here and now. He found it hard to skip out on his morning routine. It didn't feel right otherwise. Leaving earlier for school than usual, if for nothing else out of guilt, he'd return to that place.

It didn't _feel_ right to start the day without going to visit the resting place of the two he had loved most in the world.

_Loved._

That single word burned greatly.

Kamui curled in on himself, knees rising to his chest as he sat under that same tree Kotori seemed to love. The little birds, singing and chirping freely, were fitting.

Her brother's resting place, close by, amongst the field of carnations.

 _All I wanted was for the Monou family to have some happiness… But I..._ Kamui breathes an elongated sigh. _I couldn't save one…_

Beautiful violet-blue eyes overwhelm with emotion, tearing up. They're quickly hidden. Kamui buries them against his knees, balling himself up.

Those who die could never come back, not even if you wished it. Not even if you were the _true_ _Kamui,_ could you make that change. A cool breeze blows over, as the torn-up student ponders fate. Ponders the possibility of an afterlife.

Surely if so, Kotori, so pure, kind-hearted, would go to heaven or whatever equivalent lies beyond. Fuuma would deserve the same as far as Kamui considers it. The real Fuuma before being taken over by the Kamui of earth had been so incredibly kind, so protective of him. His two incredibly precious people.

 _I wanted to protect the world they both lived in, they cherished. But I guess fate decided they couldn't be in that same world._ Kamui chides to himself bitterly. Crestfallen lips fell far south.

Maybe this was self-deprivation… But something always tugged at his heartstrings, made him walk back to his particular spot. It was perhaps the last sense of connection, visiting this spot.

_Do I even deserve to try for happiness?_

Kamui couldn't fulfill his wish, well not to the way he wanted it. Moments of seeing the man he fell hard for, replayed countless times in his head. Drops of hot emotion trail down Kamui's legs, clear stains fall on his uniform.

_I love…_

_I_ _loved_ _you both so much…_

Supposedly, it's what he should say to the departed. Yet, it was impossible not to love and cherish his two childhood friends. Their memory, everything they were that made him who he was, that couldn't fade, no matter the time.

His fingers dig into the grass below, feeling the cool dirt against his fingertips, uncaring for the mess. Reality comes crashing in again. They were always there right in his heart, he could feel it. Yet, they were no longer beside him.

Kamui's strong emotions overwhelmed him. He can feel the slow break of his heart cracking. Brutal images of his first and second love flash before his mind.

As the pain overwhelms, Kamui starts to break down. His nose and eyes become watery. His breath becomes so labored,

_I will always love them._

Kamui is sure of that, until his dying day. But being _in love_ , could he spend his life without feeling that intense emotion again, that drive?

_But...I'm not a good person._

Kamui ridicules himself, he scrapes his fingernails up and down his legs. He had so much love and care already. How could he consider wanting? Tears fall harshly before he begins sobbing wildly and without restraint. All alone his tears cascade, to this particular pain. Everything just became a mess, his mind, hormones, and racing heartbeat.

 _Those_ _dreams_ …

Images of the ones he loved would never truly stop haunting him. They could become more infrequent. He carried that pain with him, always would. Even if he couldn't control what happened, guilt seeped in, he hadn't been able to change all of the fate.

The dreams were painful, bizarre. A mix of agony and pain would plague his mind. Sometimes those dreams took a more intimate turn.

Kamii could excuse himself for the dreams about Fuuma, as it tied to his deep love. Even if the erotic dreams twisted between touches by _his_ Fuuma and the Kamui-Fuuma it was still technically of himself and his lost second love. They were _in love_ without realizing the other felt just as strongly.

Dreams were the only place he could escape for that. Even if it pained him as he woke, he still kept them close. Pretending to feel his love, kept him from breaking down all over again. For a while, those dreams had been rather consistent.

Now though...Kamui's cheeks burn up against his knees. He sniffles, holding a few drops of emotion from falling down his face. Although it came crashing down again. A mix of guilt and overwhelming embarrassment took place.

Those more heated dreams were entirely shifting as of late. It became a blurry mess of unknown and painfully strong desire. Even his dreams now wouldn't allow him to be loved by and see the face of his lost beloved.

Though the sensations still returned. Dreams shifting between cold-sadistic touches of Earth's Kamui and loving caresses from _his_ Fuuma were becoming vague.

Soon enough the one loving on his shifts. A recurring image of a blurred figure appeared hovering over him, making love to him. He cursed his heart for racing, waking up from those dreams. It wasn't like him to fall into lust without deep emotional attachment.

Maybe dreams could just be dreams. Still, it was frustrating. He'd never wanted to be loved on, and touched by someone unfamiliar. So why would he now? His dreams must have some other meaning to them. Were his hormones really so chaotic?

Images of phantom hands and kisses, from a gentle-hearted man, filled his dreams. Obscure facial features he can't yet make out ravished his dreams countless nights. His heart would race wildly, his body wholly reacts. The touches in his dream were like no other he's felt before, one so gentle, patient, and a bit more passionate when needed…

Kamui's face heats up, realizing what he had been dwelling on. It doesn't make sense, everything in disarray. Were his hormones even more out of control than usual?

Yet, still, those touches in his dream would linger. Even after waking up, it felt like he was burning. It was hard to get out of his mind. He could feel hands and lips worshipping his body becoming _passionate_ and devoted. It's enough to make Kamui have to rush out of bed, in the morning, before his bedmate sees his lewd state.

Kamui can't bother to look up. He buries his tear-stained and flushed cheeks into his legs.

Uncertain how much time passes, but enough for Kamui to jolt back at the sound of his phone buzzing.

Kamui has to take a breath to compose himself. He looks up at his phone, feels impossibly torn. His lips curl up into a soft sweet smile seeing the message and name on the screen.

_I'm sorry I missed you this morning. Take care Kamui._

Kamui shakes his head. Feeling a small layer of his pain shedding off slowly. His tears flow alongside with his softening lips, touching them absently.

_"Subaru…"_

Kamui calls for him fondly. His fingers play with the blades of grass at his feet. Foolishly, his lips curve up. They shouldn't but even here...somehow his kind-hearted protector makes him feel more at ease.

Kamui recounts, he did leave a note for the older man before he left. Subaru barely got home an hour before Kamui had to leave for school. Subaru felt bad for actually sleeping? How could one person be so hard on themselves yet so incredibly kind to others? Despite all the tragedy and loss. Kamui almost couldn't believe someone like Subaru existed.

That someone like him cared so much for him was another story altogether.

They had been strangers… And their first meeting Subaru risked his life entering his torrid consciousness.

When he lost his first love, those warm arms held Kamui tightly, protecting him as though to shield him from the cruelty of fate. The feeling of a warm body resting on his own felt so natural. So right it was terrifying.

Kamui wasn't alone. His friends, fellow Dragons of Heaven had and still deeply care for him. Yet, there was nothing like the connection he shared with his protector.

For the loss of his first love and more recently second love…

_Subaru was…_

He was somehow always there.

_Why did he come back then? He promised to tell me one day but…_

Kamui shakes his head. He had to clutch to his chest, fearing the throbbing organ in his chest might overwhelm.

Kamui's eyes fluttered closed. Violet orbs winced at the painful and still raw memories. Though he felt himself breathe, remembering the patient man beside him.

Subaru had been holding him close. Those arms were sheltering him. That voice kept soothing him, that heartbeat staying steady, proof he wouldn't have to carry on all alone. With just as much if not more intimacy than the last time, he was saved by his gentle protector.

And that very first night… Being held, allowing himself to be held again after so long… He felt himself finally breathe. Countless nights cuddled up, being held like he was something irreplaceable overwhelmed Kamui's senses. It became near impossible to not crave that touch.

All those soft caresses, innocent kisses, and protective embraces fluttered through Kamui's mind. He held every memory fondly, locked away safely in his heart. Maybe he should take Subaru's offer on coming with him to this site.

Features form recalling the recent feeling of Subaru holding him close. Kamui feels warmth spread from his neck up. They'd gotten closer over the new year.

Kamui reddens further, imagining himself moving along with Subaru, following his lead as they danced that moonlit night. Something Kamui never thought he would care for. Hell, before coming to Tokyo he would have eagerly mocked the notion of going to an event like that.

It was nice with friends. He didn't really care for dancing too much until they did that together. Something just fit, flowed. Those days just beside his protector every, his… Subaru, they were _everything._

Kamui's lips started trembling. Deeply rooted fear, guilt, and something altogether overwhelming took over. No matter what he's done to keep his lover's memory as his last, this still happens… Even in this resting place, it all comes to the surface. Though it's still not entirely clear. His present heart and its new wish. A wish Kamui keeps pushing back.

Denying this only brought on more pain. It's really come down to a boiling point. Everything inside is ready to overflow. Soon he knows he would have to face whatever his heart decided on for him.

Kamui breathes in the fresh air, sees the birds chirping freely. Ones Kotori loved. Flowers seemed even more beautiful from above, glistening in the sunlight. Those flowers surrounding him were equally loved by both Fuuma and Kotori. Their childhood memories of spending hours making flower crowns, attested to that.

There's an unanswered question constantly surfacing.

_Would it really be okay… to seek happiness?_

* * *

Heart racing with raw madness, the lithe, panting, hormonal teen tosses and turns in the sheets. His eyes closed painfully tight as the images of his dreams came through once more.

The raven-haired male was pinned to a larger fragment of a demolished building. Again, something was destroyed by the Dragons of Earth. It's something Kamui didn't prevent. He couldn't stop this now, not if he wanted to fulfill his wish.

 _"I know you've wanted this_ _**Kamui."** _

Heated words burn mercilessly. The larger heated form had Kamui pinned tight. A remarkable contrast came against the hard surface behind him. Pained violet-blue eyes winced before looking up to a blurry view of the one he loved so dearly. He was there somewhere under it all.

 _His_ Fuuma had always been kind.

Right now, this Fuuma looks at him coldly and calculates. A devilish smirk forms. His tone comes from arrogant actions, cruel as he slides a shard of glass down Kamui's throat.

 _His Fuuma_ promised to protect him.

"F-fuuma," Kamui pants, breathless. His heart races in terrible pain and hopelessly aroused. Since when did the line blur between pain and pleasure? When did he start giving in?

The lewd kisses pressed upon his neck are not helping matters. A flush of shame overcomes Kamui's features as he's devoured by amber eyes.

"So you _do_ enjoy this," Fuuma mocked. Any sign of light in once-loving eyes drowned out by darkened lust. Pure madness took over. A trail of blood across Kamui's neck is met with a sensual tongue.

"Mmmnnn, Fu-" Kamui moans out painfully, arching his back. "FUMA!" He screams, mind foggy unsure of the feeling of pain or pleasure overwhelms his senses. Unsure if it even matters anymore. Teeth bite down harshly on the sensitive nape, leaving a noticeable bruise mark.

 _His_ Fuuma would _never_ do something like this.

Even when Kamui wanted him to (albeit in a much kinder, safer manner)...

His tormentor had managed to tie his wrists up and overhead with some type of wire. From there Fuuma easily held Kamui's arms up.

Kamui's eyes shiver, lips bitten and smeared with blood. He breathes a labored breath. Tears form from his eyes. "This isn't you, Fuuma."

"Perhaps not the `Fuuma' you so dearly love." Venom sears from those cruel lips. Lips that give Kamui no chance to escape. "But maybe it's one you've wanted."

A larger leg is thrust between Kamui's legs, grinding down on the hardened arousal roughly.

"Ahhhn! FU-" Kamui can not finish it. His lips are claimed. Teeth digging into his lower lip drawing out slowly. There isn't a pause for a breath when a larger tongue is shoved into Kamui's mouth. The smaller male is dominated. Cries are sealed and swallowed whole by his former friend's lips.

" _Why_?" Kamui's mind asked countlessly. The life in his eyes began to fade, darkness clouding once beautiful violet eyes.

Fuuma smirks into the kiss.

"Haaa…why… would you? " Kamui pants out weakly. His cheeks flushed as he felt the leg between his pushing harder down.

"You wished it, _my Kamui."_

Kamui isn't given a breath before his lips are claimed. Lips, teeth, and tongue overwhelm his senses. The pain subsides by overwhelming pleasure. Kissed harder and deeper Kamui moans.

The knee jabbed between his thighs, thrust brutally hard against his arousal. Mind going white, foggy, Kamui gives in and closes his eyes. He can imagine the one he loves is still inside there somewhere. It would be short-lived...and then clash again, start this all over again.

There's a moment of incoherency. Kamui opens his eyes, feels the leg between his own release after a particularly hard thrust. His lips are freed.

The raven-haired teen feels shame, his release within his clothes becomes uncomfortable. He feels it trickle down his leg as they give out. Kamui falls back, leaning against the large debris.

The broken savior looks up to see Fuuma's eyes widen. Perhaps it's an after-effect from the pained orgasm but- the familiar light seems to gleam back into amber eyes. His twin star groans holding a hand over his face and clutching it with pain.

" _Kamui?!"_ Fuuma looks at his own hand in horror. His eyes scan over Kamui.

 _I must be dreaming._ Kamui thinks bitterly. _His Fuuma._ It was… his voice!

"Fuuma?! Are you-are you really?" Kamui feels his heart dancing, fluttering. He attempts to stand up but is quickly stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

"What have I done?" Fuuma looks towards the boy with full horror. Eyes scan over the bruises, gashes, and bites across a bloodied Kamui. The one he swore to always protect!

"Are… you really?" Kamui winces as he's led to sit up with an arm around his back. Imploring amber eyes begin to darken, shaking in horror as memories resurface.

"I did this." It's not a question. Both know it. Memories of what occurred bombard Fuuma with pain.

"Fuuma! No, it _isn't_ your fault," Kamui tries weakly. He reaches for his love's hand, feels the warmth in it.

Fuuma shakes his head. Swiftly Kamui buries him within his chest. The sound of a heartbeat becomes a momentary reprieve. "Who else would have caused this? So much pain… And I-"

Kamui's heartaches. Weakly he tries to hug his loved one close. "Fuuma, please so long as it's you-"

"No, I hurt you!" Fuuma cries out. He leans in and hugs Kamui tightly in his arms. The movement is painful but Kamui leans in.

"As long as you're back…" Kamui adds on weakly. "That's all that matters."

"I hurt the person I love the most…" Fuuma chastises himself, shakes his head. He presses a soft kiss to Kamui's forehead, far different from the previous ones.

This was _his_ Fuuma.

Kamui winces as he leans up. His lips press to his former friend's, sweetly, chastely. Maybe...Maybe things could be alright after all.

"I love you," Kamui confesses weakly. Fuuma's eyes shiver and hold Kamui tighter. The pain goes unnoticed, finally his wish. Somehow Kamui was making it a reality.

"I'll always love you Kamui," Fuuma returns the emotion. His hand caresses the back of Kamui's head. "Which is _why_ I have to go-"

"What? No! You just came back!" Kamui adds incredulously. He moves forward too fast and clutches at his wounded abdomen. Fuuma gently guides him back.

"You have to kill me," Fuuma instructs, voice darkening slowly becoming more distant. He grasps Kamui's hand, fingers splayed flat over his chest. The pain in his heartbeat is felt beneath.

"I can't do that! I've spent all this time trying to bring you back to me!" Kamui exclaims, his voice going hoarse. Orbs of violet-blue overflow with desperation.

"It is my wish," Fuuma's gentle words are shakily whispered. Kamui's heart lurches, shatters.

"There can only be one Kamui," Fuuma proceeds to tell his love. The light in his eyes begins to fade, Kamui feels the other slipping.

"This is the only way for you to live on," Fuuma's eyes turn back and darken. His tone returns to the more sinister Kamui.

"I need you to grant my wish." Cruel words tear into Kamui's heart. It shatters.

Tears overflow wildly. Kamui is forcibly dragged up to his feet again. The larger body presses into him but without the warmth from seconds ago.

"Kamui, if you can't fulfill my wish now then-" The cruel Fuuma returns. His hand curls under Kamui's jaw.

"I will have to persuade you…."

* * *

"No- No! Please! Please!" Kamui shrieks. His legs tangled up in the sheets while he started thrashing.

The tired male lying beside him jolts up. The notion of going back to sleep quickly dies off at the sight of a clearly pained male.

"Kamui!" Subaru exclaims. He hurriedly cradles his love. His slender hands grasp gently for the boy's shoulders.

His love's body started shaking trembling. Though the tormenting dreams come relentlessly. With reluctance, Subaru finally opts to bring Kamui into consciousness.

"Please, wake up. It will be alright, Kamui," Pale-pink lips soothe the tender words. Lowering his head down he bestows a kiss beside Kamui's shoulder blade. "I'll do anything I can for you…"

This nightmare felt tortuous. The disturbed boy hadn't awoken. Kamui was prone to some injury, healing fast or not, for thrashing wild.

His hands start to shake Kamui's shoulders. Glistening emerald-gold eyes look at Kamui's pained face, worry lines scrunching up all across his temples.

"Kamui, please," Subaru requests, tenderly, finding it impossible to talk with Kamui and not softening. Subaru grits his teeth. He'd have to either fully get up and leave the bed or be a little less gentle to get Kamui awake.

Taking away Kamui's sense of security, leaving the bed unnecessarily was the greater of the two evils for him. Subaru grips Kamui's shoulders, grasping them a bit tighter. Shaking movements quicken their face.

"NO! I-I-" Kamui however keeps thrashing wildly. He seems to wriggle against the hold, leaving the hands-on his shoulders to be a little more insistent.

"I…" Kamui cried out, wriggling. Hot tears slipped down his cheeks. Subaru feels a tug on his chest.

The slightly larger male rests his body down. His chest presses to Kamui's, he refrains from fully lying on the troubled boy.

" _Kamui…_ " Subaru coos. His words soothe in Kamui's ear.

Finally, his pained bedmate starts stirring. For Subaru's pleas, there is a reward. He feels his heart skip several beats, having forgotten just how they were lying together.

Still, Kamui's blue-violet eyes leave him in a trance. There's a pained smile forced on soft pink lips. His eyes soften and water.

"S-Subaru?"

Relief floods through the lovesick male. He rests their foreheads upon each other. "You...were having a nightmare."

Kamui's mind conjures up a gist of the dream. Images of painful and shamefully embarrassing fantasies, flood through him. Kamui feels too drained to know if he should blush or cry.

"I-I'm sorry… I woke you," Kamui apologize in a mousey whisper. Their closeness makes it very difficult to shift his gaze anywhere but above him.

"Please, don't be. I just was worried…" Subaru professes, slowly moving off of Kamui. He rolls to the side and guides Kamui to turn towards him.

"Subaru…"

Kamui's beautiful eyes are shivering. Beautiful lips and hands tremble. Subaru's eyes turn pained. Orbs of emerald love on every millimeter of the beautiful, pained face.

"Subaru, will y- you..." Kamui begins to request. He starts up shaking.

"Anything," Subaru assures a heartbeat after seeing Kamui struggling for words. _Anything for you!_ His heart is screeching the words against the cage surrounding it.

"Pl- please…" Kamui takes a breath, reflecting on how to say this. Unknowingly, Subaru was seconds from granting the request.

"H-hold me...?" Kamui pleads. No matter how often they had done this, voicing the request felt so vulnerable. He'd never been this naked. They need to be close rushed through even more so.

The blushing male was unable to even look up to see the other's smitten smile, and lovesick eyes, pupils blew up. Kamui's tears accelerate, rushing over cherry fed features.

That did _everything_ to Subaru's heart. It was thundering, wanting to break through, hold and love up every inch of the trembling male.

Subaru's arms wrap around and under Kamui's slender waist. The younger male gasps at the insistent pull forward. There was something intensely protective about it all, the older male was nothing short of his sanctuary. Kamii quickly eases in and cuddles intimately close. There's nothing new to that.

Subaru's protective arms keep him impossibly close. They flush beautifully together, chest to chest, hearts finally steadying. The pairs of legs entangle to the point where it's hard to tell where one begins and the other ends.

There wasn't anything human or spiritual in this world who he'd ever let tear Kamui's of no surprise when Kamui dives in and buries his face into the welcoming chest. The strong heartbeat keeps him there, grounded.

Even as tears persist, he feels himself alleviating. The nightmare, skewed from painful reality aches. Yet, the knowledge he wouldn't be alone helped restore him piece by piece.

Slim arms wrap around Subarus's back. Kamui squeezes so hard he worries he might hurt him. His protector doesn't pull away, never has since they started living together.

No, somehow through all the pain and torment they're only brought closer. Devoted to one another, to never leave the other alone. Gentle, familiar lips press on top of Kamui's head, lingering.

"I'll be here, _Kamui_ , whenever you need me," Subaru's vows, voice deeper and stronger than earlier. Tender promises paired with the accompanying heartbeat soothes Kamui. He feels himself slipping, but it's not unpleasant.

"Subaru…" Kamui whispers his name. Hurriedly, he hides burning cheeks away in the incredibly tender and loving arms once more.

Kamui's heart feels full. Drifting off, he feels a tiny curl to his lips. _I'll always need you._

* * *

.When Kamui's eyes close, his mind is met with a familiar scene.

Even after embarrassing himself by asking to "be held" this continued. Although, it wasn't the same.

The image of an earlier battlefield faded off. Though this battlefield was quite different. Kamui's heart lurched at the sight of his best friend, his love drenched in blood. The sword through his chest pieced Kamui as deeply. He looked at horror upon his own hands gripping the hilt of that same holy sword. Quickly, he releases his hold.

Slender arms hurriedly wrap around the wounded figure. "Fuuma… Please... I can't go through this again-this is a nightmare. It has to be!" Kamui begs, helpless as he falls to his knees. His whole body starts shaking, feeling pulled in a pained embrace.

"In the end, it was the only way I could protect you," Fuuma's voice is pained.

" _No…_ " Kamui's mind stirred out the words.

"You can't…" Kamui cries, he shakes within the other's weakening hold. Kamui shifts to bear the other's weight against him.

Violet-blue orbs darken and well up. "But I-my wish-I wanted to protect you-I love you... I-"

He feels a fingertip on his lips. "It's alright." Tired amber eyes look up at Kamui tenderly.

"Of course it's not alright! I can't lose you!" Kamui is shrieking, his eyes ready to pop at the absurdity of that statement.

Gentle lips silence Kamui. Weakly press against his own drawing out pained tears from both. Kamui's eyes widen as he feels lips at his ears. Painfully cruel words fall to Kamui's ears.

"H-how could I?!" Kamui begins shaking. He feels the form against his slipping. A weakened hand caresses Kamui's cheek lightly. Kamui grasps it with his own, keeping it in place.

"It's impossible I can't just-" Yet, his words don't finish. The hand upon his cheek loses its feeling. Amber-gold eyes slowly close, breaking the world's broken savior.

Silent screams spew from quivering lips. Tears relentlessly assault his features, blurring his vision.

The shock alone causes Kamui to weaken. An image of white light to take over Kamui's senses.

The lingering words cloud his mind.

_I love you Kamui. So I want you to… please, allow yourself to be happy._

Kamui feels arms protectively, lifting him and carrying him off before his consciousness gives out.

It's what feels like several hours before violet-blue eyes flutter open. He feels a surging pain whilst trying to sit up. Kamui groans, sharp pain overtakes... He feels bandages wrapped around his core, arms, legs, around his head. Kamui relents to staying back in the unfamiliar bed. His eyes widen, as they finally take in the sleeping figure, head resting at his bedside.

"Kamui?!" This voice calls out. The figure stirs, his face partially blocked by locks of raven-black.

"Oh, Thank God you're awake!" The voice exclaims with deep emotion. One could sense as though his truest wish has been granted.

It's drowned out by sobs, and Kamui's hand is lovingly lifted. Every finger, knuckle, and centimeter of skin is kissed languidly.

Kamui feels a bit of guilt. His face kept heating up, for another man.

A man… Who seems to know him quite well "Where am I?" He asks tiredly.

"You're back _home_ Kamui," The voice laughs softly, bittersweet. There's something about the tone that entrances Kamui.

Tears flood down the male's pretty features. The weakened male lifts the hand not currently lavished with kisses. Kamui can't fight the desire to caress the emotion flooded cheeks.

Kamui had to know him somehow. His heartstrings were being played.

The taller figure carefully takes the hand on his cheek. His lips move to worship every millimeter of Kamui's hand just as he did with the other. The top of his hands kissed so languidly. It leaves Kamui's lips parting yet speechless.

Kamui feels his heart soaring, more than he's ever felt in his life. He questions what was reality and a nightmare. This scares him yet makes his heart feel it's about to burst.

"Kamui… I…", he weakly begins. There's uncertainty in eyes partly cloaked by unruly raven hair. It looks as the male had been rummaging and near pulling at his hair for whatever reason.

With a final look of determination, the mystery man whispers to Kamui. His voice goes a bit lower, huskier, wantonly. Breath is hot against the perplexed male's cheeks. Kamui can't suppress the wild shiver that follows at the words.

"I can't keep fighting this." Words follow with unbridled passion. The male's head descends further down, kissing their foreheads together. The man's hot spill out to Kamui's cheeks.

Kamui doesn't have the strength nor desire to keep away. The amorous sounding man leans in closer. Kamui willingly closes his eyes, feels lips gingerly press to his own. Somehow his heart won't be silent. It keeps racing, keeps telling him everything fits into place.

He sees the image of the earlier battlefield shattered, fading from his memory. A crueler ending follows up. He sees a fatally wounded Fuuma at the end of his sword, and memories shatter.

Kamui's tears start flooding. Beautifully broken eyes look up towards their unknown savior. He's carefully brought into the embrace.

"You're home Kamui, that's all that matters."

* * *

Kamui doesn't quite know if it's against his better judgment, yet he's here. Again.

Everyone seems to have the idea he's _definitely_ falling in love. It's been incredibly embarrassing for Kamui to talk to any of his friends or classmates. Even staff members told him he has gotten a certain glow about him.

It's frustrating, awkward, and flustering. Although, most of all, words he could brush off before sunk deep. It was terrifying. Certain fluttering feelings had to be pushed down as of late, lest he says something stupid to the person who already gave him so much. Kamui sought out more alone time and time on campus.

The young student sighs, dejected. It wasn't fair. Yet, he couldn't stand to lose anyone else. No one could really know another person's heart. Feelings like this could break what he has. What he values the most. And while his heart is slowly piecing together.

Still, there are things he wants to know. Maybe some insight to make him feel more secure that things were going to be alright. So Kamui walked into the lavish ivory building.

"Hello, Kamui!" A staff member smiled brightly at him. The gentle-looking man reminds Kamui a bit of Keiichi. Though it may be as simple as the brown hair and glasses. A kind smile.

"H-hello!" Kamui returned a bit shocked from his thoughts.

"Going to see, Imonoyama?" He says quite certain of the answer.

"Yeah-" Kamui looks down a bit sheepish. Another thing he'd been doing more of lately. Talking to the school director with unlimited resources and knowledge was quite useful. Especially so when he wasn't quite certain how to ask about things directly.

"Well take care then, I'll let him and Takamura know you're here."

Kamui gives a light wave before entering the elevator. There was something a bit easier with Suoh being there. He wasn't upfront as Nokoru nor did he try to play matchmaker. Or if he did help it was done very discreetly.

Though an absent slip had him blushing an entire day.

_"You seem genuinely happy today, Shirou." Suoh attempted with a sense of subtlety and grace. He wasn't one to get overly involved._

_Leave it to the cheerful Director to swoop in with a hearty. "It makes me think of you Suoh when you reunited with Nagisa."_

_Said assistant gave a deadly glare to the director, turning away as his blush spread._

_Kamui had made a quick excuse and rushed out of the office._

_"I-I have class so… I should go."_

_He couldn't hear the brief apology, only from Suoh of course._

_The more mature right-hand man only meant he was glad Kamui had someone he cared about. Yet, it was too late._

_Nokoru only laughed, concealing a well-known smile behind an opening fan. The symbol for "love" is written upon it_.

 _"Say hi, to your lover for me, Kamui!"_ _Nokoru calls out relentlessly to the retreating figure. His smile grows wider as he hears footsteps quickening down the hall._

_Unfortunately for the cheery blond, his fun is coming to an end._

_"Ow!" He cried out, feeling a flick on his forehead._

_"What was that for?"_

_His assistant has no guilt about placing pile after pile of paperwork on the director's desk._

_"Just get back to work. "_

Kamui knew the relationships referenced in comparison were highly romantic. Nokoru rambled to him many times about the relationship. Suoh felt a connection, despite the age gap, starting in elementary school, and having a heartbreaking separation when Nagisa reluctantly left to study abroad. Though according to the story it had its happy ending, reuniting again only increased the love between.

Kamui had heard similar stories about Akira and Utako. Sakura and Syaoran. Yukito and Touya. Kendappa and Souma. And just about every known or "soon to be" couple on campus.

So the dreaded moment came when he opened the door. Even though he was the one who continued visiting during lunch breaks or after school, it was anxiety-building. After school meetups, came solely when Kamui knew the home would be empty for a while.

Apparently, Suoh has used Kamui's visits as an incentive to get the carefree director to finish work promptly. So it all worked out.

After all the blond adored the topic of love. The fate of having to decline a visit from Kamui was disheartening.

Nokoru was all smiles as he dropped whatever he was told to do.

"Come in!"

Suoh whispered something to him. Nokoru beamed. It seemed Suoh did relent on whatever task he had asked the blond to do before.

Kamui hopes he isn't quite interrupting important matters, thinks of excusing himself.

"Come in, Kamui~" The boisterous blond chirps in a sing-song voice. Something is reassuring and warm with the very atmosphere. Those in power had always seemed so unreachable, selfish, and cold-hearted. It was hard to believe such a generous and compassionate man was the Imonoyama heir.

Nokoru's hands laid upon both cheeks framing his elegant face. His chin was cradled between the two hands, elbows propping him up. Blue eyes sparkled brightly as the director all too enthusiastically waved him over.

Suoh rolled his eyes. With a playful little smirk that showed his fondness for his closest friend.

Kamui put a small smile at the scene. It was still a bit amazing to see this side of the director. There was certainly a different image when they met during the promised year. Then again they all had a different image during that time.

Slowly, Kamui took a seat on the comfortable lounge chair placed across the director's desk. Kamui's elegant fingers nervously danced around each other before he placed them in his lap.

"Thank you for agreeing to talk with me again," Kamui started politely, bowing his head a bit.

"It's not a problem~" Nokoru laughed softly at the very polite manner Kamui went with. Though considering his position at the school it made sense.

The quiet male beside Nokoru nodded. His curled up hand lightly bopped Nokoru on the head.

"You don't need to worry Kamui. It's the least we can do after everything you've done. And well…" Suoh shook his head fondly at the blond, bopping his head once more. "He enjoys these talks a lot more than you realize."

Playing matchmaker was one of Nokoru's passions. For the sake of happiness, and the earth's savior to boot... it would be allowed. The troubled student deserves all the happiness he could get.

"So…" Nokoru begins, leaning forward from his desk. "What or _who_ would you like to talk about?"

Kamui's eyes averted quickly. He couldn't fight the dust of pink on his cheeks.

"I…" Kamui started, images of the night before flooded through his mind. His cheeks painted a darker hue of pink.

"Are things going well with Subaru?" Nokoru goes on to ask, despite Kamui's lack of an answer.

"W-what do you mean?" Kamui flusters. His face is burning and his lips part only to close again nervously.

"Are things alright adjusting to your new home and all." Nokoru clarifies. He smiles innocently and purely. Though the twinkle of mischief in his eyes hints at him implying a bit more.

"Yeah…" Kamui does answer that one. "Things are going well," He answers as simply as he can. Giving too much information would only work against him. He could barely handle the teasing as it was.

Fingers start playing in Kamui's lap. He trails off.

"Subaru's always been so accommodating… It feels like _home_." Kamui voices, a small bittersweet smile lifts his lips. It had been so long since he ever thought of coming home.

Though the thought of his present situation lightened his expression. "It _is_ home." Kamui clarifies, letting the thought slip out. That seemed to happen more and more as of late

Nokoru shares a look with his assistant. Both men seem quite relieved at that.

"You sound happy," Nokoru says sweetly.

Kamui nods to that. His eyes avert again a bit shyly.

"It feels nice…" Kamui vaguely comments, not looking up from his lap.

"So… Is there anything you'd like to know about? I'm familiar with the Sumeragi Clan and your boy….." Nokoru stops feeling a warning glare from his assistant. Suoh rolls his eyes. " _Friend's_ "Occupation." He corrects.

"It-it's not in particular…" Kamui manages to look back up. He tries to begin with a less...embarrassing topic."I guess… I just wanted to know more. I feel there's still so much I don't understand about Subaru. And it's frustrating…"

"Kamui," Nokoru starts gently. His smile was sympathetic and sincere, it always seemed that way. Even while scheming some over-the-top matchmaking plan, there was a bit of kindness underneath all of that.

"I'm happy to tell you what I know about the Sumeragi clan, that bit of, _your_ Subaru's upbringing, but that's more surface level. If you really want to know him on a deeper level, you should talk to him."

"I guess so…" Kamui clams up. He folds his hands in his lap. "There's just been so much pain in his life. He's given so much for me, and I don't want to say the wrong thing-change things between us."

"Change isn't necessarily a bad thing," Nokoru counters as gently as possible. "Change can bring you closer than before."

Kamui bites down on his lips. "Maybe...but Subaru is…" _Subaru is?_ "Irreplaceable to me, I couldn't stand it if I lost what we had…"

"I can't imagine he could stand it either," Surprisingly, it was the director's calm and collected secretary who spoke up. Unfolding his arms from under his chest, the quiet male walked over to Kamui, bringing up a chair beside him and taking a seat.

"Not when he looks at you like that." It's like you're the only one who's precious in this world..."

"Precious…" Kamui feels his heart thunder. He places his hands over his chest, placing it to feel some sense of control.

"Aw, you're blushing, Kamui~" The cheery director teases. It's a guarantee that Kamui's flustered face would worsen, but there was an honest sense of joy curling upon his lips. Used to this teasing, Kamui knew better than to argue, or prove the director's point further. It didn't help, things said didn't seem that 'wrong' anymore.

"And you~" Nokoru turns his attention towards his best friend. "Now, look who's getting involved," Nokoru quipped, laughing as he pulled out a fan, the symbols for 'precious love' were written neatly across.

"It's not something I plan on doing, " Suoh claims, rolling his eyes as he sees them all too involved director looking up at him with a victorious grin and sparkling blue eyes. "Not at your level anyway. I just don't like seeing anyone sad," he admits to Kamui, a bit meekly. It seems Kamui grew on him without him knowing. "And if nothing else, I can at least see how deeply Sumeragi cares for you. So you shouldn't worry about being apart."

"Well, you're certainly more aware of his feelings than your own, Suoh~" Nokoru grins, cradling his face with his hands. He tilted his head as though, innocent, sunlight giving an angelic glow towards his lighter features.

" _Kaichou!"_ It's a warning, a glare casts Kamui's direction. Though he does fluster a little, what mattered now was helping the concerned student next to him.

"Fine," the blond response in mock surrender, holding his hands up. "Truly, I want to see students here at CLAMP academy smiling, as much as possible. I feel you deserve to find some happiness too, to have a reason to smile every day."

Kamui looked up to see an endearing glow in the director's blue doe-like eyes.

"And with _Sumeragi_ _Subaru…_ " Nokoru emphasized the name. He looked seriously towards Kamui, standing from his seat and leaning his face uncomfortably close. The young student fell back in his seat.

Suoh sighed, his all too relaxed chairman, was fortunate, Kamui's very protective 'friend' wasn't to see this now. Even though he had an inkling of an idea of what Nokoru is doing.

There was a powerful aura surrounding the onmyouji when they last saw each other. Someone that deeply in love could be dangerous.

Although the arising jealousy might speed things up between the two former Dragon's of Heaven.

"W-what?" Kamui questions softly, leaning back in his seat as far as possible.

"I knew it," Nokoru enthused, making a revelation. He sat back in his chair cheerfully. "Your eyes do light up when you hear his name~"

"I!' Kamui positively squeaks, much to his own embarrassment. He nearly bolts up from his seat. His heartbeat resounded in his ears, feeling everything burning up. "I-of course, I care for him but-" There were knots in his stomach at the insinuation. _It's not that simple._

"Let's change the subject," Kamui tries, with pleading blue-violet orbs. There's an innocence shining in them.

"Oh~ So should we go back to you going on about him being irreplaceable?" Nokoru light jests again, an amber-eyed glare directed his way makes him relent.

"But as far as getting to know each other more. You might like the Spring Festival that's coming up. You should invite him if you haven't. It's a good way for you to get closer, and maybe understand him a bit more."

"I want to ask, but-"

"I know, I know. The 'all-important' Sumeragi head is incredibly in demand and you don't want to burden him."

"He _is_ incredibly important. It's not right for me to be selfish like that...besides…" Kamui murmurs in a mousy tone. "He's so kind, he'd probably feel guilty if I asked, and turn down work for me…" _Again._

"That's something he would choose though, not something for you to feel guilty about," Nokoru explains. "Besides I think it would be good for you to spend more time together!~ And the romantic atmosphere will be perfect for moving things along with you two."

"That's not what I'm _thinking of_...inviting him for," Kamui protests weakly, eyes back on the floor again.

"Well, either way, don't worry about his schedule!" Nokoru assures, smiles a bit scary. There is both a dangerous glint and something mischievous dancing in sky-blue eyes.

"I have a feeling he'll have the whole day open!~" It would only take a few calls between the Imonoyama family and the Sumeragi clan to settle things for the day. This was a backup on the odd occasion, the onmyouji for some reason wouldn't devote the day to the person he loves. Nokoru is quite certain the former head would be glad to hear her grandson taking time to enjoy his beloved.

"What?" Kamui hopes to ask for more clarification but is interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Come in~," Nokoru says, happy for the distraction, at the knock at the door. A male with black-green hair peered his head in. A rosy-cheeked Akira is at the door. It seems he had a break from work.

"It's been a while~ I heard Kamui was coming today so I made extra snacks and tea!" He calls out, rolling in a small tray.

Nokoru is passed a steaming, floral cup first. The plate underneath is placed gingerly on the desk. Another cup follows, placed in front of Suoh.

"Thank you," Kamui adds politely. Akira habitually begins pouring various cups of milk-tea for his friends. "I hope it wasn't too much work," Kamui says.

"Not at all," Akira assures, beaming bright. "How have you been doing since we last talked?"

"I've been fine," Kamui assures, knowing he'd had quite a few people on campus concerned since he re-transferred to school. The contemplative student watches as the warm tea falls gingerly into the cup. A bout of inspiration strikes. "Actually...I was wondering if you could help me with making something."

"I'm sure I'd be happy to help," Akira seems mildly surprised at the request. Kamui wasn't one to ask for much at all, his gratitude was overwhelmed at being on campus again. "What do you have in mind."

"Well, Subaru grew up in Kyoto and ...there was a certain tea, he told me his grandmother used to make it for him when he'd go visit so.." Kamui trails with the request, feeling curious and amused eyes on him. "So, I was hoping maybe you could help me learn to make it properly…" Kamui's voice hushes by the word.

The request was a little too simple, but… it was one of the rare times Subaru told him about his past. They were simply conversing while drinking a new flavor of milk-tea Kamui was curious to make. Maybe it was an offhand comment, he read into, but if it could make Subaru even a little bit happy. It would be worth it.

* * *

The slender raven-haired teen tosses and turns wildly in his sleep. Several times knocking into his sleeping partner. One who had started out holding him protectively close to his chest.

Unfortunately, Kamui's sleeping habits seemed far from tamed tonight. He huffed, despite being the one who wriggled out of the comforting hold. Kamui's eyes flutter and blearily look at the sight of his bedmate.

Subaru's lips slightly parted, expression soft and relaxed. He's turned towards Kamui, even in his sleep. Unconsciously, his arms reach out attempting to pull the smaller male back to him.

"Subaru…" Kamui whispers. His nimble fingers clutch at his chest. He feels the thunderous pounding against it. Kamui gently shuffles forward. He takes one of Subaru's longer arms up and over his form. Kamui snuggles up.

"Subaru?" Kamui calls quietly, feeling arms immediately tighten around him as their chests are brushed. He looks up to see his bedmate breathing softly, eyes still closed. The younger male isn't quite sure what to make of the other's protective habits. He can never seem to fight the curl on his lips, especially lately.

Kamui hums softly, resting his head against a warm chest. His eyes close, listening for the melodic heartbeat. His raven hair splays out as his head is moved by the rising and falling of the chest he's pillowing. The embrace, heartbeat, and soothing breaths are enough to pull Kamui under. His eyes flutter close. When his mind returns to the realm of dreams it's just as confusing as ever.

* * *

Kamui awakens to an odd scenario: The mysterious man from his dream earlier is beside him. The circumstances are different in this scenario.

He could feel in his heart this was the same mystery lover from before. Yet, things felt a bit more intense and intimate as though quite a few developments formed in the dream world since their last meeting. Or perhaps Kamui just became aware of whatever just went on between this man and his dream-self.

Kamui flushes to see his body bare beneath thin sheets. His head awakes upon an all to warm chest, and his eyes look up to see a gentle smile.

A clear image is still blocked from dream Kamui. Yet, he's smiling foolishly. It's Kamui himself who ends up getting up and hugging the form closer to him.

"Are you…Alright?" The voice comes husky from sleep. There's a very gentle tone that shifts as he speaks his name. The man leans in and kisses Kamui square on the mouth, chaste yet a bit lingering. " _Kamui_."

"I… we…" Kamui stumbles out, blushing beet red. He lifts the sheets covering their bodies. It's abundantly clear that he was not the only one exposed.

The smaller male swallows. His eyes widen as he sees the older male lean up, revealing hidden love bites. "Did… I… Did we?" There's a gentle little chuckle that follows, taking Kamui's breath away.

He moves closer and closer to Kamui finds his lips fully sealed. Thin yet terribly soft pink lips caress his own.

"We did," The gentle voice confirms, seeming quite pleased. He leans down to press a few kisses on Kamui's neck. Lips caress, soothing over the marks all along his neck.

"And you…" There's a little smirk, that makes the younger male swallow. He places his slender hand upon the one Kamui holds over his chest. Fingers are led to feel the many kiss marks all across the broader male's chest, neck and shoulders. "Were quite enthusiastic~"

Kamui doesn't question it. He feels the proof of the statement at his fingertips. Instead, the smaller male burns up. He isn't sure whether to apologize or even ask how they ended up here. Absolutely, nothing is making sense, this has to be some fantasy...his hormones conjured up. That may also be tugging at his heartstrings.

Soft lips seal over his own sweetly. Kamui's eyes widened. The kiss should be unfamiliar, odd, or shameful. Kamui couldn't even see the man's face, yet he was all too familiar. His heart races as the kiss deepened a little slip of tongue between his lips.

Kamui doesn't part his lips as expected. As he likely had done not so long ago. "I… Sorry!" It's the only thing he can think to say. They briefly part, Kamui took a moment of reprieve to bury his face in a pillow.

Thankfully the older male just laughs. _His voice is beautiful._ Kamui thinks a sense of shame overwhelmed him. It had been months since losing his love. Considering everything that happened, their past, he should still be thinking that way solely towards his late lover and childhood friend. Not another man, even if this was actually some odd fantasy world he entered into.

"You're so cute," he breathes, deep and hot inside Kamui's ear. That same breath moves closer and closer until their lips are sealed. Kamui doesn't know where to begin, his lips stay pressed closed.

"I'm mnn not," Kamui attempts, between kisses, to persuade the amorous man.

"C-cute…" The shyer male breaks out, feeling a swipe of tongue as his bottom lip. The gasp and moans which follow only seem to encourage his apparent lover. The kisses deepen, making Kamui go dizzy, holding tight to broader shoulders pressed up against him.

Kamui hopes he can stop admiring what he can make out of him when their lips do calm. Violet-blue eyes take in as much as they can notice of the man. Yet, the very eyes that would be concealed. Yet, the way they bored into and devoured every inch of him was certainly felt. The smooth, glossy raven-black hair suits him so well. It's nearly an identical shade to Kamui's own.

There's something about the raven locks that glow, a bit longer and a little shinier. It feels like a shame silky black, it's concealing the rest of the man's face. A face that is enrapturing, gorgeous clear, and resembling porcelain.

His eyes are hidden, but Kamui can feel them ravishing him. The Kamui's cheeks burn up closer and closer to crimson.

"B-but where…" Kamui pauses sitting up and keeping his heated cheeks away. "Are we and how did all of this? I-I just can't understand…" The troubled boy holds his hands to the sides of his head. He's more so talking to himself than anyone.

The older male's smile falls. Yet, there is no sign of shock throughout his face. He seems prepared for this, though his face does fall. Amorous movements cease for the time being. Strong yet lean arms snake around his waist, pulling him close and fully into the other's lap.

"I shouldn't be doing this...I can't even see..." Kamui gasps, unable to finish his thoughts. Tears follow, overwhelming his sense of vision. Guilt and shame consume fantasy or not. Wasn't this some betrayal? Or...was he really allowed to want for more like this? The older man brushes his hand up and down Kamui's back. He shushes him gently.

"Kamui, it's alright," He speaks so earnestly. Sweet little kisses follow up, and Kamui starts to believe the words. "You're allowed this."

"But- it's not!" Kamui argues, hands gripping tightly at the man's shoulder blades.

"Why can't… I can't even see your face!" Kamui cries out. He feels something in his chest aching just voicing the arms pull away from the taller man.

"Who are you?" Kamui buries his face in his hands. Tears threaten to flood over them. Everything in his head was spinning and he somehow ended up doing something so intimate with someone he can't recall! What's happening to him.

Strong arms tighten around his body. Despite all of this, this person was still so patient and hadn't questioned anything Kamui said. Or been upset? Kamui instinctively holds to the older man's shoulders as he is brought into his lap.

"Kamui…" Gentle lips press upon his forehead. A kiss follows upon his nose and crimson cheeks. "You already know."

"I… what?" Kamui's eyes widened. "I don't understand."

"It's alright if you're not ready," A long sigh escapes the man's lips, he brings them into a loving smile once more. The older lover hugs Kamui close. A loving hand guides Kamui's head to rest against a beating chest.

"It's fine if you can't recall it all yet," He continues speaking on this absurd matter as though it were normal. Understandable even.

"I don't understand anything," Kamui self-deprecates. "Not at all...I can't even protect the people I love." Hands tremble, wildly, tears of emotions rush past the broken. "I can't save anyone… Maybe...I don't deserve to be lov-"

"Kamui!" There's a firmness to the man's voice. It deepens considerably. He seals Kamui's lips again for some time, stopping the words from flooding. "Please, don't say something that cruel! Do you have any idea how much you mean to me, to your loved ones?!" His stern voice brings a shiver through Kamui's body, one he can't repress. The younger male feels like putty as he pulled into a tighter embrace and kissed his shoulder.

"You deserve to be loved. To be _in love._ You deserve to be happy! You deserve the world!" There's something warm flooding down Kamui's neck. Hot tears spill out, from whoever.

"You say things like that yet...I can't even remember who you are…" Kamui whispers. He feels his shaky hands taken into slightly larger ones. They fit. Somehow quite perfectly.

"You know. Even if you can't bring yourself to understand just yet. The answer has been there for some time."

"I don't understand anything," Kamui guiltily reveals again. Fantasy or not, it didn't seem fair to whoever this was..."I-I don't even know where I am...who you are..what I'm supposed to feel…" something is calming about the man's heartbeat. It plays like a familiar melody. A kiss pressed to the crown of Kamui's head.

"You will," His lover consoles him so gently. Kisses are placed on the back of Kamui's hands. "I know you will." He nods to himself. "At your own pace. You've gone through tremendous pain." He continues, the soft smile falls at the apparent remembrance.

"Your heart will tell you soon enough. For right now…" He pauses. His voice laced with something akin to deep affection and terribly effective seduction. Darkening bedroom eyes aren't helping Kamui think clearly.

Kamui finds himself guided to the back of the bed. It's not that he can't protest or escape. He doesn't. His arms wrap around the man's shoulders. Kamui can only mewl as he feels a warmer figure hovering over him.

"Let me love you," He proceeds. Kamui swears he sees just a bit more of the man's face as he leans closer. Something is sparkling and entrancing, one of the eyes revealing a forest tone. The other is still obscured, yet the heat burns through.

It's frustrating. Yet, Kamui finds his body has a mind of his own. His legs spread, giving the unnamed man further access. Hands trail down his apparent lover's back.

The scariest part of it, it all feels natural.

"I…" Kamui's lips are sealed. His mind gives up on finding logic and reason. It was just a fantasy, something fleeting. He'd break out from this world and go back to normal after this. "Alright."

Every inch of his body seems to know the other so well. The need to feel overwhelms Kamui's senses. He has no choice, thanks to his heart and body, but to fully surrender.

* * *

"T-that was…" Kamui whispers to himself as quietly as possible. His eyes open widely, shaking. Kamui bolts up in a sitting position. Well, at least he could confirm it was just a dream...even if it somehow stung so deep.

Watery violet-blue orbs glance around the room, and its simplistic, calming charm. There's a long white coat, draped over the edge of the bed. It reminds him how exhausted his housemate had all but collapsed on the bed coming back.

"Subaru…" Even still he'd taken the time to comfort him. To hold him. Kamui's cheeks burn up. He'd actually asked something that embarrassing?! And that wasn't a dream. He'd never asked anyone to do that, not even Kotori or Fuuma!

Kamui feels his heart pounding in his chest. How did he let himself be that vulnerable? Why couldn't he calm down? The flustered male takes slow, calming breaths. He's relieved to see himself in his bedroom. Not in that dream… Where he was… well who knows where?

Glancing down beside him is a sleepy and cuddly Subaru's pointy nose scrunched up, lips curling down frowning. His protective bedmate had his arms stretched, hands reaching out for his sleeping partner.

The notion made Kamui laugh sweetly. He tries not to take the fluttering heartbeat which follows up too seriously. Though that seems to be the least of his problems. It wasn't exactly an uncommon feeling. It didn't necessarily mean Kamui felt what everyone assumed he'd been feeling for some time.

Things now we're making as much sense as they did in his dream. Speaking of dreams. There were more… pressing matters. A hand clamped over his mouth at the memory.

Kamui winces. He gradually lifts the waistline of his pajamas.

"Shit," Kamui curses, as softly as he can. The mess of a sticky white substance confirmed Kamui's fears. His boxers stained greatly, and thankfully it didn't seem to leak through and ruin his pants as well.

His hands delicately pat at the mattress below him and breathe out an elongated sigh. The sheets were dry at least. Most importantly, Subaru was still sleeping.

Kamui hopes it has stayed that way, legs swinging over the bed. The younger male intends to get himself clean.

* * *

Kamui yet again questions his decisions. He doesn't know who to turn to who won't tease him about how he's been acting as of late. Though he needed to talk to someone, get a new perspective on what's been going on with him? He wanted some clarity. Maybe it was all temporary, hormone-induced, and would go away.

Karen, while blunt on certain topics, seemed to have a deeper understanding of these things. More life experience and interactions with all kinds of people gave perspective.

"This is the place," Kamui hums to himself, knocking on the door in the apartment building. He hadn't had a lot of time with his schedule to keep up with everyone outside of school. Even though his friend and the fellow dragon of heaven worked on campus, she had an incredibly busy schedule.

They had phone calls and met up for a quick coffee break, a few times. This would be the first time in a long while they could talk, unhurried. Today was Saturday, he would have the day free to spend with his friend and the former dragon of heaven.

"Kamui, I'm glad you made it!" The beautiful pink-haired woman brought him into a warm hug. Her smile was bright and beaming. Something about her presence seemed freer, at ease. Considering what year they've finally made it through it made sense.

"It's good to see you again, Karen," Kamui returns politely.

"And you as well, I take it things are going well with your new living arrangements~" She teases gently. The earnest little flush on Kamui's features tells her all she needs to know.

The older woman laughs, her immaculately manicured nails stretch out, fingers shielding her giggles.

Karen gently reaches to place a hand on top of the silky raven-black head. She pats him gently on the head.

There's something about the gentle touch that makes Kamui think of his mother. Though even still, Kamui wasn't a child. He gently brushed her hand away.

"It has been some time. Come on in." She greets, waving a gesture towards the open apartment. "I'll get some tea and coffee started."

Kamui shakes his head. "You don't have to do that."

"It's nothing," She insists, waving it off. "Though you're welcome to come in and pick what you'd like to drink. I've got a few new flavors or tea since last time."

Kamui nods at that. "Alright, and I'll help."

The older woman shakes her head but waves him towards the kitchen anyway. "If you insist."

Kamui follows into the spacious, kitchen area.

"I'm assuming you're not switching to coffee today," She gently chides.

Kamui shakes his head. As of late, not fond of the taste. Though there were times during exam weeks when it was essential. "No, I don't mind it really but." He responds. "Coffee is definitely more Subaru's thing."

Karen rummages through the cupboards. She takes out two empty pink and red coffee mugs. She grins seeing a rather dreamy smile, curls on Kamui's lips. One said the boy is likely terribly unaware.

"You're quite fond of him," She tells Kamui simply.

"I… well of course…I care about him. And enjoy being with him B-but…" Kamui sputters, a trail of words. Raven-hair falls over Kamui's pretty features. Though he's oblivious.

"That's good then," Karen says gently, giving Kamui a little break. She ruffles the top of Kamui's head, making the flustered teen look up at her. "It's nice to see you seem a bit happier."

Kamui doesn't quite deny it. It's been an adjusting year, but…

"Subaru does help with that," Kamui lets his thoughts slip. Though the words seem like common knowledge.

"I'm glad," Karen begins walking over to the sink. She takes a white tea kettle from the electric stove and brings it to the sink filling it with water.

"You can pick what kind you'd like," Karen tells him. She points and gestures towards the cabinet. A box of different flavored tea packets are there.

"Thank you," Kamui returns. He takes whatever appears to be the small tea packet with an image of citrus fruit depicted in the front.

Karen returns to put the kettle on the stove. There's a bit of silence, and the older woman seems to contemplate something.

"Karen?" Kamui asks with some concern.

It's only a few moments before the whistling of the kettle emits.

"Oh!" She's brought from her thoughts. "Sorry." She turns the dial on the stovetop off. Gingerly, she fills Kamui's cup with the hot water. A small spoon is placed within it.

"You can have a seat," Karen tells him. And Kamui turns to the small circle table a few feet away.

Karen returns a moment later with her own cup of tea.

"So… " There seems to be something more on her mind. Kamui's curiosity isn't satiated. Karen begins with a simpler question.

"How have you been?"

"I've been well," Kamui answers simply enough. A part of him wonders if he should ask what was on her mind. Or if it was regarding something a little too embarrassing. "I hope things are going well for you, too. Working on campus."

Karen's eyes lighten with a certain fondness. Kamui was a very sweet, sensitive boy. Though rumors spread he showed a scarier side towards stubborn admirers. And he had his moments when first arriving in Tokyo.

"Not at all," She answers, shaking her head. Pink curls bounce along with the movement.

"Good," Kamui smiles and seems a bit satisfied. "Are things going well working on campus?"

"Very well. It's an adjustment from my last few jobs," She laughs, though senses innocence with Kamui blinking up at her. He had _som_ e idea of where she worked. Though maybe not the exact details of what she did with her clients. "I miss seeing the other women at work but not some of the more persistent clients."

Kamui nods at this. The pink dusting his cheeks comes forth as he pieces together what she's referring to. While her former company _Flower_ and sensual outfits told Kamui she was in a more mature line of work, he never thought too much about it.

"Persistent?" Kamui growls out the word. The idea of any client attempting to take advantage of his precious friend.

"Don't worry," She seems to read his mind. "I'm not one to let anyone take advantage of me or my….'co-workers'", "She insists." I have ways to handle myself."

There is a smile that follows up. Though certainly pretty, something is frightening about it.

Kamui feels glad they had all been on the same side.

"I've heard from the director you've been very popular with the university students."

Karen nods at that and smiles. "I've had a great experience helping out with different departments. You'd be surprised how little these students know about sexuality especially beyond the male-female relations…"

"So you've taught lessons about se- s-…" Kamui sputters out. His face burns wildly, and he can't finish. "Relationships..." he settles with. Beyond male-female… meaning it very much included two men doing _that._ His dreams were not helping. Kamui keeps his head down. He sees his reflection within the cup.

Karen fought down the amused smile on her face. Kamui couldn't bring himself to even say the word sex? Poor Subaru had his work cut out for him.

"Right. I've helped out with some of the sex-ed classes and relationship science courses at the Highschool and University level," Karen explains. She's able to say the words so calmly.

"Director Imonoyama has been incredibly kind, recommending me to assist some of the professors. Apparently, I had a lot of good insights." Karen explains, calmly. It's a bit impressive how easily she can talk about these things. To Kamui's mind at least.

Kamui nods sheepishly at that. He heard she helped out with various psychology and art departments. Considering her own life experiences, it made sense she'd have a valuable perspective to offer.

"Though I find helping out in the Performing Arts Department a bit more interesting," Karen further goes on. She seems to light up at the mention of it, eyes brighten.

"Maybe I needed a change of pace from what I've been used to. Imonoyama or well... Nokoru is quite the charmer, incredibly kind. He listened to what I wanted to do and it turns out I'll be starting full-time work next semester."

"That's great," Kamui begins, regaining some composure from the earlier topics. There was no doubt Nokoru would miss a chance to really listen to students' and employees' own interests and needs. This went especially so while of the female persuasion. His lips curl up as he adds on with admiration. "Nokoru is incredibly kind. I'm grateful for all he's done to help."

Karen looked bemused. Of course, the director was gracious and it was a natural show of gratitude. She very much agreed. Though Kamui's more shy and flustered nature made things a bit unclear.

"What?" Kamui asks obliviously.

"Your face is quite sincere, and it shows just how you're feeling. How much you care for someone too..."

"My face?" Kamui questions, brushing a pinkening cheek with his fingers.

Karen giggled. Now it made sense.

The brief conversations and messages she'd get from Subaru were rare. All of the Dragon's of Heaven had each other's contact information.

Though the gifted Sumeragi's head wasn't one to strike up a casual conversation. Messages were brief to the point and always, always about Kamui.

They were always asking if Kamui seemed to be doing well. If he seemed happier.

Yet, the odd question posed, if she thought the director seemed to be romantically interested in Kamui. It felt entirely out of the blue! Especially considering the cherry director's interest in seeing Kamui and Subaru becoming closer.

"What do you mean?" Kamui asks, pouting a bit at the lack of answers.

Kamui was kind-hearted. The look of admiration could be mistaken for different types of attraction.

"Nothing," Karen continues. There's a bit of laughter that follows. She brings a cup of tea up to her lips.

"You were going to say something!" Kamui tries again.

"Do you really wanna know?" Karen questions with a mature womanly tone. Kamui feels himself shudder. He wasn't quite sure if he could handle more embarrassment today.

"Possibly…" Kamui's fingers curl into the thin handle on his cup. He brings the drink to his lips. A fragrant, fruity aroma comes over his senses. "Do I want to know?" The question returns. Kamui takes a sip.

Karen begins tapping at the table. Her long fingernails make an audible sound.

"Let me ask you something ." She steers away from the earlier teasing. There's something more pressing. "Why did you want to come over today?"

"What?" Kamui's face falls, a bit lost. "Of course, I really did want to spend time with you again."

Karen smiles with sympathy. She reaches out a hand to brush against Kamui's cheek. There's something maternal and caring about the touch.

Kamui's cheeks don't burn up. His heart doesn't race. There's no desire to hold the hand on his cheek.

Once again, there was something about those gentle touches. That always differed when it came to Subaru.

"I don't doubt that. What I mean is… You seemed a bit distraught on the phone earlier."

"Did I?" Kamui asks himself. He takes several calming sips of his drink.

"You did," Karen retracts her hand. Her finger circles around the rim of the cup. "I'm always glad to see you. Though you were insistent on meeting here even earlier than before. Did something happen?"

Kamui gasps a bit at that. He feels way too exposed, way too vulnerable

"No, nothing happened. Lately, I've felt…". Kamui looks down at his lap in frustration. "It's embarrassing…"

"It's okay. You can tell me as much or as little as you want. " Karen assures him gently. A hand places over Kamui's, briefly.

"I…" Kamui begins. His eyes start shaking, unsure where to start or to begin or even if he should say anything. "I feel… a bit Lost."

"Hmm," Karen pauses. She presses her lips together tightly and looks over the boy's forlorn features. It tears at her. "Is it about Subaru?"

"Kind of…" Kamui admits. Though his hands clench in tightly. He finds it hard to do anything but avert his eyes. "The promised day… everything."

"I can only imagine your pain, it's far too heavy a burden for one person to bear, let alone someone as young as you," she places a hand gently on Kamui's arm. There's a caring smile on her lips. "I only wish I could do something more. But I can listen…"

"Listening helps more than you'd think." Kamui shakes his head. Stray strands of raven-black fall in front of his face. He doesn't bother to put them back.

"I...had two people I loved the most. I _needed_ Fuuma to come back to me. It was the only thing that kept me going at times, but I always worried I couldn't quite fulfill that wish."

_Subaru was the one who came back, in the end, risking his life, believing I could fulfill that wish._

"Kamui… _"_

"It hurts so much to think about. It feels odd I'm even able to keep going after losing them…" Kamui takes a deep breath. It comes out shaky. The hand on his arm brushes up and down.

"Even now it hurts to talk about…but still I think I want to…" Kamui stares at his hands, shaking. Violet-blue orbs glisten, letting tears fall now feels too much. "I don't know…" Kamui shakes his head.

"It's alright to not know," Karen assures. "If you ask me. I think it's alright, to love and seek to be happy again… However, you find that happiness, you deserve to seek it out. "

"I'm not sure…" Kamui's smile goes a little bittersweet. "Of course, Everyone seems to know my feelings better than I do lately..." An elongated sigh follows up.

"What matters the most is how you feel," Karen insists and scoots her chair a bit closer. Her arms pull Kamui to the side hugging him into a comforting hug. There's something maternal about the warmth surrounding him.

"I'm terrified…" Kamui begins, voice barely above a whisper. "They're not all that wrong…" His hands tremble to link together on his lap.

Karen's eyes raise, before calming just as quickly She doesn't doubt the deep feelings Kamui holds. She didn't expect Kamui to be quite this overwhelmed by them, to feel bad for possibly wanting to start anew.

"It's alright, Kamui," Karen smiles sympathetically.

Kamui shakes his head. "It's not that simple...I want to be completely sure."

"I'm guessing this is where Subaru comes in," Karen gently supplies. Though there's a knowing gleam in her eyes.

Kamui nods. His lips tremble, and he gasps, feeling his head pulled to rest, upon his kind friend's shoulder. The nostalgia floods through Kamui's senses. He briefly recalls his mother, "Aunt" Saya… Happier days with them.

"Subaru is _special._ Always has been," He finds himself shaking, emotions flooding through his senses, pulling at his heart. "It's funny. He's usually the one I come to for most everything. Even though this is about him… I still want to talk to him about it."

Karen refrains from teasing Kamui. It's a little too easy, with the lovestruck smile and dreamy glimmer in his eyes. "It just shows how important he is to you."

"Honestly, it really isn't like that between us…". Kamui trails off, a tired sigh follows. He feels a tug at his chest, something aches more and more.

"Do you want it to be?"

_But...Subaru fell in love with Seishiro._

Not that Kamui would tell he and Subaru knew about each other was sacred. There were things he never wanted anyone in the world, but Subaru, to know. His pains, past trials, and hardships. The feeling of love and loss they've had holding the one they love so dearly during their final breaths.

He can't exactly answer this question.

_It doesn't matter what I want._

There were no guarantees even as close as they were the desire for more than their romantic-friendship was even present. Kamui didn't even know himself.

 _I'm only imagining things._ Kamui's mind attempts to persuade him to fall further into doubt.

"I'm not sure," Kamui finds the answer honest enough. It's way too complicated as it goes on. He awkwardly hugs his friend back before sitting up. Being vulnerable with his housemate was one thing. He didn't want to become a crying mess with everyone close to him.

"I wish I knew for sure," Kamui softly professes. He whispers a few hushed words the older woman can't help.

"You're the only one who can really look into your heart, Kamui," Karen tells him with a sense of wisdom. She goes on.

"If you ask me if certain feelings do change, you don't need to worry. Subaru adores you." She wants to confirm the reserved spiritualist had been head over heels for him for the past few months. Still, that would have to be something Kamui hears directly from the source.

"I can't see you being apart from each other's lives."

"I hope. I can't say how much he means to me…but," Kamui's lips curve up, beaming almost angelically at that. He can't fight down the flush. _I might… like him. Too much._

"To really know, you'll need to be honest with painful as it is, you have to sit down and ask your heart what you're truly feeling. And find what Shirou Kamui feels towards Sumeragi Subaru."

"Maybe…." Kamui responds vaguely. Though the darkening violet in his eyes, assures he's taken the words to heart.

"Well there's time to think that through, for now, I think it's alright to give yourself some time to relax," Karen begins. Her arms wrap around Kamui warmly, hugging him close one more time.

"Besides your tea's gotten cold," She adds lightly and takes the cup from Kamui's hand.

"W-wait it's alright. I don't mind!"

"It's fine."

"But I can warm it up myself!"

"You're sweet." She shakes her head. "It's really alright I want to. I care for you. It's alright to let others care for you too."

"I…" Kamui's mind can't find a good response to argue with

"Thank you, Karen."

She nods at this taking the mug of tea towards the stovetop and microwave

"It's not a problem," She assures. There's something mischievous in her eyes. She smiles seeing Kamui ease up and relax in his seat.

"Still, I appreciate it and of course for listening to me… " Kamui insists.

There's something warm about the quiet atmosphere. There were things he couldn't quite form to a word. Kamui eases back in his seat. The shy boy smiles, feeling a bit lighter.

 _I am glad I decided to come here and talk._ Kamui warmly thinks.

"And while you're here," She begins, smiling deviously at Kamui. He finds himself shrinking in his seat. "I should tell you a bit more about safe-sex practices between men. If and when Sumeragi _finally_ decides to make a move it's best for you to know ahead of time."

She says the words all too easily. Kamui's face heats a thousand shades of red.

"Th-that's-oh my god!" Kamui squeaks. His eyes seem about ready to pop, purely mortified.

"That-that's really not necessary. There's nothing close to that going on-" Kamui vehemently denied that kind of accusation. Their bed was purely for sleeping, and of course, cuddling. On occasion, little kisses on the forehead or the cheek were exchanged. That was mainly after a nightmare when comfort was needed the most. Though that was it!

Oh god, if Subaru heard her say that, or even know that came up today, he'd surely find a way to truly die of embarrassment. He covers his face with his hands and starts thinking up a million excuses to leave early or topics to move as far away from that as possible.

 _Maybe… I didn't make the best choice coming here._ Kamui corrects himself.

* * *

 _It's fine. I'll come in quietly, and hide these as quickly as possible._ Kamui tells himself his own plan. Trembling hands are hesitating to turn the doorknob. A few, questionable books are hidden under his arm. Books he had no choice but to take with him.

_"Okay, I won't embarrass you any further. Still, it's good information to know just in case. Just take these with you and I won't say another!~" Karen offered. She thrust the 'reading' materials so insistently in Kamui's arm._

Kamui takes a few long breaths. He closes his eyes. _It'll be fine, just stay calm._ He brings himself the courage to turn the doorknob.

"Welcome home," Subaru's voice greets him warmly.

"Ah-ah-I- Subaru!" Kamui stutters, his heart following along. He fumbles with his words, looking down. "Wh-what are you doing here? I mean...I-"

Subaru's eyebrows raise. He looks Kamui up and down questioning. Whatever he had brought along with him drew out some suspicion.

"O-obviously it's your," Kamui takes a quick breath. "Our house…" he finishes meekly.

Kamui misses the fond gleam in those gold and emerald eyes. Yet, there's a feeling of them gazing on him.

Subaru's lips quirk. The quiet male forgoes whatever he was reading, placing a simplistic black and white covered book down on the couch. Something told Kamui, Subaru was _not_ reading the same kind of content he brought back with him.

"How was your time with Kasumi?" Subaru asks simply. Kamui blushed, attempting to shove the books further behind him and out of the other's view. His housemate hadn't been able to look away from his flustered expression.

"I-it was fine…" Kamui mentions, pay extra attention to the detail of their entryway. He taps his shoes against the doormat, attempting to slip them off efficiently. He doesn't plan on starting to trip along the way.

"Kamui!" Subaru gasps, rushing in.

Kamui does not plan on dropping the books he'd planned on hiding away. The arms catching him are still welcomed, along with the warm chest. Kamui can't help but pillow his older man's chest. Neither pays any mind to mess on the floor for the time being.

"I'm home," Kamui sighs sweetly. His arms wrap around the taller male's shoulders. The older male easily sweeps Kamui off his feet and over the threshold, shoes falling back carelessly.

"You are," Subaru mildly jests. There's a playful glint, brightening his eyes. Kamui is gingerly placed back, his feet touching the floor again. The orbs of emerald and gold sparkle more than usual, leaving Kamui a little too entranced. There is something brighter about them today, seeming almost more pastel? Still, quite gem-like but-very bright.

Kamui doesn't realize he's started reaching out for the other, brushing his hand against Subaru's soft cheek. It isn't something new for them, neither is the hand clasping over Kamui's own.

"Did things go well today?" Subaru can't help but ask. The aversion of violet-blue eyes is slightly worrying. The pink flush spreads over Kamui's cheeks.

There is a bit of a satisfied smirk, watching the flush deepening as gentle kisses place on his temples. As usual Subaru's lips can't stay too long without falling to a helpless smile.

"Yeah, it was nice to see Karen again," Kamui explains vaguely, averting his eyes. The task becomes near impossible as a hand retracts over his own, and lifts to clasp his chin.

"And everything went well?" Subaru asks a bit more firmly. Kamui's head is guided to turn, fully facing the other. There's a protective gaze holding over Kamui.

"Y-yeah, we had tea and talked over some things…" The words are said vaguely.

"Oh?" An arm tightens around Kamui's' waist. They're flushed, chest to chest. Kamui looks up, eyes a little dizzy. There's some concern, as Subaru's thin pink lips fall south. He knew the older woman was quite open and comfortable with mature topics. He had hoped she hadn't said anything to make Kamui too uncomfortable. Especially while knowing his feelings for the world's savior from the get-go.

"Y-yeah, it was fine," Kamui assures, though his smile was a bit shaky. "Really!" He tries again, forcing a half-smile that only makes the older male feel more amorous, kissing the top of his head.

"Alright," Subaru concedes. Though the amused light in his eyes, tells Kamui he is not entirely believing it. Kamui didn't seem too traumatized and didn't seem to indicate he'd heard about Subaru's poorly suppressed feelings. Reluctantly, arms do loosen from around Kamui.

The shy male nods. "Y-yeah...though I-have some homework I should probably get to first…" He weakly feigns the excuse and glances down at the scattered books, with not so wholesome titles.

Subaru doesn't seem to notice or care as he leans down. "Here, let me help y-"

"NO!" Kamui hurriedly shrieks. The older man's eyes widened, stopping in surprise.

Kamui flushes and clears his throat. Time to try again. "No, it's alright but thank you." The shorter male takes a cautious step back. The universe wasn't done leaving him flustered. Stepping slightly back feels his heel bump against the back of a book, as his other foot, slips over one of the pages.

Kamui falls right back where he was before. His full body weight falls forward into the warm chest. He's slightly impressed to see how calmly the older man takes it, not even a single grunt at the impact. Arms welcome Kamui back in. He's squeezed tightly. "I'm glad you're home." Subaru hugs him back, leaving a light-headed Kamui to stare off.

"Your-books are they?" Subaru pauses, struggling with how to word this properly.

"Oh, right!" Kamui snaps back to reality. He's clumsier than usual barely managing to pick up a book before dropping them.

"Are those all for school?" Subaru decides to ask.

Kamui feels eternally grateful for his housemate being oblivious to his embarrassment. Even, while Kamui burns up with every book he brings and hugs his chest. His arms cover the book titles and content as much as possible.

"Y-yeah something like that," Kamui bites down on his lip.

"Alright," Subaru tells him and turns back towards the couch he had been reading on previously. "I had thought you told me you finished your homework early for the weekend? Do you need any help-"

"H-help?" _Help...learning that?_ Kamui's mind conjured up terribly erotic images. It was scarily easy to picture Subaru as the man he'd been dreaming up. Kamui vigorously shook his head.

"Oh, no-not at all- I should be done with it anyway...very soon…"

Subaru tutoring him in that subject or even knowing Kamui had these books was out of the question!

There definitely wasn't a way he could get through a single page of any of those books without combusting, in front of the older male. The dream from last night hadn't helped matters, making him realize he very much still had certain needs and desires he couldn't get rid of.

"Are you sure you're alright, Kamui?" Subaru questions once more, feeling Kamui's forehead burn up more. Worry laced dual-toned eyes, and he attempted to persuade the other to stay for a bit longer. Though the younger male was insistent.

"I'm fine!" He breaks out hurriedly. "Really-I-I should get to work though…" Kamui glances up towards the staircase, he'd find a place to hide these. At least, until he could return them.

"Are you...sure Kamui?" There's hesitance. Was it prying too much? "You have been a little...jumpy today," Subaru says carefully, pressing his hand to the other's forehead. Which only burned up more from the touch. Kamui had been certainly off since this morning.

"No, I really am alright," Kamui can't hide the fondness in his voice. Curious eyes do manage to look towards one of the books, spotting part of the title. And things were starting to click.

_Oh..._

Kamui knew he had to change the focus of the other. Kamui leaned up on his tip-toes, making the taller male flushed and speechless. Eyes closing, Kamui leaned in, gingerly pressing his lips to the older man's cheeks. "I'll be done soon," he follows up, quickly turning and rushing up the stairs.

Subaru only watches as Kamui clumsily rushes up the steps. His eyes follow until Kamui disappears into one of the rooms. This only leaves the lovesick man further lost, a foolish smile spreads over his lips. His hand brushes over his cheek, the spot Kamui's soft lips just kissed.

Which was flustering enough. The older man couldn't help but blush, recalling what he did manage to see amongst Kamui's books.

" _Kama Su-_ " followed by two male symbols " ", the rest being covered by Kamui's arms. It was more than enough to paint a picture of exactly what was working Kamui up.

And it was more than enough to be flooding Subaru's fantasies for days. The person he was in love with was just upstairs, flustered and possibly reading erotic materials. A book that depicted many sexual positions between men, quite explicitly. So it was a subject which Subaru very much would be happy to _help_ Kamui with.

Subaru gave up on a chance of doing anything productive today. Not unless he could talk himself out of his mind going there or calm his body from the reaction.

It was totally normal to want to know about sexuality. Both he and Kamui shared an attraction to men, there was nothing odd about wanting to know more of that. Kamui's second love had been a man. That interest was still there.

It was perfectly normal, nothing to get worked up about. This should not have even been affecting him in any way. Except it was _Kamui_ , making all his attempts to calm himself futile.

Yes, he would need a long cold shower to sort this out.

* * *

A full week passed before Kamui could properly look his housemate in the eyes, at least without burning up and getting light-headed. Curiosity was a deadly habit. Kamui promised himself to hide the rather erotic books and be rid of them as soon as possible.

Though he was supposed to have the house to himself for the next few hours. He laid himself down on the floor in the guest rooms (which was technically for him, although more often than not it went unused). But today was one of those days it would be used as a "study" room.

Thankfully, all he did was read one of the books. Subaru coming back early was unexpected and Kamui hadn't heard his name called. All of this led to the older male getting an eyeful of the contents of his open book.

_"I'm sorry, I called for you but you didn't answer and the door was open so…" Subaru attempted calmly, but was as red as Kamui. Kamui hadn't even bothered to close or hide the book, his mouth slack-jawed as his eyes shivered._

_"No! It's fine. I hadn't responded so it's not a problem. And ah th-this it isn't mine!" Kamui swore vehemently, his ears burning up. It wasn't a lie. "I just…well…"_

_"It's perfectly fine," Subaru attempted to calm himself and Kamui. "I mean, It's completely normal to read…and be aware of. " The words came out more awkwardly than he had hoped. Kamui burned up, even more, seeming like he was about to cry, burying his face into the carpet._

_"Sorry, I-I'll give you space, privacy to…"_

_Subaru swallowed mouth going dry. It was increasingly hard not to think of Kamui being in the compromising position illustrated in his book. "I'll be in the office!" Subaru excused himself._

Now, things have calmed down. Kamui managed to return most of the books. Some of which Karen assured were gifts for Kamui, and therefore non-refundable or returnable. Yet, Kamui could hide the books easily enough in a box, tucked under a pile of more appropriate texts to read.

Now that the embarrassing scenario was out of mind, he could concentrate a bit. Kamui could at least act somewhat normal and finally work up the nerve to ask Subaru to go with the Spring Festival, with him.

And perhaps… he'd understand this feeling that's been lingering a bit more.

"Subaru?" Kamui descends their home's staircase quietly. Violet-blue eyes glaze over when he sees his housemate, spread out on the couch. His paperwork was skewed, falling over the table beside him. Subaru's arms were hugging one of the pillows close to his chest, like a teddy-bear. Not all that unlike how they held Kamui.

There was a relaxed, peaceful smile on his face. Kamui's finger absently traced soft pale lips, with his fingers, before he even realized it. He stopped himself upon noticing, glaring at his hand for its betrayal.

 _He needs his rest._ Kamui reasons sitting down on the floor, his head pillowing in a space on the couch cushion. Soft eyes focus on the sleeping figure with fondness _._

 _He's so peaceful._ Kamui ponders. _I wish he could be like this more._

The shine in violet eyes only increased ten-fold as he felt a hand reaching and brushing against his cheek. Subconsciously, he nuzzles against the touch, checking periodically to make sure Subaru was, in fact, still sleeping.

 _There's plenty of time. Tomorrow might be a better day to ask anyway._ Kamui takes the hand against his cheek, kissing it softly. Soft plush-lips linger in a way that he remembers Subaru's doing quite often to him.

Kamui grasps for the gentle hand, holding is gentle. He laces their fingers neatly, liking how neatly they puzzled together. _Good night, Subaru._

Chapter 8 End

* * *

(I'll see you on Valentine's Day)


	9. Tulip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 1/2 of my Valentine's Day inspired sap. 
> 
> Subaru and Kamui grow closer. Romantic tension ensues, after months of dancing around each other with every touch and near kisses. Both are very much ready to cross the line, although the idea of the other's reciprocation causes hesitation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tulip flower Symbolism: absolute romance, declaration of love, eternal love, sensuality...are some of the most common ones. Red Tulips=eternal love, declaring love, undying love. Variegated=you have beautiful eyes. We are getting fluffy and romantic here.
> 
> This chapter/arc ended up way longer than planned! I'm splitting the chapters up (they're still long even then) since there are a ton of events going on. Both parts are finished though and will be up today.

**Ambrosia: Tulip**

_Healing…._

Winds gently bristle flowers throughout the grassy field. Comforting hands hold painfully tight. Kamui manages to lead towards the resting place of his childhood friends.

"Thank you," Kamui turns back to the taller male behind him. It would be the first time since Fuuma's passing, Kamui had come here with someone. Exposing absolute vulnerability like that- it could only be with Subaru.

The protective man was exceedingly quiet. He had been since they left home. The first stop at the florist was draining, to say the least. Seeing someone he loved so distraught, and broken up, made his heart plummet.

That first stop should have been quick and easy. Kamui even cracked a very tiny half-smile. The first smile that day. Subaru had only been honest. He insisted he _wanted_ to be there with Kamui, to pay his respects, pick out whatever flowers Kamui would find most suitable for his late friends. That little smile counted as a victory.

When they walked into the shop, things shifted. Being as close as the pair had been, it was a common mistake. The elderly woman at the shop assumed she'd be gathering flowers for some kind of anniversary.

Under better circumstances, Subaru would have cherished the mistake. Kamui flushing scarlet, at being referenced as the older male's "shy girlfriend," was cute. Though things were short-lived. Beloved violet-blue eyes were starting to tear up, and changed the mood entirely.

The atmosphere tended to change at the mention of loss. The death of a loved one. Subaru didn't make Kamui talk to respond since they went in. The younger male hadn't said a word since they left the house. His head held down for the walk.

Kamui had been insistent on the cleaning aspect of things, thoroughly cleaning and honoring his lost loves. A brief stop home followed up gathering necessities to keep their place clean. Kamui quickly collected clean rags, a bucket, and incense to burn.

Living with a well-known spiritualist had many benefits. The excess and variety of incense to choose from certainly helped.

"You're ready?" Subaru asks softly, running a hand up and down Kamui's arm. The latter only nods, torn between openly tearing up now or brooding until they arrived. Subaru's soft comforting hand cards through his unruly locks. Violet-blue eyes close at the gentle caress.

"Alright," Subaru says sweetly. He quietly brushes his hand over Kamui's. "Would you like any help?" He refers to the arm full of supplies.

Kamui lingers on the question. Though he decides to accept the offer, bowing his head slightly.

Silently, Subaru grasps the heavier of the items. The silver bucket and ladle aren't exactly heavy but bulkier. Subaru knew well how strong Kamui had been, but what mattered was keeping Kamui as unburdened as possible.

Subaru felt his heart lurch as they came on campus. The beautiful botanical department seemed dimmer than usual... Kamui all but collapsed in front of a valve. Shaky hands slipped and dropped the bucket he'd been holding.

"Kamui…" The caring man knelt beside him, hugging the smaller figure to his side. With a few guided breaths, Kamui manages to lift the empty bucket and try again.

Assuring steady hands covered shaking ones. Subaru assisted Kamui in turning the knob and holding up the empty bucket. With hope, Kamui wouldn't take his offers the wrong way, didn't want to take over too much of what Kamui deemed important.

Seeing those beautiful hands trembling, brought a strong urge within the protective man. An urge he could never quite resist. His larger hands continued to clasp over Kamui's, guiding them through a simple yet draining process.

Kamui glanced at Subaru quickly. The hand holding his, guided Kamui to release the bucket's metal handle. Torn-up, trembling and broken violet eyes looked up for answers a sense of hope things would be alright.

Subaru grasps for Kamui's hand, still shaking, clinging to the ladle on the side of the bucket. Nimble fingers eased Kamui's grip. He took the trembling hand, placing it at Kamui's side.

Lips were shaking as badly as Kamui's body. He couldn't even kneel without falling back to his bottom. There was a brief moment of silence, the two men fell into each other's eyes. Emerald and gold comforted pleading violet-blue eyes. The pain was inevitable, but the older man planned to lessen the suffering as much as possible.

"K-Kamui?" With a yelp, Subaru had a half-second to see Kamui lunge towards him. The younger male squeezed him hard, arms locked under Subaru's. Kamui buried himself in the other's arms. He sought clarity in a steady heartbeat.

Subaru protectively embraced his beloved. Hands brushed loving circles up and down Kamui's back. Silent tears dripped upon the comforting male's black turtleneck.

The time that passed hadn't mattered. Kamui would make the calls today. He stayed in the comfort, a warmth that soothed him. Soft little gasps and breaths came out.

Subaru waited for Kamui's breathing to settle to check his face. The heartbroken boy looked up at him, then went right back to his hiding place. A few moments later, some heartbeats later Kamui leaned back up, propping himself up with unsteady arms. With slowed breathing, he could expose his vulnerability once more.

Pain outpoured from sensitive, watery orbs. Deeply enamored, Subaru brushed his thumb over every little drop of emotion that would fall from his beloved's eyes. The feeling of Kamui's arms still looping around him encouraged him to continue.

When they did rise from the ground, Kamui clutched at his source of safety, hugging Subaru's waist. The older male knelt down, to grasp for the bucket and ladle. Kamui's hands were also far too unsteady to hold tightly to the washcloths or boxes of incense.

"Thank you," Kamui finally spoke, though very meekly. A bit of shame and guilt curls his lips downwards. His eyes search for any hint of exasperation but there is none, there never has been. The remaining materials needed, are neatly tucked under the steadier man's arm.

"It's no problem," Subaru assures. It really wasn't trouble. Although, Subaru did have to quickly shift hands to carry the full bucket, when Kamui suddenly clung to his arm, spilling water. Violet-blue eyes hid away in his sleeve.

There's no room for argument when Subaru carries the necessities the rest of the way up the grassy hill. Kamui is reluctantly given the bouquet to hold when they are close enough.

Much like at the garden valves, Kamui dropped to his knees. Subaru placed the bucket down gently, followed by the box of lavender incense, and washcloths.

The smaller male took a moment, clutching at the flowers. His eyes stared off for a moment, fingers absently playing with petals. Subaru partly wished he brought extra flowers if nothing else just for Kamui to have something to hold to. To keep.

"I'm…" Kamui begins. His eyes redden further, before placing the flowers to the side. The younger male seeks shelter again, this time his arms loop around Subaru's neck. Kamui's teary face nuzzles against an accepting shoulder. He's partially aware of his actions when he inhales the other man's scent.

"I should start…" Kamui follows up. He releases the protective man from his hold. Kamui already knew he'd spend countless hours cuddling up to him after.

Less shaky than earlier, long slender fingers curl and grasp for the ladle. Very gingerly he sprinkles some of the water over a dustier part of Kotori's gravestone.

Next Kamui grasps for the washcloths. Carefully, he scrubs the sides clean following the front and back. There isn't a tedious amount of work needed, having been cleaned days ago.

Kamui repeats the process. He takes a new washcloth and starts moving it up and down the stone.

Subaru only waits beside Kamui. This was something incredibly important, he knew Kamui would come to him if and when he wanted help.

It never feels like enough, but Kamui does put the used cloth down beside the bucket. Finally, Kamui turns back. His hands grasp for the box of incense sticks.

The shaky male divides the sticks into two equal cups, one for each loved one.

"Um… Subaru?" Kamui asks hoarsely. His voice shakes a bit.

The older male complies, coming closer towards the finger beckoning him near. He nods, putting it together. He brings out a lighter from his pocket.

Kamui takes it, his shaky hands nearly give Subaru a heart attack.

"Kamui!"

This goes especially so when trembling fingers lose control, turning the lighter to its side and nearly burning the grieving male's hand.

Quickly, a longer hand encompasses Kamui's. Subaru positions himself to sit directly behind Kamui. Guiding the younger male carefully, he peers over Kamui's shoulder, helping him light the incense.

The scent of lavender emits. The soothing effect calms Kamui enough to take a long shaky breath. Followed by two more. With each breath, Kamui becomes a bit more steady.

The process accelerates as he feels arms encircling him from behind. His back is pressed to a warm chest that feels like home.

"Subaru?" Kamui whispers, tenderly

"Hm?" The protective man acknowledges, nuzzling the back of his neck.

"I…" Red circles become clear around tearing violet eyes.

"Shh...it's okay," Subaru softly hushes him. His hold is even more protective, for the moment it's all that keeps the world's savior grounded. There's that speck of light in the darkest cave. Kamui finds the light becoming clear the further he went.

"I really…" Kamui's trembling again. He states at his own hands in agony. The blood imprints of the holy sword linger there. He feels it when coming here.

"I really loved them…" Kamui laments, fingers digging into the dirt. This time Kamui isn't alone. It was a little easier to breathe.

"I know," Subaru says, wrapping the other's heart up alongside his body. His head falls to Kamui's shoulder, breathing him in.

When lips settle between his neck and shoulder, Kamui feels something spark. He hurriedly turns around in the embrace. He lunges fiercely, overwhelmed by emotion. Violet-blue eyes are foggy, pained, fighting the urge to fall apart over and over again.

The taller man is knocked back against the ground. Kamui's smaller current wraps snuggly around him, not letting go. Crying _again_ in front of his protector was already scary. Yet, Kamui couldn't even stop himself from full-on sobbing. "Ugly" crying, emotions drench from his eyes, nose, and redden his cheeks.

Subaru finds his balance, placing his hands on the side of him. He props them both up, letting Kamui settle between his stretched out legs.

"I… Ha…" Kamui whimpers, breathing more shallow and worrisome.

Subaru whispers a few soft phrases. Sweet nothings in Kamui's ears.

_You're incredible. I need you. You mean the world to me. Take all the time you need. I'll be here._ Every thought that comes to mind is caressed into a warm ear.

"I really L-loved them both. So…" Kamui takes a breath. He buries himself into the man's neck.

"So much…"

"I know," Subaru consoles. He hugs Kamui tightly. "Your heart is so sincere, kind…Beautiful." He lets the thought slip amorously. Sparkling lights in those gem-hued eyes are enough to make Kamui breathless.

"Everyone who's been blessed to have a place in your heart…would tell you the same."

"Subaru… " Kamui looks up, seeing watery dual-hued eyes. His heart clenches. The mourning male squeezes and presses his body deep and hard against the other.

At some point, they end up back on the ground. The younger male is the only person capable, allowed to keep the Sumeragi head pinned down like that. Upon the dirt, and for as long as he pleased, it was accepted.

Kamui falls asleep briefly, vaguely remembers sitting up, offering prayers. Though it's hard to see through misty orbs. At some point, things are cleaned up. A part of him wants to be selfish and ask Subaru to carry him back home, just as he did that first day.

Though the kind man's arms are already fully carrying everything. Kamui opts to hold on and press himself tightly against Subaru's arm.

* * *

Returning from the memorial grounds leaves both of the men drained. Kamui rests his head in his protector's lap, stirring awake. Subaru combs fingers through his hair as one would a small kitten.

"Thank you…" Kamui mumbles more than a little abashed recalling how untamed he had been earlier. He turns his head so he's looking directly up to a smiling face.

"I'm happy I was able to be there with you," Subaru expresses, a tender and private smile follow. Gentle hands guide Kamui's head to lay back down fully. Fingers brush over tired eyelids, urging them to go back to resting.

Kamui laughs lightly at this but indulges in resting for a moment longer. Subaru watches, waits for beautiful violet eyes to relax, for long fluttering lashes to close.

Things feel calmer. Gentle emerald-gold eyes hold him tenderly when he wakes up again. Kamui yawns, mouth outstretched wide like a lion.

Subaru softly chuckles. Kamui's lips curl at the breathy sound and find his hand stroking the taller male's cheek. His protective housemate, his person, brings a hand up to cover his.

Kamui's unclaimed hand is joined with Subaru. Lips pepper soft little kisses throughout. Kamui blushes, face heating more and more, as the older man locks eyes with him for every little kiss.

"Do you want to rest more?" Subaru asks softly against the hand. The once seldom kisses to his hand, are repeated countless times. Every press overflowed with Kamui's senses.

"What?" Kamui asks, face warm and dreamy.

"Would you like to rest for longer?" The gentle-hearted man reiterates.

"I… Should probably take a bath…"

"You _should?"_ A curious raven eyebrow lifts. "But you do want to?" There's a tiny little playful smile, that makes Kamui caress the cheek in his hand even more.

The dreamy-eyed male softly laughs. "Yes, I want to." Kamui clarifies sitting up from his seat.

"Then I'll draw you a bath," Subaru offers, slowly helping Kamui up. The hand on Kamui's lower back lingers. The smaller male beams, feeling himself cradled. Something is entrancing about how neatly Kamui fits right into Subaru's arm.

"Thank you," Kamui says, yawning again as he finally does stand up.

Subaru does sit up fully. He kisses Kamui's hand a bit more firm, devoted. The audible sound of lips smacking lightly on his skin makes Kamui shiver.

Subaru's thankfully not pressed up against him, doesn't comment on the reaction. A gentle smile surfaces, Subaru retreats down the hall.

Kamui props himself up, to look over the couch. He watches the retreating back down the hall. Violet-blue eyes trail down admiring the slender figure. They linger on the other's broad shoulders, back, strong arms that lift him so easily.

Very quickly and shyly Kamui steals a glance of the older male's firm backside. Just about every inch Kamui admires is so firm and lean. He turns back quickly, as though he'd be caught for lingering a second longer. Though curious eyes linger on the way lean muscles contract and extend.

"Kamui?" Subaru asks curiously, oblivious. "Are you alright?"

"Yes…" Kamui responds mousey. He ducks down behind the couch. His mind tries to find an excuse for what he was doing, as he hears the bathroom door close. There was some other explanation he could muster, besides checking his housemate out.

Though Kamui doesn't quite trust himself not to blurt out something stupid. He grasps for the television remote and presses a button for a random channel. He sees some kids' anime on-screen, Kamui takes a bit of interest. The rival character looks a bit like a teenage version of Subaru.

When the real Subaru returns, Kamui hastily changes the channel. It's not like Subaru could or read his mind, he thinks, but it's better to be careful.

Subaru's eyes raise a tad bit curious as to why Kamui quickly changes from what seemed like a rather innocent show. Still, today should be about making Kamui happy, and embarrassing him as little as possible (even if it caused quite entrancing expressions). So, Subaru doesn't voice his curiosity.

"Your bath's started," Subaru tells him. Kamui nods.

"I'll be there in a minute," Kamui says, a little too comfy now, on the couch.

Emerald and gold eyes sparkle as they see the one they love cozy on the sofa. Having Kamui move just yet would be a shame. The older male walks towards the front of the couch and lifts Kamui's legs.

A cute little squeak emits from Kamui. He doesn't know what to say when he feels moved so suddenly. Subaru is pleased to hear another squeak when Kamui's suspended legs are guided to lay back down across his lap.

He reddens, eyes glued to the screen, even if it was on a rather plain cup-noodle commercial.

His observant housemates follow his gaze the idea sparks. "It's almost time for dinner, I thought we could do takeout, or whatever you're in the mood for?"

"Takeout is fine," Kamui complied, a little tired of cooking. He glances up at the clock, sees how late it's gotten. "Maybe sushi?" Kamui's stomach gurgles a little.

"Sushi it is," Subaru is already reaching for the phone.

Kamui smiles at this as he leans up. The flushed face inches closer, growing pinker by the millimeter, but he wants to do this. It seemed like Subaru didn't mint it.

Plush lips press against Subaru's cheek. Kamui beams victorious, seeing the older male redden that fast. He might have enjoyed seeing that reaction a bit too much.

"Thank you, Subaru," Kamui says before swinging his legs up and out over the couch.

Still, processing the kiss, Subaru's eyes linger at the space where Kamui had been. He's quick to turn around. "Have a nice bath," Subaru calls and slumps down with his back against the couch.

Looking up a few restaurants online, Subaru comes to a decision. He feels especially like spoiling Kamui, so the finest food was necessary.

Kamui comes out of the bath a bit later. His cheeks flushed from the steam in his eyes are relaxed. By the time he comes out, a small towel on his head, the smells of fresh food floods his senses.

Kamui licks at his lips. The smaller male walks towards the table in front of the dining table, wraps his arm around the other's waist. Subaru smiles at this, tugging at Kamui's arms and spinning him around so they're face to face.

"I wasn't sure what you'd want tonight so a variety seemed good. We can eat wherever you'd like." Subaru spreads out the various displays of the colorful and expansive tray of different sushi rolls. Packets of soy sauce, and lidded cups of dipping sauces, wasabi, and ginger, surround the main meal.

Kamui reaches for the rainbow roll first. Overanalyzing his quick decision, he feels himself flush, his friends would tease him about that.

"It's nothing…" Kamui shakes his head, laughing a little, seeing curious eyes. The pair take a few paper plates. Placed on are various pieces from the trays of sushi. Chopsticks and lidded cups of dipping sauce sit nicely on the side.

Admitting, it brings them closer to cuddling on the couch again is a little too much for Kamui to handle. Not vocally saying more, he goes back towards the lower table before the TV set.

Subaru sits down beside Kamui. Their thighs brush up against each other. A more action-themed anime movie plays on the TV.

After pressing their hands in prayer fashion giving thanks for the meal, they start in. Neither talk over the show, but their gazes don't focus too much on whatever is happening either. The atmosphere between them is tranquil and zen.

"Are you enjoying your food?" Subaru happily inquires, smiling at the way Kamui's lips and side of his are covered with brown dipping sauce. A long finger extends to wipe the side of Kamui's mouth.

"Mhmm!" Kamui nods while devouring another savory piece. The younger male, oblivious to his power over the other, dips out his tongue. He enthusiastically licks his lips, a tiny moan follows at the taste.

"Ah, sorry!" Kamui takes a napkin both hiding and wiping his messy face. Cheeks paint pink, realizing his improper display.

"No need," Subaru holds up a hand. "I'm glad you like it," he says. Gold and emerald eyes linger, watching with interest.

Kamui, beautiful, sweet, perfectly oblivious Kamui speaks without thinking anything through.

"Do you… want to _taste_ it?" He asks, licking his lips subconsciously, drawing heated eyes to them.

Self-control was certainly being tested tonight. At some point, Subaru might need to talk to Kamui about his word choice. And hopefully, in the future, _thoroughly_ explain those euphemisms and work through some of the "reading materials" Kamui brought home the other night.

That moment is neither here nor there. Now, there are innocent sparkling eyes, that he fell in

Love with. The sweet way Kamui extends his chopsticks, cradling a piece of the sushi roll, to the other.

The unintended tease squeezes at Subaru's heart and a heated coil in his stomach. A bit insistent of seeing the reaction. Another part of him wants to return the favor and feeling Subaru had been left with. Subaru parts his lips taking the food into his mouth, languidly.

Kamui's hand trembles at the way his very close housemate leans in. Subaru's hand holds his wrist steady. Lips linger, closing over the tip of the chopsticks. With widening doe eyes glued to his every move, it's enticing to continue just a bit further. Lips close a bit tighter, briefly sucking the instrument raw.

It's gotten to feel far too hot. Kamui's toes curl, a dream with a very similar action took place not long ago. Of course, that hadn't involved utensils.

Kamui is blushing cherry-red from ear to ear. Blue-violet eyes watch as soft pale lips clap over the tips of the utensil, licking the remains of the sauce clean.

"It's very good," Subaru comments, eyes with bright mirth. Gold and emerald eyes lock on Kamui as he gives it one last lick.

The change in atmosphere was not entirely planned but hopeful for his fantasies. Kamui was far more reactive than he imagined. The pretty blush overflows cherry-red up and down Kamui's face.

The younger male squirms, pressing his legs closed and taking the utensils back. Hurriedly, he shoves a bite of food into his wasn't about to answer questions any time soon.

Thankfully, the older male didn't tease or press Kamui further. He wanted the person he loved actually able to eat, without passing out from heat exhaustion.

Though a satisfied smirk flooded his lips as he saw his beloved still in his head. Kamui, was still, so reactive, and rubbing his thighs together. Subaru was left with a realization. He might have possibly kind of, totally aroused the person he loves so dearly. As hot as that felt, Subaru wanted to do things right. Work up to something more suggestive, and claim Kamui's heart fully first and foremost.

"I-I'll be right back," Kamui rushes out and down the hall to the bathroom. Determination to keep himself calm before fully reacting, overthinking things was strong.

Subaru groans are low as he hears the door close behind his love.

The consequences of his actions become abundantly clear. Subaru forces himself to cool off, mind-calming in a soft meditation that was never _intended_ for this.

But it was quick and effective. Subaru let out a low breath. He could clear through less heated eyes when Kamui came back.

It took a full hour for Kamui to look back up at Subaru. Perhaps, that was a bit too far.

"Kamui?"

"Hm?"

"I really am sorry," Subaru commits to breaking the tension. burning up.

"For what?" Kamui returns shakily. Darkened violet eyes glancing ahead at whatever was on screen, clearly knowing a bit more than he let on.

"For earlier," Subaru says, hearing a little squeak from Kamui.

"There's nothing to apologize for.." A pause... "Not at all," Kamui waves his hand very defensively in front of his face

"But, still I…" It didn't seem productive to continue further. Continuing the conversation also would mean admitting to getting aroused for one another.

The older male shakes his head. He wraps an arm around Kamui's shoulder, cuddles him close. The younger boy eased in the hold, looking up a bit before turning his gaze away.

When they did finish eating and cleaning up the clock dictated it was still rather early in the evening. It was the weekend to boot.

"Do you have to get back to anything… work?" Kamui hesitates, hating every bit of how his voice squeaks out like a cliche schoolgirl.

"No," Subaru responds quickly. Not if it meant taking time away from whatever Kamui planned.

"Would you like to… I don't know… Watch another show or movie… Or something …." His voice breaks up softer by the word. _And cuddle…_ is very much implied. Shy violet eyes dart towards the couch, feeling extra exposed.

Thankfully for Kamui, his housemate doesn't delay on the much-appreciated invitation.

"I would," Subaru confirms, brushing their noses together. Kamui brightens at that, pressing his lips closed."I'll get a blanket."

Subaru says, revealing a cozy plush blanket he knows Kamui adores curling up in. Countless late nights coming home to see his love, asleep and bundled up like a cocoon attested to that.

After plopping the folded blanket on the side of the couch, they sit. The mood being cooler and calmer makes it easy for Kamui to lean in a little more.

Whatever movie played in the background was forgotten. Small conversations faded, an arm as a Kamui's waist brought him close. Subaru guided him as he leaned down, lying flat on his back. Kamui fell with him, pressing his cheek to the older man's chest.

Their legs tangled up slowly as Subaru brought the comfy blanket over Kamui. Laying on top of the man who'd driven a million emotions out of him, he hurriedly hides his face away.

"Kamui…" Subaru whispers fondly... All too comfortably he allows Kamui his hiding spot. He brushes his fingers through Kamui's soft hair, pulling him back to sleep.

Certain, of Kamui's sleepy state. Subaru stretches out his arm to grasp for the remote and press off the power.

There's a pleasing little smile and sigh that escapes Kamui, from whatever he is dreaming.

"Kamui…" Subaru whispers the boy's name. Sniffles and light snoring are all that fill the silence between. The protective man leans his head back against the pillows, closing his eyes.

"I love you," Subaru murmurs. Gentle lips pepper kisses on the crown of the raven-black head. Kamui was too far gone in the realm of sleep to hear.

Kamui subconsciously cuddles up and nuzzles his cheek on a warm chest, breathing out the older man's name. They might be in a little too deep.

* * *

_Invitation_

There was a little over a week to get this done. The Spring Festival at their school was fast approaching. Everyone around the abashed student seemed to have already confirmed his plans for the day.

_I can do this…_ Kamui prepares himself for the nth time this week. It was a simple question, and Subaru was so kind, it's not like even a rejection would be said in anything but a compassionate way. Even if things didn't quite work out...it would be fine.

"Umm...Subaru?" Kamui knocks gently on the side of the office door.

"You can come in Kamui," Subaru responded gently, beckoning him over. The angelic-smile following left Kamui's knees to buckle. He clutched to the side of the door frame for balance, before breathing in softly.

"Right…" Kamui murmured. It was increasingly hard not to think how he'd been here not long ago, comforting Subaru, sitting in his lap. That same then innocent heartwarming position just had to be eroticized by the books he had.

Kamui settled for taking a seat where he still had some space. Something is calming about the gentle glances and smiles exchanged.

Yes, they were close, always had been. If Kamui had any say in it, they always would be. Lately, it only felt they were growing even closer, more comfortable with proximal intimacy. That didn't mean things had to change, of course. Things weren't necessarily going to change.

Plenty of friends were close and could cuddle and… Kamui swallows. He sees the taller male rising from his seat, walking closer.

Plenty of friends...possibly...would Feel their heart racing like crazy. Those heart-beats surely skip when their "friend" is inches away from their face, cupping their cheek. Right...

"Lost in thought?" Subaru's words ring through his mind smoothly. Kamui feels his smile melting against his cheeks.

"I… wanted to see if," Kamui averts his gaze feeling it all too easy to drown in those gem colored eyes. That could lead him to say something stupid that might ruin what they've had. Absently, Kamui's tongue licks out to clear his lips of their dryness.

There's a heat coming from Subaru's eyes as they blissfully take in everything regarding Kamui. He was a bit tempted to just say "yes" to whatever Kamui wanted, but saw it was something Kamui was working on getting out.

"I wanted to see if… You would…" Kamui's thoughts attempt to talk him through it all. _Just ask him about the Spring Festival. It'll be over before you know it._

"It's alright, Kamui," Subaru assures the younger male to whatever it is. His sparkling eyes entrance Kamui, up close it's easier to notice how full the other's lashes were. "Just take a moment to breathe…"

Kamui is hugged tightly. He gasps, being lifted only to be placed right by the taller male's side. Something was calming, feeling their legs brush.

"Okay…" Kamui takes the earlier advice. He closes his eyes and _feels_ the light pressure of his lips on his temples. His breathing does calm, as he slowly exhales and feels his hand being held so tenderly.

When he does open his eyes, Kamui worries for his heart. There's something about the adoring smile and shimmering eyes that makes his heart skip countless beats.

"I wanted to know if…" Kamui begins more calmly than before. There's nothing but tenderness in gold and emerald orbs as they glisten. "You'd want to go to the Spring festival…With me?"

Subaru looks somewhat surprised at the request. _So that's what's been worrying him._ The innocent request and Kamui's earnest eyes looking up at him decide for him.

"Of course, I'd be happy to go with you," Subaru answers. He feels the heat radiating from Kamui's pink cheeks. It matches his own as Kamui's lips curve to a bright angelic smile which only takes his breath away.

"Really?" Kamui asks much more at ease.

Subaru nods, not trusting himself to blurt out everything he loved about Kamui that second.

Kamui leans in close. "Thank you…" His eyes flutter close, pressing a gentle kiss on the other cheek. He feels a burn under his lips. "It's next Saturday. I know your schedule has been busy lately. So I understand if something comes up…"

Fingers trail under Kamui's chin. The younger male is coaxed to look up. There's nothing short of kindness and adoration in gem-like eyes that only darken in their color. "That won't happen," He assures.

"I know work can be unpredictable and-"

A finger presses to Kamui's lips.

"I'm keeping the day entirely open."

Kamui pouts, not wanting to be entirely selfish. He doesn't know why he argues when the words only make his chest feel warm. Carefully, Kamui takes the finger off his lips. "But...it's okay if there are changes know there are so many people who might need your help and-"

"Kamui," Subaru calmly soothes him. He hushes, tugging Kamui close to his side. "It's what I want to do. It's not as though I'm the only Onmyouji in Tokyo."

"But-"

"It doesn't matter even if I was or had a million requests that day," Subaru insists, tone a bit more firm. There was a very precise gaze on the younger male that drew him in.

" _Kamui…_ "

Kamui shivers at the intensity of dual-hued eyes boring into him. Looking into those eyes, pupils blow up, nearly shielding all of the gold and green. "What matters to me…" _More than anyone or anything._

"All I want to do is," Subaru rephrases his words, seconds from declaring how deeply he's fallen for his former leader. Though no matter his word choice it comes out helpless, and lovesick. "Is to be there with you."

Kamui pauses, pressing his lips together. His lips feel as dry as his throat. A pink tongue slips out, licking his lips nervously. The younger male's gaze stays on Subaru but there's a certain shyness glistening in his eyes. There's no way for Kamui to hide the pleased smile on his lips.

_It's only one day too. It's not too selfish… Right?_ Subaru certainly seemed more than okay with it.

"I'm glad then…" Kamui sweetly admits. The profession replays in Kamui's mind over and over. He shakes his head, confirming with his heart. "I… I'm actually really happy." Kamui softly admits, glancing down, nervously running his fingers through his hair.

"That you can go…" The admittance is so soft, meek, and mouse-like. Kamui shifts his gaze, glancing around the rooms, taking interest in the mundane walls, floor ceiling. Or whatever could keep him calm.

"You're the one who asked me to, Kamui " Subaru proclaims, tone falling to a whisper. Their faces are centimeters apart, hearing and feeling each other's words wasn't a problem.

"So of course, I'll be there…" There's a hint of vulnerability, exposing a bit of his weakness for the younger male, the one who only seemed to make him fall harder.

"Besides... I just..."

_I don't think I could say no to you. Certainly not over something like this._

_"_ I _want_ to be _with_ you, _Kamui_ , " Subaru confesses, heart wide open. Exposed, dual-toned eyes start trembling, seeing beautiful blue-violet studying their every move. Kamui is the one to lean forward. Temples kiss softly.

"S-Subaru…" Kamui processes the feeling sparking behind those words. Something far beyond a simple festival.

Words like that...A profession like that, and the raw emotion burning through Subaru's gaze, was powerful. Something one would only expect to see in an overly emotional BL series. Kamui felt the burn on his cheeks. His pink face only seemed to draw out a stronger heat from the older male's eyes.

This was entirely real, raw, and more heart-throbbing than any BL or shoujo series could prepare him for.

Kamui's breath came out shaky. It was way too much to try and look directly at those sparkling gems of eyes. The way they kept taking him in, devouring everything he had made his stomach twist, coiling up with a far too embarrassing heat.

Subaru's eyes flare with a passion, irises darkening and changing. All the while, they better contrast with white gleams in his eyes.

Kamui never expected to feel a look like that this way. Countless emotions danced through gold and emerald orbs. They weren't solely protective, caring, or gentle. There was something a bit more alluring, seductive even.

Calm _down. Think this through._

It wasn't technically a confession in _that way._ They weren't a couple… They were supposed to still be heartbroken over their past loves, right? Not evoking something possibly even stronger than before.

" _Kamui_ ," Subaru whispers a bit slowly. His lips caress his name with such deep devotion as though anything less would be unworthy.

Raw tenderness of the words, clarity in how real they were, made his legs start to tremble.

There was definitely a certain feeling they evoked.

_I think I might be…_ Kamui feels his heart thundering. A gentle hand guides his chin up. When Kamui does glance back, his eyes look into tender, slightly heated gold and emerald. Subaru gingerly leans down in time with Kamui looking up bit by bit. Warm breaths ghost over the other's cheeks.

Beautiful violet-blue eyes dip. Full, dark lashes bat sensually before fully closing. Kamui feels his mind go dizzy, surrendering to a feeling he hadn't yet named.

They were already so close. Somehow this made sense, maybe it was even inevitable.

"Kamui…?" Subaru feels his heart synching alongside his younger love. A part of him was convinced this was only a fantasy. It had to be.

Blue-violet delved within glistening gold and green watery orbs. The light in their eyes shivered. Kamui's eyelashes seemed longer than usual, it was a little difficult to think.

"You're so…" _Beautiful._ Subaru can't finish his thought. When Kamui's smile goes so tender, so shy like that, he feels certain. A gentle look alone could bring him to his knees, and surrender everything to Kamui. Whatever he hadn't given already, would instantly become the property of his heart's unknowing keeper.

Millimeters away from Kamui's lips, Subaru assessed. Kamui seemed willing and open to accepting the gentle touch. But… still, something didn't feel quite right. This moment should be one do with absolute certainty, they could look back on fondly over and over again.

Subaru loses a bit of clarity as to the warm puffs of air teasing his lips. There's a soft hand squeezing his own. Although it's only trembling slightly, it tugs at the older man's chest. Subaru's takes it into his own, squeezing it gently, as their fingers laced. Kamui's hand started to still, and ease into the hold. Neither had made a move to finally close the gap. There was so much left unsaid between them.

_Not yet…_ Subaru reigns himself in, quite torn. He presses their foreheads together, keeping his lips pursed and at a distance. Something about that feels wrong.

Kamui's eyes blinked dreamily awake. There's a sunken curve to Kamui's lips, as he feels the older male pull away. The moment is broken up, settled by pressing butterfly soft kisses across his temples.

No, it didn't feel entirely right for them to have their first like this. His lips craved, with a passion to brush over Kamui. Still, did their feelings really align, or was this the heat of the moment. It couldn't be done, not without knowing this was mutual, and for the long run. It felt like Kamui really did want this, but what if he was only seeing what he wanted to.

"I should…. probably start back on some work from today," Subaru hushes the mundane excuse. Eyes dart to the computer, hoping a little space between will dissolve things as gently as possible. Then with more clarity maybe they could get to the heart of the matter. Regret and guilt, tear at his chest. Watery, violet-blue eyes, dip before turning away.

Subaru knew he was too fragile to take a chance just now. He needed to know with certainty, that their feelings aligned well enough. He wasn't sure he was strong enough to find the one he loved was only swept up in the moment or being nice. Insecurities rose to make this seem much more of a possibility than the reality.

What is this fleeting fancy? Or painfully worse...a rebound of Kamui's late love. If he kissed Kamui now, it would be far too hard to ever go back to the way things were. . It would be hard to think of stopping, craving more and more.

There wasn't a chance in hell, he could stand seeing Kamui fall or any other, and for them to drift apart

"Thank you, Kamui." Maybe it would be better if he _finally_ told Kamui how much he meant to him. If he finally let out what he's kept pent up since he came back for the fateful battle.

"I'll be looking forward to it, " Subaru expressed, awkwardly avoiding the crestfallen and perplexed look on Kamui's face.

"Oh…" Kamui says, slowly. Disappointed and fragile eyes keep away. Kamui then heats up knowing just how easily he let himself be swept away. So he was overthinking this moment. "Yeah… Me too.."

There wasn't any part of him that could find regret if they did move that short distance closer. It seemed right, but that had to go both ways.

Kamui hadn't found or said the words to explain what's been going on with him. It wouldn't be fair still if Kamui hadn't told Subaru how he truly felt. It was time to start acknowledging what his heart wanted.

Kamui's legs show weakness, shaking slightly as he intended to stand back up. It's to no surprise the protective male stood up beside him, steadying him with an arm around his lower back.

"I am really glad you can go… I should probably get back to studying now…" Kamui quietly relents. He wriggles out of the loosening hold around him.

"That's true," Subaru agrees with reluctance. His face returns to a more neutral state as they parted, contrasting greatly with the storm of emotions inside. Their hands were still linked.

Subaru wants to ask if Kamui is alright. He wants to pull Kamui back in with a proper and tender kiss.

But he doesn't. Kamui looks a little sad but puts on a half-smile.

"Well then, let me know if you need help with anything…" Nothing really seems right to say now. Maybe he did make a wrong call. "Ah...Take care," he calls distantly, eyes focused ahead. Subaru's hands ball up, clutching to the side of his pants.

"You too…" Kamui bites his lip at this, slowly unblinking their hands.

_So stupid…_ Kamui berated himself. He stands and turns to exit the room, not looking back. _I was just overthinking things. What was I expecting?_

Kamui promises himself to sort things out as soon as possible, for both of their sakes. For now, though, Kamui was left to his own devices, he went back to their bedroom.

_Why does it hurt this much?_

Closing the door behind him, Kamui leans back upon it. Quietly, he slides down to the floor, leaning his head back. He presses his fingers to his lips where they _almost_ kissed.

Kamui's lips quiver. Torn-up violet eyes start watering. There's an overwhelming emotion. _I really feel like I'm falling…_

* * *

_Proposed Date?_

_"_ Kamui?" Subaru's soft voice emits, knocking lightly on their bedroom door.

It had been less than an hour. Hearing the sniffling, quiet sobs, and labored breaths, it felt far too long.

"S-Subaru?" Kamui shaky replies. He hurriedly stands back up to his feet, wiping the staining tears as best as he could from his cheeks.

"Can we talk?" There's a hesitation with the question. Kamui nods, despite still being on the other side of the closed door.

Slowly, he dusts himself off. Kamui walks over to turn the knob, slowly. He doesn't look up, nor take in the older man in the eyes. Earlier, he left himself far too open, maybe even seeming needy. Kamui's hands start shaking.

"Kamui?" Subaru's voice sounds pained. There's a hesitancy before Kamui looks him in the eyes. "Were you- "

The sight of puffy red eyes, sniffles, and trembling lips stab right through his heart.

"Kamui," Subaru whispers his name, overwhelmed to think clearly. Protective arms wrap themselves around Kamui, tightening their hold until he's fully embraced. A familiar intoxicating warmth takes over Kamui. He buries himself in his protector's arms, hides his watering violet eyes against a warm chest.

Fingers gingerly card through Kamui's hair, soothing him. The soft, yet steady heartbeat calms Kamui's senses, especially as he's brought deeper. A millimeter of space between seems too much.

"I'm sorry…" Subaru's voice sounds pained. He won't let Kamui look up to see his eyes.

"For what? You didn't do anything wrong…" Kamui asks, more guarded. Physical intimacy is impossible to fight against. Kamui gives in, wrapping his own arms around the other's shoulders hugging him tightly.

_I'm the one who got carried away. I haven't even figured things out myself, let alone told you anything..._

"I feel I've...made you cry," Subaru worries. _What is wrong with me?_ Thoughts tear into Subaru. He exhales a long heavy sigh. Kamui can hear the pain in his breath. When damp drops of emotion start falling on his head, it's clear.

"It's not like that!" Kamui is quick to defend his protective housemate. Sunken, misty eyes come at the teary-eyed male like a punch to the gut. "I've been...overthinking things…"

"I'm making you cry as well," Kamui murmurs, looking up enough to see the few tears falling. Subaru's eyes widened a bit surprised by his own reaction.

"I'm not even sure what's making me cry. I've had a lot on my mind…" Kamui trails off, shakily. "It's like there are things I want to say, but I don't understand them as well. And it's frustrating" Kamui sighs, burying his eyes against the fabric over Subaru's chest. "I'm probably not making any sense."

"You're fine," Subaru says, hugging him close.

"There are things I want to tell you too," Subaru begins, testing the waters. Possibly, they were on the same page with this. "For a while now…" Kamui doesn't look away, he cuddles a little closer. "But, I don't want it to be too much. Or to say the wrong things and push you away….I would never forgive myself if I were to lose you."

Beautiful violet-blue eyes continue to glow and glisten. Kamui's heartstrings feel a pull at the words. How could he ever think Kamui could fathom being apart? If he lost Subaru-if they were to be apart then-. Kamui shakes his head wildly, hair falling messily in front of his face. That was a future he couldn't even entertain. "You won't lose me, Subaru." He shakes his head firmly, his hand trails gently down the taller's male's arm. "Not ever."

"Kamui…" Subaru cups tear-stained cheeks, words don't seem to be enough. Kamui's eyes look so vulnerable, shaking and tearing up as they look at him. _I love you so much._ One day he'd have to say those words. It was tearing at him, breaking him!

Maybe they were making things more difficult than they needed to be. Tonight had seemed hopeful, things might be progressing in a way he had only dreamed of prior.

_I'm not so sure I can keep this from you for much longer._ Subaru finds his thoughts breaking through to him. His breath hitches. Kamui leans up on his tiptoes.

"Subaru," His lips kiss where he can reach, caressing the side of his chin. "I'm a little out of sorts lately, but…"

_When...I finally figured this out...soon. I want to tell you._ Kamui's heart calls out to him. _It's better to be certain._ Being swept up further into intimacy, and not being able to name this feeling wouldn't be wise. "I have things I plan to tell you... when I sort things out," Kamui found himself understanding just why they parted. "So please, promise you'll always stay with me?"

_How is that even a question?_ Subaru reflects, hugging his own precious person close, unaware their hearts and minds were in sync.

"Of course, I will" His words fall sincerely. Subaru kisses the tip of his nose. There's a fond, amused smile seeing the cheeks beside it pinking. Kamui quickly ducks his head down, murmuring something quietly.

Gentle, skilled hands card through silky raven locks, which cradle the back of Kamui's head.

Kamui emits a very soft, tiny mewl, but it's heard. Subaru is left with a certain satisfaction in seeing how reactive the other could be. The younger male is pulled snuggly, allowed sanctuary and time for as long as needed.

They wouldn't be without each other,

If tonight was as interpreted, then they might _finally_ cross the line.

* * *

Just two days before the spring festival. Students from all over the campus were setting up their booths. Those in the horticulture department had their work cut out for them in the gardens.

Kamui sighed, listening to the idle chatter and giggling of stupidly lovesick students. And he couldn't exactly go home, being occupied with a group project.

His project partners kept him school-bound. Two of which were engaged in their own idle chatter. He stares off, noticing a particularly large amount of roses being carried out towards the garden.

Projects like these seemed designed to cause more stress amongst students. More forced interactions and study sessions. They were never Kamui's strong suit.

At least, he did get to be in a group with Keiichi. Though the other two, he partnered with were a bit frustrating.

They couldn't seem to do much else but bicker amongst themselves. Well, that was true until their arguments diffused, and the two were falling all over each other.

The smaller of the two, a feminine blond, Kazahaya Kudo. He was the more vocal of the pair, certainly a bit easier to talk with. With sleek ashy-blond hair, amber eyes, and a pretty face, it was no wonder he had a fair share of admirers. Though for Kamui it was nice to feel some of the attention of himself.

Granted, this led the blond's "friend" beside him to sulk. Tall, dark, and handsome, Rikuo Himura sat intimately close beside the expressive blond. He was certainly an instigator amongst the two when it came to all the arguments and flirting.

The protective arm around Kazahaya was a bit amusing. Though, his feelings hadn't seemed one-sided. While the blond would huff and roll his eyes at the other, he didn't seem surprised at the hold around him. He never pulled away either. It was obvious they had grown far closer than friends and classmates.

He had a habit of glaring at the influx of admirers, Kazahaya had, fully ignoring his own.

"Are you two going to the school festival as well?" Kamui recalls Keiichi asking. He can't help but keep his mind occupied, pretending to read the text in front of him. The thought of the festival just brought him back to the ordeal that came from inviting his date.

Sure, getting to know your project partners and being on good terms was ideal. Still, Kamui partially hoped he could go home.

"Yes, that is the plan. We were going to volunteer to help out and cook at one of the booths for a friend… But it might not be too possible depending on work."

Kamui hummed at that. He felt fortunate, Subaru and Nokoru made expenses th

"That sounds great. I'm really looking forward to it. Apparently, there's a bigger turnout than ever this year.

"Yeah, I've never gone before though," Kamui says plainly, tapping his fingers on the text of the book.

Kazahaya looks at Kamui, who's kept his head down. He feels sympathy, seeing the mutual feminine features, and gazes from many male students. "I'm guessing you two will be going?"

Kamui blinks. Well of course he would be seeing his friends there… granted with everything that's happened he might not have his full attention there.

"Yes, I'm going to be helping with the student council. We'll both be going but... " Keiichi responds cheerfully. "Kamui is bringing his own +1."

"Your date?" Kazahaya asks, curious. He and his 'close friend' share a private glance. The question hits the nail on the head. Kamui flushes and shakes his head.

"No-no-no, we're _not_ dating," Kamui waves his hands defensively in front of his face. "Just someone I've known for a while." He tells the blond who seems to take it with some understanding.

The quiet dark-haired male adds in with a hint of amusement. Rikuo smirks, "Someone you like?" Something was amusing seeing the petite male's reactions.

Kamui wonders if the universe was against him. Or planned to embarrass him, burning his cheeks a darkening cherry red.

"No… just my friend and roommate," Kamui feels it as a lie slipping, not looking anyone in the eyes now.

Kamui generally hoped they could just get back to finishing up their parts for the project. He stares off to see another group of volunteers with their arms full of potted flowers, again mostly roses.

"There are so many roses…" Kamui says absently. _Way too many. It's probably for something overly sappy._

"Oh, that's just the ones for the Rose Maze," Kazahaya

"Rose maze?" Kamui asks without thinking. He sees everyone else in the group nodding with understanding. He wonders where this information comes from.

"I'm a bit surprised you hadn't heard about it," Kazahaya says, honestly surprised. Even for a first-year, the rumors spread fast, surely someone as popular as the raven-haired teen would get an invitation to walk through there. "Especially seeing how popular you are around campus."

Kamui sighs at that. "Unfortunately…" Though he hadn't been told of it. Lately, even his admirers kept pointing out how he seemed to glow. Or his fans would gush, Kamui really did have someone he gave his heart to. Kamui buries his head in his hands.

"You do know, I was the one who had to tell you about it when we first transferred," The stoic male, beside the blond, continues. He mutters something about the other being 'oblivious'.

Even though there is teasing, Rikou holds a soft smile on his face as gentle brown eyes meet with Kazahaya's amber orbs. The latter huffs at the other but doesn't seem to be capable of staying upset at the other for much longer. The ashy-blond reaches for his boyfriends? hand under the table.

"It's pretty famous for the festival. At the center of the maze, there's a canopy and bench. Several red-roses arranged into a heart surround it. " Rikuo continues, not at all surprised by the hand on his own. Kamui guesses his assumptions were correct, and perhaps the assumptions made about him we're not so farfetched. "Students will go there to confess their love…no one is allowed to interrupt or eavesdrop on whoever is seen meeting there" He supplies, a bit, curious to see the boy across from him listening attentively.

"The day of the festival brings out some sort of good luck. Those who confess their love underneath are supposed to end up happily together...or something like that." Kazahaya finishes with a shrug. "So that's another part of the festival a lot of the students get excited about."

Kamui sighs in resignation. "That's sweet…" He adds simply enough thoughts running wild. His gaze turns to the book in front of him.

Kamui chooses to not look anyone in the eye. He can feel gazes on him already. It's hard for any of his group partners not to look a little amused by how affected Kamui had been by the story, burning up in his seat.

Stubborn, Kamui clears his throat. . "Although, it doesn't really have anything to do with me."

Hopefully, they could get back to their actual work.

* * *

_Coat_

Bright sunlight signaled another early morning. Kamui blinked his full lashes open. He smiles gently, seeing protective arms snug around his waist.

Leaning his head back a bit Kamui focused on, his very sleepy bedmate. He carefully studied the little scrunches of his nose, the curve of his lips, and soft breaths emitted. Carefully, turning in the hold, he hugs the older man back.

Pleasant warmth encases Kamui. He lets his eyes close for a few more moments, feels strong arms tightening, pulling him in deeper.

"Subaru," Kamui whispers the name. He rests his head against the thrumming chest. "I'm going to start breakfast," He tells the sleeping male, knowing it'll likely go unheard.

As unpleasant as it is to wriggle out of that protective hold, it was time to get started. The morning routine awaited, though domestic or simple-seeming was quite cathartic.

Taking a few moments to linger on the pretty sleeping face, Kamui kicks his legs out. They swing over the bed, Kamui heads onto the bathroom to freshen up.

Fingers grasp for a simple white comb, and the instrument is slid down bed-tousled hair. The bright lights from the ceiling reflect a bit more of a blue highlight in Kamui's dark hair. He fusses with his long bangs falling just above his violet eyes. The comb moves in various patterns, parting Kamui's hair on various sides, brushing it back. Though Kamui shakes his head, keeping with his slightly unruly style.

It felt better when certain skilled hands ran through it anyway to smooth it out. If his raven-haired was a bit imperfect. This might be an incentive for certain kinds of caresses to continue.

Kamui didn't know what he was doing, looking in the mirror. He'd certainly never fussed with his appearance growing up.

Perhaps short-lived and less mature but he had been in love before. The need to worry over little details and looks hadn't quite occurred to him then. Maybe because he'd known his first two loves since he was very little?

Kotori and Fuuma had seen him in all kinds of disheveled states since they were little. Kamui grasps for a bottle beside the sink, squeezes out a yellow lotion-like substance. Carefully, Kamui applies the facial cleanser over his cheeks, nose, chin, and forehead.

It's not like he felt he couldn't be at home here. Yet, lately, the desire to be noticed was becoming prevalent. Turning the knob on the sink Kamui scoops water in his cupped palms and rinses his face.

Apparently, there was a glow about him. Was there any truth to that? Did everyone see it? Or was it just a way of classmates teasing him to bring out a reaction?

Kamui might have still been in Highschool but he wasn't a child. He hadn't felt like he could ever be one, with his fate. Besides, being seen as one was disheartening to think of. He'd be well on his way to the University level soon enough.

Looking a bit more refreshed, Kamui brushed his teeth. He smiled a few different ways. His heart-shaped face tilts, at different angles before groaning. Was there really much of a difference? Smiles came rather naturally at home so it would be best to let it progress (and hope) it looks somewhat endearing.

When Kamui exits the room, he sees the older male draped across the bed. Violet-blue orbs glimmer with fondness. The protective man held a pillow up against him, being snuggled as a substitute Kamui. A shy smile forms as Kamui comes to Subaru's side. He lifts the comforter and tucks the older man in.

There's still time to linger. Whether he should or not was another story. Making breakfast now would offer more time to simply be before going to school. Maybe there might be time for a bit of cuddling up on the couch, drinking morning coffee and tea.

Perhaps, Subaru should still sleep. But when they could have that time it was sweet. Kamui cheerfully walks down the step. A part of him finds it hard to believe he's this happy overcooking a simple breakfast. Another part comes up with reasons why it's become rather rewarding.

Subaru does tiredly come to the table a few moments after Kamui finishes turning off the stove.

"Morning," Subaru yawns hugs Kamui snuggly.

"Good morning," Kamui returns the sweet greeting. "Did you sleep well?"

"Mhmm," Subaru responds. Lips keen on kissing the top of Kamui's head, lingering. "And you?" A more dramatic yawn escapes as he lets Kamui have space to move and set up their plates of food.

"I think I slept pretty well," Kamui says, not vocalizing how the other was a huge influence on his better sleep habits. They both knew it anyway.

"That's good," Subaru's lip quirk. He takes out a mug from the cupboards. Hands grasp for the handle of an already full coffee pot. He tilts the pot filling the mug with coffee. The sleep-dazed man places the mug down, at the feeling of tender eyes on his back.

Turning around, Subaru catches the younger man watching him. Arms reach out clutching Kamui. Soft laughter follows Kamui's little yelp with the sudden lift and hug.

"What was that for?" Kamui remembers himself asking, going lightheaded.

His answer comes in a tight little hug, and a kiss to his forehead. "Thank you. "

The pair take their plates to the table. A tired Subaru sips copious amounts of coffee before waking up, a bit more alert. When he does become awake, gushing begins.

"Your cooking always tastes incredible," Subaru fondly compliments. Many others are sure to follow, all over how talented Kamui was at this. Or how sweet and considerate Kamui was to do this and so early in the morning.

"It's like I have my own private chef." Gold and emerald eyes fixate on the flustering 'cook' across the table. "I'm quite lucky."

"It's not all that much." Kamui takes them in modestly, ducking his head down. There's a reflection in the steamy cup of tea. He sees the reddened cheeks in the cup in front of him. A hand reaches across the table for Kamui's. They fall into each other's eyes for a bit, a moment, or maybe quite a few more.

Whether their food stays warm or not is not of concern now. Soft melodies play from down the hallway.

"Oh, I should get that!" Kamui breaks from his dreamy trance. The dryer was ready.

"I'll clean this up then," Subaru follows up. Kamui wonders if it's normal to feel everything curl from a simple gesture.

Still, Kamui nods. Folding the laundry came naturally and easily. There was a satisfaction in seeing worn clothes come out pristine and pressed neatly.

Then there is something a bit heartwarming seeing their clothes folded into piles. The stacks of clothes show further proof, they're very much living with each other. The concept of that felt a bit more real. Kamui really didn't have to be alone.

Despite feeling things might be drifting further from them being "only" friends, it's come about rather naturally. The thought of things changing isn't quite as scary today.

After finishing the quick cleanup, the older of the two goes to assist Kamui with their laundry. He lays eyes on the peaceful, humming and moving within the laundry room. Things might be changing, their lives have changed considerably over the past year. Now, was the time. Kamui fits so perfectly into the picture, neatly folding clothing into separating piles, and humming a cheery melody.

Gold and emerald eyes are all too fond of seeing Kamui quite comfortable in a domestic setting. It's not an image one would consider of the world's savior, and one of the most powerful beings, if not most, on earth. To fond eyes, this seemed to suit Kamui. It seemed too much more than him being forced onto a merciless battlefield, with impossible choices and responsibilities thrust upon him. If up to the protective spiritualist, Kamui would never need to use his powers again.

Orbs only brighten coming closer. A part of it felt like a dream. He was actually able to live together with someone he loved. The fear of betrayal or loss wasn't even present.

Subaru walks up quietly behind Kamui. "Do you need some help?" he offers, voice husky. The taller figure walks closer until his chest touches Kamui's back.

"I-Subaru!" Kamui squeaks at the feeling of arm hugging him from behind. He shakes it off quickly enough to not cause too much of a scene. His heart won't calm for the life of him.

There are hints of suppressed chuckles. Warm lips conceal within the shorter male's shoulder. , Kamui wishes he wasn't quite so fond of the sound of it. Hands clasp and hold over the ones in front of his stomach.

"No, I'm almost finished, besides you have your work pretty early today right?" Kamui replies. His hands retract briefly, gently folding up the last bit of clothing from the laundry basket.

"I _should_ probably go in a few minutes," Subaru confirms, with a dramatic, elongated sigh.

Kamui's lips quirk up at the playful nature of it all. It's certainly something he never pictured Subaru could possess what with everything he's been through. Living so closely together brought about rather pleasant surprises.

"Oh? You don't want to?" Kamui asks with mild jest. This atmosphere was a little too nice, warm and easy for Kamui to lean back into. His head falls back against a warm chest, looking up to intrigued eyes.

"No…" Subaru admits with a pout. Soft lips feel all too hot breathing the simple words "I don't" right into Kamui's ear, testing the waters a bit.

"B-b-but! Y-you'll need to!" A playful smirk follows Kamui's stuttering. "I mean…of course I'm not telling you to… I don't mind you being here more often." Kamui stumbles a little meekly. Subaru beams at the cute admittance.

"It's just that now, you'd feel bad if you weren't able to help those people. There are so many people that need you." Glimmering white lights in Kamui's eyes leave the older male out of breath. There's so much sincerity falling off his lips, a chance for protesting the claim seemed futile.

The one he loved thought rather highly of him. It would be a lie to say that didn't boost his confidence.

"You're so sweet," Subaru relents a little bit. He nuzzles the back of the younger man's neck hearing a soft gasp escape. Kamui had been rather receptive as of late.

"But just know…" Subaru does allow himself to say. "If it's for you." He hushes the words again right into Kamui's ear. The enamored man relishes in the feel of heated shivers. It's easy to feel, the slender body flushed right up against him.

"If _you_ are the one who needs me," Subaru mentally applauds himself for gushing like this without burning up too badly. Smoothly, he manages to spin Kamui around and embrace him fully. Chest to chest. Heart to heart. "Everything else will have to wait."

"Su-Subaru?" Kamui stutters. Violet-blue eyes explore every inch of the private smile and tender eyes caressing him. _Geez..._

"You're the one who's so sweet," Kamui mumbles. He keeps a little sheepish before burying his face into the taller man's neck. _Always saying things like that, so easily._

"I'll miss you." No, matter how many times Kamui says that it never fails to leave the other a flustered mess. Heartbeats accelerate and there's a rush that makes him want to sweep Kamui off his feet, spin him around and kiss him breathless.

Subaru finds it will be better to tell Kamui much sooner than later. Still, he wanted to at least have more time free for both of them about confessing.

It was more a matter of when than if he'd do it. Kamui left him entirely hopeful.

"I'll miss you too," Subaru returns with equal devotion. He kissed the crown of the unruly head of hair and followed by brushing it down with his fingers. It's just the way Kamui likes as he all but purrs from the touch.

There's a lingering moment. Their eyes delve deep into one another. It's only a matter of one taking that extra step before it all comes to the surface. Soon...

They do have to part, but only temporarily.

"I'll be home soon," Subaru promises. As soon as he possibly could with the upcoming cases. It was amazing how efficient one could be when driven by the need to return to someone.

Kamui nods at that. "I'll see you then." He leans upon his tiptoes kissing a pinkening cheek. "Take care."

Subaru grasps Kamui's cheek, stroking it for a moment. Warm arms embrace Kamui one last time before he does eventually head out.

Fond little smiles curl up on Kamui's lips no matter how he tries to calm them. Having the home to himself for a few moments, he steadies his breathing.

Fingers absently trail over the pile of warm clothes. Kamui comes out to the living room to see his house mate's long white trench coat still draped over the couch.

The petite young man perches upon the arm of the couch. The clothing still feels warm upon his fingertips. Carefully, Kamui hugs it close, there's a calming aura there.

_Subaru's scent._ Kamui ponders. He should probably fold it, or maybe hang it up again to prevent wrinkles.

Although, it didn't need to be taken care of right away. He glances up at the clock. Kamui confirms still has fifteen minutes before he leaves for school. So Kamui grasps the long coat a little tighter. He leans his head down just a bit breathing in tiny bits of the intoxicating scent.

Kamui smiles, wanting to dive in that bit more. The scent of Subaru, subtle but still quite present just a little ashy from the few times he did smoke. Senses are overtaken by the stronger scent of mint, rosemary, and lavender.

"Mhmm…" Kamui hugs it tighter, his mind going numb. The scent felt a bit stronger than before. It was a bit more profound than the lingering scent upon their bedsheets. The new cologne his housemate had taken too mixed well with his natural pheromones.

Kamui indulges in burying his face in the warm fabric. The scent and warmth are still so comforting and prominent, it leaves Kamui to lose the strength in his legs and fall back on the sofa. The coat clutched to Kamui's chest, countless times of feeling the protective man wrapping it around him came to the surface.

"You're so…" Kamui stops. The seemingly sudden swinging of the door makes words die on his lips.

"I forgot my-" Subaru starts to explain, not seeing the alluring scene at first. Gold and green eyes burn in the sight of Kamui's nose nuzzling the long white fabric. "Co-coat…"

"I'm sorry!" Kamui squeaks, hurries, eyes about to tear up. His hands were still tangled up in the warm fabric, his senses were overwhelmed by the pleasant scent. "I finished the laundry and saw you left this so I…"

Subaru's smile is all too soft, fond. His cheeks are still a bit red, yet he can't fight this. "You know…" He looks up towards the sky. An angelic beaming curl to his legs, makes Kamui's legs shake. "It's nice out today. I don't think I'll be needing it after all."

"I'll see you Kamui," Subaru breathes out the words sweetly. Dual-hued eyes bore into the younger man. Kamui begins heating up at the very alluring sight.

Kamui can't find the words to respond. His mouth stays out, mortified he'd been caught and even started this in the first place. At the sound of the door shutting Kamui curls in on himself. His cheeks burn crimson, as he buries them against the side of the couch, the coat Subaru 'left' for him still on his lap.

Ambrosia: Tulip-Part I: End


	10. Tulip Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2/2 of the May/Spring Festival Chapters. Feelings bloom.

**Chapter 10: Tulip part II**

Continuing right from where we left off. There's a lot of events going on so this chapter/arc is split into two!

* * *

_Catalyst_

Nights are the hardest, especially when alone. Kamui already finished his homework and made too much for their dinner. His housemate's portion was neatly packed in the fridge.

The restless student already talked with several of his friends who were busying themselves for exams. There wasn't much on TV to watch, so Kamui ended up re-reading a favorite one-shot manga. He couldn't focus on it. Through past experiences came unneeded, irrational, worries.

It wasn't even _that_ late. It shouldn't even bother Kamui _this_ much. Yet, it does.

Something felt off. He'd been yearning more than usual. Things had felt a little rawer lately, and nightmares hadn't been kind this past week. Their house felt way too big, and empty sitting here alone.

Today Kamui needed to feel comfort a bit more. Subaru had been at work now for well over half the day, Kamui only saw him briefly very early in the morning. He hadn't gotten so much as a text back in hours.

 _Just hurry back home already._ Kamui catches his thoughts and whimpers. He dwells on just how spoiled he'd become. Subaru assured him it was okay to be selfish sometimes, especially for a person you held dearly.

The turning of the lock leaves Kamui to all but leap from his seat on the couch. His heart starts skipping beats, hearing the turning of the doorknob.

"Kamui…." Subaru says warmly at the sight of his younger love rushing up to him in a hug. His eyes soften, though are clouded with exhaustion.

"Are you okay?" Kamui worries. He leans upon his tip-toes and helps the other out of his coat. Subaru smiles fondly, cupping Kamui's cheek.

"I'm glad I was able to get home before you fell asleep," Subaru expresses, rather relieved. He slips off his boots and clutches Kamui intimately close, burying his head in the shorter male's shoulder.

Kamui leans up and hugs back as much as he can. There's a certain feeling he'd be falling if he didn't hold to the other.

"Mnn," Subaru winces, feeling arms tighten around particularly tender bruises and sores formed from the day ahead.

"I'm so sorry! Are you okay?! I can run a bath for you now if it helps or…" Kamui's eyes panic, widening at the sight of red cuts and bruises all over. "You're hurt."

"I'm fine, I just need to rest…" Subaru tells the other, not entirely convincing, and quite exhausted. The taller of the two wants to say more, to hug Kamui tightly and tell him about work today and how incredible Kamui was at everything, as they finish their late dinner.

However, Subaru underestimates just how wiped out he'd become. Certain, he'd come back to Kamui he collapsed, his body weight falling and nearly knocking the smaller male back.

"Subaru!" Kamui cries. He calms hearing the sound of soft breaths. "Just sleeping…"

Kamui is far from weak and holds both of their weight up. His heart accelerates, feels a moment of panic as he hurriedly moves to take the depleted man back to bed.

They'd been through far worse. Kamui had unforgettable memories with Subaru's 'wishes'. Both losing his eye and all but throwing his life away on that bridge, there were quite a few images scarred to his mind. In comparison, this wasn't something to worry about, but he does.

Kamui carefully slings the older male's arm around his shoulders. His person's larger frame makes it a bit awkward trailing up the stairs.

Their bedroom door being open helped with the transition. With a lengthy breath, Kamui deposits them both back so they're sitting on the bed.

"I'm sorry," Subaru weakly stirs, coming to a bit more. His gentle hands reach towards Kamui, a little shaky. Kamui grasps it instantly. He holds it up to his cheek.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Kamui assures.

Subaru shakes his head. "You're always so kind to me, Kamui." Their hands interlace neatly.

"I could say the same to you," Kamui counters, kissing the tip of the taller male's nose.

"It's you… So I…" Subaru blinks his eyes close. He doesn't finish the words that had been lingering between them for ages.

This kind of incident _was simple, rather common with the spiritualist profession._ Subaru was incredibly strong. Kamui was fortunate this was a somewhat uncommon occurrence. At least, it was in comparison to what partners of weaker onmyouji would witness.

"I'm sorry…" Subaru apologizes again, fighting the lull back to sleep.

"You don't need to be sorry. I'm relieved you're back. That's all that matters," Kamui professes, sincerely squeezing the hand in his own.

 _It will be okay._ Kamui ponders. Subaru wasn't badly injured like his nightmares conjured up. But still… he was hurt, weakened.

"Still, I worried you," Subaru protests. Kamui shakes his head pressing a finger over soft tender lips.

They'd been through much worse. They got through it. It would be fine, they would be together.

"Of course I'd be worried that can't be helped," Kamui fondly soothes.

"But I-"

"Shh."

Kamui hushes the other's protests. He guides the other to lie back on the mattress. Subaru was the one who needed time to rest.

 _Even still you're worried about me…_ Kamui reflects, feeling a hand gently brush over his thigh, assuring he was there.

"I'll always worry…" Kamui whispers.

Then there's that instant. Subaru's form gives in to its exhaustion. Subaru's weight falls over him once more. Kamui falls with his back on the bed.

The added weight slightly surprises Kamui, but it's warm and familiar. He hugs the tired figure resting on top of him. He's brought to when they first met.

That same position, under far better circumstances. Everything. Everything they've been through. Every little touch, comforting kiss, protective embrace….it rose to the surface.

Those desires, and foggy dreams… the feeling of being pressed into the sheets, it wasn't all that different from now.

Thinking back now Kamui could easily envision the face from his fantasies clearly. The seductive, glistening eyes that would always Kamui at a loss. A tender smile, unseen but loving eyes, and incredibly gentle touch.

"It's been you…" Realization dawns over him. Emotions water down reddening cheeks harshly.

It all did make sense now. Though if the person he dreamed of was _him,_ then, he really was really really in too deep.

"I think I might be…"

Perhaps this was that one moment where it finally clicked. The very catalyst that makes one realize you're in love.

Kamui adjusts them back towards the head of the bed, under the covers. He's not minding the warm weight falling over partly him again.

 _I have to tell you Subaru._ It was way too much to keep inside. Arms hugging Kamui close, face nuzzling over Kamui's chest takes him over the edge.

 _I've fallen_ _in love with you._

* * *

_Fantasy_

_An erotic scene unfolds. It's become impossible to fight it._

_"Oh my God! If this keeps I'm gonna…_ " _Kamui doesn't_ finish his thought _. He whines at the feeling of the hardened erection inside his body fully pulling out. His legs are quickly lifted, spread, and slung over broad shoulde_ rs.

_"It's alright," Kamui's once mystery lover tells him. He's filled to the brim while his lover bottoms out, stretching him so good. So perfect. It's as though they were made to join together as one._

_The currently dominant male groans at the tightness overwhelming him. "I quite like seeing you come undone." It's a painfully seductive tone._

_Curious, eyes gaze to see long raven bangs shifting from a heated face above. Kamui's suspicions are confirmed. He clearly sees the shadows of lust darkening sinful emerald and gold orbs._

_"Mhmm… SUBARU!" Kamui cries out feeling his most sensitive spots being hit dead on. A very aroused cock only hits him deeper, sinking in as a warm body rests on Kamui. He's folded in half, and it's entirely too much for Kamui to keep his eyes open for long._

_It's unmistakably the one he's been pining for. "I love when you call my name like that~" The seductive smirk fell to a soft enamored little smile. Lips pressed hard and melded with Kamui swallowing every little moan that came thrust by thrust._

_"I-I!" Kamui feels his vision going white. The pace increases much deeper, harder, and with more passion._

_"You're so cute._ _**My** _ _Kamui~" Sinful lips confess and leave Kamui breathless. That little pet-name does it for him._

_The feeling of his body being deeply loved and filled turns his vision blank._

Blissful sighs escape sleepy lips. Kamui stirs, quickly breaking from his content slumber.

"Oh god!"

Kamui jolts up, knowing how he'd reacted. His hands slap over his mouth. The feeling of a comforting body pressed behind him feels all too hot. He carefully wriggled out and hurried to their bathroom.

Hot, writhing, and entirely loved up, Kamui had woken up countless nights this week. What had once been a dreamscape of only painful images was being replaced with very clear very pleasurable fantasies. It was all too easy to imagine those touches. Kamui could easily see himself lost in that kind of bliss. He splashes icy cold water on his face, gathering himself.

The reactive male couldn't possibly stay frustrated when he came back to bed. It's an impossibility after he saw his bed-mate curled up sweetly. He was helpless to do more than lay back down and cuddle close.

Steamy dreams kept taking over him. It overflowed his senses. More than anything he'd been left in his thought, his heart pounding as his knees buckled as past words replayed. To think that would come out for a simple festival invitation.

_I want to be with you._

Subaru had things he wanted to tell him too. Between them, things were slipping out like crazy.

That evening kept replaying in his head. there was the way he could _almost_ feel how soft his lips were.

Kamui groans. Maybe it was a stupid bit cliche, but if there was a hint of truth to the luck that field of roses brought then he would take it.

It was only a matter of time now. Kamui decides he prefers a clear-cut confession before it goes too far. There doesn't need to be any more chances for guessing. His heart would be given before his physical self can be (hopefully desired and) loved up. Kamui burns crimson at the aspect of eventually acting on those Subaru overhear his heated sleep talk wouldn't do.

To keep things inside like this. It was burdening, painful. Just like that night. They were just so close… And it tore at him when they had to be apart.

Maybe he was _supposed_ to have a longer period being in misery, longing and desiring only his lost love. Of course, those losses hurt like hell… But _shouldn't_ let his heart get carried away again, right?

Subaru was at least partially to blame. Those sweet words and gentle touches made it illogical to do anything but fall hard.

Kamui **'** s eyes linger longingly over the older man's sleeping face. He curls up close to his side hiding his face within the warm chest.

_I have to tell you._

A lullaby heartbeat takes Kamui deeper, lulling him to a night of blissful sleep.

Tomorrow then…

* * *

_*Blossoming*_

The morning of and several pep talks later Kamui finally worked up the courage to enter the dressing room booth. Inexperienced, he puts on his Yukata, one which the academy director himself picked for him. All of this ensuring he'd 'successfully seduce' his crush.

Kamui flushes looking at himself in the mirror. The soft violet fabric wraps perfectly around his slender figure, white cherry blossoms are printed up and down the robe, several ivory flowers surround an image of a vibrant blossom. The lilac obi tied around him accentuated his slender figure beautifully.

"Here let me help with that," The soft-spoken feminine voice came from just outside the changing stalls. Looking back, it should have been a bit more embarrassing. Now, his mind was fuzzy. Kamui was already dressed and covered...albeit not as properly as he hoped.

Kamui knew this was a setup, but it became exhausting to keep fighting. The academy had outfits ready for them. Ones that just happened to be fitted to both himself and his beloved's measurements.

It was all ready for them in the Performing Arts department. In another room close-by, Subaru had been dragged to get dressed. Though Kamui assumed he was ready, hearing him talk quietly with Nokoru and Suoh over something regarding the festival's traditions.

"Ah, thank you," Kamui thanks quietly. The twin-tailed girl smiles softly at Kamui. Her soft demeanor is soothing.

"It's not a problem," She says, soft-spoken. "I've had experience wearing a lot of traditional Japanese clothing growing up. I heard from the director this was a special occasion for you, so I was happy to help."

Kamui nods at this. "Ah, yeah… It's the first time I've been to a festival like this."

"And you get to be with someone you care for," She smiled, adding on gently, knowingly. The lilac haired woman had grace and innocence to her. It didn't feel like she was teasing him. A little guilty if she did something wrong she adds on, "That's what I heard from Nokoru so…"

Kamui wasn't quite sure how to respond. He simply nodded, looking away and towards the door in front of him. "It's alright."

"Well, you're all ready now, Kamui," Nagisa announced sweetly. Kamui stepped further out into the room. Another beaming woman with short green-black hair opens the door. Her smile is bright. The cheerful girl wears a long yellow and pink Kimono. Her looks are accented by a larger yellow bow in the back of her hair.

"Nagisa, you did a wonderful job!" She cheerily insisted, walking over to hug her shyer friend.

"Oh, Kamui this is Ijyuin-Ohkawa Utako. We've been friends and assisting with different councils on campus since Kindergarten." Nagisa quickly introduces and holds her hand out to the other girl.

"Oh, that's really nice," Kamui comments, a little overwhelmed at the moment. Things click for a second. "You know Akira then?"

"I would hope so," Uchako laughs. "I am married to him."

"Right," Kamui recalls, flushing at his choice of words. The prodigy had come in several times to meet with Nokoru, and help with some of their cooking lessons. "He talks about you a lot," Kamui says, now knowing the relation, it made sense.

"I'm glad," Utako beams, holding a hand to her pinkening cheeks. The love-sick woman walks over to her friend and gives her a strong hug. "The design you helped pick was perfect!" She complimented, bouncing on her heels.

"You're sure to win over your crush's heart looking like that!"

"Oh, you've got the wrong idea…" Kamui murmurs, both women look over him a bit confused. It seemed Nokoru was right, this Kamui, savior of humanity, was extremely love-shy.

Kamui felt the need to rush back in behind the changing stall. He did fight the urge. He was already dressed, and he could probably get out of this quickly enough.

"I...assumed Nokoru set this all up. But I appreciate all your help." Kamui added quietly, eyes taking particular interest in the floor.

"It was a bit of a combined effort," Utako explained a little bashful. It was a little hard to stay put when there was a chance she could help someone in love. According to what Nokoru had told her.

"There's one last part though," Nagisa's quiet voice chirps through. There's something soft and melodic about the girl's voice alone. Her apparent musical skills, Suoh spoke so highly of, only seemed fitting. "You don't have to keep it on if you don't want to. I just found it fits nicely…" Nagisa says, taking a soft-lilac hairpin off a table in the room.

"What are you talking about? He _has_ to wear it now!" Utako bursts out. Kamui hesitates to look towards the mirrors in front of him. The light hair-ornament contrasts beautifully with his silky raven hair. Decorations resembling lilac-colored cherry blossoms seemed to entirely bloom at the side of Kamui's silky hair. The flower decor ran across Kamui's bangs, following up with a lavender ribbon, wrapped up by smaller flowers.

The argument of it being quite 'girly' died in Kamui's throat. A lot of people certainly did put time into picking an outfit for him, and the females around him seemed so happy with their work. Fingers gently tapped at the hair-pin. Kamui did admit it was pretty, and the thought of it being seen that way did bring a smile to his face.

"Thank you," Kamui bows his head politely, a little flustered. He was really going through with this. "I should get going, I don't want to keep anyone waiting." He attempted as calmly as possible. He couldn't look either woman in the eyes. At least, Nagisa wasn't so upfront and certain about Kamui. He heard giggling from the other.

They were already dressed and he could get away from this uncomfortable scenario soon. It would be easier when he was along with Subaru. The flustered boy grasps for a small black pouch holding his phone.

"I should just-…" Kamui isn't even sure what he was going to say. His heart starts stammering, as he hears Subaru's voice. There's a little bout of laughter from outside, something about it, makes it hard to speak, think. Weakened knees start buckling, cheeks flare-up. Kamui's lips curl up to a dreamy smile.

"That's him isn't it?" Uchako claps her hands together. She seems quite pleased at her discovery. She twirls a strand of silky black-green hair around her finger.

"Yeah…" Kamui answers without thinking, a little dazed as he turns the doorknob.

"The person you're in love with." The words are whispered, meant to only get a reaction out of Kamui. Accusations like that no longer hold any falsehoods. _Things aren't so simple…_ Kamui thinks. He needed to get those words out and see where they'll stand.

Heartbeat drumming in his ears, it's near-impossible to make out whatever was being discussed in the waiting area, between the various changing departments. It was unclear what anyone was saying at the moment.

Subaru had been waiting seemingly patiently, perched beside one of the chairs. Kamui's breath hitches at the sight of the elegant older man wrapped in the traditional robe. Pupils blow up, as glistening orbs of violet stare longingly.

Subaru was already dressed and ready for the festival. A sense of serenity surrounded him, listening to whatever the director and his assistant talking. There was something that seemed so natural, with the simple yet elegant white and black yukata on him. The door opening shifts the attention of those waiting.

"K-Kamui?" Subaru stutters out. Glossy gold-emerald eyes widening comically so. Pupils dilated. His lips stayed parted, as the older male went breathless. Everything from the elegant fabric, color, and design fit Kamui perfectly.

Kamui's smile quirks up, soft and shy. Just the way that melts his admirer's heart. He plays with the flowery-pin beside his hair. "Does it look alright?" Kamui asks softly, uncertain. The vulnerable boy turns his gaze away from one he feels boring into him.

"Subaru?" Kamui asks again, eyes trembling a bit. The intensity of the gaze makes him stumble back a step or two.

Subaru manages to gather himself somewhat to answer. "Oh, yes, it…" It's way too hard to stay focused. Kamui is simply glowing, as he comes closer. The pink flush painted across his cheeks, only enhances his natural features.

The purple flowers fit perfectly with the ensemble. Subaru could see a vision of flowers surrounding Kamui's face as he gazed back at him.

Subaru swallows, seeing every detail, of the outfit, how perfectly it hugs his beloved. Suddenly, the room feels way too overcrowded. The need to get Kamui alone overwhelmed his thoughts. Thankfully, it seemed everyone seemed to foresee this.

"Well, we'll be seeing you two at the festival~" Nokoru bids them farewell, waving enthusiastically. The director's friends follow along. The plan was coming together.

As though drawn by gravitation itself, Kamui and Subaru begin closing the distance.

"You look really nice," Kamui expresses, voice soft as a whisper. He gasps at the sudden feeling of an arm tightly around his waist. Loving gold and emerald eyes fall deeper and deeper into violet-blue. Gentle fingers brush against the side of Kamui's cheek.

"You look…" Subaru pauses, mouth going dry. There wasn't a word that could come to mind that seemed to fit. Kamui was burning up under his fingertips, but it felt impossible to stop the word from slipping. " _Beautiful_."

Kamui's knees go entirely weak at the words, his legs begin shaking. It's a surprise he's still standing. Even when trying to look away for a sense of clarity, he is guided back every time and made to look into very intense, honest eyes. It's fortunate the protective man before Kamui secured him with an arm steadying around his middle. Very fortunate...although, it was Subaru's fault for the reaction, to begin with.

So, the second Kamui feels a slight loosening on his cheek, he ducks down. The embarrassed raven-haired male buries his face in the fabric upon Subaru's shoulder. "Thank you," Kamui murmurs, wrapping his arms around the other's neck. "I was worried it might be a little much…"

"No-no-no," Subaru swears earnestly. "It's perfect." _You're perfect._

Kamui whispers his thanks against the welcoming shoulder. The younger, slightly more flushed male, keeps himself buried, deep within his ' _sanctuary_ ' until the feeling returns to his legs. Subaru doesn't comment on it, quite enamored with the feeling and sight of Kamui in his arms like this.

"I'm so glad you could come," Kamui professes, uncertain he came to keep everything from slipping out. Tender lips, press kisses on the top of his head. The pair fall into their own little world.

"Of course," Subaru returns, feeling Kamui's weight leaning on him. He tightens his hold. "You're alright?" he checks, despite unknowingly making the problem worse by pressing them flushed, and nuzzling his nose in Kamui's soft black locks. He breathes in the other's intoxicating scent.

Comfortable silence is exchanged. It's hard to say how many moments passed before they very slowly moved apart. Their fingers lace perfectly together, as Kamui tugs Subaru's hand within his own.

"We should go see the festival," Kamui begins, heart thundering. Deep confusing feelings seem about ready to burst. Today would just have to be the day they could hopefully come out properly.

"Alright," Subaru agrees, content to hold Kamui for quite some time longer. The prospect of walking hand in hand with Kamui through a bustling and lively festival is enticing. Especially so, knowing Kamui had his share of admirers on and off-campus.

* * *

_Festival_

It takes a little bit of time to focus enough to look anywhere but each other, but Subaru and Kamui do go on their way. As the pair leave the art building, they're met with an incredibly bright beam of sunlight. Flowers glimmered and glowed. The rose garden was especially beautiful, vibrant, and gleaming with color.

Kamui felt his heart hammering, his intentions for today were entirely nerve-wracking.

Subaru thought he was _beautiful_.

 _Somehow…_ Kamui's mind processes the thought. From the corner of his eye, he steals a glance to admire the older man's elegant features. His skin looked incredibly smooth, soft cheeks that glistened a beautiful morning light. Beautiful, feminine features took prominence on his pretty face.

Though Kamui finds the taller male to have more masculine features, his built and height certainly. The balance of elegant femininity and masculinity seemed to flow so smoothly.

Subaru easily could be noted as a "pretty boy." Although it was easy enough to tell he was a man Kamui, feels his lips curve down. His protective roommate (and current date?) didn't have to worry about being mistaken as a girlfriend or wife when they went out on errands.

Gold and emerald eyes had always been entrancing. Just as they were when both eyes were that deep emerald color, there was such a strong emotion. It didn't matter who that eye belonged to prior, it was all a part of Subaru now.

It felt like a victory seeing eyes that are calm and unreadable to others' reactions. They never fail to take Kamui in, sweeping him away. And that night. They almost kissed. He was sure of it. That had to be a green light.

He'd never told Subaru how deeply the river ran. They've always cared for and needed each other. Maybe this was... _fate_.

"Are you alright?" Subaru's gentle words caress his ears. Kamui's eyes widen. His heart, setting off like a hummingbird. When did he get so close?

"I'm fine," Kamui professes quickly. He turns his head away, trying not to linger too obviously, on those pale-pink lips. Their movements when Subaru talked, the press of his lips together the occasional slip of his tongue when his mouth went dry.

How had Kamui managed to focus on anything Subaru said for nearly five months before now?

Grief… had its way of dousing desire, and feeling. The physical never mattered remotely as much as emotional. Though when emotional attachment did set in, the desire became overwhelming. Kamui's eyes fall over Subaru's face in a daze. The gentle hand on his cheek makes him relax, eyes closing softly.

"I think this is where the festival starts," Subaru whispers the words right into Kamui's ear. The latter almost pouts, it should be obvious doing something like that made it hard to think. When did they arrive here?

Several game booths, food stalls, and shops with beautiful trinkets were lined up snuggly. Their campus was already bustling with life. Whispers were heard, as quite a few admirers

"I always wondered who would steal away Shirou's heart," One of the school girls whispers, not too discreetly.

Kamui burns up, feeling steam come out of his ears. His ears redden.

"Ooh, though now it makes sense," Another student sighs dreamily.

Kamui isn't sure whether to be more embarrassed or perturbed by the attention his partner was getting.

Curious whispers followed up with just who Kamui's apparent love interest was. What university department he was from? And so on… It only made the younger male pout, squeezing the hand in his own tight.

Subaru wasn't exactly _his_ but he definitely wasn't _theirs._ Maybe Kamui indulges in the way Subaru lets him rest his head against his arm.

It definitely felt like a date. There was a bit of smugness on Kamui's face as admirers of Subaru seemed more than a little perturbed.

Unfortunately, most students were far more interested in seeing the gorgeous couple together than anything. A few fans squealed with delight when Kamui leaned his head against the taller male.

The dreamy eyes of admirers looking at Subaru feel more bothersome than attention to himself. He huffs a bit, missing the fond curl of his date's lips.

Kamui feels a little pleased, Subaru doesn't let go of his hand. He's never been against holding hands, and all the gentle skinship.

Violet-blue eyes blink furiously as he feels Subaru stop. A hand reaches up to the side of his cheek. Fingers flutter up the side of his face before carefully tucking a few strands of hair behind his ear.

"They fit well together, look at them~"

"So cute!"

Another hushed whisper spurs on. Well, at least that was kind of nice to hear. It wasn't all bad, maybe a little endearing to know others could see them as a match.

Then comes a more blatant one. "They're totally doing it." The words are unabashed, not even a single girl in the group argued with the claim.

Never mind anything he thought of this being endearing. His face flares up a thousand shades of scarlet, burning painfully hot from ear to ear.

They were five minutes in and he already was half tempted to run as far as possible from the festival.

"Oh! S-S-Subaru?!" Kamui sputters indignantly.

"Yes? " Subaru asks, slightly wincing at how tightly Kamui squeezes him. His thumb brushes against the side of Kamui's hand soothing it bit by bit to loosen.

"W-w-w-we should look here," Kamui stumbles further his voice cracking. He tugs on his 'date's' hand. By the end of this, he hopes he can rather openly call him that. All the past awkwardness would be just a memory.

Subaru seems only mildly surprised. His eyes raise curiously but seeing the fascinated looks their way it clicks. Subaru laughs softly.

"Of course," Subaru agrees, squeezing Kamui's hand tightly. He's a bit tempted to tease Kamui for his eagerness. Though it seemed the popular student was barely keeping himself from burning up at the attention given.

It didn't matter what stall they ended up at so long as Kamui could get some space. He'd die if Subaru heard more comments regarding their not-quite-yet relationship.

They ended up stopping in front of a small booth, with little ceramic figurines of different animals. Beside it was colorful and flowery necklaces, rings, bracelets, and earrings. They all shimmered from the booth's little table.

It wasn't something Kamui found particularly of interest. Yet, it gave him an excuse to cool himself down and look away from any eyes on him.

"Is there something you like?" Subaru asks entirely curious, intrigued. Kamui looked incredibly alluring, and the lavender hairpin suits him perfectly.

He was entirely biased. Yet, still, it worked better with Kamui than any else at the festival, and honestly in existence. His lovesick brain was very sure.

Then amongst the mix of accessories was a small box with two golden bands. The sight of two matchings rose rings did terrible (wonderful) things to his heart. He was already a little overly hopeful, that was nowhere near in the cards for them. Still, emerald and gold eyes glance down at Kamui's unclaimed hand, ringless finger. His gaze shifts from the box of rings and back to Kamui.

 _Something like that would look good on him._ He nods to himself.

Subaru had barely managed to stop himself earlier from ravishing Kamui. That was just from seeing him blushing prettily in his Yukata. If his mind drowns in any more of this fantasy, there is fear he'll risk what he had with Kamui now. That's not an option.

"There's a game over there," Kamui points to a stall followed by a small pool of plastic toys. One of which Subaru recalls seeing a figure resembling a cat with fiery tails.

"That's the character from the fantasy series you've been watching, right?"

Kamui nods, brushing his hands through his hair. He glances away. It felt a little special knowing Subaru remembered something like that.

"That's right," Kamui tilts his head. His full eyelashes flutter. Looking a bit dreamily, he sees his date conversing with the volunteer running the stand.

"Well then we should give it a try," Subaru kneels beside Kamui, handing him one of the scooping wands.

"Thanks," Kamui gingerly takes the fragile tool. Their fingers brush setting off a tiny spark as they lock eyes again. Determined, Kamui dips the scoop into the pool of water. The thin netting snaps at the pressure missing any of the prizes.

"Hm, Kamui…" Subaru presses his lips tight. Though a chuckle escapes, especially seeing Kamui's face scrunch up tightly.

"Don't laugh," Kamui huffs. He turns, looking at the elegant face, rather close to him. Quickly he whips his head back, lips form a bit with a pout.

"I'm not," Subaru says, looking up to incredulous eyes. "Really, it's not like that. You were just very serious..." Subaru slips another paper scoop into Kamui's hands. "Try again." He encourages, taking a hold of Kamui's wrist to keep it steady.

"Take a breath," Subaru whispers into Kamui's ear slowly letting his hand go. Complying, Kamui relaxes a bit more, his movements more gentle and careful than before. The paper net slips under a small cartoon-cat toy.

It's close, and the eager student is ready to clinch the win.

"Ahh! Why?" Kamui practically growls at the torn scoop. Subaru snorts a little at the sounds which follow. He turns towards the same worker running the stand, paying for the chance of another round.

"It can be tricky," Subaru begins, he attempts to lead by example. "You have to go a little slower, and gently press in…" The movement comes out a bit more graceful. Kamui's huffs make him laugh, slipping a little.

"See it's not that easy!" Kamui refutes, a little relieved he didn't make a total fool of himself.

"It's not," Subaru absently agrees. The pout staining Kamui's lips, and little huff is just too much. His hands reach to brush back strands of hair that fell in front of Kamui's face.

A bit calmer, Subaru tries once again. Feeling Kamui's curious gaze boosts his confidence. The paper netting slips under the mascot toy tried for. With a gentle and languid movement, the scoop catches the toy and lifts from the water, staying intact.

Subaru hands Kamui the little prize. The younger student ducks his head, flushing as he hears coos and awws from onlookers.

"Thank you…" Kamui thanks, a little frustrated with himself, but all the while quite impressed. Subaru got this for him. That's all that really mattered here.

"Of course," Subaru places his hand on top of Kamui's. "You want to try again? I know you'll get it."

Kamui's lips curl up at the bout of confidence. "Maybe on the next one," He says, seeing countless games and stalls throughout. The pair stand back up heading out to see more of the activities.

The pair naturally turns quite a few heads walking through the crowds. They stop now and then to look at the small shopping booths and finally try for another scoping game.

This one comes out a hit easier. The small prizes of tiny colorful bounce-balls come up much lighter. Kamui _does_ get the hang of it. With a bowl full of the little prizes, Kamui flashes a million-dollar smile.

The confidence boost, has Kamui dragging the other to several more games. The victorious grins commit to Subaru's memory. Hands gently pet the top of the raven head, careful not to leave it messy.

"You're a quick learner," Subaru compliments the younger male, entirely happy to see the other in good spirits. Kamui holding his hand so freely never failed to warm a lovesick heart.

"Well really. It helps when I have a good teacher," Kamui returns sweetly, despite his earlier gloating. His date was rather cute though so Subaru didn't comment on the contradiction.

"Are you hungry?" Subaru asks. They approach some of the food stalls. Different candies, fried treats, and western and traditional snacks are shown through countless booths.

"I'm good either way," Kamui says, stomach a bit in knots at his plans for the day. "Are you?"

Subaru shrugs. "I'm good with whatever you'd like," He professes, cupping a hand on Kamui's cheek.

"Subaru…" Kamui thinks to respond, mind foggy. He holds the hand on his cheek. "There is somewhere I'd like to-" He's cut off by the sound of his phone buzzing from a small bag he'd brought along.

_'More Shameless flirting?'_

The text reads, making Kamui flush. He groans, knowing immediately who was here.

"Hello~!" Yuzuriha's cheerful voice calls out to Kamui. She's dressed up in a bright pink Yukata with white Sakura blossoms printed throughout. There's a group of girls Kamui recognizes from one of their home-ec classes, surrounding her, that she waves to. They head to one of the nearby stalls.

She rather easily invades the pair's personal space. Her arms quickly wrap around and hug the two.

"Hello, Ne-Yuzuriha," Subaru politely responds, barely catching himself. Increased familiarity with Kamui's friends was something he'd need to adapt to. "It's good to see you again."

"Same here!" She grins cheerfully turning in her colorful robe. "I see you two came here _together_." She emphasizes with a wink to Kamui.

The young student groans, hiding his face in his taller date's sleeve.

"Did you get here early?" She asks curiously and grinning knowingly.

"Ah, a bit," Kamui mumbles, not divulging how it seemed the director and countless other faculty on campus arranged a setup. Their custom picked-outfits clearly complemented each other too well to be a coincidence.

"How about you?" Kamui questions.

"I got here pretty recently to meet up with some of our classmates! Oh, and I saw Keiichi too! He's been helping out at the cotton candy booth, you should go say hi!" She cheerfully trails on.

"I will," Kamui agrees, looking in the direction his boisterous friend gestures towards. He gives a little wave to see his brunette friend cheerily helping out a few other students from the high school council.

"So are you having fun here now!?"

Subaru answers to that. "It's been… really nice," He returns fondly and not keeping his eyes off of Kamui for a second.

"I can see that~" She teases and gestures for Kamui to come closer with a wave.

 _"Just know I support you two 100%."_ She whispers her stance. Kamui frowns avoiding eye contact.

"Have you two seen the Rose maze yet?" Her lips curl up. The younger of the two men burn up a bit, reflecting the rumor he'd been told. All he told Yuzuriha was that he was bringing Subaru. Was it that obvious?

"Rose maze?" Subaru repeats, raising a brow. He looks to see his shy date, gazing on the ground.

"I'm sure Kamui can tell you all about it. It's a tradition on campus!" She omits a few details. Important details that made Kamui hesitate on going there earlier as planned.

"Well, I should let you two go!" She giggles, and tightly hugs Kamui. " _Good Luck!"_ She whispers Kamui's cheeks flare-up.

"Have a good time at the festival!"

"You as well, " Subaru calls out a little baffled by the boisterous girl's actions. His eyes linger and lower with concern seeing Kamui avoid his eyes.

"Kamui?" Subaru asks, pressing a hand to an overly hot cheek. "Are you okay?"

The younger male nods vigorously. "Ah, yeah. I'm just hungry! We can maybe see Keiichi there?" There's a strong grasp on his date's grip as he drags him to the booth.

Kamui's friends are all smiles today, seeming to sense something changing today.

"It's great to see you both!" Keiichi had greeted, beaming at the sight of the two pressed closely together.

"It's good to see you too," Kamui briefly looks up.

"Enjoying your time so far? I know it's the first time for both of you right? " Keiichi words are intended with innocence. The sharper look from a slightly mortified Kamui makes him quickly correct it.

"I mean, with it being your first Spring semester here," Keiichi corrects himself. Taking a cardboard cone, practiced hands twirl it around the sugar-filled machine.

"Oh, yeah… That's true.." Kamui agrees rather meekly. He looks in awe at the sight of the fluffy blue and pink cone in his hand.

"Are things going well for you? You're helping with the student council again right?" Kamui attempts to shift the conversation. Thankfully, Keiichi doesn't press too far on matters.

"That's right! It's been really nice! Everyone's so cheerful today!" Keiichi enthuses, with an ear to ear grin.

"That's good then," Kamui nods and feels a grip on his hand. There's something entirely protective about the touch. Looking around one can see several students giggling and looking Kamui up and down.

"You two have a good time then!" Keiichi finishes before handing the sugary treat to his friend.

"You too," Kamui adds warmly and allows his friend to get to other customers. The fluttering male squeezes the hand in his own tightly. He could do this.

They take a few moments wandering around the festival grounds. Their hands brush almost constantly, taking off pieces and small bites of the sugary treat. On occasion, Kamui finds his hand captive. Kisses occasionally follow with soft sugar-coated lips.

The time walking gives Kamui the clarity to finally head towards his destination. His ivory hand lifts and gestures towards the flourishing garden in the back.

"Ah, It doesn't look too crowded now, we should go see the maze," Kamui suggests as calmly as possible. Subaru's eyes lower, a bit perplexed. They follow the movement with Kamui's shaky hands and avoidant demeanor.

Still, violet-blue eyes turned hopeful at the sight of the flowery garden. Subaru lets the younger male lead him and his heart forward.

* * *

_~Rose Maze~_

Countless, roses align elegantly upon the tall grassy walls of the maze. While red is prominent, hints of white and pink petals decorate the path as well.

A blushing pair of students are seen exiting the flower maze. The boy and girl have the same ashy-blonde hair. Their hands linked tightly before they leaned up to meet for a quick peck.

Violet-blue eyes follow and study the nervous behavior which follows. Was he going to be that obvious coming out on the other side? Did he already look like a nervous wreck?

_I guess I'm really doing this…_

"Something wrong?" Gentle words caress the nervous boy's ears. Subaru's hand curls over his. Kamui shakes his head.

"It's nothing," Kamui starts and tugs the taller man's wrist. There's a comfortable silence. Kamui's hand becomes encased by a larger one. He hums at the feeling of the gentle hand playing and caressing with his before settling and interlacing their fingers together.

"I'm happy you were able to come today," Kamui begins, leaning forward. They hearing another pair of students whispering sweet nothings as they exited from the other end of the maze.

 _I can do this… We've gotten so close already. I can't just be reading into things._ Kamui gulps, his thoughts attempt to comfort him. His kind-hearted date waits patiently for Kamui to lead him through occasionally offering a simple comment to break the tension between.

"This must have taken your school a lot of time setting this up," Subaru comments casually. Nimble fingers reach others to brush up on the petals of a soft lilac rose.

"Yeah, they've been setting up for weeks now," Kamui responds. His mind flashes back to seeing the swamped workers rushing in and out of the garden to supply the grassy maze with more flowers.

"It's beautiful," Subaru tells Kamui, solely looking at his flushed face. His fingers grasp for the stem of the rose, smoothing it out for any thorn. Gracefully the flower is plucked.

A tender hand falls under Kamui's chin. "Subaru?"

"Close your eyes," Comes the gentle instruction. The words lead to Kamui analyzing the situation.

 _Is he going to…?_ Kamui flushes at the thought. Still, the gentle hand under his chin calms him. Fingers brush the smooth skin and Kamui slowly complies.

Long, full lashes come to a close. Their exuberance is only more apparent as beautiful violet eyes shut completely.

The hand under Kamui's chin gently shifts. Fingers move up and caress a pale cheek, before guiding it to turn. Kamui sighs softly, content and entirely trusting.

Dual-colored eyes focus on the naturally elegant features. Fingers brush aside the raven hair to the side, not decorated by the beautiful hair accessory. Long fingers carefully slip the stem of the flower behind Kamui's ear, brushing it in place.

"You can open your eyes," Subaru finishes, quite fondly. Glimmering eyes admire their handiwork.

Kamui reaches up to feel the soft petals resting beside his ear.

"It suits you," Subaru tells him in earnest. Long fingers linger in Kamui's hair for the moment. The younger of the two feels himself flustered, cheeks growing terribly pink. The motion increases more so seeing beautiful lips come closer and press upon his temples.

"You think so?" Kamui asks, his voice a little shaky. He wonders if Subaru would even take his words as being even somewhat playful.

There are no complaints or teasing. Brightened dual-hued eyes shine and shimmer, reflecting the sunny rays above.

"I do," Subaru admits, words a bit more forward than Kamui could anticipate.

 _This is a good sign._ Kamui thinks briefly. He just needs to catch his breath. Maybe he wouldn't need to say the words. Maybe it already shows on his face.

It's not too far off before they come towards an open area. Grassy bushes align to form a heart around the elegant field of red and pink roses.

A light-pink bench resides in the center of the heart. Colorful red and white swirls paint upon the seat, alongside prints of various stages of blossoming flowers.

The space is open to them. By all accounts, this should have been easy.

"Could we sit-down?" Kamui fumbles out the words. His partner nods, squeezing Kamui's hand.

"Of course," He answers. There's suspicion in lowering gold-emerald eyes, watching as Kamui looks down at the ground. He stumbles, bumping his foot against the leg of the bench.

Kamui winces in pain, before turning on his heel. Another clumsy action follows, making Kamui slip upon the grassy field beneath his feet.

"Woah!" Kamui yelps, feels his balance going. His arms reach out seeking stability. The hand on his own is tight. An arm at his waist holds him protectively and to add to Kamui's fluttering heartbeat it feels a bit possessive as well.

Subaru's hand rests at his lower back. Whilst their linked hands are lifted. Alluring eyes look down at Kamui with heated interest. Kamui swallows, looking up to see tender yet sensual eyes meeting him. His body has dipped back just a bit, sparking the feeling of a similar position they'd been in that Valentine's night.

Kamui cries out, feeling hoisted back up and brought particularly close to a warm chest. At some point, they slow down enough to actually take a seat. The grassy patch of roses feels encouraging somehow. They surrounded the pair, somehow wishing them good luck.

Subaru sits patiently right beside him on the bench. Their hand's lace neatly, belonging.

"Um… Subaru?" Kamui starts. His free hand clenched tightly to the bench beneath him.

"Yes?" Subaru prompts. His fingers playfully brush through silky hair, smoothing it down only to fluff up tresses again.

Kamui bites down on his lip, suppressing the need to mewl. Or to just give in completely, do whatever it takes to make it obvious he _wants_ more of this kind of intimacy.

"I… Well, I mean I really wanted to bring you here," Kamui explains, working up the nerve to look his gentle love in the eyes.

"I see," Subaru responds simply. Smoothly he grasps for Kamui's trembling hand holding painfully tight to the edge of the bench. "I'm glad you did."

The trembling hand is taken further into loving captivity. Shaking fingers are kissed sweet and innocent, their eyes locking all the while.

"I really…" Kamui pauses, mouth dry. He licks his lips, hoping to calm his own heart, but entirely ignites the other. "I've been thinking and…" Kamui stops, feeling the hand peppered with kisses being held tight. Their linked hands fall to Kamui's lap.

"Subaru…" The sight of his own hand being pinned to his lap makes him breathless.

"Being able to live with you makes me happy," Kamui professes, eyes glossy and ready to overflow. Something is tugging at his chest and he doesn't mean to let his tears slip.

"I'm glad," Subaru returns with a gentle passion. His hand lifts to dry the falling drops of emotion from glittering eyes of violet-blue. "I'm _incredibly_ happy to have you home with me."

"Kamui," Subaru soothes his name, entirely eager with where this atmosphere is leading them. Gentle pale-pink lips caress and soothe falling tears.

Kamui absolutely mewls, feeling lips so close, kissing and dissolving trickles of emotion up and down his cheeks. The kiss to his eyelids only makes things feel heavier.

"Please don't cry," Subaru says softly, cupping the tear-stained cheek. It all feels impossible to carry. Kamui's eyes shiver before he suddenly lunges towards the older male. His arms wrap around the accommodating shoulders as he buries himself into the warm embrace.

Subaru's arms are quick to hold him close. They always have been. The older male shushes him gently.

"I know before I've said it a while ago… There are things I've wanted to tell you," Kamui attempts again. The slender male leans back slightly from the hug and gazes into adoring eyes. He gulps feeling words die more and more in his throat. "And I…" The curious yet patient eyes on him hold him captive.

Kamui swallows, his lips trembling again. "I…I mean I..." Breathing quickens, as flames sear over his features. He groans in frustration, eyes glaring down at himself. Sensitive eyes well up again before disappearing into a comforting neck.

_Why can't I just say it?_

"Shhh..." Subaru coos, lovingly stroking a hand up and down the other's arm. "Take as long as you need." Kamui nods into the other. Comforting hands caressed and lips pressed all along the trembling face. Well, everywhere _but_ where Kamui craved them the most.

A sleek chin rests itself on top of Kamui's head. Their bodies snuggle as close as humanly possible, far more than they'd ever sought out from another.

The raven-head of hair buried itself further into the other's neck and shoulder. That juncture seemed to fit him perfectly, arms keeping him in place, feel a little more possessive than usual. There's that sense he's being locked away in his sanctuary, hidden from the rest of the world.

Kamui isn't sure whether to laugh or cry. He's tucked deeply into his 'security blanket' and likes the unwavering hold. His body is pressed so intimately close.

"I don't even know why I can't say it…" Kamui openly sulks. Gentle fingers curl under the silky hair at the back of his head. The tips of those fingers massage up and down the sensitive skin at the back of Kamui's neck making him let out a soft whimper. A single leg bends and lifts a bit, brushing subconsciously against Subaru's longer legs.

Kamui can't restrain the mewls and cries feeling a hand at the back of his head. His brain goes foggy, losing sight of exactly where he was and what he should be doing.

"K-Kamui," Subaru attempts to protest, keeping himself in check. Pleasurable shivers course through the taller male as Kamui loses himself. He nuzzles his nose into the crook of an equally sensitive neck. There's a certain satisfying warmth the burrows in his core.

Daring, and very caught up in the moment, Kamui continues to nestle his face deeper. His face buries further and further within that sensitive juncture. Soft groans and gasps escape, pushing Kamui further, making him lose himself in the process. The intoxicating scent of the older male floods his senses like nothing he could get from their bedsheets or his clothing alone.

Bubble-gum pink lips accidentally and barely brush the sensitive man's neck. The touch is barely there. Still, it's from Kamui so it's more than enough. It stirs an unrestrained and heated reaction. Subaru's fingers curl in deep and tightly squeeze the side of Kamui's hip. The latter let out a surprised, and very audible moan.

 _Oh god!_ Kamui curses himself. The smaller male quickly wriggles out from the hold, seeing beet-red cheeks that can't but much different than his own.

Their eyes meet, longing for each other, yet burning a bit too deep. "I'm so sorry," Kamui groans, hiding his face in his hands. He bends over his lap. A gentle hand rubs his back.

"You-you don't need to be sorry at all!" Subaru refutes, flustering, and cursing the heat coiling up in his stomach even now. "If anything I should be! Really! I don't know what's wrong with me today! I promise I'll keep myself in check, so please…" The loving hand rubbing circles on Kamui's back is lifted as he sits back up.

"You don't need to be sorry," Kamui says, cupping the flushed cheek. "If you've done something wrong I'm equally guilty. I'm so bad at this.." He berated himself.

"No, you're not," Subaru tells him with assurance. "I didn't mind that at all…"

"You…" Kamui blushes a darker shade of crimson. His knees quake, bumping into each other. Hee turns his hips away, not needing to fall under the other's spell right now.

"I've well said it before but..." Subaru attempts to cool his head, clearing his throat. "I've wanted to tell you things...for a while now…"

Kamui looks up curiously, partially expected. Violet-blue eyes soften a bit charmed by the shy and honest demeanor. There's still a feeling of frustration and embarrassment clearly feeling whatever it was they had started.

"I've been scared I'd lose you, and I couldn't chance it before," Subaru admits, voice cracking along the way. There's a glaze of emotions trembling up in gold and emerald eyes.

"You'll never lose me Subaru," Kamui vows, holding his hand tightly over the other. The younger male leans to the side, resting his head on the other's arm. "I've lost so much already-I wouldn't be alright, if that happened with you too."

"You won't," Subaru insists quickly. His arm surrounds Kamui's shoulders, and he pecks the crown of his head. "Not ever."

"I've had all this planned…" Kamui groans a bit, feeling his face shy away from the intense gaze on him. There's a worry he'll completely surrender and come under those passionate eyes. "Yet, I don't even know what I'm doing now that I'm here…"

"I could take a guess…" Subaru says lightly. He pets the top of Kamui's head, relieved to see watery violet-eyes turning back to him. "But I don't want to be presumptuous, and assume it's what I want to hear."

Kamui cuddles up close. His head is guided to rest on the other's chest. The strong and steady-heartbeat keeps him grounded. There was still that fear...even if things seemed to fit so well, it didn't mean their wants would align perfectly. Nor was there a guarantee his words, feelings wouldn't come off too intense.

Three simple little words. That's all he had to voice, but...the undeniable truth things would change from here was frightening.

"But just know," Subaru professes, breath tickling Kamui's lips. Their foreheads kiss again, noses brush. The pair of gold-emerald and violet-blue orbs close softly. "There's nothing you could say or do that would make me even consider leaving your side. Not ever. You can tell me anything."

Heartstrings are wrenched and with no warning. Kamui clutches a hand to his chest, looking to see nothing but honesty and devotion, in watery orbs. "I...I _will_ tell you," Kamui decides. He knew he would.

This should have been simple, but maybe it's because those feelings ran so deep, it became more complex. And as Kamui looks around, the garden area feels suspiciously empty and quiet.

Still, there are the nerves of a change if he didn't get it out soon. As private as this environment looked, it wasn't as though they could stay here indefinitely. Kamui swears he hears some giggling from outside. There were surely other students waiting with patience for them. The thought that someone may have walked by and seen them, made Kamui flush.

"I feel bad...but I might need a little more time…" Kamui confesses, pain coursing through his chest. Violet-blue eyes glisten, entirely apologetic. They're met with nothing but tender and patient eyes.

"As long as you need," Subaru assures and hugs Kamui close. _If it's for you, I can wait a lifetime._ If those words wouldn't come out on their own, maybe it was time he made things clear between them.

"You're so kind, Subaru…" Kamui sighs and nuzzles his cheek upon the broad shoulder.

"Just…" Kamui exhales softly, their hands hold each other. Subaru is suddenly supplied with his arms full of an amorous Kamui. For the first time, on purpose, the smaller male lifts himself, shifting up to his knees. His legs part just enough to straddle longer ones as Kamui perches himself comfortably upon the other. Their chests brush before melting together. "A little longer."

* * *

_Coming home._

Silky blue-black locks of hair are ruffled up by a warm towel. Clean and refreshed in silky lilac pajamas. Kamui studied himself, looking at his pink cheeks, and distressed eyes.

 _Take two?_ Kamui mentally comments on his own throbbing heartache. Even spending time alone, being bare, and soaking in the luxurious bath hadn't calmed him completely. Today was supposed to be the day.

Subaru had even given him an opening. It's not that Kamui didn't believe the words either. Subaru would _never_ leave. Never disappear again or lock his heart away. If he said it, It was the truth.

His stomach had been doing backflips the rest of the day, leaving his mind in the clouds. Still, he walks up the staircase, towel fully drying off.

Kamui processes, looking to see a pretty face half-buried in a thick white book with a cross and several colored elemental symbols. Subaru senses the other's presence easily as Kamui hesitates by the threshold. The older man looks so focused there's a chance Kamui could sneak back down the stairs to catch his breath again.

"Come in, Kamui," Subaru senses him, not needing to look up. Kamui gulps seeing him beckoning with a single finger.

"Okay," Kamui agrees and walks into the welcoming environment. There's a moment of resistance before he nods to himself and steps over. Subaru frowns though it's missed by Kamui. The young man is far too entranced by the carpeting beneath his feet.

Thoughts running a million miles a minute. He walks past the side of the bed Subaru had been sitting upon, and space he patted, incredibly close. Kamui takes his seat on the opposite end of the bed, his back facing the other.

Subaru's pale lips puff out to a rare pout. Leave it to Kamui to bring him to this state. He lightly tossed the book on the nightstand.

Kamui sighs again, he takes a seat on the opposite side of the bed. It's too far for either of their likings.

There's some irony he was sitting on Subaru's _side_ of the bed anyway. Although, Kamui made himself comfortable invading and welcomed to snuggle up anywhere, and on any side, he pleased while they slept.

Subaru turns trying to catch a glimpse of Kamui's face. There's a sense of awe to see that simple lilac rose rolled between Kamui's fingers.

Kamui cradled it as something fragile yet precious. The shyer male scoots back up to fully sit on the bed. He curls his knees up to his chest and gives onto the to hand grasping to his own. Their backs touch.

"I…" Kamui begins feeling a hand link with his own. The older male waited patiently, sitting beside him. "Wasn't able to say it earlier…"

"Ah." And it clicks. It's been on Kamui's mind as well.

"I thought maybe I could say it like this…" Kamui voices, a little bittersweet. His heartbeat drums almost painful, especially feeling another handhold his. The lilac rose drops somewhere on their bed. There's a cherished moment, something feeling natural, almost familiar when Kamui's hands are covered and pressed to the bed.

They stay in relative silence for a few moments.

"Does it help?" Subaru says breaking the silence.

"I don't know though…" Kamui turns slightly and is met with entrancing and passionate eyes. "Still so nervous..." He feels them bore into him.

"That's alright," Subaru reassures. "It's as I told you before, you can take as much time as you need."

Kamui seemed a bit worried. Averting eyes were worrisome. It was one thing when it was a bit more hesitant and shy. Honestly, it was incredibly alluring to lovesick eyes. Though it's another seeing shivering fear in Kamui's eyes.

"But of course, I'm here to listen now and whenever you need to," Subaru ensures and turns to face Kamui. Hands clasp both of Kamui's cheeks making their eyes meet and meld.

"Perhaps…" Subaru begins, pressure boiling up. Kamui is turned, guided by welcoming arms at his waist, hands careful not to touch his sensitive hips like before. Certainly not like that. Not yet.

"Perhaps?" Kamui repeats, curious and cautious.

"Come here, Kamui," Subaru calls to him. Vulnerability settles in as the arm guides him closer and closer.

Sparkling violet-blue eyes enchant, keeping him under a spell. Plush yet dry lips are subconsciously licked by the alluring request.

The angelic smile never fails to steal Kamui's breath. He gasps, pulled and lifted until they're brought to their usual closeness. The younger male hums for a second, looking down and swinging his legs over the edge of the bed.

Subaru follows the movement, their sides kiss together. "Perhaps, I should have told you this sooner," He admits with pangs of guilt and sadness.

"I've been terrified…" Subaru admits, nervously laughing. Violet-blue eyes widen considerably, looking up at the exposing admission.

"Why?" Kamui questions, searching for answers with shivering eyes. Gold and emerald threaten to swallow him completely, but Kamui accepts this. The need to comfort, fall deep into that abyss feel one and the same now.

"It's close to what you said earlier… Your worries," He words it carefully. Kamui's warm hand squeezes his tight, wanting.

Kamui's fingers curl in, brushing up and down elegant cheekbones. Imploring violet eyes moved to beg the quieting man to go on.

"I don't know what I'd do if I lost you," Subaru says, swallowing hard. Legs tremble and shake beside smaller hips. A gentle, smaller squeeze Subaru's assuringly.

"You won't," Kamui vows, deeply, sincerely. Subaru releases a gentle gasp feeling kisses up and down the watering cheeks. Pain surges at the sight of flooding emotions but there's a sense of urgency and need for these words to finally come out.

"I've lost Hokuto… _Seishirou,"_ Subaru laments, lips barely breaking out the latter. _So I can't survive losing another._ His grip on Kamui clenches further, as though loosening a second may let his light slip away.

"I know…" Kamui whispers gently. He turns his hips a bit and leans in from a different angle. The shift makes him blush, despite initiating it but Kamui presses his body up against the trembling man's arm.

This the closest he can go to voicing- _You can have all of me. I'm not going anywhere._ A soft raven-head buries his face upon Subaru's shoulder, lavishing little shy-light kisses there.

"I...I...I loved them both more than anything," Subaru professes, as he did that fateful day, entering Kamui's consciousness. _Two people, I love more than anything._ There was never an intention for his heart opening to a third.

"Your heart's always been just so tender...and kind," Kamui tells him, guides the taller man to rest his head on top of his.

There was never an intention for his heart to start beating again, for another, more than it's ever done.

"For the longest time, I thought I'd never be attached again, or care even if I left everyone behind," Subaru admits, biting his lip. There's tension in the way Kamui holds his hand and loosens, knowing all too well, if he had left it up to Subaru, on that bridge...well he didn't want to think about it.

"But I was so so...wrong," Subaru fully admits to his fault. "Things change…" _Even if it's the last thing we want at the time._

"Subaru?" Kamui glances up, worries, eyes shiver. Hot painful tears land on top of his head.

"I won't make those same mistakes, Kamui," Subaru vows, eyes full of conviction.

"What do you mean?" Kamui hopes for clarification. He was only embraced tighter, kept protective, safe, and from moving an inch. "S-Subaru?"

Arms can only tighten, pulling deeper, leaving their owner to fall harder by each passing heartbeat.

"If I'm wrong," Subaru goes on vocalizing his train of thought. "Then I'll relent, we can go back...I think I can…" He stops. "No, I'll do whatever I need to if it means keeping you here." He argues with himself, further drawing concern and pain in glossy violet eyes.

"I don't understand…" Kamui murmurs. A small hand takes the shaking hand at his waist and holds it up. Fingers are splayed flat over Kamui's throbbing chest. "But I am here, with you," Kamui assures with a breath. "Because I want to be. _Always_."

Subaru's lips purse close, uncertain whether to bridge that gap. Gold and emerald eyes hone in on the hand over his own. They close, and Subaru _feels_ the touch senses those heartbeats, playing on like a private melody only he was allowed to hear.

"Kamui…" Subaru professes, taking long and shuddering breaths. The hand over Subaru's is taken captive guided over his chest, leaving them even. Kamui's lips curl a feeling that causes heart pattering.

"I told you earlier when you first came to live with me, you've saved me. That day, I was so incredibly happy…" Subaru shakes his head fondly, and leans down. Lips kiss Kamui's eyelids, temples, nose, cheeks, and right at the corner of long sought after lips.

"I'd given up on feeling...but you...you," Subaru caresses, peppering kisses all along the flustered face.

"You _my_ Kamui. You were the one." Kamui's jawline is met with slow, innocent kisses. Lips linger upon the milky-white shoulder.

"And Hokuto, my sweet elder sister, she's always been the one, having to help me, wake me up and realize what's been inside my heart. And what I want to protect more than anything in this world."

 _Oh...oh this was...definitely…_ Kamui's eyes widen body shivering in protective arms. He could feel steam coming out of his ears. There surely wasn't a patch of skin that hadn't burned up. The pale face threatens to stain red and deepen with every press of lips.

"You're the reason I came back, Kamui," Subaru proceeds to confess, pulse racing. He steals both of Kamui's hands. Larger hands encase Kamui's. Palms are turned and press into each other. Subaru guides their temples to kiss, as they'd done naturally countless times.

"The first thing my heart could see, when I came to, were these gorgeous violet-eyes," Subaru confesses, intentions entirely raw and open as he moves closer. There wasn't a chance for a 'friendly' interpretation, and it flooded Kamui with relief.

"I could look into them for a lifetime, and never once want to find my way out," Subaru boldly tells his love. Violet-blue eyes raise wildly. Kamui's certain his heartbeat is loud enough to reverberate throughout the room.

"S-Subaru?" Kamui cries out his name, blushing madly, profusely. His breath hitches at the tease of lips beside his neck before they retreat.

"If you hate this...If I'm wrong… forgive me, I won't do this again, but please...just once..." Subaru's eyes overwhelm, flood with emotion, pain, fear, need, hope, and more than anything an unbridled emotion.

Kamui mewls, feeling his hands pinned down to his sides. The warm, larger figure descends upon him. Their bodies kiss, melting upon each other.

" _Kamui…"_ Subaru speaks, lips descending closer, and closer. Their eyes close instinctively, Kamui surrenders to the feeling. _Finally_.

"I love you," Subaru confesses, words feeling as freeing as they are daunting.

Tender, longing, lips brush, finally, entirely embracing. _Finally._ Their kiss is chaste, lips closed but linger. Subaru ensures to kiss his beloved square on the mouth. Larger and thinner lips seal over plush pink with ease. There couldn't be a millimeter or them left unclaimed, unkissed.

Racing heartbeats compete with one another, as hearts scream to be free from their bindings, to become one with their counterpart.

Two pairs of loved-up lips only part for only a second before sealing back together. This time the touch lingers longer, Kamui has a sense of self enough to fully kiss back. The taste of salty tears slipped down between their lips. Kamui's heart clenches at the feel and taste. Violet-blue eyes open in a daze and see his precious person, eyes closed and flowing with emotion.

"Subaru," Kamui breathes against loving and rather talented lips. Their lips press for the third time, then fourth, fifth and it becomes ludicrous to try and keep count. Loving lips meld and melt equally into the tender touch. The two are left breathless from innocent yet hardening kisses.

"Kamui…" Subaru calls to him, unknowing or caring for his own tearing eyes. Violet-blue eyes shiver, Kamui feels his hands given a bit of leeway to finally move up. His hands clench over strong shoulder blades, keeping him grounded. A shy smile forms over Kamui's lips, seeing patient, vulnerable eyes. "Was that...okay?"

Kamui fights the urge to vocalize the 'aw' from his lips. "More than okay..." Kamui answers in a daze. He leans up enough to peck loving lips because they can do that now. As much as they wanted...

"I love you too, Subaru," Kamui confesses the feeling whisper-soft. Love-fueled violet eyes entrance gold and emerald. Kamui about to lean in for another light kiss, before feeling his hands under his hips lifting him.

"Suba-ahh!" Kamui cries out, his sense of gravity stolen. There are loving and insistent hands that hold him with just the right blend between gentle and intense. The feeling of dizziness spreads, his body lightly deposited to lie vertically. Kamui's back sinks into the mattress. A messy raven head falls to the pillows.

Strong arms follow up, with gentle hands to either side of Kamui's face. There's a deep intensity in dual-hued eyes, hot unbridled, and entirely claiming. Kamui caves, a little too weak, and a bit too happy to even consider protesting.

Passionate lips take Kamui's breath away again. Their lips still closed, but there's a deeper, and harder press into the kiss. Head a little dizzy from the sudden movement, Kamui lets his recent lover lead the kiss.

The need to become closer and closer does take over, as does reciprocation. Hands slip down a strong back, fingers dipping and caressing the lean muscles beneath.

Subaru lets out an unrestrained moan, feeling Kamui's legs lifting and wrapping around his waist. Kisses follow up, a little harder, needier as the feeling of their bodies linking and fitting all too perfectly.

"Haa...haaa...Subaru?" Kamui asks, lips freed for a second before being claimed all over again. The younger male moves to match the pace, the intensity of their lips clashing.

The feeling of a slick tongue slipping out and gently licking at Kamui's lip adds a bit too much heat to the mix. Kamui comes to. The tiniest bit of his tongue and he was already burning up like this. Mind already a dizzied mess, Kamui's hand clenched the back of the older male's shirt. Entirely flustered, Kamui catches his breath.

"Subaru, please, w-wait a minute." The timid request breaks through the fog of love and desire taking over. A close-mouthed kiss soothes needy lips, to more calming touches.

Emotional and hazy lust-filled eyes, clear, shivering. They widen with deep shame, regret, and a bit of fear.

"Of course!" Subaru suddenly jolts back up, finally gathering his sense of self. He guides Kamui with him. Careful hands smooth down the wrinkles on lilac pajamas. "Oh god, I'm so sorry-Kamui," He offers the words apologetic, guilty, and honestly.

"It...it's nothing bad," Kamui soothes, still a little breathless. His love looks a little too much like a hurt puppy. Small hands stroke through silky hair on the taller head.

Kamui steals another closed-mouth kiss, losing track of how many times that simple press of lips could leave his heart still so full. "I need some time...and to ha...catch my breath," Kamui further elaborates, cheeks burning up quite a bit.

"B-but went overboard. I barely even let you speak before I-" Subaru looks at his hands in horror. Kamui doesn't allow self-deprecation. His lips are full of Kamui's warmth.

"It's alright," Kamui assures, a little weak, and dazed. "You...didn't do anything wrong..." He continues. Cheeks flare-up, still feeling the rush of being lifted and deposited on their bed so suddenly. " _Nothing...I didn't like…"_

"I went on without asking your permission," Subaru laments, guilt watering up in his eyes. "I _never_ wanted to make you uncomfortable like that."

"It wasn't like that," Kamui shakes his head. Hands cradle, tender cheeks. Arms and legs surround the emotionally-fragile man's figure, guiding them back. "I _liked it…_ " Kamui pauses again, likes the feeling of the older man gasping as their bodies get back to a compromising position.

"For the record…" Kamui flushes, looking away for a moment of reprieve. "You can _always_ k-kiss me."

 _Kissing deeper though..._ "I think my heart needs some time to catch up," Kamui professes, not at all a lie. Somehow, admitting a blatant, " _You turned me on like crazy and I wasn't ready to come undone,"_ didn't seem as helpful. One day, sure, but not this soon.

"I understand," Subaru complies, sorrow on his lips. Kamui's fingers brush over the frown. An ache in the younger male's chest stings, seeing Subaru turn his face away. The younger male openly pouts, feeling the guilt-ridden man sitting back up, holding his face in his hands.

"I'm being honest," Kamui is quick to wrap his arms around his potential boyfriend's shoulders. "I didn't dislike any of that...and in the future…" He takes a breath, was he really going to admit to this. But seeing Subaru this at odds with himself, hurt more than his own embarrassment. "I'd really like to continue from there." Surely, his face can't burn any hotter than at this moment.

Subaru turns back to Kamui, a little surprised, a bit speechless at the assuring yet seductive words. "Kamui…"

"I'm taking it all in," Kamui hums and nuzzles his head into the side of the other's neck. His hands cup both cheeks lovingly. "You really love me?" Kamui says, both fully finding the answer in glossy eyes. _I'm not dreaming, right?_

"More than anything," Subaru responds, without a heartbeat's hesitation. "I really do…"

Kamui beams at that and places tender kisses up and down the man's cheeks. "I love you so much. I want to always be with you, Subaru."

"I do too...honestly. And-and it's not just a physical thing.. before- I did that I was-"

"Shh, I know," Kamui shushes, the other sweetly.

"More than anything, I want to be a part of your heart."

Kamui burns deeper, at the clear declaration. His smile shifts, turning a bit shyer. "You already are…" He gently cuddles up against the taller man's back, hugging him from behind. A chin rests on a comforting shoulder. "I'm yours."

"Saying that," Subaru murmurs, not entirely convinced it's not a fantasy. That goes especially so while feeling tender lips, kiss all along his face. "You should know...I won't be able to let you go...I can't…"

"Then don't," Kamui returns, ignoring his pounding heart and heat coiling up at the words. He _shouldn't_ be this reactive to a few possessive words, but he is. "I'll return the favor," Kamui promises, kindly, with a loving smile that makes the pining man fall deeper.

Subaru grasps for Kamui's hand. He places gentle kisses upon it, though they linger a bit more, press a bit deeper. Kamui feels it, flushing and burning up, he has to fight to keep his senses going.

"I want to do this properly," Subaru admits. His lips form to a bit of a sardonic smile, berating himself. "Not like I'm starting things out so well at all."

"Aw...but-" Kamui coos, gently, hushing the older man's name. " _Subaru~_ " He hugs him close, slipping back against the mattress and tugging his love along with him. "Please, don't be so hard on yourself."

Kamui falls back against the bed again, his head hitting the pillow. Subaru reluctantly complies with the hand on his wrist, guiding him down. They cuddle close, Kamui turns on his side. Subaru keeps himself more distant than normal, leading the one he loves to pout. "You haven't done anything wrong, I promise."

There's only clarity reflecting in vulnerable violet-blue orbs. Subaru breath follows, elongated.

"Alright then from now on…"

Kamui's gaze lingers on him, eyes brightening and pulling the other deeper. There's no chance in heaven or hell, he can do anything but surrender, to those adoring upturned lips.

"I promise I _will_ do things properly," Subaru vows, clutching Kamui's hand again and pulling them upon his chest, above his racing heart. "You deserve no less."

Kamui's shy blushes do everything to console Subaru's heart. There's a sense of pride seeing that flush stain, and paint deeper into ethereal cheeks. Violet-blue eyes try to avert from the intensity of the gaze boring into them, but they're not allowed. Subaru's hand firmly grasps Kamui's chin, making their vulnerable eyes meet again.

"I want to take you out on proper dates," Subaru continues, sealing their lips for a chaste kiss.

Kamui's lips quirk a little wryly.

"What?" Subaru blinks.

"It kinda feels like we've been doing that…" Kamui admits, sheepish, rubbing at his arm.

The two dive into each other's eyes. Recollections of their past outings, holding-hands, cuddling close and indulging in the other's warmth come to mind. That picnic, times going out for dinner, even going on mundane errands felt a bit more intimate...being just the two of them.

The pair hold matching, smiles, and equally bashful glances. There is some relief when Kamui can see the normally calm man flush as wildly as he does. "But I ah...really do want to go out with you, and be closer."

The sweet, vocal response earns Kamui a kiss on his forehead. "Then we'll do just that," Subaru says, surprised he's managed to make it this far. Kamui's sweet, plush lips are far too close and tender to ignore. Keeping the motion sweet, chaste, and closed is hard, but it's a necessity now.

Kamui finds himself guided back against the pillows, eyes falling close. Dark full eyelashes unintentional bat and seduce hopelessly entranced eyes. Subaru falls back against the sheets, turning to his side, and sealing their lips delicately, savoring the innocent touch.

Legs entwine sweetly before their lips can part. Kamui closes his arms around the taller man's chest. He steals a few more sweet kisses, before hiding his overheated face into a welcoming chest. Subaru chuckles softly, at this, lingering on the feeling of their bodies pressing close, intimate.

It was hard not to be on cloud nine. It still felt quite like a dream. Dreams and wishes had never panned out for Subaru before, not as planned.

Hands carded their way down messy raven hair, following up with little mewls and breaths. But he'd do anything to make this dream reality, even if it meant changing fate itself. He'd never let Kamui go.

Loving violet-blue orbs trembled with a certain emotion, studying the older man's serious expression.

"I love you," Kamui whispers tenderly, relieved to see curling lips at his profession.

"I love you too," Subaru returns with profound fondness. "I adore you…"

Violet-blue falls into emerald and gold, both become helpless to do anything but surrender. Tiny little kisses follow they cuddle up preparing for a seldom, much-needed peaceful slumber.

~~~LOVE! Ending~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day my loves. I hope you can have a good weekend/day! I thought over this chapter/confession scene like a million different times and different ways, before writing this one out. I love these two so much. I'm wanting these two to be happy and enjoy the growth of their relationship step by step. There will always be worries, and pain from the past, but together these two will get through it.


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